Amish Sweethearts (41 page)

“You are my best friend,” she said.

Mom’s van came around the corner and then parked beside them. Everyone started tumbling out at once.

“Ready?” Zane asked.

“No,” Lila said. She took his hand. “I’ll be praying for you. And for us. Know that.”

“Denki,” he answered. There was more he wanted to say, but after all that had happened he figured his words would sound hollow. He didn’t deserve her. But he guessed that was what love was all about.

24

G
reeting everyone felt awkward, so Lila held back, letting Zane do the talking. He handled it well.

“I made a big mistake,” he said to the group. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Let’s go eat so we can get you on your way,” Joel said, leading the way to the front door of the restaurant, the rubber tip of his cane thudding along the pavement of the parking lot.

When they were all seated and holding their menus Zane, who sat down by his parents and Adam, asked Dat who was doing the milking.

“Reuben and Rose, with Trudy’s help,” Dat answered.

Beth smiled at Lila and then said from across the table, “We were all so worried.”

Lila fought back her tears. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t really think it through.”

Beth reached out and covered Lila’s hand with hers. “I just wanted you to know how much we all care.”

Lila stole a look at her Dat, who sat next to Beth. He was listening to Zane talk about going back to Afghanistan.

“You’re right,” Zane was saying to his father. “I’m not really a pacifist. And I’m certainly not nonresistant.”

Dat leaned forward a little. “What do you mean?”

“I think some wars are justified,” Zane said. “And I think we often don’t know until long after the fact if some are or not.”

Dat pushed back in his chair. “Jah, that’s a problem.”

Zane nodded. “And I don’t see how I could stand back and not protect someone I love—or even a stranger—from getting hurt.”

Dat tilted his head. “That’s a more complicated issue. If that was truly the criteria for belonging in the church, most Amish men I know wouldn’t meet it.”

Lila wanted to ask what he meant, but Zane beat her to it. “What are you saying?”

“There are decisions made with the brain and decisions made with the heart. Those heart ones are hard to control sometimes. I think God expects us to protect those who are vulnerable.”

Lila put her menu down. “What about Jacob Hochstetler?” They’d learned about him in school. Way back in the 1700s, he was an Anabaptist man who hadn’t fought back during an attack by Native Americans and his wife and daughter were killed, while he and two sons were captured. There were many nonresistant stories from back in Europe too, long before the Amish fled to America.

Dat shook his head. “Frankly I’ve never fully understood how a man could watch someone kill his family without putting up a fight.”

Puzzled, Lila drew a deep breath. Her Dat was full of surprises.

Zane cleared his throat and then said, “I’d like to write to Lila if that’s all right with you.”

Dat spread his hands flat on the table. “Are you asking my permission?”

Zane nodded.

“What are your intentions?” Dat’s eyes practically bore through Zane.

He didn’t flinch. “I’d like to marry her, sir. But I’m not sure how everything will work out.”

Dat leaned forward again, his eyes still on Zane. “Any chance you intend to join us once you get back? It seems you were willing to join the Amish in Ontario. If an Englischman could become Amish, it would be you.”

Zane hesitated, caught Lila’s eye, and then said, “I need to see how things go in Afghanistan first.”

Dat nodded. “I understand. And I think you’ll understand this. Wait to write Lila until you get back to the U.S. Both of you need a few months to clear your heads after running off like this. I appreciate that you did the right thing by coming back, but your emotions are too high. You need more than feelings to fuel a good marriage. You need a love that is steadfast, faithful, and strong.”

Lila had never heard such eloquent talk from her Dat. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was parroting Beth’s ideas, but it seemed as if he’d taken the words to heart. And it was good advice.

“That’s fair,” Zane said, catching Lila’s eyes. She realized she’d been holding her breath, exhaled, and then nodded. Dat had been far more reasonable than she’d expected. The time of not being in touch would probably help both her and Zane figure out what they wanted, what they needed.

As the waitress approached the table, Lila slipped her hand into her apron pocket and clasped the piece of jasper. His intention behind giving it to her was the sort of thing she loved about Zane. He made life rich and full of meaning. He also
made her heart break in two. But he did make her feel, that was for certain.

After they’d finished eating, Dat rode with Joel and Adam in Zane’s truck, while Lila and Beth rode in Shani’s van to drop Zane off at the airport. Lila managed to tell him she’d pray for him as she squeezed his hand and said good-bye. Shani had to pull away from the curb before Zane reached the door. He turned and waved, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. But then Shani moved over a lane, and a car moved in front of Zane, and when Lila caught sight of the door again he was gone.

Lila fell asleep to the soft murmur of Shani talking to Beth about trusting God with Zane. “I don’t have any other choice. . . .”

When Lila woke, Shani had stopped in front of the little cottage Beth rented from a family in the district. When Lila woke again, they’d reached Juneberry Lane and were turning up the driveway. Dat waited for them by the steps, and as soon as Shani stopped the van, he swung the side door open and extended his hand to Lila. She thanked Shani and followed her father into the kitchen.

The lamp was lit and sitting in the middle of the table.

Dat put his hand on top of the back of his chair and said, “I’m proud of you.”

“What?” He’d never said anything like that before, not even close. And why would he now, after all she had put him through?

“I thought I wanted conformity more than anything in my children,” he said. “All these years that seemed to be what mattered most. I wanted you to marry Reuben. To stay close. I thought that was how I would be successful as a father.”

“I’m not leaving, Dat.”

“That’s not what I’m getting at,” he said. “Jah, I was disappointed in your decision not to marry Reuben, but I can see now it was the right one. I know you don’t have things figured
out, but I’m proud of you for not doing what so many of us wanted you to.”

Lila didn’t know how to respond. She never would have expected such a statement from her Dat. She guessed having Simon run off to join the Army had humbled him some. Or maybe Beth had helped him see things from a different perspective. She supposed that’s what it meant to be a friend—to be willing to see things from another point of view.

Finally she said, “I want to do what God wants me to do.”

“He will lead you,” Dat said. “Just give him time.”

25

Z
ane flew from Philly to Dublin, on to Kazakhstan, then to Bagram, and finally to their base, arriving fifty-six hours after he’d left. As they landed, the sun set behind him over the Hindu Kush. Sarge and Casey met him at the airfield, on the runway he left from three months before on a stretcher.

“Glad you could join us,” Sarge said.

Zane just nodded as he slung his duffel bag over his left shoulder.

“Are you healed?”

“Pretty much.”

“Can you shoot?”

“I’m guessing so.” He hadn’t actually tried, but Dad was right—if he could repair the chicken coop he was sure he could shoot a gun. Although there was the possibility his aim would be worse than ever. He sighed. Or that he would freeze.

“Get some sleep,” Sarge said. “We’re leaving in the morning.” He took off toward the mess hall.

“You’re in with Grant,” Casey said.

Zane suppressed a groan.

“Fair warning, he’s worse than ever. Wade won’t even room with him anymore.” Casey reached for his duffel bag. “Let me help.”

“Are you kidding?” Zane pulled away from her. “You’re not carrying my gear.” He stopped. “Listen,” he said. “I want to tell you something before we’re around the others. Thank you for having my back all this time. And for being good to my mom too.” His mother had been a saint through his shenanigans. He couldn’t imagine why he’d been so annoyed with her before.

Casey looked up at him. In the dim light she smiled just a little. “You’re welcome.” Then she shook her head. “So why did you take so long to e-mail us back?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do, honestly.”

“I took a little trip to Canada.”

“By yourself?”

He didn’t answer.

“I won’t tell anyone else,” she said. “Not even Sarge.”

“I know.” Next to Lila and his parents, he trusted Casey more than anyone. “I was with Lila.”

“Zane . . . What were you thinking?”

“That we’d make a life together up there.”

“What happened?”

“She changed her mind. And then she told me to keep my commitment and come back here.”

“Really?” Casey asked. “Why’d she do that?”

Zane sighed. “She said I’d regret it.”

“And you agreed?”

Zane frowned. “Time will tell.”

Casey smiled, her dimples flashing. “Happy to be back, then?”

“Well, happier than I expected. It’s good to see you, and I’m looking forward to seeing Jaalal.”

“Yeah, about that, you’ll have to convince Sarge. Grant’s been feeding him a boatload of you know what. We haven’t seen Jaalal in weeks.”

“What have you been doing since the last translator left?”

“Sticking around here, except for a few day-trips to nearby villages.” She leaned forward a little. “Which is exactly what Grant wants. He’s full of it—as long as we’re on base. If you think getting shot shook you up, you should see what getting shot
at
did to him.” She grimaced.

“Is that what everyone thinks? That getting shot shook me up?”

She nodded.

He shook his head, weighing his emotions again. “It wasn’t getting shot that sent me to Canada.”

“What was it then?”

“Having to shoot back.” He hesitated. “And killing Benham.”

“He was a bad guy.”

“I know. But he was a human being. Doing something he thought he needed to do too.”

Casey kicked at the dirt. “I can see that would bother you.” She glanced up at him and smiled. “And getting shot.”

“Yeah, well, it’s probably better if that’s what everyone thinks.”

Casey’s face grew serious again. “So what’s the status as far as you and Lila now? Broken up for good?”

Zane shook his head. “We’re taking a break. Again. We’re not going to make any decisions yet.”

“So she might leave the Amish?”

“We’ll see,” Zane said. He trusted Casey with his life—but not enough to tell her he was considering becoming Plain.

Grant grunted when Zane stepped into the room and said, “I was hoping you’d gone AWOL.” Then he returned to the movie playing on his laptop.

Swinging his duffel bag onto his bunk, Zane decided to ignore him. But after a few minutes he asked Grant what he was watching.

“
The Longest Day
.”

“That’s a World War II movie, right?”

“Yeah.”

With John Wayne. Big, strong, and brave. Zane pulled his extra uniforms out of his duffel bag. The good soldiers in the movies were always tall and handsome, while the cowards were scrawny and homely. The heroes never questioned anyone’s authority, but the cowards whined and sniveled.

In the real Army some of the best soldiers were short. Some were downright small. Some were as homely as could be. In the real Army, the handsome ones were sometimes the ones that whined and dodged their duty. And the ones who seemed fearless were really afraid, although Zane doubted he appeared fearless to anyone.

“How’s your baby doing?” Zane asked, turning toward Grant.

“Shhh,” he said. “I’m at the good part. They’re about ready to cross the bridge.”

Zane turned back to his unpacking. Three months and they’d be back in the States. That’s all he had to get through.