Almost a Family (4 page)

“In Calgary, doing your job.” Kim sniffed away her tears. “I know how important it is to you.”

Molly shrugged, wishing her sister hadn’t felt it necessary to point out the importance of her career in front of Jason. “
You’re
important to me.”

Sara’s eyes opened fully and she sat up. Jason grinned and gave her a cookie from the sack and a sip of the cooling hot chocolate. “We’d better get going,” he suggested. “You’ve got some contraband here and then you need some sleep. We’ll come back soon.”

Molly chuckled. “I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep Sara away now.”

She rose while Jason shoved Sara’s arms into her jacket. “Say bye to Mom,” he told her, and she did, giving Kim a huge kiss, and then snuggled into Jason’s shoulder. Molly winked at Kim as they left.

It wasn’t until they were crossing the parking lot that Molly felt Jason’s hand at the small of her back, the gentle pressure making the skin beneath her coat tingle. She looked up at Sara; she was sleeping already, her face nestled against Jason’s neck, lips dropped open in fatigue.

He’d be a wonderful father,
she thought as she stared up at him. He’d always wanted to be one, and she wondered why he wasn’t by now. He had so much going for him—he was breathtakingly handsome, had a successful business, wanted a family. What woman wouldn’t want him?

Except her, obviously. She hadn’t been ready for a family and hadn’t been willing to give up her dreams for his. Now she had everything she wanted in her life in Calgary. Right.

They reached the car and she waited while he gently tucked a sleeping Sara into her seat. He came to open her door and reached around her body to put the key in the lock, his bulk pressing against her back. For a moment, just a moment, she let herself lean back against his weight, the frosty clouds of their breath mingling together in the air. She heard him swallow close to her ear, was dimly aware of the lock springing open in her door, then shuddered at the first contact of his lips on her hair.

What was he doing? His lips, warm in the cold winter air, touched the tender skin of her outer ear. All thoughts of what she wanted evaporated as she half-turned, resting her hands on his sheepskin collar and lifting her lips to touch his.

They were soft yet commanding, and she watched with fascination as his eyelids drifted closed, the long, dark lashes resting on his cheeks. His gloved hand reached up under her hair, cupping her neck, the gesture so familiar she felt like weeping as she leaned into him and her eyes slammed shut.

He tasted of coffee and a hint of toothpaste, but more than that, he tasted familiar. For years she’d forgotten that particular flavor, but now, it was like walking straight into the past. A taste that was only Jason Elliot, and it shook her to her toes.

Then he pulled back, released her hair and heaved a huge breath.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, and his long arm reached behind her to open her door.

“Me too,” she answered quietly, sliding on to the seat as he shut the door behind her.

Sorry that it had ended so soon. And sorry that she’d come home. Everything just got a hundred times more complicated.

Chapter Three

They were both silent on the drive back. Molly had nothing to say; her lips were still tingling from the taste of Jason’s mouth on hers. She told herself they were quiet because Sara was sleeping in the back, but she was only fooling herself. She had no idea what to say to Jason at this moment. Her mind was effectively wiped clean. His hands gripped the wheel and he stared out the windshield, never glancing in her direction. His jaw, his beautiful rugged jaw, was set, hard and condemning. She wasn’t sure if he was mad at her or at himself, and she didn’t really want to find out. It was crystal clear he was angry, and she wasn’t up to getting into it.

The kiss had been more, and less, than she’d remembered.

He drove down the hill on Regent Street, then turned down King, heading along the river, dark and black in the January evening. Molly looked around her, first at the cathedral then at the stately old Georgian homes on Waterloo Row and the stretch of shoreline, commonly called “The Green”, which was not green at all now, but held an unearthly glow as the streetlights shone on the blanket of snow. When she’d been doing her undergraduate degree, she’d spent a lot of time in this part of town, going for beers at their favorite pub on Thursday nights, grabbing lunch from one of the small restaurants snuggled in between office buildings, or studying on a bench under stately elm trees. Now, driving past it in the winter dark, she felt so far removed from this town and that part of her life that she knew she had come back a stranger.

What must have been going through Jason’s mind to make him touch her in such a way? And what equal madness had made her turn into his arms, lifting her face to his like a sunflower to the sun? It solved nothing, didn’t change the past or the ways they’d hurt each other. All these years she’d thought they’d made a clean break, but twenty-four hours after her arrival home, and he’d already had his mouth on hers. It had to be simple curiosity—it was the only explanation that made sense.

When Jason pulled into Kim’s driveway, Molly said softly, “If you’ll take the keys and open the door, I’ll get Sara.” She was happy now that the little girl was between them, running interference. Having him walk her alone to the door would be too tempting, too frightening.

He held the door open wordlessly. Molly lifted the sleeping girl out of her seat and carried her gently into the house, sliding past Jason without meeting his gaze. Blearily, Sara woke as Molly tried to slide off her boots and winter jacket with as little fuss as possible. “Shh,” she whispered. “We’re home. Let’s get you up to bed.”

She looked at Jason as she hefted Sara into her arms again. “I’m putting her to bed. Thanks for the lift. You don’t have to stay.” Her voice coolly dismissed him.

He shut the door behind him, and she heard his truck start as she got to the top of the stairs. Then it finally dawned on her that he hadn’t spoken one single word since leaving the hospital.

*

Jason slipped off his white coat and hung it on the hook on the back of his office door. All day at the clinic he’d seen clients and their pets, ordered lab tests, smiled and joked with his staff. He’d eaten a quick ham sandwich in the kitchenette in the basement, then had taken an hour to run the deposit to the bank and make a drop-off at the lab. An ordinary day.

Every minute of that ten-hour day, he replayed last night’s kiss.

What had he been thinking, anyway? Molly wasn’t the same Molly he’d fallen in love with as a teenager. He’d known that the minute he’d opened the door to her.

She was a hotshot lawyer now, making scads of money with a high profile oil and gas company. She’d waltzed back home in expensive clothes and an exclusive attitude. She didn’t realize she’d become snobby, he was sure of it. But the years away had changed her. She acted like being back east was something to be tolerated. Like it was a little behind in terms of progress and sophistication. When she’d left for bigger and better things, she’d made it clear that Fredericton, that
Jason
, wasn’t good enough for her. She hadn’t wanted the life that he’d planned for them.

Yet for a moment, when he’d reached around her to unlock her door last night, he had been transported back to nearly a decade before. The smell of her hair, the feel of her body as she’d leaned back against him, just a little. Something they’d done a hundred times before. He’d nuzzled her hair and, carried away with the moment, had pressed a small kiss to her scalp, her ear. He hadn’t expected her to turn and kiss him. He hadn’t expected to kiss her back.

He hadn’t expected it to feel like she’d never left.

The staff had all gone home, and it was only Jason and the kenneled animals left in the quiet building. He gave them one last check, then turned off the reception lights and set the alarm. He took out his key and, in the frosty air, turned it to latch the deadbolt. His breath formed clouds and he remembered the feel of her cold lips against his. That feeling, her taste… They were as familiar as if they’d been happening every day for the past six years. Kissing Molly had raised his pulse to a nervous hammering, had opened his heart until something similar to hope had slammed in.

He hadn’t thought there was any room for hope in there anymore.

He knew there wasn’t hope in there for Molly.

He shook his head and started up his truck, letting it warm up before putting it into gear. Kissing Molly had been a terrible mistake. Because hope was the last thing she could give him. And it was the last thing he wanted. She would only hurt him again. He knew that as surely as he knew he’d never truly gotten over her.

He entered the dark house, feeling a little lonely. He sighed, cursing Molly’s return. For a few short days, it’d been nice to have Sara there with him, her bubbly chatter filling up the empty space and giving him a purpose.

All those years ago, he’d dreamed of coming home to Molly at night, to a warm, cozy house and their children. It had broken his heart to suddenly realize she didn’t want those things, not the way he did. As time had gone on, he’d nearly forgotten how much he longed for a family of his own until the last few years, living next to Kim and Sara. Sara was a dream child—bright, precocious, darling. As he turned on the light, Bubbles trotted over. The little ball of white fluff was insanely happy to see him. He crouched and ruffled the dog’s curly fur.

“Hey, you.” He chuckled as the dog pushed her head against his hand. “You hungry?” He stood, filled the dog’s dish from the bag in the cupboard and got her fresh water. It was nice having her here. The cats… They didn’t seem to care much one way or the other when he got home. They only came running when he opened their food. But Bubbles greeted him every night. It was a poor substitute for a family, but he’d take whatever he could.

Heading to the fridge, he noticed the light flashing on his phone and stopped to push the button for his messages.

“Hi, Uncle Jason. It’s Sara. Can I come see Bubbles tonight? Okay. Bye.”

He smiled at the brief, uncomplicated message. Lonely didn’t begin to describe how he’d felt recently. Sara was like a little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

But Molly would have to bring her over.

He took his hand off the phone. He had to get over Molly once and for all. Seeing her was torture, but he wasn’t going to let that keep him from seeing his favorite girl.

Setting his lips, he picked up the phone and dialed.

*

He’d just finished eating a piece of sloppy, microwaved lasagna when the doorbell rang. Pushing his plate to the side, he rose to answer it, and his heart skipped a beat as he opened the door to see Molly with Sara in her arms. Molly’s hair was pulled back in a simple, girlish ponytail, the ends trailing on the collar of her coat. Her cheeks were pink from the cold above the striped scarf wrapped around her neck. Sara’s face was close to hers, close enough for Jason to see the resemblance—the blonde hair, same shaped eyes and the bow of their lips. By appearances, Sara could have been theirs, his and Molly’s. Jason pasted a smile on his face to hide the quick stab of regret. “Hey, sweet thing. Let’s go see if Bubbles is in the backyard.”

He took Sara from Molly’s arms and said quietly, “Come on in, make yourself at home.”

He left her there, taking off her coat, while he carried Sara to the back door. Sara waited while he opened it and whistled, and a white, cold, snowy ball of fluff barreled into the house.

“Bubbles!” Sara sat happily on the floor while her puppy joyously licked her face.

“Why don’t you take her out on the porch and play with her toys?” Jason suggested as Molly entered the kitchen.

“Can I, Aunt Molly?”

He looked at Molly, surprised that Sara had thought to ask permission. By the startled expression on her face, he could tell Molly was as taken aback as he was.

“Sure.”

The two disappeared and within seconds giggles and squeaks from plastic toys erupted from the sun porch. Jason went to the table, removed his plate and took it to the sink. “So.”

Molly laughed a little, tightly. “So. How was your day?”

Jason’s eyes slammed shut as he kept his back to her and leaned against the sink. Such a normal question. But a question he’d once expected to hear every day of his life from this woman. The more she was around, the more he was reminded that she’d walked away from a life together. A life he’d wanted but she hadn’t. Their life.

“It was fine.”

Molly walked over to the door to the porch as uncomfortable silence fell between them, heavy and anxious. He stared at her stiff back.

Jason sighed. “Actually it was terrible. I’m sorry, Molly, I never should have kissed you last night.”

Molly sighed, and the sound was filled with relief as she turned back to him. “I think I kissed you, but I agree it was a mistake.”

They were in agreement. The words shouldn’t have hurt, but they did. He met her gaze evenly. “It won’t happen again.”

“That’s good. I came home to look after Sara and to help my sister. I don’t need complications.”

“I’m a complication now? How flattering.”  He didn’t try to hide the bitterness in his tone.

Molly shoved her hands in her jeans pockets. Even in casual clothes, her manner of speaking, her posture, exuded control and purpose. She wasn’t the carefree teenager he’d fallen in love with. She was every inch a corporate lawyer. He was surprised that it held a little attraction for him.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” she amended. “I only meant that I’m here for a short time and for a specific reason. In two and a half weeks, I’m flying back to Calgary and the life I left behind there. We both know that’s the truth. We have to act accordingly.”

“Does that life in Calgary include a relationship?” He turned to put his plate in the dishwasher, making his tone deliberately casual.

Molly’s brow furrowed. “I can’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“You’re right. It’s not. But I’m curious anyway.” He shut the fridge door. “Is there anyone special?”

Molly thought about Christian. She supposed they could be construed a couple in the loosest sense. They attended company functions together, filled an appropriate need in a world that moved conveniently by twos. But there was no passion, no commitment between them. And they both knew it. It was how they wanted it.

“I’m not in love, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Why?” He leaned back against the counter, and Molly was struck by the fact that Jason hadn’t changed, not that much. He was still calmly, coolly logical. Still sure of himself. And still sure he was right. He was simply an older version of the young man he used to be.

The young man she’d been in love with. She sat down at the table. Her first lover, and now he was prying into her personal relationships, somehow making her feel like something was lacking. Like
she
was lacking. It would be awkward under the best circumstances; under these, it was torture.

“I beg your pardon?” The words were icy and her lip curled as she looked up at him. He’d lost the right to pry long ago.

“Don’t get all in a knot. I’m just curious. What’s preventing you from being in love?”

She laughed sharply. “Lack of decent men out there?” At his pointed glance, she relented. She simply wasn’t up to having another argument. “Oh, I don’t know as anything is preventing me. I suppose I’m too busy. Things are usually so crazy at work, I either stay late or take stuff home with me. I don’t have much of a social life.”

“And that makes you happy?”

Their gazes locked for long seconds as the question echoed through the room. Was she happy? With her eyes drowning in his dark chocolate ones, she remembered lazy Sunday afternoons when they’d never even bothered dressing. They’d eaten omelets and toast and had studied in bed until the feel of his hand tracing circles on her calves had grown so distracting they’d take a “study break.” Their lives had changed so much, but was she any less happy?

As they gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, Molly knew she had to break the spell. They’d both agreed that kissing had been a mistake. The way they were looking at each other now made her want to leap at him and start undoing the buttons on his shirt, getting to the warm skin underneath. Which would solve nothing. She cast her eyes downward.