Allegiance (11 page)

The conversation took place over dinner and went as expected. On my parents’ side there were denials, protestations and refusals
to let me go, and on mine, gentle persuasion and guarantees that nothing would really change.

‘And how’s Jack taking all this?’ my mother asked as she reached for the salt.

‘He’s fine,’ I told her. ‘Leif explained everything to him weeks ago.’

‘Oh, really?’ She shook the salt almost viciously onto what remained of her steak. ‘And did he take
Jack’s
feelings into consideration when he was casting his little spell?’

‘How could Leif know what would happen between me and Jack?’ A long silence followed before I added, ‘Besides, it was all good with Leif and Jack at the beach today.’

Mum tutted and shook her head before a grinning Ashleigh said, ‘You’re
such
a player, Marla.’

I frowned at my sister. ‘Weren’t you listening, Ashleigh? Leif confused me.’

Laughing, my sister said she’d never heard such a good excuse for playing up on your boyfriend. She went on to list all the other things you could get away with just by saying you were confused.

Mum told her to pipe down before turning back to me. ‘You’re deluding yourself if you think everything’s going to be rosy with Jack. And how do you know this King Telophy can be trusted?’

‘Leif said he’s made a vow.’

‘I still don’t trust him,’ she said. Dad got up to clear his plate away, patting Mum on the shoulder as he went.

‘Look, in Faera I won’t be sick—not even a little bit. Can you even imagine what that will be like for me? I won’t have these disgusting rashes, I won’t have this awful rattle in my chest and I won’t be allergic to every
damn
thing I touch. I’ll be able to
breathe
for God’s sake!’

‘Um-ah,’ Ashleigh said, slapping a hand to her mouth. A wide grin peeked out between her fingers.

Dad came back into the room and gave me one of his most disappointed looks. Taking the Lord’s name in vain was right at the top of his list of wrong things to do. I apologised quickly before adding, ‘You don’t know what it’s like for me, Dad. I just don’t belong here! I will be healthy in Faera.
Healthy
!’

‘Not to mention the place is full of hot half-naked faeries,’ Ashleigh added, licking her lips suggestively.

Now it was my sister’s turn to get the Dad daggers. She just laughed them off. Ashleigh had become even more wild than usual lately. I’d heard my parents talking about it in the kitchen the other night. They didn’t know whether it was something to do with her turning sixteen or the influence of her friends—either way they weren’t happy, but neither of them responded to her comment so I carried on. ‘In a few months I’ll be eighteen and then I’ll
have
to be in Faera or I’ll lose my immortality!’

‘Why not wait till then?’ Mum said.

‘What, so I’ve got no time to decide if I even like the place?’ I knew very well I liked it but I thought I made a valid point. ‘Anyway, I’ll be finished school at the end of the week, so it’s not like there’ll be a problem as far as that’s concerned.’ I directed my attention to my mother. ‘
You
moved out of home when you were seventeen.’

‘Into a unit with friends, not to another world!’

‘Faera
is
my world, Mum, and it’s only a few minutes away—I’ll be back and forth all the time.
And
I’ll have four grandparents all competing to look after me.’

My father’s expression changed from concerned interest to displeasure. ‘But it’s your boyfriend you plan to live with, isn’t it? Not your grandparents.’

‘Geez, Dad, don’t make it sound so seedy—Leif’s a gentleman.’ I could have assured Dad my betrothed was way less of a threat to my virtue than Jack, but it would serve no purpose.
‘And
I have my own room, plus the castle is full of other people—including Leif’s parents.’

‘If you think the fact you would be living under the same roof as Leif’s father is a comfort, you’re mistaken.’

‘Leif would
never
put me in danger—he loves me!’

‘Well we love you too,’ my father said. ‘And it’s your best interests we’re thinking of.’

‘Don’t you see that going to Faera
is
in my best interests? You want me to be well, don’t you?’

My parents couldn’t argue with that. Finally Dad placed his hands on the table and said, ‘All right, Marla, I don’t see how your mother and I can refuse.
However
, as we have no way of reaching you once you’ve gone, and therefore no way of knowing you’re okay, you are to return home at least once a week—Sunday—and you’re to be here in time for church.’ Ashleigh guffawed loudly. My father gave her a firm look. ‘It will be a family day,’ he said eye-balling her. ‘No exceptions—for either of you.’

I grinned. ‘You never give up, do you Dad.’

The next week seemed to last a month and I didn’t see Jack at all. He didn’t call and he didn’t text. And because we were sitting different exams, I didn’t bump into him at school either. For years now Jack had been such a huge part of my every-day life that it felt as though a chunk of my heart was missing, and within a couple of days of not hearing from him, a grey gloominess had settled in its place. I must have picked up my phone fifty times to call him and the one time I got the courage to go through with it, he didn’t answer. I hated this awkwardness and longed to have my best friend back. But I knew I was chasing a fantasy. Jack and I had crossed a line and I didn’t know how either one of us would ever be able to look at the other and just see a friend again.

‘I don’t know what to do about Jack,’ I told Hilary as we left the hall after our final exam on Thursday. People danced and whooped around us, hurling study notes to the sky. I’d been looking forward to finishing my exams too, but now I couldn’t even care. ‘I think I’ve lost him.’

‘You haven’t,’ Hilary said as she watched the torn pages flutter down around her. ‘You’ll see him tomorrow night at Peter’s and everything will be fine.’

Peter was having a party to celebrate the end of school. His parents hadn’t been too thrilled at the idea but had relented after extensive nagging. A couple of months ago, Peter had invited the whole of Year 12 to his eighteenth and it had taken days to clean up afterwards. There’d been plastic chairs floating in the
swimming pool, cans and bottles strewn up and down the street, and some lovely person had thrown up in the fish pond.

‘I hope you’re right. I hate feeling like I can’t pick up the phone and call him. I should have told Leif to take the memories away.’

Hilary stopped for a moment and I could see the concern in her eyes. ‘I bet he still could.’

I sighed and we continued down the path, grinning Year 12 faces all around us. ‘You think I should let him, don’t you?’

‘I just want you both to be okay. Jack seems pretty lost at the moment.’ We moved aside to avoid being bowled over by a bunch of guys keen to leave school behind. We watched them hurtle through the gates and heave their school bags into the air, laughing.

‘You’ve seen him this week?’

Hilary nodded.

‘Did he mention me?’

After a pause, Hilary said, ‘No, but I told him you were leaving on Saturday.’

‘What did he say?’

She caught my eyes and gently said, ‘He didn’t say anything.’

‘He hates me,’ I whispered. And how could I blame him? When I put myself in his position—considered how I’d feel if some girl just stepped in to claim my boyfriend, I didn’t see why he would ever speak to me again. ‘I don’t know how I thought everything would be okay.’

‘Why don’t you call him?’

I shook my head. I couldn’t. Besides, it could only be easier for Jack if I stayed away, gave him a chance to get over the whole mess. I dropped my face to the footpath, blinking quickly. I couldn’t stand the thought that I meant nothing but suffering for Jack. Oh, why hadn’t I listened to Hilary in the first place?

‘What time’s Leif picking you up on Saturday?’

Glad to go along with the change of subject, I said, ‘About ten.’

‘You must be excited about going back to Faera?’

Images flashed in my head—clear blue sky dusted with lavender, shades of green that went on forever, my grandparents welcoming me in to their little river homes, the glittering castle, the clean air… Leif. ‘Hil, when I think about Faera, all my worries just slip away for a while… I know that makes me selfish.’

‘Why would you say that?’

‘Because Jack’s not speaking to me, Mum and Dad are worried and Ashleigh’s gone all weird. One minute she’s going on about having the room to herself and the next she’s saying I’m deserting her.’

‘You’ll be back to visit though?’

‘Every Sunday at least, so
please
keep it free.’

Hilary smiled. ‘Of course, I will, but don’t worry anymore, okay? It won’t change a thing. Besides, wanting to be in the world you were born into, with the guy you were born for, doesn’t make you selfish.’

I wasn’t so sure, but we spoke about other things as we covered the distance to the gate, where after making arrangements for Peter’s party we said goodbye and went our separate ways. It felt like an omen. I hated being torn between two worlds. I felt like kicking King Telophy. If it weren’t for him, I would barely know about this human world. I thought about that for a minute. Would I change anything if I could? As soon as I had the thought, I knew I wouldn’t. My anger towards the king faded for a little while. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t know all these people I loved so completely. There was always another side to the story.

Jack was already at the party when I arrived with Hilary and Kyle on Friday night. They went straight inside to join him, Hilary squeezing my hand on the way past. But I hesitated, watching Jack through the screen door. He was standing in a group with Peter and a bunch of other guys, a drink in his hand. He hugged Hilary, said hey to Kyle and then laughed at something one of the others had to say. His hair fell across his eyes and I watched him run his fingers through it. A lump came to my throat as I thought of the times I’d run my own fingers through that honey hair. Then I started thinking about kissing him and holding him and him holding me. My tummy did a flip as I recalled that night in our little cove. I wanted to go up behind him and slip my arms around him—for him to turn and smile and gather me close as he told me everything was going to be okay. Jack must have felt my eyes on him because he looked over and caught me watching. After a moment, he came to meet me.

He opened the door and leaned down to kiss my cheek. ‘Hey,’ he said as he straightened. I told him hello and couldn’t think of another thing to say.

Silent seconds passed before he stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

‘Had a busy week?’ he asked.

‘No,’ I said quietly.

‘Really? I thought you’d be packing for Faera.’

Was that an edge to his voice?
‘There’s not much to pack.’

‘But you must have been busy with Leif at least.’

There
was
an edge to his voice. I said, ‘I was hoping I’d see you.’

Jack took a long drink. Then staring at the opening of the bottle, he said, ‘Why didn’t you then?’

‘I left you a message. You didn’t call back.’

Jack continued to watch his drink as a couple of beats went by. Finally I said, ‘I’m really sorry, Jack.’

Jack had no words. What had happened between us had left a scar right down the middle of our friendship.

‘I don’t want it to be like this,’ I continued. ‘I miss you so much, but I… I understand if you can’t see me. I wouldn’t blame you.’ I blinked to stop the tears that were stabbing at my eyes but it didn’t work, they came anyway. This wasn’t right. My being here would only make things harder for him. I turned to flee but he pulled me around to face him.

‘Marla, wait.’

I turned back to see sadness in Jack’s eyes. He bent to put his drink against the wall, before pulling me against him. It was the biggest effort not to put my arms around him. I dropped my forehead to his collarbone.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I should have called you back… I think I was trying to hurt you.’

I looked up at him. ‘Why wouldn’t you after what I’ve done?’

He wiped my tears with his fingers. ‘Don’t say that. It’s not your fault. I’m just a jealous idiot.’

‘I thought you were okay.’

He glanced down for a moment before looking back to me. ‘I thought I was too… but… I kept thinking of you and me together, then I’d start thinking of you and him together.’ He drew a breath and let it go slowly. ‘I know you and Leif are meant to be and all that—but… I guess it’s a lot harder to go back to being friends than I thought it would be.’

‘We can tell him to make us forget. I’d rather do that than lose you.’

Jack frowned. ‘He’s not screwing with my head. I can get through this. And, you won’t lose me, Marla. That’ll never happen.’

Relief washed over me.

He traced over my smile with a finger. ‘Come for a walk with me?’

I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t say no to him. I hesitated only a second or two before saying ‘Okay, Jack.’