All the Stars in the Heavens (50 page)

“He saw a bit when she was working with him on the radio play,” Alda reasoned.

“Has Tom asked you any questions about Judy?”

“He asked me where she came from, did we know anything about her original family.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing.”

“Good.”

“It isn't good, Mrs. Belzer. I think Mr. Lewis's imagination runs wild. I don't think that's good for Judy or their marriage. Loretta tells me she has it under control, but I don't believe it. Judy needs a safe place where she can know the truth, and it should include her stepfather.”

“Everything will be better when they have a baby together.”

“Better for whom?”

“For everyone. Judy will have a sibling. No one will care where Judy is from once they have a baby.”

“But Judy will.”

“I don't think so. We love her to pieces. She is loved, Alda. That's all that matters.”

Gladys, like her daughter Loretta, had a way of ending a conversation that made it clear that the subject was closed. Alda knew that Loretta was making a terrible mistake, but she would have a hard time convincing her if Gladys Belzer wasn't on board. Maybe Loretta would come to her own conclusion in the matter and do the right thing by Judy, but Alda doubted it.

After a few months of living with Gladys at Sunset House, Tom and Loretta finally moved into Camden House—“their little blue heaven,” as Gladys called it. Tom was annoyed that the house wasn't ready when they returned from their honeymoon, and decided one day that whether the house was finished or not, he was moving. Loretta could not convince him to wait, so they moved over, living in rooms with paint fumes and empty of furniture.

Tom handled conflict by pushing through it to get his own way. If Loretta was late, he'd sit in the car and steam, laying on the horn until she joined him. If she was telling a story at a party and got a detail wrong, he'd correct her in front of the company. He was subtle but controlling.

Alda's inability to push Gladys to finish the house put her in dutch with Tom Lewis. He pushed Alda aside and took on more of the responsibilities of Loretta's work, reading scripts, prioritizing appearances, and dealing with the agent. Alda had more time to answer fan mail, which was now out of control because of Loretta's reach in radio. The pool house at Sunset House was filled with sacks of mail.

“You need some help, Alda.” Loretta took in the volume of the mail that had arrived.

“I'll get some. I put a query letter up at Saint Paul's. I'll bring some ladies in to help.”

“Good idea. I'm taking Judy to the hospital today.”

“Today is the day? Do you need me?”

“I can manage. Mama is going to come with me, and Mr. Lewis is
going to stay in New York for a few more days, so I figured this was a good time for Judy's surgery.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Alda, do you have a problem with Judy's operation?”

“Forgive me. I think what you're doing is wrong.”

“We have an exceptional doctor. Judy will be safe.” Loretta's eyes filled with tears.

“I'm sure she'll be fine, but that's not the point. Look at my nose, Loretta. It's an Italian nose. When I was a girl, I hated it, I thought it was too large. Then I went in the convent and I didn't care about my nose at all. Didn't give it a thought. Then I met Luca Chetta and he liked my nose. So I thought about my nose again. Now, when I look in the mirror I see my mother and father, who are far away, but I'm reminded of them.”

“What are you saying to me?”

“You shouldn't change Judy's ears.”

“She's being teased at school.”

“Teach her to handle the bullies. That builds character. Mr. Gable is part of who she is. If you change her ears, you're taking away an aspect of him.”

“She's getting braces for the buckteeth that she inherited from me.”

“It's not the same thing. She knows you're her mother.”

“Her father doesn't have any interest in her.”

“It doesn't matter. That's between them. But there should be nothing but truth shared between you and Judy. Loretta, you have to believe me, no good will come of this secret.”

“Her father is dead.”

“That's a story you've made up. The problem is, he's very much alive.”

“I agonize about it constantly. I pray about it.”

“I'm not saying you tell the world. But in the world that your daughter lives in, her aunts and cousins know the truth; the children at school, their parents know the truth, though it's really none of their business. They're just guessing, and even that, I'll give you. But you cannot continue this charade. She will grow up and hate you for it.”

“She'll understand someday.”

Alda's eyes filled with tears.. “You need someone in your life that
tells you the truth. But I understand why people don't. There is no getting through to you.”

Loretta walked out of the pool house. Alda didn't understand the pressure she was under. Loretta's marriage was already in trouble, even though she was determined to make it work. She missed living at Sunset House with her mother and Judy. It had been a peaceful life, and now she had to deal with her husband's needs and moods
.

Her husband tried to be a good stepfather, but Loretta disagreed with his parenting style. She was afraid she had married Tom because Gable married Lombard, Sally married Norman, and Polly married Carter. She'd felt left behind, and she'd desperately wanted Judy to have a stable home life.

Judy's operation to pin back her ears was as much for Tom Lewis as it was for Judy. Tom hadn't asked Loretta direct questions about Judy's background. He'd eventually assumed she'd been adopted anonymously, and that was that. Loretta dismissed any of Tom's queries as gossip. She told him the story of Saint Elizabeth's and finding Judy there, the same story she had concocted for the newspapers. Loretta had taken the lie into her new marriage, but only because Gable had rejected her and Judy.

The first face Judy Lewis saw when she opened her eyes at the hospital was her mother's. She would remember the soft pink lipstick, her mother's loving gray eyes, and her encouraging smile.

“How are you feeling, my baby girl?”

Judy was eight years old, and she didn't like being called a baby. But when her mother scooped her up in her arms and held her, she didn't mind.

Judy felt pain behind her ears. She reached up and touched the bandage that encircled her head.

“Try not to touch the bandage, Judy.”

“Mama, it hurts.”

Loretta rang for the nurse, who came quickly. “My daughter is in pain.”

“I'll take care of it,” the nurse, dressed head to toe in white, said.

“She looks like a bride,” Judy said.

“She does, doesn't she?” Loretta smiled.

“Mama, did it work?”

“The doctor said your operation went perfectly.”

“I won't get teased anymore?”

“I don't think so.”

“Mama, will you stay with me?”

“Forever. There's no place I'd rather be.”

“And no daddy?”

“He's in New York. Judy, is he nice to you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Do you like him?”

“No.”

“Oh, Judy, he's your daddy now.”

“Will my ears be better by the time he gets home?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Good. I don't want him to see the bandages.”

“Why?” Loretta's voice caught.

“He doesn't like me to cry.”

“Judy, it's all right to cry. Sometimes we need to.”

“Do you?”

“Sure.”

“Daddy doesn't like it.”

“I'll talk to him.” This innocent statement became the words that Judy would hear her mother say through the years. For Judy, there would be no talking to Tom Lewis, no reasoning with him. Judy was adopted, and therefore she was not his. There was distance, and that meant there could only be affection, not love. And sometimes even affection was too much of a chore.

“Mama, do you have to go back to work?” Judy didn't like that her mother worked, and that people she didn't know knew who her mother was. Shy and discerning, Judy saw through everything, and now that she was eight, she saw more.

“No, I'm here every day and every night. I will not leave you.”

Judy felt relief. This was a moment she would return to in the years to come. The memory of her mother, steadfast by her side through
the long days and nights of her recuperation, would never leave her consciousness. Her mother read to her, they played games, and when Judy was well enough to get out of bed, they went up and down the halls and read to the other children.

Judy watched her mother's generosity and kindness, and she became proud of her. It wasn't like the movie premieres, where people applauded and hollered and made noise and wanted to touch her mother. It wasn't like her mother's wedding, which had lasted all day and was hot, and people rushed the doors of the church to see her. This was pure. Loretta was just another mother, Judy's mother. It was just the two of them, healing. The world outside didn't matter, only their relationship. And nowhere in that memory was her step-father. That Judy would remember too.

The cars were double-parked on Wilshire, but the cops issued no tickets. Outside the Hollywood Canteen, local girls gathered to present socks they had knitted for the soldiers before they were deployed to Europe. Frank Sinatra crooned on the radio in the parked cars, underscoring the excitement. Inside, Hollywood's most glamorous stars were working, serving the soldiers as an act of support and gratitude before they shipped out.

Loretta poured hot coffee for the midshipmen while her friends Roz Russell and Irene Dunne passed out doughnuts. Roz was a tall, athletic brunette with flushed, rosy cheeks, while Irene was a strawberry blonde, slim and elegant, with a regal bearing.

“Dance with me, Miss Young?” a shiny eighteen-year-old recruit asked.

“They never ask me to dance—I'm taller than they are,” Roz whispered to Irene.

“It's because you're married,” Irene reassured her.

“So's Loretta.”

Loretta came from behind the bar and joined the soldier on the dance floor. As Loretta and the young man in uniform took a spin, the floor cleared. The men were enraptured, watching their favorite movie star dance with their fellow recruit.

“We have an announcement. Ladies and gentlemen, an announcement.” Throughout the evening, announcements had been made. The music would stop, the dancing would cease, and everyone in the canteen paid attention.

“Sad news. Our good friend and supporter Carole Lombard has been killed in a plane crash while on a bond tour. The plane went down on a mountaintop in Nevada. Miss Lombard had raised more than two million dollars in bond rallies around the country.”

Loretta was stunned. Roz and Irene ran to her. They knew what this meant to Loretta, though they never spoke of it in detail.