Always You (12 page)

Dalton

I paced the bedroom with my
hands on my head, waiting for her to call. Or text. Anything. God, I was such
an idiot. Her finding this out was bad enough, but to not hear it from me? That
was worse. So much worse.

“Fuck!” I kicked the wall,
instantly regretting it as a large hole appeared, about the size of my shoe. I
watched as little fragments of plaster fell away to the floor. See, this was
why I’d avoided relationships. How could you plan your future when you might
not have one?

We found out my dad had
Huntington’s when I was four. The fact that he had it meant one of his parents
would have also had it. His being adopted at age one meant the genetic risk was
not identified until it was too late.

Dad was forty-two when he was
diagnosed with the disease, and fifty-three when he died. His diagnosis was the
reason they’d decided not to have any more children. His progression had been
fast, much faster than usual, but the speed of progression was also a genetic
factor. Did it mean I would develop symptoms earlier and faster? Possibly.

Basically, when it boiled down
to it, if I did have the mutation, there was a fifty percent chance that I
would display symptoms by the age of forty. A simple little test could
potentially tell me with one hundred percent accuracy whether I had the disease
or not. But was that something I wanted to know?

Until now, not knowing had been
better than finding out I had it. Not knowing gave me hope. But now it wasn’t
just me; I had to think of Wrenn. If she even still wanted to be with me.

I picked up my phone and dialed
Mom, needing her advice. She had been trying to get me to have the test for
years, without success. She would want to know why I’d suddenly changed my
mind.

“Dalton.” She sounded surprised
to hear from me.

“Hey, Mom,” I said, sitting
down on the edge of the bed. I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to relieve
some of the tension from the last few days. “How are you?”

“Good. Is something wrong? You
sound upset.”

“No, everything is fine. I’ve just been thinking . . .
I think I want to get tested.” Mom was silent. I waited a moment to let my
words sink in before the barrage of questions started.

“What’s brought this on?” she
asked. “I’m glad you’ve decided to find out, but you’ve always been so adamant
about not being tested.”

“I know, but things have
changed. I need to know, one way or the other. I need to live, Mom. I can’t
keep waiting for something that might not happen. No matter how much I try and
push it away, it’s always there, eating at me.”

“I’ll call Dr. Martin and
arrange it,” Mom said, referencing the doctor who’d cared for Dad while he was
alive. Apparently, he was one of the top Huntington’s specialists in the
country.

“Okay. Thanks, Mom.” I felt a
sense of relief. I was one step closer to knowing my fate. After I ended the
call, I tried Wrenn again. I nearly fainted when Kass answered.

“Dalton.” She sounded tired.

“Kassia. Is Wrenn there? Will
she speak to me?” I asked, trying to keep the sheer desperation out of my
voice.

“Look, we’re at her aunt’s
holiday house. 430 The Boulevard, Cinter Beach. If you come down, I’ll disappear
for a few hours.”

“God, thank you Kassia. I’m on
my way.”

***

I knocked on the door to the
beach house, still unsure of my game plan.

An hour in the car, and I still
had nothing. Really, what was there to say? I could apologize all day for not
telling her, but I knew deep down that wasn’t the real issue.
 

Kass opened the door. She
smiled and let me in. “She’s in the living room, down the end and to the
right.” She slipped out the door, shutting it behind her.

I walked down the hallway of
the huge house. Everything was so perfect, so new—it was like a display
home. And strangely, it was all so familiar. I felt like I had been there
before.

Wrenn was curled up on the
sofa, facing away from me. I edged closer, my heart racing. The TV was on low.
She turned around, her eyes wide, shocked at the sight of me. I thought I saw a
glimmer of a smile, but as quickly as it was there, it was gone. Emotion after
emotion swept through her eyes: shock, happiness, sorrow, and then confusion.

“You’re here,” she said, wiping
her eyes. “Let me guess. Kass?”

I nodded, and walked around the
sofa.

She sat up, allowing me to sit
down next to her. I put my hand on her thigh, over her faded jeans. She wore an
old blue sweatshirt, and her hair was tangled and unbrushed, tied up in a pony
tail. Regardless, she looked beautiful.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
earlier,” I muttered, taking her hand in mine.

“I did some research.” She
turned to look at me. “So this test can tell you if you have it, and when
you’ll show symptoms?” She looked so scared, I just wanted to wrap my arms
around her and take away the pain.

“It will tell me if I carry the
disease. It can suggest how early I will display symptoms, but it’s not
accurate regarding the symptoms.” I tried to explain, but there was so much to
tell. I’d had all my life to learn about this disease, and there was shit that
I myself still didn’t know.

“How old was your dad?” she
asked. “When the symptoms began?”

“Forty-two. Though he was
symptomatic for a couple of years beforehand but they couldn’t say for sure if
that was the Huntington’s or not.”

 
“Did they know there was a chance when
they had you? That he had it?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Dad was
adopted. He never knew his real parents.” I took a deep breath. “Look, Wrenn, I
understand if this is too much for you. I get it. That’s why I tried to
distance myself from you early on. You lost your family. I couldn’t imagine
putting you through losing me too.”

Tears welled in her eyes as she
took in what I was saying. “I don’t want to
not
be with you, Dalton, but the idea of losing you? I don’t know if I can handle
that,” she said quietly.

I took her hand in mine,
entwining our fingers together. “You don’t need to decide now. In fact, I don’t
want you to. I want you to think about it for as long as you need to.” I
paused, the next sentence sticking in my throat. “I’m having the test,” I added
quietly.

“You are?” she said, her eyes
widening.
 

“I am. I want to know. Being
with you made me realize I need to know the truth.” I sighed, so angry at the
situation. “Wrenn, I need you to be fully informed. If I do have Huntington’s,
you deserve to know exactly what it means. Ask me anything.”

“Huh?”

‘You said you Googled. That
means you have questions. Ask me anything and I’ll do my best to answer.”

She turned her body toward me,
unsure and afraid. She didn’t say anything for a while, she just sat there,
staring at the floor.

“What are the symptoms?” she
finally asked quietly.

“The most common symptom
usually noticed first is muscle twitching. Involuntary movement, that kind of
thing. Other symptoms are restlessness, clumsiness, dropping things, and
tripping.” I paused, watching her intently. “There can also be mental symptoms
such as depression, memory loss, impulsiveness…”

“How does it kill you? I mean,
you said your dad died from it,” she asked in a small voice.

“The disease itself doesn’t
kill, it’s things like pneumonia, choking on food, and organ failure that cause
eventual death.”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes
dropping to the floor. “How quickly does it progress? Was your dad able to walk
before he died? I mean, was he mobile?”

I shook my head and cleared my
throat. Talking about Dad made the seriousness of this begin to sink in. “No.
The last few months, he was in a nursing home. He couldn’t walk, talk, or even
eat. It progresses slowly, but you can’t underestimate how hard those final few
years will be, Wrenn. If I have this…you will watch me slowly slip away. I’ll
need help with everything, from eating to bathing…” My voice trailed off as I struggled
to contain my emotions. This was as honest as I’d ever been with myself about
the disease, and the thought of her seeing me like that…

Fuck, I’d
kill
myself before putting her through that.

I don’t want to think about this right now. I need her. If she can’t be
with me, then I’ll deal with that, but right now I need her.

 
“Can we forget about this, Wrenn? Just
for tonight? I want one night with you where I don’t have to worry about
hurting you. I know that’s a lot to ask, but if I have to let you go, I really
need this.”

She nodded and squeezed my
hand. “Can you take me home tomorrow? I’ll tell Kass she can go.”

I nodded and leaned over to
kiss her, my mouth brushing past her soft lips. I pulled away and stared at
her, wanting to memorize every little detail of her face. She brought her hand
up to my neck and pulled me to her, our lips connecting again, this time in a
slow, intense kiss that took my breath away.

“Will you sleep with me?” she
asked, her voice anxious. “I just want your arms holding me. I’ve never felt as
safe as I do when I’m in your embrace.”

I nodded and let her lead me
upstairs.

We entered a bedroom. A mirror
hung on the wall, and a small chest of drawers stood in the corner. We walked
over to the large bed under the window. Curving my arms under her thighs and
around her back, I lifted her onto the bed, pulling the covers over her. Then I
climbed in, wrapping her in my arms. I stroked her arm tenderly. This
disease…it had the ability to rob me of the simplest indulgences, like holding
the woman I loved close to me. I stroked her arm until she fell asleep, then
listened to the sound of her chest rising and falling.

I’d avoided falling in love for
this very reason. This fucked up disease had ruined my family. How could I drag
someone I loved into that world? At least the test would give me closure. I’d
know. One way or the other, I would know for sure, and Wrenn would have all the
facts. She deserved to know everything, because this would affect her whole
life. Even having kids was an issue…but at least there were tests nowadays and
ways to eradicate the disease being passed on. My head rested against hers. I
closed my eyes, listening to her breathe.

If these are my final few moments with her, then I want to remember
them forever.

***

Rolling over, I wrapped my arm
around Wrenn’s waist. Only she wasn’t there. I sat up in shock, the stark
morning sunshine almost blinding me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

    
It was after eleven. How had I slept so
late? And where was Wrenn?

    
I climbed out of bed, adjusting my jeans.
Walking out into the hall, I glanced each way, looking for a sign of Wrenn.
Making my way down to the kitchen, I called out her name. No answer.

    
Why the fuck did this place look so
familiar? I was
sure
I’d been here
before. I walked outside and down the steps into the backyard. A cobblestone
path led through the manicured lawn, around the back of a large garage.

    
“Wrenn?” I called out.

I heard her voice faintly in
the distance. Walking towards it, what looked like a cubby house came into view
from behind a cluster of bushes. I breathed in the salty air, something you can
only experience near the ocean. I loved it out here.

“Where are you?” I called out.

“In here.” Her muffled voice
was coming from inside the cubby house. I leaned down and stepped through the
doorway. My breath caught in my throat as memories began flooding back.

Wrenn and I.

We had met before. This hideous
pink cubby house, that’s why this place felt so familiar. Eleven years ago, in
this very place, she had made me realize that I needed to live my life. All
these years later, we had found our way back to each other.

“What is it?” she asked,
alarmed.

I shook my head, not sure what
to say, or how to say it.
 
“I’ve
been here before, Wrenn. We’ve met before. That first day in school I
knew
you. You were so familiar to me,
but I just couldn’t place you. I assumed it was just from class, but it wasn’t.
You remember telling me that my mom probably knew your mom? Well, they did! We
met at a party. You would’ve been about seven, and I was twelve.”

She shook her head, looking at
me like I was crazy, and laughed. Yes, I sounded insane, and that was okay
because this was fucking unbelievable. What were the odds? I mean, considering
our connection with Layna, it wasn’t that farfetched, but for this woman I was
in love with to be the same girl who’d changed my outlook all those years ago…I
was stunned.

“You don’t remember me at all,
do you?” I chuckled.

“No, sorry. You obviously left
a lasting impression on me,” she joked.

I walked over to her and took
her hand, kneeling down in front of her. She parted her legs, allowing me
between them. I hugged her body, my lips nuzzling the nape of her neck.

“You did exactly that with me,”
I said softly. “Not in a creepy way. You just spelled it out to me, so
innocently, that I was wasting my life waiting to get sick.”

Wrenn looked puzzled. “How did
I know you were going to get sick?”

“We came out here to get away
from our parents. They were talking about me, and Dad’s illness. You looked up
at me and said, ‘So what? We’re all going to get sick.’” I smiled, squeezing
her hand. “You said something nobody had ever bothered to say. You made me
realize that just because I
might
get
sick one day, it didn’t make me special. Or different.”