Alphas & Millionaires Starter Set (31 page)

I unlock the door and see all the lights are turned off.
Carissa must be out tonight.
I shut the door behind me and lean against it. I slide my body down and end up sitting with my knees up. A feeling so unnatural, so uncommon fills me. I finally feel real…
I’m not just a shell.

I stand up and flash a stupid grin on my face as I begin to walk to my room. I flick the living room lights on and yelp, “Oh my God! What are you doing here, Eric?”

Eric continues to lie on the couch casually, folding his arms over his chest. I can’t read his expression. He’s just sitting there looking cold, distant.

“Have a good time tonight?” he asks casually.

“I didn’t realize you had moved in!” I snapped, dodging his question. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. I was worried,” he says sincerely, his glossy eyes looking me over.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to keep watching me, you know. I can take care of myself…
most of the time.”
I set my purse down and start taking my shoes off, but his hands grasp my shoulders and pull me up.

“I can’t help the way I want to protect you, Velaney,” he says in a deep, husky tone. His emerald eyes are looking deep into mine, making me quiver.

“Why?” I whisper, unable to say anything else.

“I don’t know. But the way you kissed me, the way you made me feel…it’s not something I want to ignore. It’s not something I
can
ignore.” My heart feels like it just sank to the floor.
Why is he saying these things?

“I’m sorry for kissing you. I don’t want to mess with your head, Eric. I wouldn’t be good for you,” I mutter honestly, unable to look at him fully. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but it’s for the best, considering I would never be able to be what he needs.

“I’m not sorry! Don’t be sorry, Velaney! Jesus Christ!” He brushes his hands through his hair, looking beyond frustrated. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I shake my head, unable to speak. He leans in close to me, brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheek. “You drive me insane. The way you talk, the way you smell, the way you don’t even know how breathtakingly beautiful you are. It. Drives. Me. Insane.” His hot breath blows on my neck, making me clench between my legs.

I want to lean in, crush my lips to his and surrender to my feelings to him. But I can’t. The fact is that he’s Eric. How would I be able to remain friends while living in the same building as him, if we didn’t work out? I’d screw it up. I know I would. He would expect things…things I can’t give him. I can’t be someone’s girlfriend. I can’t be
his
girlfriend.

“I can’t,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? Tell me why, Velaney! Is it because of Alex?” He steps back slightly, urging me to look up at his hurt expression. I can’t tell him the truth. It would wreck me. He’s strong, determined and fearless. I’m weak, powerless and a coward. I would only hurt him when he realized I couldn’t give him even a fraction of what he wanted. The only way to get out of this with my pride is to lie. He has to think he means nothing to me. In actuality, I think about him all the time. I want him to touch me. I want to touch him. But I know I couldn’t handle it. I could never be that person for him.

“Yes,” I lie. “I like Alex. I’m sorry.” I know I don’t sound convincing, but I have to say it. I swallow back the tears that are beginning to form and press my lips together tightly to keep in the sob that is trying to come out.

“I have no doubt you do, but I also know what you felt when I kissed you. You can’t hide that, Velaney.”
Damn, he’s good.

“I like you, Eric. But we’re friends. Can’t we just stay that way?”

He huffs back a cough, leaning farther away from me. “Will you still run with me?” he asks, hopefully.

“Of course. I’ll be ready by six a.m. on Monday.” I continue biting the inside of my lip, forcing the tears back until he leaves.

“I’ll see you then,” he sighs. He leans in and places a soft kiss on my forehead. He lingers for a moment before releasing me and walking out the door. I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands as the tears finally fall down my cheeks.

“Aiden, please don’t,” I begged, pushing myself away from him. “I don’t like it when you do this.”

“Shut the fuck up, slut!” he rambled, giving me a whiff of his beer-scented breath. I was ten years old and Aiden was eighteen. I was counting down the days until he left for college. “Fuck, Velaney…”

My body shook as he said the F-bomb. That word was the worst. It meant he was really mad.

I begged him each time to stop. If he wasn’t drunk, he was high. Or both. I don’t know how Mom and Dad didn’t notice, or maybe they just didn’t care. He was their perfect angel during the day. But at night, he was the devil to me.

“You owe me a goodbye present, Laney. I’m leaving for college soon, remember?” I nodded, acknowledging that I knew he was leaving. Of course, I knew. It was the only relief I had felt in the past two years.

Aiden left a few weeks later, driving hours away from home. I prayed he would find a girlfriend and leave me alone from then on. Unfortunately, there was no such luck. Thanksgiving and Christmas break arrived much too soon.

“Don’t I get my Christmas present?” he asked, rubbing a finger up and down my leg. I shivered at the very thought. I shook my head, hoping he’d get the hint. “You fucking owe me!” What exactly did I owe him? And why? Hell, I was only ten years old.

“Stop, Aiden, I will tell.” The words sounded pathetic. I could barely get them out, and he knew it. He laughed in my face as he grabbed my hand, making me do exactly as he wanted.

“Lane, wake up!” Carissa yells and shakes my body as I jolt out of sleep. “Good God! Are you all right?” she asks. I look around and notice I’m in bed. Carissa is sitting next to me, looking worried.

“Yeah, sorry. What happened?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“You were in here screaming bloody murder, Lane. Were you having a bad dream?” I scan the memory of Aiden in my head and simply nod in her direction. She takes me in for a hug and presses her lips to my forehead.

“Want me to sleep in here with you?”

“?Yes, please. Thanks, Riss.”

“Of course. Now, scoot over.” I move to one side, opening the sheets up for her. Carissa used to sleep with me almost every night during my adolescent years. She was the only person besides my parents that knew. She understood the night terrors I used to have and would hold me and rub my hair until I fell back to sleep.

The sound of my alarm jerks me awake. I promised to meet Eric at 6am today.
Ugh, the sun isn’t even up yet.

I haven’t spoken to Eric since Saturday night, so I’m hoping things won’t be awkward between us now. I want us to be friends.
I need him to be my friend.

“Good mornin’, sweetheart.” His southern tone captures me as I stretch on the pavement. He stands there in front of me, shirtless.
Damn, he’s doing that on purpose.

“Good morning,” I say, clearing the rust from my voice. Boston is chilly in the morning, yet here he is—
shirtless and stunning.

His smile reassures me he’s in a good mood today. Perhaps this is a sign there will be no awkward tension between us. I had spoken to Alex on the phone yesterday and my feelings were reassured about how I feel about him. He is amazing, to say the least. I opened the bar Sunday morning at eleven, and by noon he arrived with lunch.

“Well, aren’t you sweet,” I said, smiling as he raised a bag up for me to see.

“Just wanted to make sure my girl was well fed around all these drunks.” It was game day, which meant lots of drunks.

“Thank you.” I grabbed the bag from his hand and opened it up to see a bagel sandwich and a small bag of chips. He continued to sit with me and watched the game as I handed out beer bottles and poured shots. His eyes wandered between the game and me for the next few hours. The way he watched me sent tingles from my stomach to my thighs. His smile was so darn charming, I almost wanted to jump over the bar and climb into his arms.

“Ready?” Eric asks, offering me his hand to pull me up. I simply nod, not at all prepared to stare at his beautifully-toned muscles. I decide I need to run in front of him—or at least next to him—but I definitely can’t run behind him. The way his shorts hug his butt is just too much for me.

We start with an easy pace, letting the wind blow into us. I start to huff as he increases his pace, making me increase mine as well. I can see that he’s pushing me, which is exactly what I need. I need to run off my frustrations, my past and my built-up anger. Running erases it all, even if just temporarily. It certainly helps.

“Doing okay?” He looks over and all I can do is nod. My breathing is quick and I’m dripping with sweat. “We can break,” he suggests. I nod again, relieved.

“So, how’s work going?” I ask vaguely as we slow to walk.

“Great. Been working out a lot to pass the time when we don’t get calls.”
I can tell.
“How’s the bar?”

“Oh, ya know, the usual. Drunk men and sports.” He huffs a laugh as we round the next street toward our building.

We continue walking in silence and my mind is consumed with thoughts of him. It takes all my energy to not wrap my arms around him and take his mouth in mine. That would confuse the tartar sauce out of him.
And me.

I trip on a crack in the sidewalk and I’m so deep in my thoughts I don’t even react by putting my hands out in front of me. Eric quickly catches me, but my body continues to fall, making me land right on top of him. His body lays flat on the sidewalk, acting as a human shield, with my legs straddling his narrow hips.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I bury my head in his chest, embarrassed as I keep falling around him,
literally.

“You can crash into me any day of the week, sweetheart.” Clearly, he’s enjoying this. He stares at me intently, not willing to make me move off him. Part of me contemplates leaning in, but the reality part of me tells me to get a grip.

I push my hands against his chest as I stabilize myself and get to my feet. I hold my hand out to pull him up, but instead he grabs my hand, forcefully pulling me down to him once again.

“Eric,” I breathe. “What are you doing?” I’m curled up next to his side, his arms wrapped around me. It feels so safe, so right.

“I’m just securing you. It’s not my fault you keep falling head over heels around me,” He chuckles, tilting his head more toward mine as I see the amusement in his eyes.

“Very funny. There was a crack in the sidewalk. Tell your ego
down boy
,” I tease, pushing against him once again. “You can get yourself up this time. I don’t trust you,” I pout.

“You don’t trust
me?
” he asks, pretending to be offended by clenching his hand to his chest. I roll my eyes at his awful attempt to look hurt.

“Come on,
Sally
. I’ll race ya.” I take off for the building before I finish, not letting him catch up to me. I sprint the next block and don’t turn around to see where he is.

I slam my hands into the building, trying to even my breathing as Eric slams right into my back. “You’re a cheater,” he whispers against my ear, closing the gap between us. His palms are flat against the wall next to mine, reminding me of that spark he’s always talking about. I can’t help but enjoy the way his body feels against mine. His bare, sweaty chest rubs against me, making me inhale the sweet scent of his body wash and shampoo. “Next time, I might not be so willing to let you win,” he whispers again, rubbing his lips against the outside of my ear. A shiver ripples through me as his hands move lower, rubbing up and down my arms.

I’m about to say
to hell with it
, turn around and wrap my arms around his neck before he steps away and walks toward the entrance.
Damn him.
How is he capable of making me react to him like this?

I follow behind him and toward the elevator, but he veers off in the other direction and takes the stairs up to his floor. I wonder if it was something I did, but I’m not about to question anything right now. I need to get my head on straight.
Get it together, Velaney.

I take a shower and get ready for my workday at the University. I think about Eric as I blow-dry my hair, wondering if I’m going to be able to keep running with him if this continues.
Today was only the first day—look what already happened.

My head is a jumbled mess the entire day at work. Images of Eric pop in and out of my mind, reminding me of how his body feels against mine. The way his eyes pierce through mine as he says something serious. I shake them out of my head, not wanting to think of him, but it’s too late. My hands are sweaty and I can feel the tingle between my thighs once again, at just the mere thought of him.

Ugh
. His body and eyes scream sex.
Ooze sex.
Sex, sex, and lots of it. I can never be that for him. Hell, I can’t even kiss him without freaking out. I’m surprised he even talks to me after the way I treated him after our kiss.
God, that kiss. Amazing.
Why had I freaked out at that word?
I’ve heard it hundreds of times. Jake knew to stop saying it after a half dozen panic attacks. I never told him why, but after a while he figured it out.

I forcibly turn my mind to Alex instead. He is safe. He’s sweet, kind, caring and sensitive.
Isn’t that what girls look for in a man? Hell if I know…
but he
is
the safe bet. He wouldn’t expect anything from me; therefore, he won’t get hurt by me.
And hopefully I won’t get hurt, either.

I like Eric, it’s no secret, but it’s the way my body responds to him. He has experience, which is obvious. But my past and
lack of experience
would send him running, I’m sure
.
God, I’m a mess.

“Velaney, are you with me?” Coach interrupts my internal argument.

“Yeah, sorry. What’s up?” I look up at him as he stands in front of my desk.

“I need you at the game this Friday. It’s a big one and I have a feeling my boys aren’t going down lightly. In fact, I know they won’t, so I need you there for when that happens.”

“Absolutely, Coach.” I nod back at him. The hockey team has many rivals, but Friday they are up against their biggest rivals of the whole season. I have no doubt these guys will be smashing heads against the glass and whacking their sticks in each other’s faces.

The sound of my cell chiming brings me back. I see it’s Alex and smile as I swipe the screen to unlock.

I haven’t stopped thinking about you. When can I see you again? –Alex

That depends. Are you asking me out again?

Yes. Go out with me this weekend? –Alex

Saturday night?

Sounds perfect. See you then, Velaney. –Alex

I lock my phone again and smile at the thought of seeing Alex again. I have to work so much this week that it will
definitely
be something to anticipate.

“Have a good night, sweetie,” Coach says, popping his head into my office. I’m leaving work early tonight since Carissa and I have tickets to go see
Wicked
at the opera house. I wave goodbye and start collecting my paperwork together so I can head out.

Walking into the apartment building, I spot Carissa collecting our mail. She has a sad look on her face as she turns to face me.

“What’s wrong?”

“My grandma’s in the hospital. I can’t go with you tonight.” She finishes collecting the mail from the tiny hole and slams it shut.

“Oh no. That sucks. Is she going to be all right?” I ask.

“Yeah, she’s just having blood pressure issues, but my mom wants me to go with her. She’s pretty upset.”

“I understand, Riss. I’m just bummed I’m going to miss the play. We have good tickets, too,” I say as we walk toward the elevator.

She snaps her head to me with a confused look. “You can still go, Lane! I’ll feel horrible if you miss because of me.”

“But it’s no fun to go alone,” I whine as the elevator door opens. Eric is standing in front of me, making my body react to him immediately. I feel the unwanted blush rise in my cheeks as he smiles at me.

“Perfect timing!” Carissa squeals. “Eric can go with you!”

“Um, no,” I mumble, hoping he doesn’t hear me.

“Eric can go where?” Eric asks, confused.

“I have to bail on Lane tonight. We’re supposed to go see
Wicked
but I can’t go. I don’t want her to miss out just because of me,” Carissa explains, giving Eric her best hangdog look. I cross my arms and shake my head as she basically begs Eric to go with me.

Before Eric can respond, I interrupt: “Riss, I’m sure he has better things to do.” I lean up against the elevator wall as it takes off to the fifth floor.
Wasn’t he getting off at the lobby?

“I’d love to go,” he says quickly, making the heat rise back up to my cheeks.

“Perfect! Then it’s settled,” Carissa squeals, overcome with joy.
Great.