Amply Rewarded (12 page)

“You really think I’m just here for the money?”

“Yep.” She was so calm about it. She had assessed me and thought she had figured out everything there was to know about me.

“Well, you’re wrong.” It wasn’t the best comeback line. I wasn’t proud of myself, but what could I say? I hadn’t encountered someone like her before. Timothy had been on to me, but only out of some kind of competition. Timothy had been careful about his words—he had tried to deliver mixed messages and gauge my responses. Sam outright didn’t care. She didn’t care if she hurt my feelings or if she made me uncomfortable. She probably didn’t even care that, if I wanted to, I could have her fired. And her indifference to that fact turned me on incredibly.

“Look, no offence, you’re probably a nice girl or whatever but I’ve known Hal for years. I know, okay. Hell, I’d marry him myself to help him out, he’s a good guy. But the authorities probably wouldn’t buy it, you know?”

“He is a good guy. I love him,” I said, startled by how ignorant it sounded.

“Whatever. I have to go, Julie,” she said as she got up to leave, patting down her white chef’s shirt.

“Please stay. I wanted to… I don’t know…get to know you more.”

“I don’t have time,” she said, and slipped out of my room.

That was
my
strategy. That was
my
game. How strange it was to see it reflected back at me and to see how well it worked. Her rugged presence left its mark on my morning and an impact on me that I could not shake. Being ignored really was hot.

I spent the morning alone in bed until Hal came and joined me. He was flushed when he came into the room. I was sitting up, still in my camisole, with my empty plate and cup beside me. I lifted the covers and he crawled into bed with me, limp as a tired puppy, and fell asleep. I curled up beside him and we napped together, my arm lazily draped around him.

By mid afternoon, we’d started to wake up. He looked at me, smiled, and said, “You’re amazing.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, not very many women would be as understanding as you are.”

“You’re a gem, Hal. There isn’t that much to understand.”

“I want to make you happy. I promise I’ll make you happy.”

“I already am happy, Hal. Don’t you see that?”

“I mean really happy.” He got up, fumbled around his luggage and underneath a pile of his strewn clothes. “I have something for you.”

I sat up. My hair was a mess. I was tired from napping all day. It was strange to lose track of the day like this, but time was irrelevant on board the boat. Outside, it was nice to pay attention to the weather but from the comfort of my luxurious bed I could hide from the world in a way that pleased me.

“Hal,” I whispered and stretched my hand out to him. He came back to bed, taking my hand and sitting down on the edge of the mattress. “I meant what I said the other night. That thing about you being a good boy. You are. You’re a good man.”

He cupped my face in his hands. “That’s not true. If I was such a good man, I would have been able to…”

His eyes pierced through me. It seemed crazy, since we barely knew each other. We each had our calculating motivations for being there, but I thought for an instant that I loved him. At least, I felt for him what I had never felt for any man, which was a type of camaraderie. It was different from the obsession I’d had with Kelly. Kelly and I had watched our own backs. We could leave each other and not regret it. We were similar creatures that way. Hal felt more like a child, not in a bad way but in a kind of sensitive way. He brought out a new feeling in me. I wanted to protect him and cradle him at the same time as I wanted to see him do what was right for him. It was almost impossible to express this to him.

“I want to be with you, Hal. I don’t need us to be together in that way. You have to believe me.”

“I’m not letting you down?”

“No.”

“Is it because you’re not attracted to me?”

“Darling! You’re wonderful. I want to be with you because you’re wonderful. You make me happy, and I think the world of you, and it gives me a lot of joy to see you enjoy Timothy’s company as well.”

“Really? How can it?”

“It’s hard to explain. I’m not the jealous type. I’m not interested in tying you down. I’m interested in setting you free.”

I meant it. Everyone inevitably ties someone down or is tied down by someone else. All my life, I’d seen it everywhere. My parents were like that. Everyone’s parents are like that. All my clients with wives came to me not for sex, but for a glimmer of hope that they had some remnant of freedom left. I was not interested in taking Hal’s freedom, nor could I ever be interested in giving mine to him. I think it was this realisation that freed my heart to love him sincerely.

He didn’t know what to say, and so he simply looked down at his hands.

“Love is many things. Love doesn’t have to mean that we share a bed. Though I like sharing a bed with you. We can sleep together and you can fuck other people. I can fuck other people and we can still love each other,” I told him.

“Do you love me?”

“I do, Hal. I love you.” The words had never left my mouth before, and I was surprised at how easily they’d flowed out of me. I had always thought the statement so trite. It was the kind of thing that bored people say out of obligation. That’s what I had thought until I’d felt it.

“I love you too, Julie,” he said back, and I leaned towards him, grabbed his big head between my hands and kissed his forehead.

“See?”

“What?”

“Love is many things,” I said. “I know I’m different from other women. Believe me. I know.”

“You most certainly are. I would never want to change that.”

“Come on. Let’s get dressed and go out onto the deck for a while. I’m going to see if I can charm Sam.”

“Sam? Why would you charm Sam?” He was baffled.

“Because she needs it.” I smiled and reached for my hairbrush.

“What did you do before I met you, Miss Julie? Were you really a journalist like you said you were?”

“I kept a journal.” I laughed.

“Well, I don’t care where you came from or what you did, I’ll have you know. I love you. I want you to stay with me forever. You don’t ever have to leave my side.”

“Timothy’s welcome, too, you know.”

“Ah, Timothy, that rascal. He’ll be gone as soon as we dock in Florida. He’s a man on the move. I’ve known Timothy for years—know him a bit better now, I would say—but he’s not the staying type. Anyway, his wife wouldn’t like that much.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying each other’s company. It pleases me to see you with your friends.” We exchanged knowing glances.

“And it pleases me to see you with my friends, too.”

“Oh, stop!” I slapped his arm. “You’re embarrassing me.”

“No, really. I mean it. If you want a little time with Timothy, I’ll make room for that. I understand it.”

“Tonight, I’m more interested in Sam.”

“So you say. I can’t say I understand it. She’s not much of a lady.”

“Neither am I.” I winked.

He was dressed and out of the room before I even left the warmth of my bed.

Chapter Eight

Sam seemed the kind of woman who would be put off by dresses and fancy outfits. She would not be interested in accessories or frills. She was a pragmatist, and so I decided to wear plain jeans, a simple, white turtleneck sweater and my hair in a ponytail. She had won the first round, but I had a plan. I’ve always prided myself on being an excellent judge of character. I was not sure what I wanted to transpire between us, but I was determined to get a reaction from her. I was very demanding of everyone’s attention—I needed the rush of knowing that everyone in the room wanted me. She had held out on me—determined, perhaps, to stay faithful to whomever was waiting for her on land. But things, it seems, are different at sea. Things happen on the water that become legend, quite literally detached from anything else.

After a quick drink with the boys on the deck, I slipped into the kitchen quite casually, even though there was nothing casual about it.

“So, tell me about her,” I said to Sam, who was busily chopping vegetables.

“Who?”

“Your lover.”

“How do you know my lover is a woman?”

“Because I make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I just don’t like you.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know your type. You’re not the first woman Hal has brought on board.”

“I’ll be the last, though.”

She stopped what she was doing, looked at me for a moment and shook her head. “So full of yourself.”

“I’m not saying it to be full of myself. I’m merely stating fact. But enough about me. Let’s talk about things you like. How long have you worked for Hal?”

“Since he bought the yacht. I’ve been on the yacht for the last two owners. She’s a beauty. That’s why she changes hands so often. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept.”

She seemed pleased with herself every time she made a backhanded remark. It didn’t matter. There was something about her. Her level of comfort and security. Nothing fazed her. She didn’t care about the consequences of speaking her mind. God, I loved that.

“Yep. She’s been bought and sold by British corporals, an Australian tycoon…and now Mr Confederation himself.” She had such disdain for everyone. I flinched at her gruffness.

“But you’ve stayed loyal to the ship. Why?”

“Why not? Like I said, she’s a beauty. Look at the railings. She was built in the twenties. They don’t even make the kind of finishings that she’s equipped with anymore. We’ve been around the world together three times over. Hal doesn’t like to go far, but boy—that Australian, he sure did.”

“What do you do the rest of the time?”

“What do you mean?”

“On land.”

“As little as possible. Haven’t had a land job for decades.”

“So this yacht is the lady you’re saving yourself for, then?”

She smiled. Her eyes were warm with confusion. How had I figured out her conundrum? she seemed to be wondering. How did I know anything about her at all? I loved to prove people wrong when they expected so little of me. How quickly her tone changed. She pointed her knife at me, bobbing it up and down. She’d been had, all right. And she had nothing to say for herself.

“Join me on the deck for a drink,” I commanded.

“I can’t. I’m working.”

“You’re going to work yourself to death. Learn to live a little,” I insisted.

She continued chopping, not even remotely considering my invitation. “This is how Hal wants it.”

“Hal this, Hal that. I thought you had a mind of your own.”

“I also have a job that I love.”

“Well, Hal’s busy anyway. Besides, I’m pleading with you.” I smiled. “And I’m relentless.”

“Fine. Then you have to come back with me and help me.”

“What?”

“You heard me, woman.” She was pleased with herself at this phrase.

“You’re on.” I reached my outstretched hand towards hers and we shook on the deal.

“For the rest of the trip,” she said, still shaking my hand.

I nodded. I didn’t know what else to do.

Outside, on the deck, Sam’s skin had a healthy glow. I hadn’t noticed inside but in the sun her boyish face was ageing nicely. She had just a few smile lines around her eyes and one that went across the bridge of her nose. All seemed like indications of fascinating experiences.

She only stayed on the deck with me for the duration of the obligatory drink. Then she excused herself to finish taking inventory and make up a list of groceries for the rest of the trip.

It was mid afternoon when we pulled into the harbour at Duke’s Point for refuelling and refreshing of supplies. That night and early the following morning, I savoured every moment before I had to get to work at Sam’s job. I stayed alone on board the yacht, unsure why everyone else was so eager to get off. I wanted a glimpse of Sam’s introverted life.

Timothy and Hal took a walk into the city. Sam and the captain and his first mate went off in separate directions. I retired to my bedroom, determined to convince Sam to fuck me before Florida. It had started as a matter of principle but it had become a matter of great need. How could she go on like this? Was she as cruel and uninterested as she let on? Then why was she so much fun?

Timothy’s face was pale when he and Hal returned with lobsters for tonight’s dinner. They had been to town, where Timothy had found a payphone and called his wife.

“She’s meeting us at the harbour in Florida,” he announced.

“Great,” I said, “the more the merrier.” I had been hoping, for Timothy’s wife’s sake, that she was an imaginary figure—a story, just like the ones he told about his hard work in New York City. He only ever spoke of her as a nag and a horribly controlling woman. But speaking of spouses when they aren’t present, especially in like-minded company, can often lead to less than complimentary descriptions. How did I figure in Hal’s discussions when we were apart? It didn’t much matter to me, as long as we enjoyed each other when we were able to be together.

“She’s not like us.” He looked concerned.

“No one is like us,” Hal said. “We’re quite the motley collection.” And his warm laughter melted my heart. I felt as though I belonged here. I had experienced friendship so few times, and I have come to believe that true friendship exists in magical moments, cut off from long-term commitments. I was able to put aside my scepticism while we were sailing because there were so many better things to do. There is no point in being doubtful of other people’s motivations when you’re at sea. It’s more like a primal need to get along laced with the eternal will to survive.

Hal and I clinked our glasses in the afternoon sun. “Do you know her?” I asked.

“Haven’t met her. I hear she’s quite the lady,” Hal said. And as he said it, it occurred to me that ‘lady’ could be a derogatory term.

I had been aspiring to become one even though I knew, deep down, that I could never attain that kind of stature. I could fake it but, on some level, a lady is born rather than made. Maybe it didn’t matter. When men spoke of ladies, they would say the word in a way that suggested something else. I had a feeling that Timothy’s wife was a monster.