Allure of the Wolf (Seraphine Thomas Book 2) (34 page)

“You guys go ahead,” Tristan muttered, watching me closely. “I think Sera’s taking the night off.” He gave Hagan the keys to his BMW and Riley drove as well since we had eight visiting wolves. My pizza was done just as the front door closed and they were all gone. I carried it out back, set it next to the bowl, and flipped open the lid. “Sera, do you want to talk?”

“No,” I whispered, feeling numb as I undressed, letting my clothes pool around my feet. “Thank you for getting rid of them but talking is the last thing I want to do right now.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“There’s no help for me anymore,” I rasped—and that was truly how I felt, as if my life was
over
. I shifted before he could ask me anything else or what I meant. He watched me as I ate my pizza in between lapping up half my cider as a wolf. Then I trotted around our big backyard, stretched my legs some before getting some more to drink, and then circled around to lay down on the grass because I was still exhausted.

Then I thought better of that one. Wolf or not, the grass wasn’t all that comfortable.

I walked past Tristan, back into the house—glad he’d left the porch door open—and gently pulled one of the sofa cushions off the frame with my teeth and brought it back outside with me. When I went for another one he shook his head and waved me off.

“I got it. I got it. You want an outdoor wolf bed. We’ll get you a big dog pillow so you don’t ruin our couch next time you want some alone time outside in your wolf,” he muttered. He wasn’t trying to be a shit and it wasn’t a bad idea actually.

But again, it felt like salt in the wound so I didn’t like him much right then.

He came back and dropped it next to the other one. I let out a wolf huff that was basically my way of saying
fuck you
for his comment and flopped on the pillows with my back to him. I stared up at the moon, almost completely full since tomorrow was the peak of the lunar phase, and realized this was really my life now.

I, Seraphine Thomas, once human and ditched child without a family, was now Alpha of the pack of werewolves in Chicago, probably one of the largest packs in the United States and needed a damn doggy pillow. All of it made me want to cry and beg for it to be someone else’s life. I hadn’t asked or wanted to be a wolf. I damn sure hadn’t wanted to be in a
pack
of them. And there wasn’t any reality on this planet or any other where I would
ever
want to
lead
one.

But yet, I simply lay there, knowing I should be with my pack, telling them everything was going to be okay, that I had a plan and I would keep them safe. None of that was true though. I didn’t have a plan, nothing was going to be okay, and I didn’t know if I could protect them. I just wanted to be left alone.

I think even my wolf knew I was at my breaking point because I could tell she wanted to be with the other wolves, taking charge of her pack… But yet she was acting all happy and content just being in wolf form, staring at the moon as if we didn’t have a care in the world. It was nice everyone inside me was behaving though.

Then again, I think I’d worn my siren out because she’d not even stirred since we’d left the pack lands. If I thought she could die while I was still alive, I would have worried, but I was pretty sure
part
of a virus or genetic structure couldn’t be killed.

Then
again, I wasn’t a scientist.

Then
again
, a normal, non-paranormal virus didn’t add two extra entities to a person.

Fuck it. I wanted to stay in my wolf and not deal with anyone or anything because it was what I wanted and too fucking bad for anyone else.

I must have fallen asleep because I heard the front door close and woke up, blinking when the rising sun was surprising to my tired eyes. I stretched out and let loose a big wolf yawn before rolling over and seeing what was going on—and realized I was still a wolf.

Huh, this is new.
I’d never slept as a wolf before or stayed in this form so long.

“Why is she outside chilling in wolf form?” Hagan asked, nodding in my direction from the living room. So all the troops were home from their run. Right because they all had to wait until they were worn out from their shift to change back.

“She stayed like that all night,” Tristan muttered, frowning. “She took her bowl of beer and pizza, and went outside to camp out as a wolf. I napped on the love seat but, yeah, barely said two words after you left and just went hermit on me.”

“Shiiiiiit,” Reagan hissed as he stormed over to the sliding screen door. I rolled to my feet and padded over to the rest of my bowl of beer. He got to it first and dumped it. “Beer is not for breakfast.”

That was actually
fine
with me. I wasn’t trying to get drunk. I was just thirsty. I pushed the bowl with my nose, demanding he fill it then.

He squatted down and scratched behind my ears—which felt surprisingly good. “Alpha, can—”

I snapped at him, my teeth echoing throughout the backyard. I hadn’t even meant to do it… I just
had
at hearing the term. Luckily Reagan pulled back his hand in time but his eyes went wide.

“
Sera
,” he murmured as he watched me closely. When I didn’t flinch or act aggressively, he looked confident he’d guessed my issue easily enough. “Can you shift back?”

Now why the hell was he asking me that? Why
wouldn’t
I be able to? I moved past him and pushed the pizza box, glancing at Tristan.
He’d
understand I was hungry and not annoy me with stupid shit.

“Sera, Reagan’s asking because sometimes when a shifter is traumatized or on the edge of going feral they shift and can’t change back,” Tristan explained gently as he stepped out onto the patio. Okay, well that made a
little
bit more sense then, but it seemed early to ask the question and overkill for the situation. I took stock of myself and checked that I could shift back if I wanted to.

I just didn’t want to yet. I nodded before pushing the pizza box.

“I’ll get her something to eat and drink,” Riley offered, giving me a sad smile. He jogged out and grabbed the bowl, leaning down and giving me a kiss on the head. I wasn’t sure we were there yet, but at least he was giving me what I wanted. “Don’t worry, everything’s easier as a wolf. I get it. When I’m upset, I like to change and just deal with my shit that way so people can’t bother me with questions. I can’t stay in that form as long as you can though. I think that’s what they’re all stuck on.”

Oh, that made more sense then. I glanced back at Reagan who nodded. Well at least everyone had their answers.

While Riley fetched my breakfast, I went to the corner of the yard to do my business. Jesus, first I needed a doggy bed, now I needed a dog run for my potty time. These little things were
not
helping my mood.

Riley was coming back out onto the patio when I returned to my makeshift bed. I glanced in the bowl and saw
water
. Even worse, he’d brought out a
raw
steak for my breakfast. I looked from it to him, back to it before focusing on him.

What the fuck is he thinking? Has he
met
me? Do I look like water and
raw steak
in the morning?

“What? Eat up,” Riley coaxed, pushing the plate closer towards me with his foot.

Oh hell no!
I picked up the steak with my teeth and flung it in his face before tipping over the water with my nose.

“Hey, I was trying to be nice here,” he growled as he grabbed it off his face. “What do you want then? I like raw meat when I’m a wolf.”

“Riley, you barely like your meat cooked when you’re a
man
,” Tristan drawled, rolling his eyes. “Sera won’t touch cow unless it’s so well done its grandkids are slightly charbroiled. You really think now that she’s a wolf, she’ll just eat
rare
meat?”

“Yes,” several of the guys answered.

Tristan snorted. “Then you might want to get to know her better. Something like becoming a
werewolf
I doubt changed
her
much.” He shot me a wink. “I’ll make you a real protein breakfast you’ll eat and fill your bowl with coffee.”

I charged over to him and jumped up so my font paws were on his chest and licked his face before hopping down and returning to my pillows. This time I made sure my back was to the sun and my eyes immediately drifted shut.

“Maybe she’s just recharging her human and siren batteries,” Reagan muttered. “Her wolf might be the only one with any energy left since it’s the full moon. I mean, yesterday had to be god-awful draining and it seemed to really upset her. She’s probably too tired and doesn’t want to talk.”

“Doesn’t she work today though?” Hagan asked.

“Technically she’s off because of the full moon. All the shifters in her office get it off if it falls on a weekday,” Riley answered as I started to drift off. “But she’s got a case, so knowing her she told Chief Monroe she’d be in. I’ll call him and let him know what’s going on.”

I actually liked that idea… Which worried me. I couldn’t ever remember taking a sick or vacation day in my whole FBI career besides my injury from becoming a wolf. I counted that as sick days because I’d been healed the next day. I’d had a few injury time offs, sure. A bullet graze in the thigh, dislocated shoulder, broken wrist, ankle fracture, and a couple of other small ones from cases… But nothing major.

Tristan woke me back up when my food was ready, a
massive
plate of eggs and bacon. I gobbled it up in between slurping down my coffee. Then I went right back to bed.

One of the Greek wolves tried coaxing me into shifting back around lunch, withholding the burgers he’d grilled for me until I would.

I responded to that by biting his ass and eating them when he dropped the platter. Problem solved in my mind.
He
wasn’t too happy with my solution, but he shouldn’t have been a dick and tried to keep food from me to get what he wanted. Then I stretched out around the yard and took another nap.

Reagan served me basically a
whole
smoked salmon for dinner… Along with Chief Monroe as the special guest. I listened as they filled him in, snarfing down my food and not interested in anything he or the others had to say. For the first time in my career, I ignored my superior officer and went to bed while he was still talking to me.

Screw it. He was at
my
house on my day off. I would have thought staying in wolf form was a pretty clear indication I wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Apparently
not
.

Who they brought in the next morning
really
shocked me. I woke up to Brian Havers standing on my back patio with Starbucks and a sack of McDonald’s bacon, egg, and cheese bagels.

“Please shift back and talk to me, Sera,” he murmured quietly, shifting his weight from his right to his left foot as he stared at me. “I kicked them all out so no one will hear us. It’s just you and me, like old times.”

And
that
was finally what I needed to hear to get through to me in whatever was going on. I nodded before getting up, going back to my corner of the yard to take care of matters, and then turning right around. I trotted past Brian and into the house. There on the love seat, I saw my robe laid out and shifted before quickly slipping it on. I slowly stretched, adjusting all my joints and muscles.

“Feel weird staying like that for so long?” he asked curiously, no judgment or condemnation in his voice. I nodded and took my breakfast from him, curling up on the cushion I’d just pulled my robe off of. He sat next to me and waited until I’d had a few sips of my Venti latte and half my sandwich. “Talk to me. This is just between you and me like before.”

“I’m not human anymore, Brian,” I whispered, my food feeling heavy in my stomach suddenly as I lowered it to my lap, staring at it.

“I know,” he hedged. “You haven’t been for a little while now.”

My heart thudded dully in my chest as shame flooded me for what I was about to admit again for whatever strange reason. I knew I had nothing to be ashamed of. “I mean, I’m
really
not human anymore.”

“Sera, I know. I’ve seen you do things that aren’t human.” He let out a soft chuckle and I looked at him then. “I just woke you up outside as wolf and talked to you like that. You’re not human. So what?”

I shook my head. He wasn’t getting it. “I think I had my stages of grief backwards. I was angry at you, at Frank, at the team—at
myself
over what happened. I bargained—if we’d only known Bernard was a wolf, it wouldn’t have happened to me, I wouldn’t have gotten infected. I was depressed somewhat, as much as I get. I’d lost a lot, not that I’d had all that much in my mind, but that made the acceptance easier. I’d gotten a promotion, a better boss—”

Brian cleared his throat and rolled his eyes. I couldn’t help but smile.