Almost Perfect (53 page)

Stella was waving madly from across the street. He couldn't have missed her if he tried.

‘Hi Mac!' she exclaimed as he got to her. She threw her arms around his neck with unusual exuberance, even for Stella. ‘It's so good of you to come.'

‘Are you kidding? I'm glad you asked me,' he assured her.

She winced. ‘I had second thoughts after I called you. I mean, who wants to spend their Saturday visiting someone else's empty apartment?'

‘I do!' he insisted. ‘So, is this the block?' He turned to look up at the building behind them.

‘This is it.'

‘Pretty sexy,' he remarked.

‘I know!' she swooned. ‘Isn't it just?'

He smiled at her. ‘Shall we go in?' he said, offering his arm.

She let out an excited little shriek and took off,
dragging him along with her. They virtually ran up the stairs and along the corridor, till Stella came to a halt in front of a dark purple door, 1E.

‘Don't you just love it?' she said, stroking the door proudly like she was a hostess on a game show. ‘It's “aubergine”.'

He was catching his breath. ‘I'm just glad it's only on the first floor. I'm too old for this.'

Stella laughed. ‘Poor Mac. Come inside,' she said, unlocking the door. They stepped into an airy, light-filled space, not huge, but more than adequate. There was a kitchen off to one side, and a doorway off to the other, probably to the bedroom and bathroom. Directly opposite was floor to ceiling glass, with doors leading out onto a small deck.

He put his arm around her shoulders. ‘You done good, girl.'

‘I did, didn't I?'

‘Are you going to give me the full tour?' he asked.

‘Till you're bored stupid,' Stella declared, taking his arm and leading him across to the kitchen.

She proceeded to show him every detail of the small apartment, every nook, corner, crevice, cornice, cupboard, shelf, sink, drainhole and vent. She also painstakingly itemised her plan for the placement of each piece of furniture, down to the cushions on the sofa. And he listened, asked questions, and murmured approvingly at all the right places. He was just happy to see her so happy.

‘So I still haven't heard exactly how all this came about,' he asked eventually.

‘We'll have to sit down for that.' They sat on the
floor at right angles, leaning their backs against a wall each. ‘Next time you come, I promise I'll have furniture, and a cold drink.'

He waved that aside. ‘So what's going on at work?'

‘Well, Evan Pratt's a dickhead, Mac. That's the only way I can put it. Actually, there're a few ways I could put it, but they're all along the same lines. Pratt by name . . .'

He smiled. ‘He had to beat a pretty impressive field to get the job.'

‘Oh, don't get me wrong, Mac, he's highly qualified and intelligent and all the rest. But he's a dickhead. His people skills are shocking, and as for subordinates, of which I was one, he's atrocious. I may as well have been the dirt under his shoes.'

‘So what did you do?'

‘I handed in my resignation. I thought, bugger it, I don't have to put up with this.' She looked at him pointedly. ‘You spoiled me, Mac. I wasn't prepared to work for anyone who didn't give me due respect.'

‘Good for you,' he nodded. ‘But you're still there?'

‘I know!' she exclaimed wide-eyed, as if the thought of it amazed her. ‘Evan accepted my resignation without blinking. He obviously thought it was no biggie to replace me. Then about a week later, Cheryl, Karen Gibson's assistant–'

‘Yeah, I remember Cheryl.'

‘Well, she was collecting money for my farewell gift and she went to Bob, which was a bit cheeky when you think about it, asking the CEO to put up. Anyway, according to Cheryl, Bob nearly had a
conniption when he heard it was for me. He talked to Evan first, I suppose to check I hadn't been stealing the office supplies or something. Then he called me in and asked if he could take me to lunch – to Salt, no less.'

‘He took you to Salt?'

‘Hmm, you never took me there as I recall, Mac.'

‘I've never been.'

‘All right then,' she shrugged. ‘Well, I power-lunched with the CEO and he told me how valuable I was to the organisation, that although I've been in a support role, it's been a vital one, and he's always been aware of my contribution. Yada yada, he went
on
, Mac. I thought he wanted to get into my pants or something.'

He laughed loudly.

‘Finally he said he wanted to consult with Human Resources to define a new role for me and that he was prepared to negotiate a very attractive package. A package! For me! No one's ever talked about packages to me before, Mac, unless they were from the mailroom.'

‘That's fantastic, Stella,' he said warmly. ‘So what did they come up with?'

‘I'm kind of a team leader for all the assistants, I guess. I go to all the big meetings now, co-ordinate, report, talk about bottom lines and best practice and core competencies and synergy and keep everyone in the loop and think outside the square so we have a win-win situation at the end of the day.' Stella paused, grinning slyly. ‘And I do lunch quite a bit.'

Mac was laughing. ‘And how are you handling it?'

A smile slowly formed on her face. ‘Piece of cake, Mac.'

He shook his head. ‘It doesn't surprise me. I feel guilty now for holding you back.'

‘Excuse me? I was a very junior assistant when you started, Mac, and you didn't have to take me with you, but you did. I learned heaps working for you. Besides, Bob said you always raved about me, I know that's the only reason he was even aware I existed. And it's the only reason I'm in this position.'

‘Well, I don't know about that, no one could be more deserving, Stella. Congratulations.'

‘Thank you,' she nodded graciously.

He glanced around the room. ‘So how are your parents coping with you leaving the nest?'

Stella rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, they're lighting candles and saying rosaries. They think I'm going to become a fallen woman, or worse, that I'll never get married because I don't need a man to provide for me now.'

He smiled faintly. Stella looked at him. ‘Okay, that's well and truly enough about me. How are you, Mac? Tell me all about Nicholas. I was hoping you might bring him today.'

‘I'm on a bit of a short leash as far as time with Nicholas goes.'

‘Oh?' Stella frowned.

‘Georgie's breastfeeding, it makes it hard to take him away for long,' he dismissed.

‘So how old is he now? Have you got a picture?'

‘Oh, I might have one,' he grinned sheepishly, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. ‘He was a
month old last week,' he said, slipping a photo out and passing it to Stella.

‘Oh, Mac, look how much he's grown since the hospital!'

‘And that was taken a week ago. He changes by the day.'

Stella smiled at Mac. ‘He still looks exactly like you.'

‘Everyone says that, but I can't see it.'

‘Oh no, you'd never have to wonder if you were the father.' She winced. ‘Not that you would have any reason to wonder that.'

He shrugged.

‘How's Georgie?'

‘Fine. She seems fine.' He cleared his throat. ‘You know, I saw Anna last week,' he said shifting the subject.

‘You did? How is she?' Stella passed back the photo and he put it away in his wallet again.

‘She was all right, I think. She's going overseas for a while. Before she left she wanted to see me, and the baby.'

Stella raised an eyebrow. ‘Isn't that a little weird?'

‘I thought so at first, but in the end it was very . . .' He paused, thinking. ‘We didn't say much, but I could tell when she looked at Nicholas that she was feeling the loss, and I felt it too. And then we wished each other the best, and I think we both meant it. I know I did, and I believe she did too.'

‘That must have felt good, to make peace with each other,' said Stella quietly. ‘And Georgie was okay with all of that?'

‘She was completely okay. Whatever Anna wanted was fine with her, whatever would make Anna happy.'

Stella frowned, watching him. ‘What's going on, Mac?'

‘Nothing. Absolutely nothing.'

‘There it is again.'

‘What?'

‘The tone.'

‘What tone?'

‘The constipated tone.'

‘Pardon?'

‘Like you're holding something in. Just get it out, Mac.'

‘You've put up with enough of my shit over the years, Stella. You don't have to do that any more.'

‘Mac, will you cut it out?' she insisted. ‘You're my friend. You came all the way over here today to see my flat just because I asked you. Give me the same chance to be a friend to you.'

Liam sighed, rubbing his forehead. ‘Things haven't worked out the way I'd hoped, that's all it is.'

‘Things with Georgie?'

He nodded.

‘It's early days yet, Mac, she's just had a baby . . .'

‘She doesn't love me any more,' he said flatly.

‘Are you sure? It's pretty hard to stop loving somebody.'

‘I'm sure. I still remember what it felt like when she loved me. It was the best feeling in the world.' He paused, thinking about it. ‘She couldn't love me any more or I'd have to feel better than this.'

‘Oh Mac,' Stella sighed. ‘Maybe you should do what I did. I wasn't going to stay in a situation where I wasn't happy. I had to be prepared to leave.'

He looked directly at her. ‘I can't leave Nicholas.'

‘Of course, I wasn't thinking.' Stella bumped her head lightly against the wall behind her. ‘It's a bit like purgatory, isn't it?'

‘Sorry?'

‘You went to Catholic school, didn't you, Mac?'

He nodded. ‘I know what purgatory is. The place you go when you're not bad enough for hell but you're not good enough for heaven, where you serve time for your sins.'

‘That's right,' said Stella. ‘I remember being told that the worst part about it apparently is that you're aware of heaven, I think you might even be able to see it, how perfect and wonderful it all is, but you're shut out and you can't get to it.'

‘Stella, if you're trying to make me feel better, you're doing a really miserable job of it.'

‘Sorry Mac. I just think you're tormenting yourself being around Georgie so much. If it really is over, then how are you supposed to get over her? It seems cruel.'

‘I don't really know what choice I have, with Nicholas involved.'

‘You're not going to be any good to Nicholas if you're unhappy all the time. There must be another way, Mac.'

Georgie heard a knock at the door. It was probably Liam. Nicholas had dropped off to sleep in her arms, so she eased herself to the edge of the seat and stood up, holding him steady. She walked slowly to the door and opened it. It was Liam. She backed away to let him in.

‘I'll just go and put him down,' she whispered.

‘Can I do it?'

‘He's already asleep.'

‘Please?'

She looked at him. He had an odd expression on his face, his eyes were almost begging. Georgie sighed, nodding. She carefully transferred Nicholas into his arms, and though he squirmed a little, he didn't wake. Liam drifted across the living room towards the hall, never taking his eyes off his son. Georgie didn't know what this was all about. He'd phoned this morning, saying he needed to talk to her about something. He usually came over a couple of times on the weekend to see Nicholas anyway, take him for a walk, give her a break. But he'd sounded a bit strained on the phone, even a little grim. Whatever it was, she was obviously about to find out.

She walked out to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the fridge. The sun was white hot, streaming in through the window, reflecting off the stainless steel sink so it shone like a spotlight. Georgie went out onto the balcony and she could
feel it in the air. Summer had hit with a vengeance. Christmas would be here in a blink and Nicholas would be two months old by then. Time was galloping by, and Georgie was beginning to wish she could lasso it to slow it down.

‘Georgie.'

She turned around. Liam was standing in the dining room, watching her.

‘Did he go down all right?' she asked.

He nodded. He looked strange, his face was drawn and if Georgie wasn't mistaken, his eyes were a little red, like he'd been . . .

‘Are you okay, Liam?'

‘I have to talk to you. Can you come inside?'

‘Sure,' she said, stepping past him back into the flat. ‘Do you want to sit down?'

‘Yeah, okay,' he said. They sat opposite each other at the dining table. Liam leaned on his elbows, clenching his hands together. Georgie felt a little sick in the stomach. He looked . . . distraught, like something was very wrong.

He cleared his throat. ‘I promised you I would never lie to you again, that I'd always tell you the truth. So I'm going to be honest now.'

Georgie's heart was beating fast.

‘This isn't working out,' he said plainly.

‘Pardon?'

‘This . . . this arrangement, or whatever you want to call it. It isn't working.'

‘I really don't know what you mean,' said Georgie. ‘There is no “arrangement”, there's a relationship. You are Nicholas's father, it's as simple as that.'

‘It's very far from simple and you know it, Georgie. I can't be his father the way things are.'

‘What are you saying?'

‘I hoped things would improve between us, Georgie, that when he was born, you might be able to . . .' He took a breath. ‘But I've come to accept that you really don't love me any more, and not only that, it seems I make you unhappy.' He paused. ‘The only thing I've ever wanted to do is make you happy, Georgie, and I just keep screwing it up.'

She broke eye contact, looking away. ‘This is not about you and me, Liam–'

‘I know you can separate it, Georgie, but I can't. I can't be around you, feeling the way I do, and pretend it doesn't bother me.'

She swallowed. ‘So what are you suggesting?'

Liam took a deep breath. ‘I'm going away for a while–'

She looked up abruptly. ‘What?'

‘I need to go away, just for a while.'

Georgie got up from the table. ‘Well, this only proves what I've been saying all along.'

‘What's that?'

‘That I can't trust you,' she said, raising her arms. ‘That you'd as soon walk out on Nicholas as you did on your wife.'

‘I'm not walking out on Nicholas!' he insisted, standing up to face her. ‘I'm doing this so I can get over you and get on with fathering my son. I don't know any other way. By the time I get back, he should be more predictable. We'll be able to work out a schedule where I can take him for set periods
of time, and you and I won't have to have so much to do with each other.'

Georgie tried to ignore the cramping sensation in her chest. ‘Well, how nice for you,' she taunted. ‘It's not as if I had any choice to go away and get over you. No, you left me holding the baby.'

‘I never left you! You turned me away,' he reminded her. ‘And I have been there for you from the second you told me you were pregnant, Georgie.'

She was breathing hard. ‘Well, fine, go off and find yourself, Liam, if that's what you think you have to do. But don't expect us to welcome you with open arms whenever you decide to come back.'

‘Georgie,' he said firmly, ‘I'm going for a few months, that's all. I figure if I don't do it now, Nicholas will become too aware, he'll know me, and I couldn't leave him then. Right now he has barely any attachment to anyone but you.'

‘There's such a thing as bonding, Liam.'

‘I know. I know I'm missing out no matter what I do. But I don't think he will so much, if I do it now.'

‘How do you know that for sure?'

‘I don't. But I'll only be away for a few months and it's a chance I have to take.'

Georgie folded her arms, glaring at him. ‘Where are you going?'

‘Melbourne first, then I'll see.'

‘When do you plan to leave?'

‘My flight's at four.'

‘You're going today?' she exclaimed. ‘This is just great, Liam. You come round and dump this on me and leave the same day?'

Liam looked at her. ‘Why do you even care, Georgie? You don't want me around.'

She hesitated. ‘I want you here for Nicholas.'

‘I will be here for Nicholas.'

‘When it suits you,' she sniped.

‘Just say the word, Georgie. Say you don't want me to leave and I won't go.'

‘Speaking for Nicholas, I'm sure–'

‘I don't want you to speak for Nicholas,' he interrupted. ‘I want you to tell me what you're feeling, that maybe you're still hurting, or you need time, whatever. But tell me there's some hope, Georgie. That'd be enough for me.'

She felt flustered. ‘This is really unfair, Liam. I said from the start that this was not about us, that we would not be getting back together.'

‘And you don't think anything's changed?'

Georgie couldn't look at him.

Liam sighed, rubbing his forehead. ‘I am sorrier than I can put into words that I hurt you, that I lied, for what I did to Anna. But I'm not sorry I met you, I'm not sorry we had Nicholas. Have you ever thought about that, Georgie? That beautiful little boy wouldn't be here right now if we hadn't met. How can you still regret it?'

Georgie considered him calmly. ‘My mother used to say “something good out of something bad”. Nicholas is something good, something wonderful, salvaged out of something that should never have happened, Liam. He doesn't make it right. Nothing can do that.'

‘So you'll never be able to forgive me, no matter what?'

‘It's not about forgiving–'

‘It's all about forgiving, Georgie.'

She just stared at him.

‘This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I really think it's for the best,' said Liam, his voice calm and quiet. ‘You're not happy any more, Georgie, and you used to be so happy, so full of love–'

‘Yeah, before you came into my life with your lies and–'

‘Then you're better off without me,' he said finally. ‘I'll keep you posted about where I am, and I'll send money.'

‘I don't need your money.'

‘Well, I'll be sending it anyway. And I'll always have my mobile phone if you ever need to contact me.'

‘What good is that when you're a thousand kilometres away?'

‘Then just say the word and I won't go.'

Georgie crossed her arms and turned away to stare fixedly out the windows.

‘Goodbye, Georgie.' A moment later she heard the door open and close again. She turned around and he was gone.