Always (8 page)

“I wouldn’t have done that.”

Was there a thread of hurt in his voice? It seemed impossible that she had the power to hurt a man as granite hard as Donahue. Yet he was one of the most boldly honest men she had ever met and so secure in his own manhood that he was unafraid to reveal vulnerability. She had found that out yesterday, to her intense disturbance.

Today he had been very careful to guard against making her uneasy in any way. He had been friendly, charming, and almost impersonal. The hours they’d spent on the yacht had been as golden as the sun pouring down on her right now. She had a sudden impulse to soothe
the hurt she had so carelessly inflicted. “I was joking. I know you wouldn’t have forced me.”

“Good.” There was another long, peaceful silence. “May I ask you a question?”

She stiffened warily. “Perhaps.”

“Why did you marry him?”

“I’m sure you’ve seen pictures of Martin. He’s a very handsome man … quite beautiful, in fact.”

“Why
, dammit? You’re not a woman who looks only on the surface.”

“I was at that time in my life. I’m afraid I was regrettably naive for a woman of twenty-six. I was an only child and my parents had sheltered me far too much from the realities of life. I grew up thinking I could drift along in that same serene way for the rest of my days, and that everything would be handed to me on the traditional silver platter. Even my singing career was more of a pastime than a vocation.”

“Baldwin,” Clancy prodded.

“I told you I had the princess mentality. I was twenty-six years old and Prince Charming hadn’t bothered to gallop into my life. So I
started looking for him.” Her lips curved in a bittersweet smile. “Martin appeared to fit the bill admirably. Nordic good looks, charisma, well educated, and he wanted to keep the princess in her ivory tower. It was obviously a marriage made in heaven.”

“You didn’t know about his illegal activities?”

“A princess can’t be bothered to look out the window of her tower except on very special occasions. Didn’t you know that? I thought he was in the import-export business.”

“He was, in a manner of speaking,” Clancy said dryly.

“I didn’t find out Martin was a criminal until just after we separated. I had been trying to hold our marriage together for the previous two years, but had finally given it up as a lost cause. My parents had been killed in a plane crash, and I suddenly discovered that there were such things as pain and responsibility in the world. Even a princess has to grow up sometime. I wanted to become a person as well as a wife and mother. Martin didn’t understand
that and tried to bolt the doors of the tower firmly in place. He refused to accept the fact that I’d finally outgrown my cloistered lifestyle. He still does, for that matter. He’s talked himself into believing that if I come back to him, everything will be the way it was.” Her voice lowered to a mere whisper. “Nothing can be the same again. Not ever. Not without—” She broke off and drew a deep, shaky breath. Her eyes opened, but she kept them fixed firmly on the horizon so that he couldn’t see their glittering brightness. “You can see why I object to you imprisoning me, Clancy. I’ve just managed to break out of one jail.”

“I wouldn’t be like Baldwin. I might want to keep you as my own personal harem girl, but I’m intelligent enough not to try to do it.” He paused, then added wistfully, “I hope.”

She hadn’t mentioned the child. Clancy studied her face, noting the fine-drawn tension of her lips and the air of bleak desolation that surrounded her. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, comfort her, but her control was so fragile he was afraid it would shatter. And he
couldn’t risk that: if she exposed her vulnerability now, she might resent him for it later. His hands clenched on the arms of the deck chair, and he forced them to relax one finger at a time. “I think it’s time I told the captain to turn around and go back to the dock. The tip of your nose is definitely pink. You’d better come with me to the bridge. You need to get under cover as soon as possible.”

She sighed regretfully as she picked up the shirt draped protectively over her legs and handed it to him. “You’re probably right, but I hate to move. Oh, how I love to bask.”

“And I love to watch you bask,” he drawled. “It could become my favorite outdoor sport. As for indoor sports …” He suddenly frowned. “Your legs are pink, too. The shirt didn’t do much to protect you.”

“The damage was probably done by the time you so gallantly threw it over me.”

His eyes were still fixed moodily on her legs. “You don’t take care of yourself. You’re too thin.”

“Chicken legs,” she agreed lightly.

“No.”

There was a note of thickness in the negative that caused her gaze to fly to his face. His eyes were now hotly intent and his lips held a hint of sensuality. Her heart leapt to her throat and she felt a flash of heat run through her that had nothing to do with the sun.

“No, they’re lovely.” One big hand reached out and slowly touched her upper leg. She felt a jolt of electricity that made her a little dizzy. “Beautifully symmetrical and well muscled.” His index finger moved caressingly to her inner thigh. “Silky. Good Lord, you’re so soft and silky.”

She should move away from him. She should brush his hand aside with a light remark. Why couldn’t she move? Why did she just sit here with that hot, languid heat unfolding within her and the tension building in the center of her womanhood? She felt as if she were mesmerized as she watched his slowly moving finger trace lazy patterns on her flesh.

“Part your legs a little, acushla.”

She obeyed without thinking. She didn’t
seem to be able to think, only to feel. His hands were so big and strong, darkly tanned against her fairness. There was nothing graceful or artistic about the finger that was sending shafts of sensation through her. His hand was as blunt and strong as the rest of the man. The hand of a doer, not a dreamer.

“I like this,” he said as he stroked the ultra-sensitive skin with gossamer gentleness. She gasped as his finger slid beneath the edge of her shorts to the apex of her thighs. His finger halted as he heard the tiny sound, and his eyes lifted to meet hers. “I’m rushing you, aren’t I?”

He drew a deep, shuddering breath and withdrew his hand, the tips of his fingers lingering reluctantly before he forced them to leave her flesh. “Sorry. I meant to be a perfect gentleman today. I should have known I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I want you too much.” There was a flicker of frustration in his eyes as he glanced at her legs, still spread in voluptuous abandon. “But you don’t have to be so damn willing, either. How do you expect
me to keep my hands off you when you do whatever I ask?”

Her eyes widened in shock and she closed her legs hurriedly.

“Oh, damn, I did it again,” he said with supreme self-disgust, and stood up. “For heaven’s sake, don’t look so stricken. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I’m one big ache and I’m striking out like the bastard I am. Come on. Let’s get you out of the sun.” He reached down and pulled her to her feet.

Lisa cast him a bewildered glance as she fell into step beside him. She had been moved from pain to sensuality to guilt in the space of minutes. Now, incredibly, she was feeling sympathy for the man who had inspired all of those emotions. “It was my fault, too,” she said huskily. “I guess I was caught off guard. I don’t usually behave so—” She broke off. She mustn’t tell him that she had never had such an explosive physical response to any other man. She couldn’t afford to encourage him in any way. “Let’s forget it, shall we? Blame it on this gorgeous tropical sun.”

“I don’t want to forget it. I fully intend to remember it.” He was staring straight ahead, his expression set in lines of grim determination. “Because someday you’re not going to have to be caught off guard. Someday you’re going to welcome me with joy, Lisa. You’re going to be lying naked on the deck in the sunlight and you’re going to hold out your arms to me.”

She smiled with an effort. “You saw it in your crystal ball, I suppose?”

“No, in my imagination. I’m very good at making my visions come true. It’s all a matter of holding a goal firmly in mind and not giving up.”

He shrugged into his shirt but didn’t bother to button it. She wished that he had. The sight of those powerful muscles and that cloud of crisp hair was still having a disturbing effect on her pulse rate.

“And I have no intention of giving up,” he said, low and firmly.

“Neither do I. So we’re at an impasse.” She shot him a glance that glinted with a hint of humor. “Besides, I’m not enough of an
exhibitionist to enjoy the kind of scenario you’ve set up for me. This yacht has quite a large crew, doesn’t it?”

“Only twelve. But I wasn’t thinking of this ship. It’s just one of the launches owned by Sedikhan Petroleum. I have a twenty-footer moored at Marasef harbor that can be run by a two-man crew. I thought you’d realize I wouldn’t allow any lascivious peepshows. I’m much too possessive to put you on display for the crew’s delectation.”

She looked away, searching desperately for a safe, impersonal subject. Fat chance. There didn’t seem to be such a thing as impersonality between the two of them.
“One
of the launches? Does Sedikhan put many luxury yachts like this at your disposal?”

He nodded. “We keep our own launches and helicopters on most of our permanent possessions. Otherwise, we usually lease what we need. Naturally I have access to anything Sedikhan Petroleum controls.”

“Naturally,” she echoed. Clancy’s statement had been perfectly matter-of-fact. Obviously he
had wielded an almost limitless power for so long that it had become commonplace to him. “How long have you been head of security for Sedikhan?”

“Practically all my adult life.” He grimaced. “Though I started out as a cross between a tutor and bodyguard for Alex Ben Raschid and his cousin, Lance, when they were teenagers. Old Karim, the reigning head at that time, wanted a man of my particular qualifications.”

“Qualifications?”

“I’d batted around the world a bit and been everything from a roughneck on an oil rig in Texas to a mai tai fighter in Malaya. I wasn’t much more than a kid myself, but I could handle myself in practically any situation going. In an oil-rich country like Sedikhan, where border skirmishes are a fact of life, that was a blue-chip recommendation.”

“I can see how it would be.” It was difficult to visualize that wild, tough boy taking on a responsibility that would make a mature man flinch. No wonder he carried his authority so effortlessly. “So Sedikhan is your home now?”

“Yes, as much as any place can be. My job hasn’t permitted me to put down any firm roots. Sedikhan is an economically strategic country, and that means there’s no way we could remain isolated. In the past I’ve traveled at least six months of the year.” He paused. “That doesn’t mean I have to continue to do so. I have some good men in key spots around the world. I can learn to delegate.”

She looked out at the water. “You’d probably miss it terribly after all these years. I don’t think you should be in a hurry to change your lifestyle.”

“I would miss it, but there are people I love in Sedikhan. It would be nice to have time to spend with them again.”

“Alex?”

“Alex and Sabrina, Lance and Honey, David and Billie, Karim …” He smiled faintly. “And so many others. Really wonderful people, Lisa. I want you to meet and know all of them.”

There was such warmth and affection radiating from his face that suddenly she wanted that, too. She shook her head sadly. “I’m sure
they’re as wonderful as you say they are, but I doubt if we will ever meet. Sedikhan is a long way from New York City.”

“Not that far. I could order the jet and we’d be there in six hours. Shall I do it?”

She laughed. “Just like that?”

“Yes.” He stopped her by placing a hand on her arm. His eyes were warmly intent. “I want to take you home with me. I guess I’m a little old-fashioned. I want you to meet my people.

Will you come?”

She shook her head, her expression troubled. “I can’t do that. It wouldn’t work, Clancy.”

“It
will
work.” His tone was so rough it startled her. He was silent for a moment, as if trying to get that violence under control. “Look, would it help if I told you I’m a very rich man? Alex has always been very generous with the people he cares about. It’s never meant anything to me before, but now I like the idea of being able to give you things. To hell with the ivory tower. I can give you a palace, if that’s what you want.”

“You’d
buy
me?”

“I’d buy you in any way I could. Money, personal freedom, fame.” He smiled a little recklessly. “Do you want to be the next Streisand? I’ll get that for you.”

She shook her head. “I’ve outgrown wanting everything served on a silver platter, remember?”

He tightened his hold on her arm. “There must be something in life you want enough to strike a bargain for. I just have to find out what that is, Lisa.”

Her eyes widened. “You’d want me that way?”

“No,” he said. “I want you as crazily in love with me as I am with you, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“I think you’d better let me go,” she said softly. “I’m very much afraid I’m beginning to like you, Clancy Donahue, but I’ll never love you.”

He let his breath out in a rush. “Well, that’s progress, anyway. At least you don’t want to draw and quarter me anymore.” He grinned. “Why should I give up now? I never expected it
to be easy. Just give me a few days and you’ll see that even gruff security men have their charming side.”

That was exactly what she was afraid of. She was already finding it difficult to separate her physical and emotional responses where Clancy was concerned. She raised a brow. “You’re planning to dazzle me?”

His smile faded. “No, just love you, acushla,” he said quietly. “And try to make you love me.”

She felt her throat tighten helplessly as she gazed up at him. How could you reply to a man who made statements like that? Particularly when he clearly meant every single word.

His fingers reached up to touch her cheekbone with a featherlike caress. “Never mind. You’ll become accustomed to it in time. I am.” His hand dropped to her arm and he began to propel her toward the bridge enclosure only a few yards away. “Come on, let’s get you back to the villa and out of the sun. We’ll have to find something to do indoors for the next day or two. I think you’re definitely going to have a
sunburn.” He grinned down at her with sudden mischief, his white teeth flashing in his dark face. “How are you at checkers?”