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She still had trouble losing herself in their kisses, but he was such a good guy and she really liked him. If they waited for her to be panting with desire, it could be well into the next century.

“Poor guy,” Cliff said with a chuckle. “Going around with a name like Ellington.”

“I know,” she said, gazing up at him. “It's like wearing a ‘kick me' sign.”

“You'd never do that to a kid, would you?” he asked.

“I'm the one who grew up named after a flower. I'm very big on regular names.”

“Good.” He kissed her again.

This time she felt a tiny tingle deep in her belly and hung on to it with both hands.

“What is a naturopath?” Cliff asked.

“I think it's about alternative medicine,” Violet said. “I've never gone to one. They use herbs and organic cures. Supplements, that kind of thing. Ellington also does acupuncture and massage.”

Serenity had raved about him, claiming his acupuncture was amazing.

“Is he a real doctor?”

“I don't think he went to medical school, but I know there's some study involved.”

They knocked on the door and Jenna let them inside. Violet was curious about Ellington. “Not bad,” she whispered to Cliff, taking in the good looks. Ellington obviously believed in working out.

“Welcome,” Jenna said with a smile. “I've made margaritas. They're good but I'm a little nervous about dinner.”

“It will be terrific,” Violet said, sniffing the delicious scent drifting in from the kitchen.

Violet introduced Jenna, who, in turn, introduced Ellington. As they all sat down in the living room, Violet smiled at Cliff, only to find him studying Ellington.

“Violet tells me you're a doctor,” he said, taking the margarita Jenna offered.

“Naturopath,” Ellington said easily. “It's a form of alternative medicine. I'm interested in a holistic approach when treating my patients.”

“What does that mean?” Cliff asked, sounding slightly challenging. “You couldn't get into medical school?” He added a chuckle at the end of his question. Violet stiffened.

“I did go to medical school.” Ellington paused. “Harvard. The more I learned about traditional medicine, the more it didn't work for me. When I graduated, I went to China and studied there for a few years.”

Violet blinked. Ellington must be older than she'd first thought. She would have pegged him as early thirties, but now as she looked closer, she saw he had a few lines, a touch of gray in his hair. Maybe early forties then. Eligible, intelligent and the man knew how to give a massage. Go, Jenna.

“China,” Cliff said. “Not on my list of places to visit. I prefer Europe.”

Ellington nodded. “What do you do, Cliff?”

“I work in finance. I help companies raise money through issuing stock. It's technical.”

“I'm sure it is.”

Violet wondered if it was just her, or if a not-so-subtle tension filled the room. It was as if the two men were in competition. No, that wasn't right. It was as if Cliff had something to prove.

“You drink?” Cliff asked, motioning to Ellington's glass. “Is that allowed?”

“My practice doesn't define my personal life,” Ellington said, still looking comfortable.

“We're having an unusual dinner tonight,” Jenna said, picking up a tortilla chip. “Indian-Mexican food.”

“Sounds great,” Violet said, confident anything her friend cooked would be amazing.

Cliff barely acknowledged Jenna's comment. “You've probably been to India,” he said.

Ellington shrugged. “Yes. Several times.”

“What do you think about it?”

“I found a lot of beauty and peace there.”

“I thought it was crowded and dirty.”

“There are challenges in the country. Poverty. But it is one of the most spiritual places I've ever been. There's a sense of unity there that I haven't experienced in my other travels.”

“I'd rather have a five-star restaurant and an ATM.”

“They're good, too,” Ellington said.

Violet was confused. It was almost as if Cliff was drunk. But he'd barely sipped his margarita. She glanced at Jenna, but her friend looked completely calm, as if nothing unusual was happening.

As she clutched her glass, she couldn't help hoping she was the only one who was uncomfortable.

 

Jenna stood in her kitchen and wondered what she was supposed to say. On the one hand, dinner had been everything she'd hoped for, and she was practically floating with happiness. On the other hand, the company had been less than perfect.

This was her first time meeting Cliff. The way Violet had talked about him, she had expected a charming, funny guy.
But the man with her friend had been more than difficult. He'd been rude and challenging, acting as if Ellington was little more than a medical con man.

The most unexpected part of the evening hadn't been her food. Later she would revel in her cooking experiment being delicious. Taking a chance had felt good. Right.

But Ellington had overshadowed even that. Talk about a pleasant surprise. Not just good-looking, but nice and smart and tolerant of Cliff. Aaron would have thrown a fit and stormed out. Ellington had seemed more amused than insulted.

She leaned against the counter and looked at him.

“I'm genuinely speechless, which doesn't happen often.”

Ellington smiled. “Impossible. I haven't kissed you yet. That's when you're supposed to become speechless.”

She laughed. “I meant about tonight. I've never met Cliff before. He wasn't what I expected.”

Ellington shrugged. “A lot of people are threatened or confused by what I do. They make assumptions. Cliff was trying to impress Violet.”

“You're not mad?”

“Why would I be? I had a great time with you. I wish we'd had more time to talk privately.”

“Me, too.” Although that was her fault. She hadn't thought she would have such chemistry with Ellington, so she'd gone out of her way to keep the evening casual and anything but private. Once she'd found out he was a local celebrity, she'd wanted to run for the hills.

It said something to her about her ability to judge first impressions.

“How about trying this again Friday night?” he asked. “Just the two of us.”

She shook her head, feeling more than a little regret. “I can't. I'm working.”

“I thought you owned a kitchen store.”

“I do. We have a class on Friday. For singles.” She paused. “You're welcome to come, if you'd like.”

As soon as the words came out, she wanted to call them back. What was she doing inviting a good-looking single guy whom she was interested in to an evening with a bunch of single women? Talk about stupid.

But she couldn't retract the invitation, so she had to stand there, hoping he would say no.

Instead, he smiled. “I'd like to see you work. What time?”

“Six.”

“I'll be there.” He leaned toward her and kissed her cheek. “I'm seeing Serenity tomorrow,” he said as he straightened. “I'm going to thank her for introducing us.”

Jenna stared into his dark blue eyes. “Me, too.”

 

Despite the disaster of an evening, Violet found herself back at Cliff's condo. She'd been there before, once, when he'd cooked her dinner. Then she'd admired the open space, the view, the masculine décor. Now she roamed his living room, feeling restless and confused.

The guy she knew, the guy she'd gone out with and liked and laughed with, had been noticeably absent tonight. Instead, her date had been condescending and had gone out of his way to make everyone else uncomfortable. She hadn't recognized him at all and he'd embarrassed her.

“Want something?” he asked as he poured himself another Scotch.

“No, thanks.” She'd lost count of the drinks he'd already had and wondered if that was the problem. Was Cliff a lousy drunk?

After taking a swallow, he moved toward her. “I know you want to help out your friend, but let's not do that again,” he said, putting his arms on her waist and lightly kissing her neck. “I don't want to share you with anyone. It's not the same when other people are around.”

He moved his lips against her skin. She felt the physical contact but had no reaction. No tingle, no anticipation.

“You didn't like Ellington,” she murmured.

“I know his type. Sanctimonious. Jenna can do better. She's great. But that guy. I've seen him on cable. He thinks he's hot stuff.”

Violet got it. Cliff had been threatened by Ellington. He'd reacted out of fear. “He's different, but I don't think he's that awful.”

“Did you like him?”

So much in those four words. She saw the worry in Cliff's eyes. As she watched, he swallowed and put down the drink. His body shifted, as if he were bracing himself for a hard blow.

“He's famous. At least around here,” Cliff added.

Violet sighed and her irritation drained away. “I don't care about stuff like that,” she said, moving toward him. “I'm more into who the guy is than what he does.”

She put her hands on Cliff's shoulders and kissed him. “There's only one guy I like and he's in this room.” She felt his muscles relax, even as he leaned in and kissed her.

“You sure?” he asked, his mouth against hers.

“Very.”

Cliff kissed her. “I don't want to talk anymore. Do you?”

“Not if you have something else you'd like to do.”

He chuckled, then kissed her deeply. She leaned into him,
wanting to respond, even as she felt her body begin the process of shutting down. She felt nothing, reacted automatically, did what was expected.

When he thrust his tongue in her mouth, she responded in kind, tasting only the Scotch. As he touched her breasts, her mind joined her body until nothing but the mechanics were left.

Tears burned in her eyes. She didn't want to be like this, she thought, frustrated and hurt and afraid she would never be normal again. She wanted to feel what he was doing. She wanted to want him. But there was no connection between his touch and her brain. She could see what he was doing, but she couldn't feel it.

He pulled off her shirt and bra, then stared at her breasts.

“You're so sexy.”

He touched her everywhere, carefully removing her skirt, then lowering her panties. She moved as if he excited her because she was too ashamed to tell him the truth. She made the noises, gasped at his touch. She did what was expected—helping him out of his clothes, saying all the things customers had paid to hear. She lied.

He was already hard and shaking. Instead of bothering to move into the bedroom, she shifted against the back of the sofa and parted her legs for him. He pushed into her and groaned.

It didn't take long. She sensed when he was close, arched her head back and panted several times before moaning and pretending to shudder. Another trick she'd learned. Other wise some guys wanted to make it last longer.

“Oh, yeah,” he growled as he pumped harder and faster. “I knew you'd like it.” Then he closed his eyes and came.

When he was done, he withdrew with far more care than she deserved. He touched her cheeks, her breasts, then kissed her.

“I knew it would be like this,” he said, staring into her eyes. “I knew it would be perfect.”

More tears threatened. She felt like a whore, only the currency wasn't money. It was respect and honesty. She could never tell Cliff the truth, and by withholding, she would never be as close to him as she wanted.

“You okay?” he asked.

She nodded and reached for her clothes.

He stared at her. “Was I too rough? Didn't you like it?”

She forced a smile. “I loved it.” She kissed him. “Couldn't you feel me?”

He gave her a long, slow grin. “Oh, yeah. You're amazing.” He pulled her into a hug. “I'm so lucky to have you in my life.”

His words got through to her in ways his touch hadn't. Slowly she relaxed. She let him lead her into the bedroom where they snuggled.

Curled up against him, her head on his shoulder, she told herself it would get better. That with time, she would find her way to all that Cliff offered her. She wasn't going to give up. She'd come too far for that.

 

The next morning Jenna opened the store by herself. There were no classes until later in the day, and Violet wasn't due in until noon. She took a second before opening the front door to savor the sense of accomplishment. The business was succeeding, and last night she'd cooked completely out of her comfort zone and it had worked.

Her mother had always told her that being brave meant knowing you were afraid but doing whatever it was anyway.
She'd done that and allowed herself a moment of pride. Just as exciting was the desire to try something new again. To continue experimenting.

But despite that thrill, she felt torn about other parts of the previous evening. Cliff had been a disappointment, but she'd liked Ellington a whole lot more than she'd expected, even if he did remind her a little of Aaron. Now she was sorry she'd assumed the worst and had set up a double date. She wouldn't have done it with someone Beth had introduced her to, but she hadn't been willing to trust Serenity. Maybe it was time to actually give her birth mother a break.

A few minutes later, the woman in question breezed into the store. “I know this is the worst possible thing I could ask,” Serenity said with a laugh, “but I have to know about last night. I actually couldn't sleep because I was wondering and hoping.” She paused and drew in a breath. “Did you like him?”

Jenna grinned. “Ellington was a very unexpected hottie.”

Serenity raised her hands and turned in a circle. “I knew it! When I met him, I could see the two of you together.”

“Don't start planning the wedding. It was one date.”