Always Have Hope (Emerson Book 3) (25 page)

His kindness and consideration were her undoing. Her
eyes filled with tears. And while Win knew very little about marital relations
among people who loved each other, she was almost certain there was no crying
involved. “I love you, dearest. Very much. But I cannot imagine enjoying
relations. I’m sorry. I believe I am…broken.”

“No, love,” he said as he enveloped her in his arms.
“You are everything that is right with the world. It is the rest of us who can
use some mending. What if we just lie together tonight? We can talk and simply
be in each other’s presence. It is up to you.”

That did sound like a good idea. Win would hate
returning to her room all by herself after working up the courage to go to
him. And what would Rosalind think if she found out? So she nodded, then
dried her eyes with the handkerchief he gave her.

She could do this. Truth was, she wanted to.

“Let’s lie back just as we are,” said Alex. “We don’t
even have to be under the covers.”

Alex moved up the bed, then lay his head on the
pillow. Win did the same. They were separated by only a few inches. He took
her hand again.

“Is that all right?” he asked.

“Yes. It is very nice.”

And she found somewhat to her surprise that it was.
There was something very nice – more than very nice – about lying next to Alex
on the bed at night. She could hear the soft crackle of the fire. There’d be
many nights like this ahead of her. She looked forward to them.

She wasn’t sure how long they lay like that. She
could hear his steady breathing and the warmth of having him so close. Neither
of them felt the need to speak. It was enough to be together. But she
suddenly realized that despite the fire, the room was getting cooler. She
shivered.

“Are you cold, love?”

“Yes,” she said, even as she reached for a blanket.
But at the same time, he gently turned her so she was lying against his side,
with her head nestled on his chest and his arm on her back.

“Is that all right?” he whispered.

It most definitely was. She liked being held like
this. She also knew that if she objected, he would offer her a blanket,
instead.

This was far preferable to a blanket.

“I like this,” she said.

“Good. I like this, also.”

But he made no more moves. He simply allowed her to
settle into the position. Her cheek was against his chest, separated from his
bare skin by only his dressing gown. He smelled quite masculine, with a hint
of sandalwood. A few inches in front of her, she could see the dark hair on
his chest. There was not a great deal of it. But enough to spark her
curiosity. She began to wonder how much hair he had. She wondered if it
extended downward.

While they were pressed together in the tunnels, she’d
felt his hard muscled stomach. It might be interesting to see such a thing.
And since they were to be married, it wouldn’t be wrong to take a quick look.

She slowly inched closer to his bare skin. And when
she finally did place her cheek against it, she marveled at the warmth. The light
dusting of hair tickled. She liked feeling the life beneath her.

She very carefully brought her hand up to his chest.
He hadn’t said anything for quite some time and for all she knew he was
sleeping. But she wanted to see what was beneath his dressing gown. She
opened it up a bit and saw his rippled stomach. She’d never seen anything like
it. What had he done to make it look that way? She longed to touch it.

She tried opening the dressing gown just a bit further
to see what was below his stomach. Perhaps she’d be less afraid if only she
could see it. But, unfortunately, the gown was tied and she was denied.

She lightly drew her fingers down his chest to the
ridges of his stomach. It was an interesting contrast. His skin was soft and
warm, but the muscles themselves were so rigid. She had the oddest desire to
taste them, though that certainly didn’t make sense.

Then she realized Alex wasn’t breathing. Not in an
alarming way, like in the tunnels. He was holding his breath. She looked up
to find him watching her. His eyes were dark, and his breathing was now rapid.

“Please, continue to explore,” he rasped as, with a
flick of his hand, he untied his dressing gown.

She swallowed. “I would like to look, if that’s all
right.”

“Yes! Please! Looking is good.”

She pulled back the dressing gown, then almost wished
she hadn’t. His cock – she believed that was what it was called, according to
adventurous maids she’d overheard – was jutting straight outward. And it was
much too large to ever fit inside her. But instead of the panic she would have
expected, she was curious. It looked so hard. She wondered where he kept it during
the day. She’d never actually seen her husband’s member. He’d always kept it
covered. But she’d never felt anything like this go into her.

But this was a part of Alex. Apparently a big part of
him. And she owed it to both of them to get to know it. She reached out to
touch it, then looked up at him to see if that was permitted. He nodded so
vigorously she was afraid he might hurt his neck.

She ran one finger down the length. She couldn’t
believe how soft the skin was. It bounced a bit as she brought her finger up
again. She grasped it in her hand, and Alex moaned.

“I’m sorry, love,” he said. “I’m trying hard to
control myself, but it feels so good when you do that. I’ll remain motionless,
but I can’t keep silent.”

She nodded, unsure of what to say. Unsure whether she
could talk because her mouth was so dry.

His powerful thighs looked like they were rigid from
the effort to stay still, but she wanted a better angle to touch him. So,
still holding onto him with one hand, she rose to her knees, then touched one
of his legs. “I would like to get between there.”

He parted his legs and steadied her with his hands as
she moved to kneel between them. As soon as she was settled, he was quick to
take his hands off her, as if he were afraid of scaring her.

It was too bad. It had felt rather nice to be touched
by him.

She looked down at his cock in her hand. She looked
up to see him watching her with great interest. She felt an unexpected surge
of power.

She looked between his legs, then gently reached down
to stroke the delicate sacs. He groaned again and this time she grinned. “You
weren’t making a jest about being unable to remain quiet.”

“Trust me, sweetheart, I could not be more in
earnest.”

She squeezed his bollocks carefully, while she stroked
his cock. He bucked his hips upward, surprising her. He was grasping the
sheets. She continued squeezing and stroking. But it wasn’t too long before
he put an end to it.

“Stop!” he said breathlessly. “Love, please, I cannot
take this anymore.”

Now Win was confused. Was she doing something wrong?
The power she felt was now replaced by embarrassment. She was well and truly hopeless
at this. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry.”

He sat up and kissed her. “Don’t ever apologize for
touching me. You did nothing wrong. It was too right. If you continue down
this path, I shall lose control and spend myself. Then I shall have to
apologize.”

That made her giggle. Perhaps she wasn’t terrible at
this. “Truly? Simply from what I was doing?”

“There was nothing simple about it. You drive me to
distraction, sweetheart. But I believe you should probably end your
explorations for tonight.”

Win was disappointed. She’d enjoyed getting to know
his body. He was sheer muscle, yet she’d felt no fear. He could hurt her badly
if he chose to do so, but she knew he never would. And, though it was sinfully
wanton of her, she wanted to make him spill his seed.

But he didn’t want her to explore him anymore that
night. And he’d already lain back down. Perhaps she should lie next to him
again. But then again, maybe she shouldn’t.

“I will end my explorations,” she said reluctantly.

“Good. That is probably for the best.” But he didn’t
sound like he thought it was good or for the best.

“But I was wondering,” she said, “whether you might
like to explore me.”

Alex couldn’t believe what was happening. He wanted
to support Win any way he could. But just watching her tentatively explore him
had not only touched his heart, it had made him achingly hard. He’d come close
to exploding in her hand. He could only have imagined what a traumatic event
that would have been for her. So he’d had to end the most pleasurable,
meaningful interlude of his life to ensure they wouldn’t do anything more than
she was prepared to do.

It had been difficult to suggest they stop. But he
knew it was best for Win. He was looking forward to spending the night by her
side. He’d had a lifetime of lonely nights. And now he would go to sleep with
the woman he loved lying next to him. It would be the first night of many. He
didn’t need anything more than that.

But then she’d shyly asked if he wanted to explore
her. Of course he did. He couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do.
However, how was he ever going to get to sleep after touching her beautiful
body?

Yet he wasn’t about to turn down the offer.

Win lay down and he sat up. She was a bit stiff and
he had a feeling she might be reconsidering her offer. It was up to him to
show her a taste of the pleasure they could have with each other. She’d liked
it when he’d kissed her neck, so he did that again. He lay to the side of her,
careful to keep his weight off her. He didn’t want her to feel trapped. He
kissed her neck until she was breathing quicker.

She was so responsive. He would nurture that over the
many nights ahead of them until she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

And oh how he wanted her.

He inched his way downward slowly, prepared to stop at
any time. He could feel her trembling beneath his touch and he prayed it was
passion and not fear. Judging from her dazed expression, she appeared to be
enjoying herself.

He reached the tie of her nightrail and loosened it,
revealing the center of her breasts. If he untied it all the way, she’d be completely
revealed to him. He looked up as if to ask permission. She blushed, but
nodded.

Inwardly he cheered.

He spread apart the fabric to reveal the most
exquisite breasts he’d ever seen. Rounded, firm. They would fit into his
hands perfectly. Her nipples were a dusky rose color and he couldn’t wait to
taste them – though he doubted she would allow him to go that far tonight.

He ran a finger lightly over them and she rose up
beneath him, biting her lip. He took her left breast into his hand and the
sheer weight of it was his undoing.

He slowly lowered his head, then kissed her nipple.
She moaned and reached up, but stopped short of touching him.

“Touch me, love. The last thing I want is for you to
feel you must remain still with your arms at your side.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.”

She did reach for him then, brushing her fingers down
his arm as he lowered his mouth to her nipple again and gently began to suckle
her.

This time her groan of pleasure was unmistakable.

He alternated between laving and suckling her, moving
from one perfect breast to the other. She was pressing herself into him. Her
breathing was ragged and her moans were music to his ears.

He moved one hand to her lovely leg, slowly pulling
the nightrail up inch by inch. When he finally put his hand on her bare thigh,
he moaned. It was smooth and shapely and would inhabit his fantasies the rest
of the night.

He had to see it.

He moved down her body, touching everything he could, but
also looking up at her along the way. He didn’t want to press her further than
she wanted to go. She looked drugged with pleasure and more than a little
curious.

He finally reached her leg and gazed at the long limb
before him. Perfectly shaped. Perfectly formed for him. He tapped on her
thigh, hoping she would open for him. After a moment’s hesitation, she did.

He echoed her movement from earlier, placing himself
between her legs. His cock was jutting outward, quivering at being so close to
where it wanted to be.

So close to home.

But he relentlessly ignored his need, then leaned down
to kiss her thigh. Then he kissed a bit further up. He turned his lips to the
inside of her thigh, then alternated kissing first her left leg, then her
right, pushing her nightrail further and further up.

He savored the sweet scent of her. He was but inches
away from the heart of her, when her hand came down to his head. She’d stopped
him, but was also running her fingers through his hair.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice a hoarse
rasp.

“I’d like to taste you sweetheart, but I’ll stop if
you want me to.”

“Where do you want to taste me?”

He lightly brushed a finger through her curls. They
were so wet he groaned.

“You cannot taste me there! It isn’t done.”

“It is. I very much want to do this, if you’ll allow
it.”

She considered the request, but looked dubious. “I
cannot imagine why you would want to be there.”

“Just trust that I do.” Keeping his eyes on her, he
slowly lowered his head and licked her.

She bucked so hard beneath him that he had to laugh.
“Do I take it you like that?”

“I cannot talk about that, other than to say yes.
Very much so.”

That was all the permission he needed to indulge
himself fully. He hovered over her, smelling her sweet essence and leisurely
tasting her. Her hands were decidedly not at her sides, as she caressed his
head, urging him closer to her.

He gladly obliged. He spread her legs a bit more and
she allowed them to part as wide as he wished. He put his hands under her
luscious bottom, raising her up to his feasting mouth. He let his tongue
explore the velvety treasure open before him. And when he dipped inside her
she groaned.

“Alex. Oh, Alex.”

Since that was neither a question nor a command to
stop, he felt perfectly at ease continuing his ministrations. Slowly
increasing his movements. Her hips began to move with him. Faster and faster
and more insistent. He was harder than he could ever remember being. And
while there was nothing he’d love better than to plunge into her, now was not
the time. He didn’t want to interrupt her, as he led her to the climax she was
destined for.

She was writhing and couldn’t get enough. For the
moment, she had no more reservations about her behavior. No more fears. She was
simply giving in to her need. She was giving herself to him and his safe
keeping.

The way it should be.

He plunged his tongue inside her three times and she
went over the edge to ecstasy. She screamed his name so loudly he was thankful
they were in the remote guest wing.

He had never been happier or more sexually sated,
despite the ache in his cock.

She was on her back, not quite conscious, wearing the
most glorious smile. But he wasn’t done yet. Not by a long shot.

He rolled her over, intent on getting to know every
inch of her, but then he saw them.

She must have sensed the moment he did, for she tensed.
The afterglow of her climax halted because of the secrets she concealed on her
back.

She quickly rolled onto her back and he hated her look
of panic and shame. And he was having none of it, for he rolled her over
again, determined to study what he’d only glimpsed.

“No, please,” she said. “I don’t want to spoil it.
Or to…”

“To what?”

“Give you an abhorrence of me.”

That was the last straw.

He gently turned her on her back. “I want you to
promise you’ll never say such a ridiculous thing to me again. An abhorrence of
you? How could you ever get that foolish idea?”

“They’re so ugly. And I….let it happen.”

“No, my love. You did not ‘let it happen.’ You
survived it. You stayed strong, you protected your family and now we’re
together. I would kill that bastard with my own hands if I could. Words
cannot express how sorry I am you went through that.” His voice cracked and he
realized he was about to cry in front of her.

She looked horrified. “Please do not cry. I couldn’t
abide that.”

“You couldn’t abide it! That bastard burned you with
what looked like a cigar. I feel powerless that I cannot rid you of the
memories of how much it must have hurt.”

“The scars are so ugly,” she said. “There are five of
them. It was how he commemorated our anniversary.”

“Nothing about you could ever be ugly,” he said, as he
lay back and took her in his arms again. “And it is not just because of your
physical beauty. It is because of who you are and what you have endured. I
wish I could have prevented what he did. I wish I could wipe it from your
memory. But all I can do is promise to give you a life filled with love. You
will never have cause to fear me – or anyone. For I will move heaven and earth
to keep you safe and happy.”

He kissed her and wiped away both their tears.

“I love you, dear, sweet Alex. And I promise you a
lifetime of love and happiness. But I do have one request of you tonight.”

“Anything, dearest.”

“Can you join with me as husband and wife?”

His heart skipped a beat for he never dreamed she
would be ready for that momentous step. Not this soon. “We can wait, love.
We have a lifetime ahead of us.”

“Mayhap you can wait,” she said with a wicked smile.
“But I cannot. After what you did earlier…” She couldn’t put it into words,
but her blush said all he needed to know. “I would like to see what it’s like
to make love with you.”

“If you are certain…”

“I am.”

He needed no further convincing, though he cautioned
himself that he would need to be ready to stop if it was too much for her. His
body, of course, hoped it would be unnecessary.

As he began to move over her, she tensed. “We should stop,
sweetheart,” he said, as he began to move off her.

“No, please,” she said, clutching his back, holding
him to her.

He wasn’t sure if he should listen to her. But she
seemed intent on keeping him there. He kissed her and as she eagerly matched
him, he gradually lowered himself onto her, letting her get used to his
weight.

The kiss was passionate. She was running her hands
over him to everywhere she could reach. He was slowly getting into position,
lying on top of her but still shielding her from his entire weight.

She was no longer tense. Or, at least she was no longer
tense from fear. He could feel her letting passion take over. He gently
parted her legs with his. He lightly caressed her curls with his hand,
pressing first one finger into her then the other. She was so wet and hot he
had to groan.

Yet he was still prepared to stop.

“Alex,” she whispered. “Please. Now.”

The words he’d been waiting for.

He slowly pressed into her. She was tight, but
welcoming. The heat enveloped him and he wanted to weep with pleasure. This
was the woman he would call wife. The lady he’d spend the rest of his life
with.

He eased in, inch by inch. He felt her welcome him
into her heat. And she began kissing him as he merged with her body.

It was just as well, since he’d already welcomed her
into his soul.

Once he was fully seated, he waited for her to catch
her breath. It was better than he ever could have dreamed. He began to move
slowly. Languid strokes in and out. And he rose up enough to watch her. They
looked into each other’s eyes and for the first time the act of love was just
that. Love.

She reached up to pull his head to hers and they
kissed until the motion became too fast to be contained. Breathing rapidly,
they continued to ride until Alex could feel Win rise up beneath him. She
pulled him to her as she crested. She was barely there when he finally let go,
filling her with his seed. Giving her a physical promise of his love.

He collapsed onto her. Too spent to even hold himself
up. Belatedly remembering his manners, he moved to the side, pulling her with
him. She lay on top of him while he was still inside.

For long moments they lay there saying nothing. Just
caressing each other and trading kisses.

Finally, she spoke. “I did not dream it could be that
way.”

“It has never been that way for me, until now.”

And it was true. No one had ever come close. He’d
spent much of his life looking for a family to call his own. Now he had Win
and, God willing, they would have children. He had everything he wanted in his
arms.

It was no wonder that the two of them drifted off to a
sated, blissful sleep.

For they had both come home.