Allure (7 page)

Seven

Kira

I’m sitting here, by a window in the living room of his ridiculously huge hotel suite, looking out as a new week dawns over my home city. The sky is slowly turning from deep black to a lighter grey, the sun not yet ready to show itself; it’s still a little too early.

I draw my knees to my chest and hug them to me, resting my chin on them as I continue to stare outside. In a little while this city will be full of commuters and people all rushing to work, their days mapped out for them. Normal days. Normal jobs. I don’t think I’ve done normal for a long time. It didn’t agree with me.
Normal
hurt me.

I take a deep breath, the smell of him filling my nostrils, which is no surprise seeing as I’m wearing his shirt, the one he discarded last night before we set about another marathon session of fucking that only ended a little over an hour ago. We fucked until four-thirty. Until our bodies couldn’t take any more. And I’m sore, and a little bruised, and stupidly tired. But I can’t sleep. I close my eyes and nothing happens. He was out like a light, so it was easy for me to disentangle myself from his arms and come out here. I couldn’t just lie there, staring at the ceiling, with him there beside me, confusing me more than I already am.

I resist the urge to call Joey. He won’t be expecting to hear from me until I’m back home anyway. I’ve never called him on a job before, but then, I’ve never really had a need to. I’ve never done overnights, until Neal walked into my life.

The sky starts to lighten a little more, and I know it won’t be long before the sun is finally up now. But as I watch the dawn get ready to break I realise how being up at this time of day; this time of the morning, it makes you think. I’m not used to being awake this early. I don’t need to be. I’m my own boss, I plan my own working hours, so if I want to sleep past nine every morning, I can. So this hour of the day, it’s strange to me. But I like it. There’s something calming about feeling like you’re the only one awake. But it really does make you think. And I’ve been doing a lot of that as I’ve sat here.

‘Come back to bed.’

I turn to see him standing in the living room doorway, all ruffled and beautiful and wearing nothing but jeans and a heartbreaking expression. I feel my stomach jolt, but I ignore it. Or I try to. But continuing to do that, it’s becoming exhausting. ‘Did I disturb you?’

He shakes his head and walks over to me, sitting down on the window-sill. ‘Couldn’t sleep, huh?’

‘No flies on you, then.’ I smile, and he laughs quietly, clasping his hands together, his eyes briefly looking down. I just want to reach out and run my fingers through his hair; I want to pull his head back and kiss him until our mouths hurt.

Jesus, Joey, I tried, believe me. I tried.

‘Shall we just stop fighting this, Kira?’

His question stuns me for a second or two, and it’s my turn to drop my gaze. ‘Sorry, I… I borrowed your shirt. It’s more comfortable to sit in than that dress.’

‘It looks better on you.’

I glance up, and he smiles, and I can’t take any more. I want to scream and fight and burst this dangerous bubble because this situation is wrong. It’s wrong. He’s a client. This is a job. That’s all this is. It can’t be anything more than that.

‘Kira?’

I want to look away, but I can’t. It’s like an invisible vice has got hold of my head and I can’t move it. ‘I can’t do this, Neal.’ I don’t even know what
this
is. And I don’t think he does, either.

‘I was going to leave here, today.’

I feel a mild panic start to flood through me as I listen to him speak.

‘I wanted to get away because… because I didn’t want this to happen. I thought…’ He breaks the stare and turns his head away, pushing a hand through his dark hair, and I watch as his fingers rake through it; as it falls back over his blue eyes. ‘I thought, last night…’ He takes a deep breath before turning back to face me. ‘I thought if I treat you like… Jesus, Kira…’

‘You thought if you treat me like the paid sex toy I am you’d feel differently about me.’ I smile when I say that, because I’ve got my tongue in my cheek, of course I have. And he senses that, and he throws me a weak smile back.

‘I wouldn’t have put it quite like that, but…’ He sighs quietly, pushing his hand back through his hair. I think it might be a nervous habit of his. ‘Yeah. Something like that.’

‘I tried to stay detached, too.’ I look back out of the window. The dawn is fighting its way through the darkness now, and the city below us is swathed by an almost ghostly pale orange glow. It makes everything look slightly ethereal. ‘I tried. That’s why I wanted to be everything from the porn star to the sexy schoolgirl. I wanted to treat you like any other man who pays for my services…’ I stop talking, but continue to stare outside. The city is getting ready to begin its day. And I have no idea how mine is going to pan out.

‘I quite enjoyed the porn star experience.’

I look at him, and his mouth is twitching at the corners until it can’t help but smile, and I laugh.

‘And as for the sexy schoolgirl… I think we should make her even filthier next time, don’t you?’

I stare at him, his eyes burning into mine and I feel my stomach tie itself into a knot so tight I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to loosen it. ‘There’s going to be a next time?’

He says nothing for a beat or two, our eyes locked firmly together. ‘Yeah. There’s gonna be a next time.’

I drop my gaze, I have to. I just need a second to think. ‘I thought you were leaving.’ I look back up at him, and he shakes his head.

‘I’m not going anywhere. Not yet, anyway. I don’t walk away from things, Kira, I’m not that kinda guy.’

‘But you thought about walking away from this.’

‘Because it scares the hell out of me. And I know you’re scared, too.’

I turn away from him again. Looking at him still confuses me, because I’m still not sure what’s happening here. ‘What do we do, Neal?’

‘For as long as I’m here, Kira, I need you. I need to be with you, and not just for sex.’

I glance back at him, and his expression is serious. I really do think he means what he says, but I still find it hard to believe. Very few men have ever wanted me for anything other than sex.

Because you’ve never let anyone get close enough, emotionally, for anything else to happen.

‘Stop fighting it, baby.’

He holds out his hand, and I take it, letting him pull me up between his legs. His hand snakes around into the small of my back, the other gently pushing open the shirt so my breasts are exposed, and he leans in to take a nipple in his mouth, the touch of his tongue sending both hot and cold shivers soaring through me.

‘I want you to stop paying me, Neal.’

He looks up at me, and I gently touch his cheek, running my fingers over his salt-and-pepper stubble. He’s so handsome it just isn’t real, and I struggle to believe all this crazy shit is happening. ‘Kira…’

‘I don’t want you to pay me. Not anymore. It doesn’t feel right.’

He pulls me down so I straddle him, kissing me so softly I feel tears start to prick the back of my eyes.

‘I want you to make love to me, Neal. For once, don’t fuck me. I want you to make love to me. And that comes for free.’

Joey is going to freak. Because I have to tell him. No secrets. Nothing is private. So I have to tell him. And he is going to freak.

Neal rests a hand against my cheek, his thumb running lightly over my lower lip as his eyes bore deep into mine. It’s pointless even trying to fight it now. I still don’t know what this is, I don’t even know who I am anymore, I just know I can’t leave this man alone. I don’t want to be without him, while he’s here. And when the time finally does come when he has to leave…

That’s a bridge I don’t want to think about crossing.

Neal

The relief floods through me like the sweetest of medicines. I was never really gonna be strong enough to walk away from this. And whatever
this
is, she wants it just as much as I do, she was just trying to fight it.
I
was trying to fight it. But that’s becoming harder and harder to do now.

‘Kira, I…’

‘I’m not just an escort, Neal. That doesn’t define who I am.’

I don’t really know who she is. But then, she has no idea who I am, either. We’re just two lost souls looking for something. We found each other. And for that, I thank whatever god is up there watching over us. But I’m guessing it’s been a long time since she gave her beautiful body away for free, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean that, I think it’s been a while since she let anyone get close enough, emotionally. A long time since she let anyone in.

‘It’s just a few days, Kira, but…’

‘I won’t stop working, Neal. I need to get that straight. I want to be with you, I want to have sex with you, and I’m taking no more money for that. I want us to spend time together, but you
will
be leaving. At some point you’re going to get up and walk away from me so I need to keep my life going, do you understand? I’m putting my calendar back online and I’ll be seeing clients. But you – you’re not a client anymore, OK?’

I understand. I’m just not sure I like the idea of other men doing to her what I’ve done to her over these past couple of nights. But she’s right. In a few days I’ll have to leave, I have things to do; clients to see. I’m never in one place for all that long. So, I guess if she wants to think ahead, that’s just her way of coping with the inevitable. ‘But we don’t have to talk about it, do we?’ Yeah. I guess I can live with pretending it’s not happening; that she isn’t sleeping with other men.

She smiles, and I feel my heart jump. ‘No. We don’t have to talk about it.’

I want her so much it’s terrifying. But I can’t have her. Not the way I really want her. So I’ll just have to make do with the next few days.

‘Make love to me, Neal.’ She whispers in my ear, and I feel my stomach contract ten times over as I stand up, her legs wrapping around me as I carry her back into the bedroom.

We fall onto the bed, a mass of tangled limbs and hot, heavy kisses, but then the pace suddenly slows. We’ve done the manic, frantic sex. She wants something different now. Something I suspect she hasn’t had in a while, and once again I’m assuming here, but I feel like there’s a part of her that’s been closed to real emotion for a long time. Just like me.

I take her hands and watch as her fingers curl around mine. Such a simple action, but for some reason, this morning, it carries so much more of something I won’t even pretend to understand. And then her eyes meet mine, and the message is so clear it sends a shockwave ripping right through me.

I reach down to unzip my jeans, and my cock reacts instantly to the tiny sigh of pleasure she gives as my hand catches her inner thigh. So I do it again, letting my fingers gently brush her skin, our eyes locking as I slowly push into her. And it feels different this time. It feels – different.
She
feels different, and that might sound odd, but it’s what I feel as I thrust deeper into her, her hips bucking up to meet mine as we build to a slow, steady rhythm. I don’t take my eyes off her, I can’t. I want to look at her as I do this, as I take her in a different way; I want to watch her face as she comes. I want to be inside her when her climax hits and we make this real.

For the first time in a long time I’m making love to a woman.

But she’s a woman I can’t have.

And the pain I’m gonna feel when this is over is gonna hurt so bad. So fucking bad…

Eight

Kira

‘The calendar’s back up, I see.’ Joey flounces into the kitchen and throws me a look that says he still isn’t happy with me. But he knows better than to argue too much. He made his point. I know how he feels about what I’m doing. But he can’t change my mind, and he knows that. Because he also knows I’m a stubborn bitch. And it takes one to know one.

‘Make me a coffee, will you?’

‘Oh, so, it’s alright for
me
to make
you
a coffee, but if I want
you
to make
me
one it’s a no go?’

‘Just make me one, Joey, will you? I’ve got to go out in a little while.’

He switches the kettle on and leans back against the counter, folding his arms in that disapproving manner he’s adopted over the past day or so. ‘Where to this time? A paid job? Or are you off to see our American boy? The one you’re giving it to for free.’

‘Piss off, Joey. I’m not in the mood. And if you must know, I’m meeting a new client, at the Draysman. We’re having lunch.’

‘Lunch, huh? Is he paying for dessert, too?’

I just throw him a look. I’m really not in the mood.

‘Isn’t The Draysman where the delectable Mr Cannon is staying?’ Joey asks, examining his newly-French-polished nails.

‘It’s where I do a lot of business, Joey, It isn’t unusual for me to go there.’

‘Won’t it be awkward? If he sees you, I mean.’

I throw him another look, narrowing my eyes slightly. ‘Look, Joey, what we have it – it’s difficult for anyone to understand…’

‘You’re telling me, angel. It’s so fucked-up it’s ridiculous.’

‘I work during the day, I spend my nights with him. That’s all it is.’

‘Keep that routine up for more than a few days and you’re not gonna be able to walk by Christmas.’

I get up, ignoring his jibe. I’m used to them, and this is understandable. All Joey has ever wanted to do is protect me. I was a mess when he found me, and he vowed he’d never let me get that low again. But I’m fine. He did a great job of dragging me out of a pit of crap and turning me into the woman I am now.

‘So, let me get this straight. You’re telling me that, for the rest of this week, you’re going to spend
every
night with this man…’

‘He’s called Neal.’

‘I don’t care what he’s called. You’re spending every night with him and you’re not charging him a thing for the privilege?’

‘I’ve already taken two thousand pounds off him. I don’t want to take any more. Sleeping with him for money would feel seedy now.’

‘Jesus Christ, have you heard yourself? Are you actually listening to what’s coming out of your mouth?’

‘It’s what’s coming
in
it later that I’m looking forward to.’ I throw him a wink and quickly kiss his cheek.

‘You’re a filthy bitch.’

‘Being a filthy bitch is earning me a lot of money.’

‘Not if you start giving it away for free.’

I do get that he’s only looking out for me, but he doesn’t understand. He wasn’t there. He didn’t feel that crazy attraction – a connection so powerful it shocked the hell out of me.

‘I’m not doing this, Joey. Just give me these few days, OK? Let me do something normal,
feel
something normal…’

‘You don’t
do
normal, Kira. You haven’t done normal for over a decade.’

‘So let me do it now.’

‘Because I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, right? When he walks away, and you come to your fucking senses and realise what a stupid, dangerous thing it was you did, I’ll be here to put your fucked-up life back together. Again. Is that it?’

‘I’m that much of a problem, huh?’

‘Jesus, Kira, that isn’t what I meant.’

‘Forget the coffee. I’ll grab one on my way into town.’

‘Kira! Don’t you dare walk away from me, lady!’

I stop, throw back my head and turn around to face him.

‘I
will
be here, Kira. I’ll always be here… And I want to see that pretty arse of yours in Bam-Bams tonight, do you hear me? Before you go fuck Mr Blue-Eyes’ brains out. For free.’

‘Joey…’

He holds his hands up, but I know he isn’t sorry.

‘You got a show tonight?’

‘That’s why I want you there, angel. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, before I go on. You’re my lucky charm, God help me.’

‘I hate you, you old drama queen.’

‘Get out of my sight, you washed-up slut.’

We both smile, and this part of my life shifts back on to its comfortable, if not slightly dysfunctional axis. As for the other part, I have no idea where that’s going. All I know is I have a job to do. Even if I’m not really in the mood anymore.

Neal

I’ve spent the entire morning driving around this beautiful part of the country, meeting the most warm, friendly, and incredibly interesting people, as well as checking out some pretty spectacular pieces. I’ve already managed to acquire a few things for Lee, and this afternoon we’re meeting at her gallery so she can see what I’ve come up with so far. She specifically asked me for some local pieces, and I’m still trying to understand why she wanted an American dealer to hunt this stuff out for her when there are some very well-respected dealers here in her own hometown. I’ve met with quite a few of them already since I got here. But, hey, who am I to question a client’s requirements? Besides, I have a number of clients all over the world who’d rather use me than a local dealer. I’m
that
good.

I smile as I head across the hotel lobby, stopping at reception to see if there are any messages.

‘Afternoon, Mr Cannon. Are you having a good day so far?’

I throw Tracy, the receptionist, one of my smiles and watch as she suddenly goes all coy on me. I’m being a bit cruel, really, because I know she’s got a little crush on me. Derek, the concierge, told me as much the other day, but she’s way too young for me. No harm in being friendly, though.

‘I’m having a great day, thank you,
Tracy
. Are there any messages for me?’

‘No, Mr Cannon. No messages. Are you going up to your suite now?’

‘No. I think I’m gonna head into the bar for a quick drink before my afternoon appointments. You take care now, honey, OK?’

I throw her a wink and another smile before I make my way into the bar. It’s quite busy in there this afternoon, but I guess we’re at the beginning of a new working week. I’m not the only businessman in town.

‘Just a black coffee, please, Tony.’

I’m on first name terms with a lot of the hotel staff now. I’m beginning to realise what an incredibly friendly part of the world this is, and even though I’ve only been here a couple of days I’m extremely comfortable in my temporary home.

‘Working this afternoon, Mr Cannon?’ Tony asks, placing my coffee down on the counter as I slide up on to a stool.

I nod, taking a sip of the strong black liquid. ‘Got a meeting at The Gifford Gallery.’

‘Any plans for this evening?’

Oh, yeah, I got plans for this evening. But none I’m gonna divulge to anyone else. ‘Not sure yet. Gonna see how the day goes.’ I smile, and he heads off to serve another customer.

I take another sip of coffee and look around the room. I like to people watch sometimes. I find it kinda relaxing. But as I continue to scan the room I see someone I really wasn’t expecting to see. I see
her
– Kira. She’s here, in the hotel, and seeing her, it throws me slightly. She looks beautiful in a figure-hugging dark dress and killer heels, her dark-blonde hair piled high on top of her head, all business-like and freaking hot-as-hell. But I know the kind of business she’s really here to do. She’s just good at making it look like another generic working lunch.

I want to look away, but I can’t. She told me, despite our own personal arrangement, that she was going to carry on working, and even though I was OK with putting that to the back of my mind and pretending it wasn’t happening, seeing it going on right there in front of me – man, it’s a killer. But I can’t look away.

She stands up, and the man beside her places a hand in the small of her back as he leans in to say something to her that makes her laugh, and I feel like someone’s just grabbed my heart and squeezed it hard. I don’t want to be feeling this shit, but I am, and it fucking hurts.

He’s older than her, this man she’s more than likely going upstairs to fuck, and the thought of him with his dick inside her cuts me in two. The thought she might enjoy it rips me even further apart.

I finally turn away, but I can’t resist one more look as they head out of the bar. He’s taken his hand off her, which is something, but that’s only because he’ll know this is supposed to look like an ordinary business meeting. But it isn’t. It’s so far from that.

‘Everything OK, Mr Cannon?’

I turn back to face Tony. ‘Stick a shot of whiskey in that coffee, will you?’ Fuck it. I need a drink. My head’s now swimming with images of Kira naked and wet, being fucked by a stranger, and I have no idea how to deal with this. No fucking idea.

Tonight can’t come quickly enough.

But I’ve yet to get through the rest of the day.

Kira

He probably thinks I didn’t see him, but I did. I just wish I hadn’t. It’s knocked me slightly, and I’m glad my client wanted a shower before we got down to anything physical. It gives me a few more minutes to get my head together. I can’t be distracted, it isn’t fair on this man who’s paying for my company. Neal gets that regardless now.

He’s a nice man, my new client. A very polite and friendly older gentleman who’s up in the North East for some kind of IT convention, which he did tell me about over a more than pleasant lunch. I just wasn’t really taking it all in. I can look as though I’m interested, I’m so good at that it’s scary, but even before I’d seen Neal at the bar my head wasn’t really in the right place.

I walk over to the window and cross my arms against myself as I look out. This room is at the front of the hotel, facing out over the River Tyne, and as I look down I see Neal leaving. He stops to talk to George, the doorman, and I can’t take my eyes off him. Even from up here he stands out from the crowd. His hair blows slightly in the breeze as he stands with his hands in the pockets of his dark pants, his white shirt sleeves rolled up over his forearms. And then he throws his head back and laughs and I break inside.

In a few minutes I’m going to have to ride cowgirl on this man I’ve agreed to spend the afternoon with, and pretend I’m loving every second of it, when I know now that I’ll be closing my eyes and imagining it’s Neal. That’s the only way I’m going to get through this now. Close my eyes and imagine it’s Neal.

‘I’m ready, Kira.’

I slowly turn around, and ignore the dull ache in the pit of my stomach. My client, the kind, polite older gentleman, is standing there in the bathroom doorway, naked and waiting for me to do my thing. And I have to force a smile as I slip out of my dress, giving him a look at what he’s booked for the next hour.

And all I can think about is tonight.