Alpha Rancher Bear: BWWM Bear Shifter Paranormal Romance (Bears of Pinerock County Book 3) (15 page)

"No! No. Never you." He reached for her hand and took it, rubbing his thumb across the back. "Okay ... maybe a little, just because I'm not really used to sharing this much of my life with someone. But I've never really felt that way about you."

"What way?"

"Unsure," he said. "No, that's not the right word, either. The thing about you is, from the time I first saw you, I knew exactly what I wanted. I just had to convince myself it was all right to go for it. With Tara and Saffron, though ..."

He fell silent, gazing at the water. Charmian gave his hand a gentle, encouraging squeeze.

"I resented them," he said at last. "Isn't that terrible? They're both wonderful women, and they make Axl and Remy so happy. It's not that I was jealous. It's that I resented them for coming into my neat, well-ordered life and turning it upside down. I wanted everything to stay exactly the same as it had been, ever since ..."

He trailed off again. "Ever since your parents died?" Charmian supplied gently.

Alec nodded slowly. "And the worst part is, over the years I've come to recognize that my father wasn't a good man. He was a brutal, abusive tyrant. Oh, he was never
that
bad. Not the kind of thing that would get the county involved, or anything. But he enforced his will with his fists, and he never tolerated anyone disagreeing with him or criticizing him. That was the only model I had for what a man was supposed to be like."

Charmian leaned her head against his shoulder and clasped his hand between both of hers. "You're not your father, Alec. You're so much better than that."

"You make me believe that I can be," he said slowly. "You ... and my clan, who've been willing to put up with me as I've figured out, one step at a time, how to be an alpha that doesn't mean relying on everything I learned from my father. Or, I guess I should say, how to take the best parts of my father and make something better out of them. It was always easier for Axl and the cousins. They don't have to be in charge. I do. And the only way of being a leader I ever learned was to beat people senseless if they wouldn't follow my orders. I sometimes wonder if I'm still doing it wrong, if I've given them too much slack and they don't respect me because of it."

"Alec," she said, tightening her hands around his. "Can't you see how
much
they respect you? How much they like you? Maybe you didn't see the looks on Remy and Saffron's faces when you approved of their baby, but I did. If your clan argues with you, it's only because they care about you and don't want to see you make bad decisions."

"It is a little different for shifters than for humans, you know," he reminded her. "You don't have alphas or clans. We're instinctively programmed to obey the clan alpha. And, for those of us who are the alpha, we expect to be obeyed."

Charmian laughed. "Obviously you haven't seen me around the clinic often enough, if you think that's a shifter-only thing."

"I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it
is
different."

"I'll take your word for it," she conceded. "But you have to take my word for it that it's not
that
different. Humans still have leaders and hierarchies. I was an only child, and I was on my own most of the time since my dad spent all his time running his veterinary practice and Mom helped him with it. For me, being part of a close-knit family like yours is hard. I don't know how I'm going to deal with having other people getting up in my business all the time."

Alec pulled back his thousand-yard stare from the mountains and glanced down at her. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"I haven't really wanted to admit it, either. We're so happy, just the two of us. But I know that you're a package deal. You come with your clan. I've managed to learn to bend enough to let you in, and not try to be the boss all the time. But I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with
them
."

"And now?" he said quietly.

Charmian smiled up at him. "Now, I know I can. I might need space sometimes. I'm glad I've still got the clinic to get away to. But last night, with Remy and Saffron ... you know, Alec, I've delivered a lot of babies over the years. And there's always a certain energy to being part of the birthing process. But then I leave. I might see the mother and child around a little after that—follow-up appointments, and chance meetings in town. But I've spent my whole life being an intimate part of a lot of families' lives for a few short months, and then moving on. Last night, Alec ... last night was the first time I
stayed
. This is the first time I'll actually be part of the baby's life. I'll get to see him take his first steps, and go to his birthday parties, and watch him grow up. I never realized how much I've missed being part of that with the other babies I've delivered."

Alec leaned close to her, and whispered, "You want to know a secret? It won't just be Saffron's baby around here soon. Tara's pregnant, too."

"How do you know? Did she tell you?"

He shook his head. "I can tell by the way she smells. I could tell with Saffron, too. I'm not sure if it's because I'm the alpha, or if the others can also tell and they're just humoring her 'til she's ready to let them know."

Charmian snorted. "I'll have to keep that in mind. Well, that explains Gannon's poker face when I accidentally let it slip in front of him."

"Of course you knew," Alec sighed.

"Yes, but if Tara hasn't told anyone yet, keep it to yourself." Charmian did a little mental calculating. "Unless, of course, every shifter on the property can smell it, in which case everyone actually
does
know already. But, at the very least, let her choose the time and place to tell people. She might not want to steal Saffron's moment in the sun, with the new baby and all. There'll be plenty of time."

"All the time in the world," Alec said, pulling her close with an arm around her.

He'd said it before, and it was what she'd been thinking as she watched the sun rise, too. There was no hurry for any of the things they wanted to do.

And maybe Alec was still figuring out how to be the kind of alpha he wanted to be, and maybe she was still figuring out how to let people in, when she'd spent a lifetime being self-sufficient. But that was all right, too. Life itself was a work in progress, and no one was ever quite finished with it.

Alec's arm was warm and comforting around her. It was all right to let herself be taken care of sometimes. She was starting to learn that. And they were both sagging against each other, getting drowsy.
If we don't get back to the house soon, we're going to end up falling asleep right here by the river,
she thought, amused at the idea.

"Alec," she said.

"Mmmm?"

"What do you think about the idea of putting a river-rock fireplace in the big house?"

"Take out the wood stove, you mean?"

"No, I just mean I like the idea of having a fireplace. That's something I'm going to miss about the house I'm living in now—the only thing, really. We don't have to put it in the living room. We could have a fireplace in the bedroom, say. Lie around naked in front of the fire."

"Hmmm. That's going to be complicated. We'd have to put in a chimney, make sure the floor can take the weight ..."

"But it's possible?"

"Oh, of course it's possible."

"I like the idea of doing something to make the house really feel like
mine
," she said.

Alec pulled her suddenly into his lap, and his lips closed over hers. She gasped in pleasant surprise before sinking into a long, heated kiss. He pulled away at last, but kept his arms clasped around her, and rested his forehead against hers.

"If you want a fireplace, you can have one. You can have two. You can have one in every room in the house, if you like."

She giggled. "Okay, that might be overkill. But I appreciate the thought."

It was nice here in Alec's arms, but the dank chill by the river was starting to get to her, and she ached with exhaustion. She wriggled free of Alec's lap, though she kept one hand in his, and slid down from the boulder. "Speaking of
our
house, I'd really like to check out that big bed."

"Hmm, funny you should mention that. I was just thinking something along those lines."

"Mind reader," she teased.

"Only when you're being obvious about it."

"I don't know if that means I should be less obvious, or more."

Hand in hand, they walked across the rocky beach toward the trail leading up to the ranch, with Bucket frisking around their feet.

Walking forward, together, into their new future.

***

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Cover art: Bear: ©
Can Stock Photo Inc.
/ AnitaE403. Man: ©
Can Stock Photo Inc.
/ ligor. Winter road: ©
Can Stock Photo Inc.
/ PawelSierakowski.

***

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