Always with You (WIth You Trilogy) (6 page)

“How long for?” I asked
stubbornly.

I glanced up and saw Ian’s jaw tense as he glanced over at Xander.

“Not sure,” Xander said, his voice gentler than it had been earlier. “No way of knowing.”

I frowned at his cryptic response and glanced up at Ian who appeared to be chewing something over.

“I’m going away tomorrow,” Ian said eventually. “Once I get back, things will hopefully be a bit more stable.”

“Tomorrow?” Matt asked incredulously. “Don’t you usually get a bit more warning.”

“We’ve moved it forwards because of everything that’s happened. It’s better this way. If everything goes to plan then we can eliminate whatever threat there is,” Ian said. This time it was obvious in his tone that any questions would be very unwelcome so we all just nodded.

“Xander’s a good guy,” Ian smirked a little.
“Don’t piss him off too much, Jelly.”

I scowled but didn’t answer. I didn’t trust myself not to say anything to annoy him. My mind was a maelstrom of emotion and I didn’t know how to handle it. Jason hated me, I was getting a babysitter, and Ian was going away.

I hated it when Ian went away. He hadn’t been away for a good while and, over the past few years, his trips had become much more sporadic. Before, we could at least guess that he’d be away from between three to six months, but now it could be anything from a week to eight months and we very rarely heard from him during that time. It was horrible waking up every day and not knowing if he was okay, if he was safe, if he was even alive.

I felt tears gathering in my eyes and Ian, being Ian, noticed at once and
took me out into the kitchen. He sat me in his lap on a kitchen chair and hugged me tight to his chest. I was instantly transported to my childhood as he rocked me gently. I didn’t draw the same soothing calm from Ian as I did from Jason, but it was something at least. Thinking about Jason just made me sob harder and Ian squeezed me a little tighter.

“Talk to me, Jellybean,” Ian said gently once I stopped crying quite so much.

I shook my head and clung to him a little tighter.

“I know this isn’t easy for you, Jelly, but it’s for the best,” he tried to reassure me.

“I don’t want you to go,” I pleaded pathetically after a while.

“Yo
u’re sad because I’m leaving?” He asked in surprise.

I nodded and sniffled slightly.

“I’ll be fine, sis,” he reassured me with a renewed gentleness in his voice. “I always come back, you know that.”

I nodded glumly because he did, but he couldn’t promise that he always would.

“I thought you might be sad about Jason,” he said questioningly.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I
retorted bluntly, clamping my jaw firmly shut and deciding I wasn’t going to speak another word on the subject. My love life was not something I wanted to discuss with my brothers.

“You want ape shit on him for no reason, Jelly.”

I scowled and tried to force myself up off his lap but he held me in place. Knowing I wouldn’t win a battle of strength with him I just crossed my arms and sulked like a six year old.

“Are you going to talk to me?” H
e demanded.

I let my silence speak for me.

“Fine,” he growled, standing up suddenly and almost sending me flying onto the floor. He caught my arm and helped me regain my balance. “I have to go,” he said, moving to the door without looking back at me. “If you have questions, talk to Xander.”

“Ian, wait,” I pleaded. “I don’t want you to leave like this.”

He was going away, most likely to do something dangerous. I didn’t want our last words to be hostile. I heard him sigh before turning around.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised immediately when he opened his arms to me and let me hug him again. “I know the last thing you need when you’re away is to be worrying about me. I’ll behave
, I promise.” I must have made this promise to him a dozen times before. I hoped he knew that I really would do my best not to cause him to worry.

“I know,” he said, returning my hug. “
I just need to know you’re safe while I’m gone. I love you, Jelly.”

“I love you too,” I whispered back, happy to hear the words that came so rarely from my big brother’s lips, even though I never doubted his love for me or my brothers.

“I’m off, who’s coming back with me?” He announced once I’d followed him back into the lounge.

Matt stood up and nodded, it looked like Craig was about to say something too but he obviously changed his mind when he heard Matt’s decision.

“We might stay in Bradford tonight,” Rick explained, glancing at Craig.

Craig nodded and stood up as well. The twins gave Ian a cl
ap on the back but didn’t speak. Ian understood. We were all familiar with the awkward goodbyes every time he or Karl went away.

I hugged Ian, Matt, and Craig once more and thanked them for everything they’d done today. I hugged Ian for a few seconds extra and hoped he understood my silent plea that he return home in one piece. Ian rubbed
my back gently before releasing me. He exchanged a few quite words with Xander before he left and then they were gone.

I was sort of glad the twins stayed because I still hadn’t really spoken with Xander and things were going to get awkward between
me and my new babysitter once we were alone with Adam. I was still gutted about Jason and knew I was bound to be rubbish company if anybody tried to talk to me.

“Cheer up, Jellybean,” Danny encouraged. “How about we eat ice cream and watch ‘A Bug’s Life’ on the sofa?”

I smiled meekly, realising that they’d stayed to try and cheer me up. “I’m not really hungry,” I admitted.

“No, but we are,” Rick grinned, already on his way to raid the freezer.

I rolled my eyes before noticing Xander still stood by the door. It occurred to me that we hadn’t actually discussed where he was staying.

“You mind watching an animated film?” I asked him, hoping he’d take it as an invitation to join us. I wasn’t happy with the situation but it wasn’t his fault.

He shrugged and sat down on the end of the sofa in the corner of the room.
Great
, I sighed inwardly.
He doesn’t talk much
. The two of us were going to have to get used to awkward silences.

“I’m sure you could stay here if it’s ok
ay with Adam,” I offered, my polite conversation running dry.

“Yeah,” Adam nodded. “Might as well use one of the spare rooms. Bradley and Eric won’t be back for a while.”

Xander nodded.

Yep, man of many words this one
. I sighed inwardly once more and tried to repress my dread of the weeks to come. The idea of facing them without Jason didn’t make things any better but I didn’t think that would last too long. I loved Jason whole-heartedly and I knew he felt the same. A stupid argument wasn’t going to keep us apart. The only question was, which of us would be the least stubborn and apologise first?

Sunday 7th July 2013

I found Xander at the kitchen table nursing a cup of very strong smelling black coffee. It was only just six in the morning but I wasn’t all that surprised to find him up. I was used to finding Ian in the kitchen before everyone else. Maybe it was just a military thing.

I hadn’t slept at all. The unfamiliarity of my new bed, in combination with Jason leaving the night before, and Ian going away, had left sleep impossible. At least that meant I escaped the nightmares that I’d been plagued with since the kidnapping.

“Morning,” I greeted Xander, summoning the last
remaining threads of my manners.

“Morning,” he grunted back without looking up from his coffee.

I scowled. I was making an effort. I didn’t like being made to do this but he’d at least been given a choice, or at least I assumed he had. I sighed and made a lame attempt at hiding it whilst I made myself a cup of tea. I knew Adam wouldn’t be up for a good few hours so I tried to keep the noise down. My head was still a jumble and I knew what I wanted to do but I wasn’t sure if I’d be allowed to. The thought made me scowl again. I shouldn’t need to ask permission.

Remembering my promise to Ian, I
took a deep breath. “Um, I wanted to go for a run if… if that’s allowed,” I stammered awkwardly.

Xander didn’t move,
he just continued staring into his coffee. He stayed still and silent for so long that I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me.

“Fine,” he said after an eternity, still not looking up at me. “
Back here in ten minutes with your kit.” With that he put his empty mug in the sink and disappeared up to his temporary room.

I sighed and went to get changed into my gear. The twins had done a decent job of cheering me up the night before with their goofy senses of humour but now that they were gone I was a little down again. I needed the run to clear my head.

“No music,” Xander instructed as I came back down into the kitchen.

I bit back a complaint and pulled my headset out and dumped it onto the sideboard without grumbling – which was a challenge.

“How far do you run?” He asked.

I quickly looked him over. There was no way he was asking me because he wasn’t sure he could manage the distance.

I shrugged. “I just usually run ‘til I get bored and then turn back.”

Xander didn’t look impressed.

“Um, maybe 10K?” I offered, seeing his look of frustration.

“Fine,” he nodded briskly. “I
pick the route, you set the pace.”

I frowned again. “Um, you know your way around?” I asked
sceptically.

He nodded again and I decided that was the most information I was going to get. At least that would save me worrying about getting lost.

“Wait here,” he ordered once he opened the front door.

I frowned again and waited for him to check outside. It made me nervous to see him doing it. I guess it was because it was such an obvious reminder of the danger that could be out there. I shivered and pushed it out of my mind. I had never needed a run so badly.

Xander motioned me out and started jogging towards Hyde Park. We jogged in silence with him indicating for me to turn left or right every now and then. It pissed me off that he seemed to be irritated by my very existence and I found myself picking up the pace just to try and annoy him. I should have known better then to try and outrun a military guy. He kept pace and I was even more annoyed when I caught him smirking slightly. I slowed down so that I could talk comfortably.

“Why are you doing this?” I demanded.

He raised his eyebrow at me but didn’t answer.

“Seriously, why are you babysitting me?” I said, very aware I sounded kind of like a bitch.

“Owe your brother a favour,” he shrugged, his eyes back on the road in front of me.

Nope. I have no manners left.
“You’re kind of an ass.” It just slipped out. Probably due to stress and lack of sleep, but I doubted that was a good excuse. I blushed furiously and looked down at my feet ready for him to tell me what an ungrateful brat I was.

Instead, he chuckled. He actually chuckled. I scowled at him but it didn’t last long because I was glad to see the first sign that he had a personality since I’d seen the smile in his eyes the night before.

I picked up the pace again so we wouldn’t have to talk and we made it back to the house in record time. I started stretching out by the front door like I usually did at home.

“Do that inside,” Xander demanded, all traces of the aforementioned personality gone.

I scowled and reluctantly went back into the house to finish stretching off. He had a point, it was probably a better idea to stretch behind closed doors, but he really could have been a bit nicer about it.

I sighed inwardly as I moved up towards my bedroom to shower. Maybe there was a reason he was being an asshole. He
’d said he owed Ian a favour, that didn’t mean he had to be happy about doing it.

I took a deep breath before going back to the kitchen. I figured I could make muffins and Adam could have some once he got up. I also thought they might be a good peace offering to take over to Jason’s. I didn’t want us to stay mad at each other, not now we were finally back in Leeds and would have the chance to spend a bit of alone time together.

“Where you going?” Xander asked, following me down the stairs.

“Um, to make breakfast,” I mumbled, not bothering to turn back and look at him.

“You start every sentence with ‘um’?” He asked, his voice laden with sarcasm.

I blinked up at him
, prepared to scowl at his rudeness, but he stared straight back so I blushed and started digging things out of the cupboard instead. The guy was obviously a nut job and I was going to ignore him as best I could.

I decided to make my trademark blueberry muffins because that was Jason’s favourite
kind. I was still whisking away when I heard a knock at the front door. I moved to put the mixing bowl down and see who was there but Xander stiffened and motioned for me to stay put. I almost rolled my eyes at his bossiness but then remembered why he was here and shuddered instead.

I forced myself to keep mixing because I wasn’t going to start acting like a scared little girl. I
was
scared, how could I not be with Xander acting all macho bodyguard all the time? But I wasn’t going to let it change me.

“What the fuck?” A voice yelled out. A familiar, deep voice that had my core clenching and my skin tingling in anticipation of his touch even though we’d technically still not made up.

“I’m here to see Jamie, back the fuck up,” Jason continued.

I bounded into the hall to see Xander pinning Jason against the wall.

“Xander, what are you doing?” I screeched. “Let him go!”

“
Know him?” Xander asked as calmly as if he was doing a crossword puzzle.

“He’s my boyfriend,” I scowled, really starting to dislike Xander.

He gave Jason a quick look up and down before releasing him with a satisfied smirk.

“There’s no way Ian didn’t tell you I had a boyfriend,” I accused, glaring at him as I pulled Jason into the kitchen, loving the feel of his hand in mine
despite my irritation with Xander.

“M
ay have mentioned it,” Xander shrugged, smirking again.

I resisted the urge to call him an ass
this time. That stupid smirk told me he knew exactly who Jason was and was probably being a dick because Ian had told him to do just that.

“So I’m still your boyfriend?” Jason whispered cautiously.

I’d been so busy glaring at Xander that I hadn’t had chance to notice how worried Jason looked. I could tell he hadn’t slept well. At least I wasn’t alone in that boat.

“Of course,” I frowned in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Because I’m an ass,” he sighed. He looked relieved as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight into his chest.

I sighed happily and breathed in his scent, calming down almost instantly.

“I’m sorry we argued,” I pouted. “I was going to bring you over some blueberry muffins to apologise.”

“I’m not like your brothers
, baby,” Jason chuckled gently. “You can’t buy me with food.” He raised his eyebrow at me and brought his hand up to the back of my neck, rubbing it gently.

“I just wanted to show you I was sorry. I wasn’t trying to buy you back,” I mumbled, feeling a little disheartened.

“I wasn’t saying I couldn’t be bought,” he grinned. “I just meant my price is different.” He leaned in to kiss me and the world around me stood still as it always did when our lips met. He coaxed my mouth open with gentle kisses and his tongue entered my mouth slowly, tenderly stroking my own. This wasn’t a fast-paced, passionate exchange. This was a bona fide, Jason Reed, apology-kiss and I loved it.

“There,” he breathed as he pulled back. “Now I’m bought.”

He flashed his cocky smile and I found myself smiling back. Or at least I was smiling until I noticed Xander still hovering in the kitchen.

“Could you give us a moment, Xander?” I asked as sweetly as I could considering how irritated I was with him hovering w
hilst Jason and I tried to make up.

“Breakfast,” he shrugged, moving further into the kitchen.

“I’m making muffins, you can have some. I’ll bring you some when they’re done,” I said, perhaps a little less friendly this time.

He nodded and turned around, making
his way into the lounge.

“So that’s him, huh?” Jason said, turning back to me to help me finish up the muffins.

“Yup,” I frowned.

“You talked to him much?”

I shook my head. Xander didn’t really seem like the talking kind.

“Awkward,” Jason said, trying hard not to smile and failing.

“Please tell me you don’t find this funny?” I frowned at him waving a muffin mixture coated wooden spoon in his face.

“A little,” he admitted, snatching the wooden spoon away from me so he could lick it.

Can’t be bought by food – yeah, right.
Jason obviously saw my “not-amused” expression because he planted a gentle kiss to my forehead and started making me a cup of tea. Tea was ranked two on my calming artefacts list, right behind the smell of Jason.

We sat down at the table
, waiting for the muffins to finish whilst we each cradled a cup of tea.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie,” Jason said eventually.

“I’m sorry too,” I mumbled. “I don’t like arguing with you.”

“Me neither, you were right though,” he conceded. “I was doing exactly what your brothers usually do and making decisions for you.
That’s not what I want to do.”

I smiled happily over at him because he did, in fact, understand why it had bothered me so much and I appreciated it.

“You’re so cute and innocent it makes people just want to protect you. It’s just the way you are.

The way you
see people with an honesty and faith in mankind knocks my socks off,” he said, piercing my eyes with his own as he spoke. “It can make people see you as vulnerable and naïve, like you need protecting.

At first, I didn’t realise how strong you were because of the way you let your brothers push you around but I know now that you’re just too kind and loving to want to upset and annoy them.

What I see now though, and what your brothers are starting to understand, is that you are strong, Jamie. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met and you don’t need protecting. You just need to be appreciated so that you can spread your perspective to others and open their eyes to the beauty with which you see the world.”

My brain worked double time trying to memorise every single word out of his beautiful lips. I never wanted to forget a single syllable of it. I wanted
it tattooed on my mind for all eternity.

I loved seeing myself through Jason’s eyes. I loved his honesty. I loved how he opened up to me.

“I love you,” I breathed once blood finally reached my cortex.

“I love you too,” he blushed.

I smiled happily at the sight of a rare Jason Reed blush and squeezed his hand across the table.

“I’m not strong though,” I shook my head, feeling ashamed that I was somehow disappoint
ing him. “Not like you are. Not like my brothers are.”

“Jamie,” Jason frowned, squeezing my hand gently. “You are so strong it’s unbelievable.” He brushed his thumb over my lips as I opened them to argue. “Being strong isn’t about physical attributes, baby. You have strength of character. You’ve been through so much, things that
could destroy a lesser person.

Not only did you g
et through it, you also came out the other side without losing what makes you into the person you are. You didn’t lose yourself. You are beautiful, inside and out.”

Th
ere was no way to reply to that, no way to truly express how grateful I was for his words, so instead I darted round the table and climbed into his lap to give him my own version of a thank-you kiss. A borderline indecent thank-you kiss if the hardness growing beneath me had anything to say about it.