Amish Circle Letters (22 page)

And she caught her breath.

He paused, looking over his shoulder at her, silently reading his note.

Her head was dipped own and she was staring at the paper.

Mary Ruth,

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind
[4]
.

Menno

She shut her eyes, her back to him.
Complete my joy
, he had written. Quickly, she turned around to face him, her eyes wide and frightened. He watched her, curious for her reaction. Neither one spoke, the silence hanging between them as if in an unspoken conversation.

And then she said it.

“Yes, Menno,” she heard herself say, shocked at the words that rolled off of her tongue. She had no idea where they came from and, despite telling herself to stop, to refrain from responding, she heard five words slip from her lips; words that surprised both of them, equally: “I will complete your joy.” She hesitated and pressed the piece of paper to her chest. Lifting her eyes to meet his, she whispered, “Yes, I will marry you.”

Chapter 9: Mary Ruth’s Letter

Dear Family,

I know my name is not on the circle letter list but I wanted to add my own letter to the package. I have something important to share with everyone.

Menno Yoder has asked me to marry him and I have agreed. This was not expected but I find that I am increasingly excited about being able to positively impact the lives of Melvin and his sisters.

May God bless all of you and your families.

Mary Ruth

Mary Ruth stared at the piece of paper, her words so carefully and neatly written staring back at her.
Decided to marry Menno Yoder!
When she read the words she sensed both a warm thrill and a shiver of fright travel up her spine. Her words were cold, direct and to the point. Just like Menno himself, she thought. A hint of the unknown that teased of mystery. By all accounts, it had been an unconventional courtship, if one could even call it that. She was still having a hard time embracing it.

Two weeks had passed since she had agreed to marry Menno. Since then, nothing had changed. She rarely saw him when she was at the house. She’d walk down the lane from Leah’s in the afternoon as she always did, her eyes scanning the horizon for some sign of Menno. It surprised her that she was hoping that he might spend some time alone with her, courting her proper.

He didn’t.

Yet, on more than one occasion, she had found flowers waiting for her on the table or a folded piece of paper with her name on it by the sink. She would open the note and read the Bible verse he had written for her, his penmanship surprisingly elegant and careful. His words touched her heart and she would walk outside, standing on the porch and look across the fields to see if he was out there, perhaps waiting to catch a glimpse of her searching for him.

He wasn’t.

His avoidance of her conflicted greatly with his small gifts that let her know he was thinking about her.

Despite the turmoil of emotions that she felt, she never once doubted her decision. There was something about Menno Yoder that spoke directly to her soul. If only she knew for certain that he had some feelings for her and was not simply looking for a replacement wife!

With a sigh, Mary Ruth leaned her head against her hand and shut her eyes. A letter, she thought. I can’t tell them in a letter! She could only imagine her mamm’s reaction. Mamm would be shocked, that would be for sure and certain. Mary Ruth settling down into a ready-made family? There would be more than one shocked person in her own church district as well as in Menno’s.

Crumpling up the piece of paper, she threw it into the garbage can, angry when it missed and bounced across the floor.

Church Sunday was the baptism of the new church members. It was especially crowded as more family members tried to fit into the room over at the Beiler’s barn for this very special occasion. Mary Ruth sat at her usual place with the other unmarried women and realized that, within the next month or so, she’d be sitting with the married ones and, most likely, with Menno’s children beside her. She’d be their
mamm
and it would be her responsibility to raise them according to the Ordnung and their father’s beliefs. It bothered her that she hadn’t more insight into his expectations of what, exactly, her role would be when it came to the
kinner
.

A sigh escaped her as she glanced around the room. She watched the youths kneel before the congregation and listened to their vows being spoken. It was only two years ago when she had taken her own kneeling vow. Time sure did seem to fly by since that day, she realized. After two short years, she had turned from an adolescent into the young, responsible woman she now was; and she was soon to be married!

She could remember how emotional she had been on that day. She fought tears several times, feeling overwhelmed with the decision that she was making. It was a commitment to her family, the community, the church, and –more importantly- to God. She hadn’t wanted to disappoint anyone, especially her family and certainly not God.

Her eyes traveled to the section of benches where the married men sat. Despite being a widower, Menno had not changed where he sat during service. Nor would it change after they were married.
Seems like I’m the only one facing change
, she thought with a mixture of bitterness and sorrow.

At that moment, Menno noticed her watching him. His blue eyes met hers and he gave her a small smile. It was a reassuring look and she felt an electric shock run throughout her body. It was fast but it was strong enough to make her blush. Realizing that, she tried to look away but her cheeks deepened in color. She could feel the heat creeping down her neck, too.

Menno’s lips twitched as though suppressing a bigger smile. Not only had he seen her blush but he knew exactly why.

Embarrassed, she excused herself and hurried down the stairs to the small bathroom located on the first floor of the building. She shut the door and the battery-operated motion light turned on, casting a dim glow throughout the room. She leaned against the door, her eyes shut and her heart pounding. How could she face him again, she thought to herself. He had seen her reaction to his gaze and knew that she blushed for him.

Calm down
, she told herself.
It’s natural!
But the truth was that she didn’t know whether or not it was natural. She had never courted before and certainly had never committed to be a man’s wife. And she had never felt the way she did when Menno had just looked at her.

Taking deep breaths, she moved toward the sink and turned the knob for cold water. She cupped her hands under the steady stream and splashed some water on her cheeks. The coolness helped her focus and concentrate on calming herself so that she could return to the church service before her absence was noticed.

The door creaked as she opened it and stepped outside. She shut the door as quietly as she could, hoping that the noise didn’t carry upstairs.

To her surprise, Menno was leaning against the wall on the other side of the door. He was waiting for her, his hands thrust into his pockets and one foot crossed over the other. When she jumped back, he pushed off from the wall and approached her.

“You are ill, Mary Ruth?” he asked, concern in his eyes.

“
Nee
,” she said quickly but looked away.

He pulled a white handkerchief from his pocket and reached forward, gently dabbing some water droplets from her neck. “I saw you rush out of the service,” he said, his voice low so that it wouldn’t carry upstairs. “I was worried.”

He was worried
, she said to herself, feeling that thrilling wave of electricity again.
He cares!
“I just needed some air,” she offered as an excuse. “You…you are well?”

“Ja, that I am,” he replied and smiled gently. “I have to talk to the bishop this week about announcing our intentions at the next service. So I am quite well, Mary Ruth.”

“I…” She paused, uncertain to how he would react if she asked him the question that was soaring through her mind every minute of every day for the past two weeks. Yet, she didn’t want him thinking that she was too forward.

The smile never left his lips. “You what?”

“I…I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks, Menno,” she whispered. “I’d have thought you changed your mind if I hadn’t found the notes and flowers.”

Immediately, the smile left his face but not due to anger or disappointment in what she said. Instead, it was a look of concern. “I was giving you space, Mary Ruth,” he explained. “I know you are nervous about this decision and that you are the one giving up the most. I felt it best to not…” He hesitated as if searching for the appropriate word. “To not crowd you.”

“To not crowd me?”

Now it was Menno’s turn to look sheepish. “If I suddenly demanded all of your time, I was afraid
you
would have second thoughts, being that we haven’t truly courted very much.”

She raised an eyebrow. “We haven’t courted
at all
, Menno.”

“Ja, vell…” He scratched at his beard. “Reckon that’s true.”

Now!
she told herself. Now was her chance to offer her suggestion to Menno. Her chance to let him know that she wanted to spend more time with him. “It…it might be nice to spend some time together, ain’t so?” she offered shyly. She wasn’t used to feeling so timid in front of anyone. “Mayhaps it might make us both feel a little better.”

He stared at her, his blue eyes taking in the hopeful look on her face. The difference in their age was suddenly more apparent to him. He had presumed that she preferred having some space and not feeling crowded. An older woman would have felt that way, he thought. But the young woman standing before him, the woman he had committed to marry, was looking at him with the eyes of one who wanted courting and time to get to know him.

He hadn’t been prepared for that.

Still, he knew that she was right. If they did spend some time together, did get to know each other, they both would feel more comfortable, indeed.

“Then I guess I best be giving you a ride home after service, now,” he stated, his mind made up at once that, if courting was what she wanted, courting was what she would get. “I’ll signal you when I’m ready to leave with the
kinner
.” He forced an awkward smile at her then nodded toward the stairs. “Best go back now before tongues wag. There’ll be time enough for that ” He stepped back, indicating that she should pass him and walk up the stairs first. The gesture and the look on his face made her want to blush all over again. He was certainly holding up his end of the bargain.

It was after the fellowship meal when Leah and Rachel joined Mary Ruth as they helped wash the dishes. Mary Ruth smiled her appreciation at her sisters, but in doing so, saw Rachel up close for the first time that day.

“Sister!” she gasped. “Are you all right?”

Rachel clenched her jaw and reached for the towel on the counter. “I’d rather not discuss it,” she snapped.

Mary Ruth glanced at Leah who merely shrugged and mouthed the word “Elijah”.

Pursing her lips, Mary Ruth glanced around to make certain no one could hear her as she leaned over to her older sister. “You need to tell him that he must do the treatment!” she hissed. “This is not what God wants!”

“But,” Rachel retorted in a similar tone. “It is what
Elijah
wants!”

“I don’t understand!”

With a shake of her head, Rachel turned her attention back to the dishes. “Even with treatment, Mary Ruth, the disease is most likely terminal. He’d rather spend what time he has left here with us and do what he can to prepare for the end. God is going to call him home and there is very little we can do about it.” She rubbed the plate in her hands. “I’ve seen how fast he is declining already. He’s short of breath, coughs all of the time, and gets winded just walking up the stairs. It’s progressing fast.” She glanced up and stared at her two sisters, as if daring either of them to comment. “Too fast!” Slamming the towel down on the counter, she thrust the plate at Leah and turned on her heel. Quickly, before anyone could see the tears in her eyes, she hurried away.

Leah rolled her eyes. “That’s great, Mary Ruth.”

Mary Ruth glared at her. “What’s that supposed to mean, Leah?”

Her sister merely shook her head. “You wouldn’t understand. You aren’t married,” she responded and hurried after Rachel, leaving Mary Ruth standing at the sink with her cheeks turning bright red and her mouth hanging open in shock at her sister’s words.

Leah didn’t pay any attention to Mary Ruth’s fierce look or harsh tone. Instead, she went about the business of finding her sister in order to console her. Quietly, she stole down the stairs and looked around the barn. Most of the men were still upstairs, enjoying their time together in fellowship. Several children were playing in an empty stall, jumping into a pile of fresh hay. But there was no sign of Rachel.

Walking outside, Leah found Rachel standing behind the barn, leaning against the wall and crying. A pile of old fencing hid her from view but Leah had heard her soft weeping when searching for her older sister.

“Rachel, you need to pull yourself together,” Leah said gently. “This will do no one any good.”

Irritated, Rachel waved her hand at Leah. “Elijah’s dying will do no one any good!” She wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes and stared at Leah. “He won’t get treatment, Leah. He’s just accepted this as the destination chosen for him by God!”

“He has to change his mind! He has you and the
kinner
to think about!”