All Who Are Lost (Ashmore's Folly Book 1) (33 page)

Lucy’s response came too easily. She must have seen this coming. “Why did he marry her, period! I never saw two less compatible people. It was a matter of time before one of them strayed and a matter of opportunity as to who strayed first.” She settled back against the quilt, again secure in her dominance. “Don’t look so shocked. Do you still see them as Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming?”

So Lucy had decided to lend Richard her protective silence. Laura didn’t doubt that her sister knew exactly what she so neatly evaded telling. “No, I don’t believe in fairy tales. But they’d been together for years. My God, they couldn’t stay apart for more than a day—”

“Oh, really.” Lucy looked at Laura in disgust. “Is that what you think marriage is all about? No wonder you had problems. Tom and I’ve got a good marriage, and I’ll tell you, it’s
work
– hard work – but we both understood that going in. I think Di made a big mistake getting married. She and Richard were way too young, and neither one of them knew what they were getting into. Di never got to see a real marriage, and Richard saw an unusually tranquil one because Mom and Dad never argued in front of us. Plus, Mom loved being a homemaker. Richard grew up in a picture-perfect home and assumed that his own would automatically turn out the same way.”

“I see.” She didn’t want to admit that she’d been just as shocked at the reality of marriage, and for the same reasons. It had taken time and experience to learn that one quarrel did not a marriage unmake. The Ashmores’ happy home had done a world of disservice.

“Richard, for all his virtues, is not the most flexible of men. He got married with this perfect little idea of ‘wife’ and expected Di to fit herself right in. Of course, she didn’t. Di is the least domestic woman I’ve ever known. She never intended to live that life. She only got married to get away from Dominic.”

That surprised her. “Get away?” But Diana had been Dominic’s golden girl, defying him only when it came to Richard. “She was Daddy’s pet—”

“Pets run away all the time.” Lucy shrugged. “Let’s not hash that one out now. Dominic and Di defy analysis. To answer your question – I don’t know what happened between Richard and Di. She thought Richard studied too much, and he thought she and Dominic were too close – I imagine our esteemed father, feeling as he did about Richard, seized every opportunity to interfere. I can tell you that she moved out after their first anniversary—“

That was news. “I don’t remember that.” Laura tried to think back. When had Dominic started the endless drills, the increased hours of practice? She’d had little time to focus on anything other than music and school. “No one said anything.”

“They kept it on the QT. You think Mom wanted to admit that her son’s marriage was falling apart after only a year? Even though she never wanted him to marry Di in the first place.”

“I guess not.” She remembered Peggy’s tight lips at the wedding. “Did Daddy know?”

Lucy nodded. “He came up to see her once. She was staying with me – remember that little place I had? He told me to make myself scarce for a couple of days so he could talk some sense into her, so I stayed with Richard. Oh, and Mom went up there too. Not that she liked Di, but she and Dad didn’t want Richard to have to deal with a broken marriage while he was still in college.”

“So Di went back after that?”

“She found out she was pregnant.” Lucy paused. “There was no way she was going to cope with that on her own. So Richard told her to come back and they’d try to make a go of it—” She lifted her hands. “That’s when everything
really
went south. I hated to go over there, frankly. I don’t think they ever talked to each other except when someone was around. Di said once that the silence broke her.”

“My lord.” A memory nudged at her – that last Christmas, the contempt in his eyes when he looked at his wife. “But they stayed together—”

Lucy said softly, “Until Julie was five. Those two lived in the same house – maybe shared the same bed, who knows – and
they hardly ever spoke
. Sick, isn’t it?”

“Definitely.” Obsessed, actually. Terrible that neither Diana nor Richard, in the face of such silent wreckage, had let go. Thank heavens Cam had known when to admit failure. “Why didn’t they get divorced? Why don’t they now? They’re obviously never going to reconcile.”

“Di doesn’t want a divorce.”

“Well, what about him? He can’t like living like that, can he?”

“Who knows? He won’t tell you. More tea?” Lucy pushed the teapot towards her. “Everyone has a different theory, and not one of us has the nerve to ask, because—”

Laura chimed in, “Richard won’t talk,” and Lucy laughed.

“See? You’ve caught on already. His marriage is off limits. Okay, here goes.” Lucy leaned her head back against the chair, settling in for a long cozy gossip. “Tom is his closest friend. I know Richard talks to him, because Tom sometimes does work for him that I’m not allowed to see. Tom’s theory is – ready for this? – that Richard won’t divorce Di because he feels sorry for her.”

“No.” The man who had so decisively taken her apart in her kitchen had not spared any sympathy for a wife whose sickness was completely self-inflicted.

“Agree,” said Lucy. “Tom doesn’t like Di, but
he
feels sorry for her, so he’s probably projecting his own feelings. But it does make sense, if you remember that Di’s crazy. You saw her the other night at dinner. Did she act like a normal human being? I wasn’t sure she was even here on earth.”

Laura said bluntly, “She was stoned to the gills.”

“And you know why? She’s a failure. She’s failed at marriage, she’s failed at motherhood, she’s failed at any kind of career. Oh, you know how talented she was, what a beautiful voice she had! She’s wasted it all. Her voice is shot now – all those damn drugs, Dominic railed at her to take better care, and she ignored him.” Lucy drummed her fingers on the desk. “I can’t think of anything that Di has ever accomplished, except give birth to Julie. Richard knows that. He knows what a low opinion of herself she has. He knows that the one thing she clings to, like a badge of honor, is that she is still married.”

“I don’t buy it.” But –
Diana is my wife
. Maybe he clung to that badge too.

“Okay,” said Lucy. “Try Di’s theory. She thinks Richard likes the status quo. It renders him unattainable. He doesn’t have the hassle of a wife, but he has the perfect excuse to hand any woman who might expect him to cough up a wedding ring.”

“Surely not.” Laura didn’t like that any better. “He’s not that cold-blooded.”

“Oh?” Lucy raised an eyebrow. “His own wife believes it of him, and you don’t? Don’t want to admit your hero isn’t perfect in every way?”

“His wife, to quote you, is crazy. And don’t twist my words.”

“I don’t have to. You do that all on your own.” Lucy’s eyes rested on her speculatively. “It might surprise you that Julie’s theory is pretty much the same, except that, of course, she puts a more charitable spin on it. Julie’s daddy does no wrong in Julie’s eyes. She thinks Richard is holding on to Diana for his own sake, to keep himself from caring about a woman again.”

“That
is
a daddy’s girl speaking.” Laura relaxed and reached for her tea. “In other words, Julie doesn’t want a rival for her father’s affections.”

“Maybe.” Lucy grabbed at the blanket as it went drifting to the floor. “She definitely has an advanced case of hero worship. I blame Richard. He’s created a world where his frailties are never spotlighted, so of course she thinks he slays dragons.”

Richard, fiercely protective of Julie’s right to an unblemished father…. The stark poignancy of that had escaped her until now. “So what do
you
think?”

“I have two theories.” The sunlight through the window glinted off Lucy’s hair, creating an undeserved halo effect. “I think Richard will file for divorce in two years, when Julie turns eighteen.”

“No way.” Laura shook her head. “Once you decide, waiting is intolerable. I
know
. And why then?”

Lucy said softly, “It was intolerable for you because you had nothing to gain by waiting. Put yourself in the position of a man who has already survived a bloody custody battle. On her eighteenth birthday, custody disappears forever. Oh, he’d win if he filed today, no doubt about it. He’s done a wonderful job with Julie, she adores him, she scarcely knows Di, and what she knows she doesn’t like. But custody would still be an
issue
, don’t you see? And Richard will never run that risk again.”

Richard, smiling at Julie, as if all his world stood there in his arms. And Francie saying,
he just wants to keep Julie, or else he’d get rid of Di.

Lucy steepled her hands under her chin. “How about you? Got any ideas?”

Bizarre, and not very generous, to sit here in this sunny office, dissecting that very private man for their personal amusement. Laura shook her head. “No. I’m not like you, Lucy. You should have been a psychiatrist, not a lawyer. Have you been analyzing me all these years from my lyrics?”

“Of course.” Lucy didn’t miss a beat or blink an eye. “Sexually repressed, a virgin when you married, a faithful wife with no imagination. I got all that from
Waterfalls
. Tom disagreed about your virginity, Di said you’re into bondage, and Richard thought you might have strayed once or twice. How far off the mark were we?”

“Oh, Lord.” She had to laugh. Served her right. “Wait. Why did Richard think I cheated on Cam?”

“Ask him,” suggested Lucy sweetly. “Trade him that for info on his women.”

“What about them anyway?” She grabbed at the topic. Better Richard’s sex life than her own. “
Does
he get involved there?”

“I don’t know.”

She thought that not knowing must just kill Lucy. “Come on, you must know
something
. I can’t believe you haven’t asked.”

“I have a spy in his household.” Lucy’s eyes gleamed. “Unfortunately, she knows next to nothing because Richard doesn’t bring his lady friends home to meet his daughter. Tom knows, but you know that male bonding. They must swear an oath of silence.”

“He’s not seeing anyone right now.”

“How do you know?”

“I asked.”

“And he didn’t take your head off?” Lucy looked impressed. “Normally, I can only tell when he becomes unavailable for dinner on Saturday nights.” She half-closed her eyes and surveyed Laura. “I’m afraid the only one we know about is—”

“Francie.” She still wished that she hadn’t betrayed Francie. “Is she the reason he won’t get involved? Did she burn him that badly?”

“Heavens, no.” Lucy shook her head. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking that Richard loved Francie. He’s loved only one woman in his life. He
liked
Francie, and she made herself very convenient. She wanted him, she was willing to break the rules for him, and that must have appealed to him.”

“Lucy….” But her sister wasn’t done.

“Sometimes,” and Lucy casually picked up a paper clip and began to unfold it, “the most attractive thing a man sees in a woman is the way she feels about him. Let’s say, she has a crush on him, and they’re apart for a long time, so she never grows out of it. Then they meet again, and he’s lonely, and she’s all grown up now – sparks fly between them – sparks that normally lead straight to bed, but they know better, they see the dangers, so they deal with all that tension by fighting all the time—”

Laura’s mouth dropped open in horror.

And Lucy said softly, “I thought so.”

~•~

Too late. She’d fallen into the trap. Oh, clever Lucy, baiting her, outlining her pet theories, goading her to his defense. She’d not seen the steel jaws closing in on her. And how did Lucy know about that first night! Surely, Richard hadn’t admitted how she had curled into him like a kitten seeking warmth, how instinctively he had wrapped himself around her.

But Lucy had guessed.

“Richard refused to talk about the evening he found you.” To give her credit, Lucy masked her triumph; compassion and regret laced her voice. “I figured out right away that something had happened, because he didn’t want to be around you, and he gave Julie the same impression. Then when he made that comment about you interfering in his marriage, and he got after me for telling you that he’s been seeing others – well, I thought, what is the one subject that Richard never talks about? We’re very close, Laurie. I know how much he made last year, I know his cholesterol level, for heavens’ sake. So what, I thought, can he be concealing from me?”

She wanted to find the nearest hole and crawl into it. But she couldn’t move. She could only sit there, prisoner in a comfortable leather chair, and listen to her sister autopsy her innermost thoughts under the cold harsh light of insight.

“And then I remembered how you used to feel about him. We teased you about it. Even Di used to laugh about sleeping late on weekends, because you’d stand in if he wanted to go fishing or riding.” Maybe Lucy didn’t see the pain she was inflicting, or maybe she did. Maybe the pain was necessary, Laura thought, even as she scrambled to remortar the wall around her heart. “Your crush was very safe, because – face it – you were a quiet, mousy child who never spoke unless spoken to, and Richard was never going to give you the time of day anyway. But you’re not that child anymore. You’re a successful woman who has made more money than the rest of us ever dreamed about, you’ve been through a marriage and you’ve raised a child, you’re a beautiful woman now.”

“Lucy—”

“A beautiful,
single
woman, living dangerously close to a man you still want. A man who thinks he has reason to avoid you. A man who isn’t involved with anyone else, putting him in a lonely and vulnerable position – and how do we know this? Because you asked him. You asked him enough about his marriage to make him very angry. And you took him to task about the other women in his life.”

Laura sat perfectly still, hoping that Lucy had finished so that she could slink away and disappear. She willed it with such passion that it surprised her when Lucy merely left her perch behind the desk and came around to take her hand.