Almost Matched (Almost Bad Boys) (17 page)

“Give it up, baby. Now,” he whispers against my breast, is tongue continuing its sweet assault.
 

My muscles clench over his fingers, and I let go, screaming incoherently. Or maybe I’m screaming his name. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. Warm water splashes in my face, but that doesn’t matter either. Colin’s hand resumes its mission, and I feel the new orgasm building inside me. But he stops and pulls me out of the bathtub, sits me on its edge, and says, “Put your arms down and hold onto the bathtub for a moment.”

I obey and watch him, biting my lip in anticipation. He unbuttons and unzips his jeans to reveal his erection. I marvel at the fact that he’s not wearing underwear. Again. This is the most erotic view ever. Colin pushes his pants lower and steps out of them. He lifts me up and onto him. I wrap my legs around him and hold onto his neck. He splays his hands over my buttocks and plunges inside me, his teeth gritting.
 

I scream a short, satisfaction-driven scream.
 

Colin pounds inside me hard, moving in and out fast, and I am so close to orgasm again.
 

“Cum for me, Natalie,” he breaths in my ear.
 

His teeth graze my ear lobe over and over, and this is all I can take.
 

“Now!” I cry.
 

Colin pushes my back against the cool wall, and I shiver at the contact. He supports me with his hands pressed to my butt. His thrusts are even deeper, angled more from the bottom and up. His breath is uneven. I feel his fingers curling over my buttocks like talons. But they don’t hurt me. My back starts to protest though. It’s becoming sore from rubbing against the wall, but then Colin growls and stills for a moment.
 

He pulls me away from the wall, turns around, and sits me by the sink. He continues to move in and out of me, but slowly, teasing.
 

I look into his eyes. He rests his forehead against mine and exhales. I clutch him in my embrace, and we stay like this for a long time, just breathing heavily. After what feels like eternity, Colin’s lips find mine. His tongue slides over my lips, as if asking for permission to enter. My mouth knows what to do without me even thinking. It opens, and our tongues welcome one another. The kiss is long and sensual, unhurried. I don’t ever want it to end. I feel spent, satisfied, and complete.
 

He slides out of me, leaving me craving him already. His features are not the same as they always are after we make love. This time there is no smile, no sign of his boyish happiness. Instead, there is something dark, crouching behind the mask of concern.
 

I search his face, but he averts his eyes.
 

“Colin? What is it?” I try to keep my voice steady, but the traitor betrays me and it quivers a bit. Dammit.
 

He smiles, but if I were to categorize that smile, I wouldn’t hesitate in putting it into the DREARY COUSIN OF DEPRESSION folder. I raise my eyebrows in the ‘come on’ expression. He sighs and pulls his jeans back on. Really? That’s all I get? No explanation? Nothing?

He takes a bath towel from the cabinet and wraps it around me.
 

I appreciate it, but I won’t let him derail me from finding out what’s gnawing at him. So I grab his arm and make him face me. “Talk.” I order.
 

“You need to sleep more, and then eat a real breakfast. I will fix us something soon.”

“Colin?” My voice takes on an incredulous tone.
 

He sighs again, and I make a face. I roll my eyes too, because I just can’t help it.
 

“I’ll take you to bed now. I want you to sleep. We’ll talk later. Promise,” he sounds impatient.
 

There is no way to persuade him. So I resign myself into a ‘whatever you want’ attitude in order not to escalate the problem any further. I’m not even sure what the problem is. I slide off the bathroom counter and go into my bedroom. Colin follows and sits with me on my bed. He rubs the towel over my skin and hair, and I welcome this caring gesture. It feels like my
real
Colin. My heart swells, and I wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his wet shirt.
 

“Take this off. You’re soaked,” I say.
 

Colin unbuttons his shirt, and my heart skips a beat. The gods of lust pull me by my arms, inviting me to dance again. Eros, Himeros, Pothos, Peitho—seriously? Again? Ah, what the heck.
 

I lean toward him and lick the corner of his mouth with just the tip of my tongue. He responds immediately, pushing me onto my back and laying on top of me. His mouth is on mine, kissing me hard, urgently, as if this is the last time ever. I feel his breath speeding up, and soon he’s panting and pulling his half-unbuttoned shirt over his head.
 

My legs wrap around his waist, and he clenches his teeth. “I can’t get enough of you, Natalie. I want to make love to you over and over.”

“Me too,” I say against his mouth. “Do it. Now.”

He’s out of his jeans in record time. He tosses them onto the floor. I feel his firm erection pressing onto me. And then he’s inside me. I cry from the initial shock. But then scorching heat and moisture make me melt into him, and we move together, slamming onto each other hard and fast. We both moan and cry out when the waves of deliciousness wash over us at the same time. I can’t stop. It goes on and on, and I don’t want it to stop. Ever.
 

I know Colin must be feeling the same. His jaws are tightened, and his teeth are bared. He’s heaving, crushing into me continuously, hard, driving me toward the edge of the bed. My legs are shaking from exhaustion, and he finally slows down, only tenderly pulsing inside me. He kisses me softly, as if apologizing for the earlier assault. But I love being assaulted by him like this.
 

Colin buries his face in my neck, breathing hard. His firm chest presses down onto my breasts. I welcome that closeness. I wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him tight. I want him to open up to me. And I want to tell him so. But I’m torn—what if this is something he’s not prepared for? What if he doesn’t want or doesn’t know how to? He’s been distancing himself from me lately. Bit by bit, slowly, as if trying to introduce the idea, instead of going full blast with… what? Leaving? I want to talk to him, but he doesn’t take the hint. And I’m so tired now.
 

I drift off to sleep with Colin still inside me. At some point I feel through the heavy haze of my sleep that he slides out of me and covers me with the comforter.
 

FIFTEEN

“Is there no way out of the mind?”

Sylvia Plath

I jolt awake. My head hurts like son of a bitch, and I suppress a groan. Alcohol and I will never be friends. What in the hell possessed me to down one drink after another, adding a beer to the mix? I sit up in the dark and immediately lay down again. I turn to see if Colin is asleep next to me, but he’s not here. I’m wearing a t-shirt. Colin must’ve put it on me without waking me up.
 

My heart lurches when I remember last evening. Why did he get so rattled? It’s not like him. And it’s not like me to get drunk. I rehash the events from the time I called him and I cringe at the memories. Geez, talking about overreacting.
 

I may be losing him. Slowly. There’s definitely some hostility between us, which doesn’t come from me. Even though he’s been nothing but caring, and the lovemaking is still amazing. But deep under that I sense he’s discomfort. Some strange pain emanates from Colin, and it’s been growing and showing its ugly head more and more often lately.

I don’t know how to bring him back without acting like an over-possessive girlfriend. I despise over-possessive people. If he doesn’t want to stay with me, well, I will let him go. Even if it breaks my heart, I won’t beg him to stay.
 

I am lying on my side, facing the window, with my knees bent and close to my stomach. The mattress caves under Colin’s weight. He climbs onto the bed and nestles behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and molding his body to mine. I smile and relax. Last thing I feel before I fall asleep is his warm, gentle breath in my hair.
 

A car alarm somewhere outside my window wakes me up. My bedroom is quiet. Colin’s rhythmical breathing and the ticking of my grannie’s old clock from my bookshelf are the only sounds I recognize at first. Then I hear the water running in the pipes, as one of the neighbors flushes their toilet. A helicopter’s rumbling noise in the Seattle sky becomes louder, and high-pitched laughter carries in the apartment hallway somewhere right outside my front door. Life is still going strong around us. But something between Colin and me is dying, and I only hope that we can save it in time.
 

Colin’s hand grasps my t-shirt and presses against my stomach, as if he wants to make sure I won’t leave without waking him up. I wrap my fingers around his hand and caress his warm skin. He stirs and makes a little sleepy sound. My alarm clock displays 9:11 a.m. in red digital numbers. I don’t want to get up. I want to stay like this forever—with Colin perfectly spooned to me, holding me close, calmly breathing in my hair.
 

I fall back asleep.
 

When I feel his lips on my cheek, I crack my eyes open. He bends over me on the bed, supporting himself on his arms and knees.
 

“Hey,” he whispers.
 

“Hey,” I whisper back and glance at the alarm clock on my bedside table. “It’s past eleven a.m. already? We slept all this time?”

“Go back to sleep. I should go.”

“Why? You can stay the rest of the weekend.” I yawn and stretch.
 

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
 

My eyebrows furrow. Is that it? Are we done? “Talk to me.”

“I haven’t been honest with you, Natalie…”

My heart lurches in my chest, and I sit up. “What are you talking about?” Is he
cheating
on me? Not another one, dammit. Not Colin!

He sits back on his heels and rakes his fingers through his hair. His jaw muscles tighten. I wait, speechless. Am I supposed to know? Or am I stupid enough to fall for him, head first, despite all my bad experiences from the past. What the hell is happening? Why couldn’t I just find a guy who I could trust?
 

“What do you mean, you haven’t been
honest with me
?” I finally say. “Is there someone else?”

“No. No! Never.” Clearly, he didn’t expect such reaction from me. What then?
 

Guilt gnaws at me. Why would I immediately jump to such a conclusion? Colin has never given me any weird vibes. I
know
he wouldn’t cheat on me. He isn’t the cheating kind.
 

Colin strokes his thumb across my cheek and lower lip. His face relaxes, and a shadow of a sad smile slides over his handsome features. He takes my face in his hands and presses a hard kiss onto my lips. The kiss feels voracious, almost forceful. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. His tongue skims around my lower lip. I open my mouth and admit him in. Colin kisses me so eagerly as if he hasn’t kissed me for days; as if he hasn’t
seen
me for months. There is so much passion in that kiss and in the way his hands rove over my back, my neck, and my shoulders as if his life depends on it.
 

But I need to know what is happening to him, so I pull away. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

I lay down and Colin draws near to hover over me, supporting his weight on his forearms. I feel his fingers skim around my hairline. It is such a familiar touch. I crave it. I crave Colin. He rolls over to the side and rests on his back, covering his eyes with the crook of his bent arm. I wait.
 

After a minute of silence he moves his arm off his face. His voice is raspier than ever; and very quiet. “When I was twenty-one… a junior at UCLA, there was this girl I mentioned to you. Faith…”
 

I move to my side so I could see his expression. And what I see scares me—his face is twisted with pain and sorrow. He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.