Allure (21 page)

I smile, my fingers threading through his hair. ‘You seem very sure.’

‘Oh, I know you want me, Kira.’

He slips a hand between my legs and touches me gently, and I gasp, because I’m still sensitive down there.

‘You’re still wet, baby. So, yeah, I know you want me.’

I gasp a little louder as he slides his fingers inside me, our eyes locked as he finger-fucks me, slowly at first before picking up the pace, thrusting in and out of me faster and harder until I’m crying out with the weight of another orgasm, and I know we’re in for another long night.

That’s what we do.

It’s
all
we do.

We fuck, and we try to talk but then we end up fucking again.

And maybe that’s just a pattern I have to learn to live with.

Twenty-Two

Neal

‘What you said before, about being my own private whore…’

She turns onto her stomach and rests her chin on her hands, which are flat against my chest. A small smile plays at the corners of her mouth, and I’m amazed by how awake she still looks, seeing as we’ve been fucking for almost five straight hours – the bed, the bath, I even had her on the balcony and I am freaking exhausted. But she’s still alert and alive and so fucking beautiful my heart can’t take it.

‘I wasn’t being serious, Neal.’

‘Oh, really? Jeez, that’s such a pity ‘cos, I kinda like the idea.’ I lean over to kiss her, and my stomach flips like it’s on some kind of trampoline. ‘I like that idea, a lot.’

She smiles and pulls herself up so she’s facing me, and I tuck an arm around her waist and pull her closer, my stomach jumping around again as her tits brush against my skin.

‘I want you all to myself, Kira. Bring the fantasies, the role-playing, the scarves and the whips and all the shit you like, baby, but I want you all to myself.’

She takes my cock in her hand and starts moving it up and down, but I’m already hard. She’s just making it feel so much better. ‘You getting greedy, Mr Cannon?’

‘I mean it, Kira.’

‘You want me to give it all up? Everything I know, everything I
do
?’

‘No, I don’t want you to give it up. I still want you to do everything, believe me, sweetheart, I still want you to do
everything.
I just want you to do it all for me, and nobody else.’

She smiles again, but I don’t think she believes I’m serious. ‘You’re asking me to give up my job, Neal.’

‘Yeah, I’m asking you to give up your job. I came here to ask you to do just that, because I am in love with you, Kira, d’you understand that? I’m in love with you. And I don’t want to share you with all those other men, not anymore. It isn’t sitting right with me now, honey.’

She pulls back from me, and there’s something in her eyes that unnerves me slightly. ‘You’re giving me an ultimatum? Is that it?’

‘I’m asking you to make a choice, Kira.’

And I was always gonna do that. I love her, I know I love her because I feel like I can’t breathe if she isn’t around; I can’t function without her now. But she needs to make that choice, or we’re done. The flight over gave me the time I needed to focus my mind and know what I need to do. What
she
needs to do. And she needs to make that choice.

‘What do you want me to say, Neal?’

‘I want you to say you’ve fucked your last client. I want you to pull your profile, take your calendar offline and retire from this business you don’t need to be in, Kira.’

‘You don’t know what I need.’

‘Yes, I do. And I think you need
me
. I
know
I need
you
. But not like this, baby. I can’t do it, like this.’

She gets up and slips my discarded shirt on over her nakedness before she sits back down on the edge of the bed, her head bowed. ‘It’s all just… it’s happening too fast, Neal. I mean, I’m only just getting used to the fact you’re back here and now… now you’re asking me to do this.’

‘Come here. Come on.’

I sit up and pull her between my legs, and she leans back against me, her head resting on my shoulder and for a few minutes we just sit there, together, saying nothing. It’s one in the morning, and I’m so tired I feel like I could sleep for a week but I’m scared to close my eyes now in case she runs. I’ve put pressure on her, and I don’t know if I’m pushing her too hard too soon but at the same time I know I can’t do this if she carries on as an escort. It’s too much, and I can’t do it.

‘Am I supposed to give you my answer now?’ she whispers, her fingers absent-mindedly stroking my knee as I draw my legs up around her like some kind of make-shift cocoon.

‘No,’ I murmur into the top of her head, kissing her hair, breathing her in. ‘No, you don’t.’

‘I’m still scared, Neal.’

‘So am I, baby. So am I.’

‘I thought I was OK, you know? I went back to work, and I got used to you not being around anymore. I’d committed you to memory; a beautiful experience I didn’t want to forget. And now you’re back.’

‘And that’s a bad thing?’

She shakes her head. ‘It’s just a shock. I don’t think I was really expecting to see you again. What happened with us, it was good. It was special. But I could never feel like it was real. I thought the second you were back in
New York
you’d just go back to living your life…’

‘You really thought that once I got home I’d just forget about you?’

‘What happened between us, Neal, it was so intense I don’t think we completely understood what was going on, past the sex.’

‘I needed to leave to know that I never should have. Does that make sense?’

‘Yes.’ She reaches back to touch my face and I take her hand, kissing her fingers. ‘It does.’

‘We can make this work, Kira. I promise you, with every beat of my fucking heart we can make this work.’

She leans further back against me and I hold her tight as her eyes close.

We need to sleep.

But I’m getting there.

I’m breaking her down.

And I’m starting to believe my own promises.

Kira

‘I’m not coming home, Joey. Not yet, anyway.’

‘Jesus, Kira, I thought we’d been through this…’

‘Neal’s here.’

There’s a slight pause as Joey takes in what I’ve just told him. ‘I thought he was back in
New York
?’

‘He was. And now he’s here.’

‘OK… but I thought you were both supposed to be… Why are you talking so quietly?’

‘I’m in the bathroom.’

‘And where’s he?’

‘In bed.’

‘Of course he is. So, what happened to this plan, then? The one where there was supposed to be no contact with each other until…’

‘Until we knew, Joey. The plan was to spend time apart to see if we still felt the same once we didn’t have that constant need for sex surrounding us. He still felt the same. He knew. And he’s back.’

‘OK. And, what was the first thing you did when you saw him?’

‘This isn’t a game, Joey.’

‘No, I know it isn’t, angel. When did he arrive?’

‘Last night… He was my second client.’

‘How many times have I told you to stop with the email bookings? The agency should be the only ones to handle emails Kira, you know that. I’ve pointed out the flaws of doing this on a personal level time and time again… unless, you’re happy he’s here. Are you happy he’s here?’

‘He’s in my bed, isn’t he?’

‘Doesn’t really answer my question, but… you still giving it to him for free?’

‘Jesus, Joey…’

‘Alright, but… Y’know, I have no idea what the hell is going on with you two, but whatever it is, it’s wearing me out.’

‘Yeah. Tell me about it.’

There’s another pause down the line, and I know it’s because he’s trying to work out my mood.

‘OK. Let’s put it this way. You’ve got what has to be the hottest – and I mean,
the
hottest man I have
ever
laid eyes on lying in your bed… He came all the way from
New York
, Kira.’ His voice changes, his tone calmer, kinder. He understands how I’m feeling. He knows I’m lost here. ‘The guy’s hardly had time to unpack and he’s back. Because of you. Doesn’t that tell you something?’

‘He’s given me an ultimatum, Joey.’

‘What kind of ultimatum?’

‘Him, or this life.’

‘And you’re actually thinking about that?’

‘I
know
this life, Joey. I don’t really know
him
.’

‘So get to know him. Look, we’re going round in circles here, Kira. You know how I feel about this.’

I lean back against the bathroom door and pull my knees up, closing my eyes for a second. ‘Joey, I am so attracted to that man, I can’t tell you. I mean, I can’t even look at him without wanting him, it’s that bad. But you can’t base a relationship on sexual attraction alone. That’s not a good foundation, surely.’

‘Isn’t it? And what’ve you got now, huh? What’ve you
had
in the past ten years? When was the last time you actually
wanted
to sleep with a man without money changing hands?’

He’s making my life sound so cheap, so sordid; so meaningless.

‘Neal is the first man you’ve
wanted
to sleep with, Kira. And you don’t need me to tell you that. He’s your breakthrough, angel. And it doesn’t matter where he came from, how you met, or how long you’ve known him. None of that matters, babe. He’s your breakthrough; your reason to walk away from everything you felt you needed to do to get over the crap Simon put you through. So you think hard, Kira. You think really hard.’

‘I’d better go.’ I don’t really know what to say now. I just feel like there’s so much to take in. ‘He’ll be awake soon.’

‘How long until you think you’ll be home?’

‘I don’t know. I really don’t know, Joey. I just think… maybe me and Neal… maybe we need some time on our own… I don’t know…’

‘Well, you keep me in the loop, y’hear? And don’t take too long to sort this out, OK? For two reasons. One, you don’t need to. And two, Bam-Bams is missing it’s fag hag.’

I smile and hang up, resting my head back against the door.

I don’t know what to do.

The most beautiful man I have ever known wants me, despite everything he knows I am.

And I don’t know what to do.

Neal

I can hear her talking, in the bathroom. I can’t make out what she’s saying because she’s keeping her voice down, but I can hear her. And she’ll be talking to Joey, but I’m kinda glad about that. Joey wants her out of this life as much as I do. I think I might have an ally in her best friend.

The bathroom door opens and part of me – my cock, mostly – prays that she’s naked. I dreamt about sex and I woke up wanting some. And yet, another part of me knows we can’t continue to fuck our way through this. But, man, that is such a big part of why I love her – that crazy-hot body; those legs I want wrapped around me permanently. But I know she’s beautiful inside, too. She’s bared her soul to me, as I have mine to her. So it’s gone way beyond just sex now, even though I know she’s still denying that, still fighting every reason why we’re still here, together.

‘You’re awake.’

She’s wearing my shirt, and she looks so much younger than she really is with her hair all piled up messily and that mask of make-up removed.

‘Yeah. I guess I am… Come here, come on.’

She straddles me, and I slide my hands up over her thighs until I grasp her hips. She’s naked under the shirt, and my cock reacts to that. What the hell else was it gonna do?

‘I still can’t believe you haven’t met even one woman who could stop Neal Cannon from sleeping with women like me,’ she whispers, her fingers lightly stroking my cheek, her thumb running over my bottom lip.

I frown, because I hate it when she does this; when she puts herself down, pigeon-holes herself as something she isn’t. Something she doesn’t need to be. ‘Women like you?’

‘Escorts. Faceless women. Meaningless sex. All those years and you didn’t meet even one woman who made you want to start living again?’

‘Yeah. I met one.’ I kiss her slightly open mouth, and she melts into me and every crazy, wrong thing I feel for her; all those emotions, they collide and explode inside of me. ‘You.’

She smiles, and those fireworks shoot off in all directions again, knocking the breath right out of me. ‘You’re such a charmer, Mr Cannon.’

I return her smile, sliding the shirt back off her shoulders because I want her naked. I’ve seen her naked way more than I’ve seen her clothed, and every time it still kills me. I’ll never tire of seeing her naked. ‘It’s what I do, darlin’.’

She laughs quietly, and my stomach dips so low I can’t breathe.

‘Don’t you feel like something’s happening here, Kira?’

I watch her eyes, the way her expression changes, only slightly, but the fear is still there, I can see it. She still isn’t sure. I am. I’ve never been more sure of anything, but I think I might need some help now. I don’t know if I can do this on my own anymore.

‘Look, baby, if you want to go back to
Newcastle
…’

‘You’ll come too, won’t you?’

There it is. That one, tiny spark I needed to see, Jesus, did I need to see that! ‘Yeah. I’m coming too.’

Wherever she goes, I’m following.

I’m there.