Am I Boring My Dog? (10 page)

Very soon. If you get a dog who hasn’t had a verified health exam or thorough temperament evaluation, don’t even take her home; head straight for the vet. Sad but true: If something is seriously wrong you need to know before you bond with the pup and spend vast quantities of money and emotional energy on her.

If you get a dog with a clean preliminary bill of health, see the vet within the first few weeks of her homecoming. Puppies need a series of vaccinations (see question 30) and healthy older dogs need a “wellness” exam to serve as a baseline for future diagnoses. You’ll also want to get some guidelines for what’s normal—in addition to those sketched in question 33 —as soon as possible.

By observing a few basic rules of vet-iquette.

Avoid sending stress signals to your dog about an upcoming visit. Puppies don’t have any negative preconceptions about doctors, and an adult dog who’s new to you might pick up on your positive cues. Try pretending that you’re going to a sedate dog park where pups and their people get to spend some quiet quality time together.

They’re the ones who put you on hold—or not—when you phone, put the messages on the vet’s desk—or not—and generally oil the office wheels. Just as staff members need to say nice things about your dog, you in turn are well advised to compliment staff hairstyles, jewelry, virility—whatever works.

By which I mean, make sure your dog is on his. He may not be fully trained yet but, in the case of a large dog, work on “sit” and “down” commands before you come in, the better to avoid disturbing other patients and their accompanying people. Small pups should be kept in your lap if they’re excitable; it’s also a good way to keep them from picking up germs from the floor.

Especially early on, you’ll have plenty of things to ask about what to expect. Try to remember to commit these questions to paper—and to take the paper along with you.

If you bring your dog in with stomach distress, don’t pretend you didn’t see him scarfing down the discarded condoms near your bed. You don’t have to say what you were doing—or with whom—while those condoms were being consumed, or even what size they were. Sure, your vet might laugh about it at the bar with his friends later but at least your dog will get the correct treatment.

Although it’s the vet’s responsibility to try to be clear, she’s not a mind reader, so follow up on anything you don’t understand. And voice your concerns, no matter how peculiar (poop eating) or petty (nail clipping) they may seem. As it happens, feces feasting is not all that uncommon, and clipping a dog’s nails may help prevent painful infections.

Reading up on medical issues on the Internet or elsewhere has its limits. It’s good to be an informed consumer, the better to ask educated questions, but not useful to argue when your vet expresses an opinion that’s based on education and experience—and thus a far greater ability to interpret data. And remember that your vet is looking at your actual dog, not a theoretical on-line case. If you have serious doubts about a diagnosis, it’s fine to inquire how the vet arrived at it or ask for clarification. Just don’t start your sentence with, “But I read on the Internet …” It’s perfectly fine, on the other hand, to ask your vet if she can recommend some helpful websites.

Dogs are notoriously bad at remembering details and even worse at writing things down; you’ll be expected to do both if you want to remember what was said during the exam. Perhaps one of the most important things to jot down is the blueprint for what comes next: “So we come back in six months for a follow-up exam?” Or, “I’ll make an appointment for a teeth cleaning as soon as that gum infection is cleared up?”

Hell, yes—and the sooner the better. The younger and the healthier your dog, the more insurable she will be and the lower the premiums you’ll pay. Pet insurance isn’t yet as popular as it’s bound to become, which is why it didn’t occur to me to get it. Now I kick myself for not having thought to insure Frankie, who, without any predictors, developed diabetes. This chronic, preexisting condition pretty much eliminates my sugar-sweet pup from the pool of insurable pooches. And I can’t even claim him as a dependent on my tax returns.

Yes, insurance is an additional monthly expense, but it’s an anticipated one that you can budget for. Premiums are fairly reasonable and not having to factor in cost when facing the decision of whether to provide treatment—priceless. Why join the ranks of the estimated 73 percent of people willing to go into debt for their pets?

Another reason to get in on pet insurance now: because it’s set up so that you pay for treatment up front and fill out the forms for reimbursement, vets don’t have to deal with a bureaucracy. And pet insurance companies don’t dictate conventional treatment choices—yet.

That’s not to say you don’t have to do research to get the best deal. Things to consider for comprehensive insurance plans—which are different from discount plans where you pay an annual fee in return for lower prices on vet services—are similar to what you’d look for in human plans. Just be sure to read the fine print. In some cases, for example, claims have to be submitted within 60 days to be accepted.

Take the following items into account when deciding on pet health insurance.

Most plans let you see anyone you like; others are similar to HMOs, limiting you to certain health-care providers.

There’s usually at least a 10-day wait so that people don’t sign up immediately after their dog leaps off a precipice. Check and see when a policy will take effect—and watch your pup like a hawk until then.

Some companies adjust their premiums on a quarterly basis; that means if they pay a claim they can raise your rates in the next period. Make sure the company you choose offers contracts for at least one year, with no fee-rise adjustments if you submit a claim.

You want a plan that doesn’t consider a condition diagnosed after you first contracted with the company as preexisting, and thus as a reason for not renewing your insurance.

Typically, dogs younger than six to eight weeks and those older than eight to ten years are ineligible for insurance. Those with preexisting conditions and breed-specific hereditary conditions are generally excluded, too, though in some cases you can pay extra for coverage. Another reason to get a mutt: they’re more easily insured.

Things like dental care, vaccinations, and heartworm testing should be covered. Some plans don’t take care of neutering or spaying, but that shouldn’t be a deal breaker as clinics often offer deep discounts for those procedures.

You often end up spending far more money on medicines than on office visits and services, so be sure your plan offers good coverage.

As with human plans, the higher the deductible, the lower your premium.

You’ll find plans that say they reimburse you for “reasonable and customary fees.” That’s way too much wiggle room. You’re far better off with an insurer that provides a chart detailing what you can expect to get back for what you pay out.

There’s usually an annual limit for what a company will reimburse. Find out if there’s also a limit to what insurance will pay for a specific incident.

Although you still have fewer choices for pet insurance than for auto or homeowners’ insurance, more and more companies are entering the field every month. Those with proven track records include Veterinary Pet Insurance (
www.petinsurance.com
) and PetCare (
www.petcareinsurance.com
). Both the ASPCA (
www.aspcapetinsurance.com
) and the AKC (
www.akcphp.com/BHIACMS/
) have recently introduced policies, and the Humane Society features discounts on PetPlan (
www.gopetplan.com
). Check
www.PetInsuranceReview.comto
get real people feedback on some of the most widely used plans.

Naturally. The American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association (
ahvma.org
; log on to find practitioners in your area) dates back to 1982, and the popularity of its doggie “modalities,” including acupuncture, homeopathy, herbal medicine, and chiropractic, parallels that of its human counterparts. The monthly
Whole Dog Journal
(
www.whole-dog-journal.com
) details the latest in natural dog care, while
Natural Remedies Dogs and Cats Wish You Knew
by Viv Harris outlines treatments for problems ranging from allergies to cancer.

I’m no slave to conventional medicine but my forays into the alternative arena haven’t been terribly successful. Most recently, the search for a nutritionist to help with Frankie’s diabetes led us to Dr. B., who determined that Frankie’s neutering scar was blocking the blood flow to his pancreas. Her suggested remedy: rub flaxseed oil into the area. Initially blissed out by these ministrations—his testicles might be MIA, but his penis hasn’t left the neighborhood—Frankie soon began to squirm away in shame. I immediately ceased treatment. Nevertheless, on our next visit Dr. B. judged the blockage cleared and praised my persistence. I went back to my traditional vet, and Frankie and I resumed our previous, more decorous relationship.

So do what you think works for you and your dog—but not on your own. Take the “complementary” and “integrative” claims of alternative practices seriously: make sure they complement and integrate with the advice of a person who has completed at least four years of veterinary school. The same goes for supplements; just because something’s labeled “natural” doesn’t mean that it’s not naturally toxic to your dog, or that it’s not contraindicated with another supplement or medication she’s taking.

Perhaps a more relevant question is how will it affect
you
? There’s no evidence that “fixing” causes adverse medical reactions; quite the opposite, in fact. The notion that altering interferes with the development of certain breeds’ distinctive look has been debunked, too. Instead, it’s been shown that the accompanying growth slowdown allows joints and bones to develop correctly. Dogs that have been neutered or spayed tend to grow larger than their unfixed littermates, too. Moreover, dogs don’t have ego issues connected with their sex organs, nor do they sentimentalize motherhood. So if you’re not a breeder, any reservations about having your dog’s uterus or testicles removed are pure projection. (Admit it, the anatomical precision of that description made you more uncomfortable than the terms spaying or neutering. Your dog, on the other hand, would react equally—i.e., not at all—to either expression.)

A prime reason to spay or neuter your dog is to be a good global citizen. One busy bitch can produce as many as 67,000 descendants, exponentially, in six years, and some six to eight million dogs and cats are euthanized annually in the United States alone. Dogs don’t have impulse control and they don’t practice safe sex, so it’s up to you to ensure that they don’t contribute to the misery of their species.

But spaying and neutering offer less altruistic benefits. A female who’s been spayed won’t go into heat, as her twice-yearly reproductive cycles are called—which means less mess for you, less discomfort for her (although as far as I know, no studies have been done about doggie menstrual cramps and PMS), and less upheaval for everyone because hordes of panting male suitors won’t be coming to call. Spayed females also run a lower risk of mammary gland (breast) cancer—not to mention zero risk of uterine and ovarian cancer.

For males, early neutering can minimize aggression; roaming (guy pups are literally heat-seeking missiles, always on the prowl for those busy bitches); and, in some cases, marking (thus allowing you to take a walk without stopping every two seconds for pee dispersal). Neutering may also keep males from humping inappropriate love objects like the legs of your houseguests. Without the distraction of raging hormones, they’re also better able to concentrate on training. Naturally, neutering also eliminates the possibility of testicular cancer.

Those who have a problem with unmanning—undogging?—their pooches can pretend it didn’t happen by investing in Neuticles (
www.neuticles.com
).
²¹
Allowing your dog “to retain his natural look” and “self-esteem,” these silicon nut substitutes are available in three sizes and three degrees of firmness. Prices range from $109 per pair for the original rigid ones for small dogs to $1,799 for a customized set of the more pliant ones. I shudder to think how many dog balls needed to be handled to perfect this invention.

The jury is still out on the best age for spaying and neutering. Conventional wisdom once had it that females should be allowed to go through one heat cycle before surgery, but that’s no longer advised (presumably to the dismay of the manufacturers of Bitch Britches, also called season panties). The suggested spaying age is now five to six months, preceding the first heat. Similarly, where four to six months used to be the recommended age for neutering, some vets now say that males as young as eight weeks can safely undergo the operation (though you’d have to wait a while to insert adult-size Neuticles). Although vet consensus is that it’s best to neuter early, before the behaviors the procedure are meant to prevent become ingrained, most agree that neutering can be useful in diminishing aggression later in life, too. Apparently, testosterone poisoning isn’t limited to the very young.