All The Little Moments (21 page)

Ella, who was giving her with a perfect puppy dog face, added, “Please,
Aunty Na?”

Turning to look at Lane, Anna was greeted with a mirror of the look that was on Ella’s face.
“Please, Anna?”

Anna threw her hands up. “There’s no way I can compete with the power of those two looks combined. If Lane would like to stay for a movie, she’s more
than welcome.”

“Yay! I’ll go pick, you put Toby to bed.” Ella
bolted off.

“Yes, ma’am.” When Anna turned back to Lane, she was grinning. Anna shook her head, exasperated. “Did you like how she asked you in
the end?”

“And told you to get Toby
to bed.”

“She’s lucky
she’s cute.”

“Like
her aunt.”

“You really are good at
smooth talking.”

“You make
it easy.”

“See!”

Holding her hands up to call peace, Lane leant back in her chair. “Are DVDs a Friday
night tradition?”

“Yeah, we watch Disney and get hopped up on ice cream once Toby’s asleep.” Anna bit her lip. “Really, Lane. You don’t have
to stay.”

“Are you kidding? Ice cream and Disney. You better hope Ella and I leave you space on the couch.” She stood up, grabbing Toby’s bowl. “You heard Ella, get your nephew into bed.” She winked and
walked out.

Sighing, Anna was realising there could be a small tradition of being ganged up on starting. In the living room, she scooped up Toby and hung him, giggling, upside down for Ella to kiss goodnight. She did the same for her mother and Lane in the kitchen, grabbed him a bottle and headed up the stairs. As she changed him, Anna murmured quietly and dimmed
the lights.

In his cot, bottle to his mouth, Toby’s eyes were getting the drunk look Anna had discovered was incredibly endearing. Anna rested her hand on his chest and watched him slowly drift off. When she went to pull away, his chubby hand gripped her wrist and held it in place, fingers clinging to her. A lump formed in her throat, and she stayed until he was fast asleep, unmoving until his hand relaxed and slipped down to the mattress. The only sound in the room was his
steady breathing.

Downstairs, Lane and Ella sat on the couch, Ella firmly in the middle with Lane on one side. Both had ridiculously giant bowls of ice cream on
their laps.

Lane shrugged at her and took a bite. “What? Your mum
served them.”

As if summoned, Sandra entered in her coat, another bowl of ice cream in hand. “Alright lovelies,
I’m off.”

“You’re not staying for Disney, Mum?” Taking the proffered bowl, Anna looked suspiciously at Sandra, who busied herself doing up her buttons. Normally her mother stayed to enjoy the quiet time with Ella
and Anna.

There was a smirk playing at the edges of Sandra’s face, and her eyes flicked from Anna to Lane and back again. “Uh…I have some, paperwork to do at home. You girls have
fun though.”

Anna gave her a quick kiss.
“Mhm. Paperwork?”

Managing not to look at Anna by using a cuddle from Ella, Sandra nodded. “Oh, yeah. Paperwork. Mountains
of it.”

“Sure, Mum.” There was no paperwork Sandra could have, as far as Anna knew. “Thanks so much
for dinner.”

Not even attempting to extract Ella’s arms from around her neck, Sandra instead blew a raspberry on the girl’s neck to incite giggling. “No problem, leftovers in
the fridge.”

Lane put her ice cream down and stood up, holding out her hand. “It was so lovely meeting you, Sandra. Thank you
for dinner.”

This time, when Sandra pushed Lane’s hand away to hug her, Lane looked
more relaxed.

“It was
 
delightful
 
meeting you, Lane.” Her mother stepped back and waved to the room. “Enjoy your DVD. I’ll see you over the weekend, my girls.” And then
she disappeared.

Subtlety had never been her mother’s strong point. Anna took a spoonful of ice cream, looking at the two on the couch. “So, what did we
go for?”

Ice cream sprayed from Ella’s mouth as she all but
shouted, “Nemo!”

“Ah,
good choice.”

“Nurse Lane chose. Come sit next to me, Aunty Na.” Anna sat, settling back into the couch and taking a big bite of ice cream. “I get to sit next to
 
both
 
of you!” Ella was
utterly delighted.

Turning her head to catch Lane’s eye, Anna bit her lip; Lane was smirking. “You’re lucky, hey. You going to
press play?”

Oblivious to what she sat between, Ella grabbed the remote and
hit play.

They almost made it to when Nemo was caught in the fishing net before Ella succumbed to sleep, curled into Lane’s side under a blanket. They let the movie play out, both more invested than they would admit. In the end, Anna lifted Ella up and carried her upstairs to bed, where she left her with her favourite panda tucked in under her arm. Anna closed the door partway and checked her watch. It was only nine thirty and she already felt
like yawning.

When she walked into the living room, two glasses of wine sat on the coffee table. Lane leant back into the couch, a leg pulled up
under her.

“That’s a sight for
sore eyes.”

With a chuckle, Lane handed one of the glasses to Anna, who accepted it gratefully. The one with considerably less in it stayed in
Lane’s hand.

Sitting on the couch, knee pressed to Lane’s, Anna held her glass
aloft. “Cheers.”

They clinked their glasses together and both took a sip, then Lane rested her wine glass on her knee. “You’re awesome, with them,
you know?”

Anna looked at her,
slightly puzzled.

“They love you, a lot. You’re awesome with them. I just thought you should
know that.”

“Thank you,” Anna said softly, willing herself to take the compliment without squirming or
dismissing it.

The glass clinked as Lane set it on the table. “Want to know
a secret?”

Anna put her own glass down,
intrigued. “Always.”

“I own
Finding Nemo
. And a whole lot of other kids’ movies.” Delighted at the random revelation, Anna laughed as Lane kept speaking. “When you asked me that night to watch a DVD that wasn’t a kids’ movie, I had trouble finding some. Most of the ones I offered
were Kym’s.”

“That’s hilarious. I never watched them until now. I mean, I used to watch the odd one with Ella when I visited. Now I can recite some
of them.”

“I can sing almost every
Disney song.”

With one hand on Lane’s knee, Anna tried to look serious. “Dear God, don’t do that here, or Ella will end up with a flaming crush on you, and everyone will blame the gay
auntie’s influence.”

Lane looked insulted. “Uh, no, she would crush on me because I’m awesome. It has nothing to do
with you.”

“This conversation is
getting weird.”

Soft fingers played with Anna’s hand. Lane chuckled. “Yeah, it is.” She looked up at Anna under her lashes. “It’s getting kind of late, I suppose, especially for someone who has to get up to kids in the morning. And I have to start work
at seven.”

“Yeah, it is getting a
bit late.”

Lane grinned, moving towards Anna. “I should
head off.”

With a nod, Anna gripped Lane’s shirt and pulled her in. “You
really should.”

They collided, half giggling, half groaning into the kiss. Lane pressed forward, and Anna fell back against the couch. Lane’s hand brushed against her cheek, something gentle in the touch that made Anna’s stomach ache. The feel of Lane’s tongue, her lips, had
Anna dizzy.

She trusted her. The realisation dawned as Lane’s hand slid softly from her cheek, fingers stroking at her neck. Anna had trusted Lane instinctively, and trust was not something she usually did lightly. She paused as a thought occurred to her: Lane wasn’t just a distraction. She wasn’t just a rebound. Something
was there.

Anna kissed Lane hard, the upswelling of emotion in her chest making her seek more. Fingers trailed over her collarbone, the touch raising goose bumps. Anna’s leg wrapped around Lane’s, holding them
closer together.

When Lane’s hand slid up and under her shirt, stroking the skin at her hip, Anna let out a groan. Pressed against her neck, Lane’s lips teased the skin, while keeping her hand against her breast. She felt Lane push at her shirt, felt a hand pull the cup of her bra aside in one smooth motion, and Anna bit her lip too hard when Lane’s hot breath washed over her nipple, tongue pressed against the sensitive skin. She wrapped a hand in Lane’s hair, holding her head in place. Teeth grazed her, and Anna was
 
sure
 
that Lane was someone she could lose
herself in.

She felt Lane
stop moving.

Anna couldn’t
believe it.

The sound of a half-asleep toddler drifted down the stairs. Indistinct, not at the demanding point he had usually reached by the time Anna woke or got to him other nights,
but starting.

A dry laugh escaped Lane’s lips and her forehead dropped against Anna’s shoulder. “This one’s
your fault.”

“Yup. This one’s
on me.”

When Lane lifted her head, Anna had to restrain herself from kissing her again at the sight of flushed skin and
swollen lips.

Groaning, Lane dropped her head back down. “Don’t
do that.”

Confused, Anna asked,
“Do what?”

“Bite your lip like that, all fucking sexy. You do it at work sometimes when you look at me, and it’s hard enough to ignore it there, let alone
like this.”

“Well, don’t look at me all drop dead gorgeous
and frustrated.”

Lane lifted her head back up, smiling. “We’re kind of stuffed, you know. I just can’t think straight
around you.”

“Obviously.”

Lane sat up, helping Anna tug her shirt down. The disgruntled noises upstairs were getting a touch more persistent. Anna sat up and kissed Lane, trying to keep
it chaste.

“He can take a little while
to settle.”

“I should go, like we said before.” Anna resisted the urge to pout as Lane continued, “If I stay, well. With the kids around, you’re a little hesitant and seem a little unsure of everything?” She hurried on, linking her hand with Anna’s, fingers entwining, “I may be wrong. But like I said, that’s okay. I know your life is complicated. I’m okay
with that.”

“Even if we keep getting interrupted by babies?” How did Lane always know what to say? She always had an intuitive idea of where Anna’s head was at. Sometimes Anna barely knew
that herself.

“We get interrupted by pagers, and mobiles, and stupid, clumsy friends. What’s a baby, in
all that?”

As if to challenge that statement, Toby made a squawking noise, and they
both grinned.

Lane stood and pulled Anna up next to her. Anna didn’t let go of her hand as she led the way to the door. They hovered in the open doorway, pressing kisses to each other’s lips. Just as Lane deepened one, Toby got a
bit louder.

Anna
winced. “Sorry.”

“Never be.” Lane took a step back. “Thanks for a
fun Friday.”

A warm feeling spread throughout her chest as Anna watched Lane walk to
her car.

She closed the door and walked up the stairs to Toby’s room. He sat in his cot, dishevelled hair sticking up on his head, giving her a
disgruntled look.

“Little man, look at you.” She leant down and scooped him up, softening when he reached for her and buried his head into her neck. She sat in the old rocking chair, rubbing his back as he hiccupped quietly. “You know, you only do this once or twice a week now. So, nice timing, Tobes.” Anna kept her voice low, soothing him as he snuffled against
her neck.

She waited for the resentment that, before, was always present underneath everything, but there was nothing there. All she felt was soft, the toddler in her arms and a warmth in her chest. “When you’re older and understand these implications,” Anna rubbed his back in circles, feeling him start to drift off, “I’m going to get you back so badly. Sixteen-year-old you won’t know what
hit you.”

She sat with him a long time after he fell asleep, his presence a comfort, the warm weight of
him secure.

This
felt normal.

And that made Anna miss her brother
even more.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Hell was the only word
that came to mind for this day—from protocol changes that made their lives a nightmare to a patient dying on the table to feeling weirdly nauseated all day. Worse, Anna was running late and was stuck in
her office.

She’d only gotten to see Lane for twenty minutes at lunch before being snowed under with paperwork. She’d gotten Toby as the doors were literally closing at day care, and now he sat in her office while she slugged through it all. She texted her mother to ask her to feed Ella, if she wouldn’t mind, and to say she’d be there as soon as she could. Her mother’s reply was the highlight of her day, a statement to the day’s overall
awfulness, really.

Of course I’ll feel fella, take
your wine.

Anna couldn’t even be amused by the obvious autocorrect error as Toby tried to crawl up her legs. The phone on her desk rang incessantly, and the paperwork pile in front of her
swayed precariously.

Her cell phone
beeped again.

Feed Ella! Take your time! What is wrong with this
damn thing?

This time, Anna managed a small puff of air that would have to substitute as laughter. Toby made a whining noise, her phone started ringing again, and a ward clerk brought in another file and put it on her desk with an apologetic grimace. A deep breath did nothing to help. Toby was stamping his little feet and holding his arms up, looking three seconds from
a tantrum.

“Okay, Tobes, you can sit on my lap, but you have to be
still, okay?”

Grinning triumphantly as she swung him onto her lap, Toby immediately threw himself forward and grabbed at the paper she’d been signing, scrunching it up in
his hands.

“Tobes,
no. C’mon!”

Anna pulled his hand back and plopped him back on the ground, where he proceeded to blink at her in surprise and then
start crying.

It was an incredibly long hour and a half. Worse, when Anna finally got to her mother’s, Ella was sulking, and Sandra handed her over with a smirk and a
“Good luck.”

When they got home, she cheated and fed Toby Cheerios for dinner, which he refused to eat, instead crunching them in his hands while Ella sulked at the end of the table and
threatened mutiny.

“I want
ice cream.”

Anna tried to force a spoonful into Toby, who clamped his mouth shut and glared at her in a way only a toddler could. “Ella, you had ice cream at Grandma’s. It’s eight o’clock and past both your
bed times.”

“Yeah, well, you picked me
up late.”

She gave up and dumped the spoon next to the bowl, which Toby proceeded to push away with both hands. He arched his back, trying to force his way out of the high chair. Little fingers pulled at the straps, and he managed to look like he was locked in a
torture device.

“Go hungry then, Toby, that’s fine.” She looked to Ella. “I know I was late. I was held up at work, Ella. That doesn’t mean you get extra
ice cream.”

“Whatever.” Ella stood up, tears in her eyes and her face red, and turned to
walk out.

“Ella Bella, what’s up?” she called after the girl’s
retreating back.

“Nothing!” She didn’t even
turn around.

Anna sat blinking after her. She looked back to Toby, who was staring at her with wide eyes, hands trying to prise open the safety belt over
his lap.

“Something’s
definitely up.”

No sooner had she said it than vomit landed all over the tray of the high chair and Anna’s lap. The pungent smell burned her nostrils, and Anna had to choke back her own gag reflex. She hated vomit. Eyes closed, she counted down
from ten.

Toby’s crying started
at eight.

Anna let herself get to zero before she pulled patience from a place she didn’t know she had, trying to swallow back tears
of frustration.

“Okay, Tobes. Let’s clean you up.” She looked down at herself.
“And me.”

Upstairs, Anna threw on a pair of clean track pants and got Toby into
the tub.

He sat in the warm water, miserable, staring at her with huge, watery eyes as she cleaned him up and wiped his flushed cheeks. There was only one more throwing-up incident, which thankfully went over the edge of the tub and not into the water. With a sigh, Anna used an old towel to clean it and threw it in the corner of the bathroom, figuring she could wash
it tomorrow.

Not wanting to keep Toby in the bath for too long, she pulled him out and wrapped him in the warmest, fluffiest towel she
could find.

Now that she thought about it, he had been a little warm when she’d picked him up from day care, but she’d been too distracted at the time to pay it much mind. Guilt stabbed at her stomach. She bundled him into a clean nappy and a grow suit, then sat in the chair in his room and patted his back as he made unhappy little grunting noises. His bright red cheeks were warm against her skin, and diamond tears glistened on his eyelashes. Anna brushed his hair off his forehead, feeling how warm his skin was. She gnawed her lip as she rocked him gently: he was hot, but not incredibly so. Tummy flu was her guess. She took his temperature, which was hovering around 37.9, and managed to get him to drink a bottle of water. She’d check it again later and, if it was higher, hunt for the baby paracetamol that was somewhere in
the bathroom.

Only through using the pacifier he hadn’t asked for in a week did he eventually go down, albeit fitfully. She didn’t think it would be very long before he
woke again.

The empathy and exhaustion mixed in a strange fashion as Anna looked down at him. She just wanted to go to bed, pull the covers over her head. If naked Lane was next to her, that would be
even better.

None of that was going to happen right now. Her life, their relationship, this night—everything kind of
felt impossible.

A headache clawed behind her eyes. Anna didn’t want to feel irritated at either of the kids, Toby sick and not able to help it, Ella unhappy about something and acting out the only way
she could.

Anna didn’t
 
want
 
to feel that at them, but she did. She’d had a long day herself. She wanted to be looked after, to be handed a glass of wine and dragged to bed, not to have to do it the other way around. Come to think of it, whenever she had been sick, Hayley had
usually disappeared.

Anna walked through to her room, grabbed her phone, and read a text from Lane. For the first time in half a day, a small smile played on
her lips.

Missed you today, hope your day got better since I saw
you. x

Anna sighed and tapped a
quick reply.

Definitely not better. Have been yelled at by the Ella Monster and thrown up on by a toddler. Twice. All is not well in the Foster
house. Literally.

She hit
send
and went to find Ella, who had firmly shut her door when Anna had carried Toby upstairs. She knocked.
“Ella Bella?”

There was no reply, so Anna pushed the door open, and felt her stomach clench when she saw that the room
was empty.

Where had
Ella gone?

Her eyes flicked wildly around, taking in the fluttering curtains, the mess—there was no sign of her. Anna dug her nails into her palms as anxiety pulsed through her body, adrenaline acting quick enough to set her heart racing and dry her mouth. She heard the toilet flush and almost felt lightheaded at the relief that rushed
through her.

Anna paused at the bathroom door, hearing the sound of horrible retching. She screwed her eyes shut for a second and genuinely wondered if she was cut out for all
of this.

Taking another deep breath, she pushed the door open. Ella hunched over the toilet, tiny palms gripping the rim as she heaved. The position looked ridiculous on one
so small.

“Oh, Ella,” she murmured, then walked forward and pulled Ella’s auburn curls up behind her neck, feeling the clamminess of her skin as her fingers brushed it. She tucked the hair into the back of the little girl’s nightgown, then ran a cool washcloth over Ella’s neck as she threw
up again.

“Aunty Na,”
Ella whimpered.

“I
know, chicken.”

Ella turned her head slightly, tears on her flushed cheeks, lower lip quivering. “I threw up.” Her croaky voice was
utterly miserable.

Giving Ella a sad smile, Anna rubbed her back soothingly. “I know,
Ella Bella.”

Nothing came up as Ella
gagged again.

“Aunty Na?” Ella whispered, not looking up from the
toilet bowl.

“Yeah?”

“I want Mummy
and Daddy.”

The crack in her voice broke Anna’s heart. She pulled the little girl into her arms and Ella wrapped herself into her, flushed face pressed into her neck as Anna rubbed up and down her back. Her shoulders shuddered while
she sobbed.

“I f-feel yucky and Mummy w-would always make
it better.”

Anna slowly fell back against the wall, pulling Ella with her so the little girl lay against her chest. Like she would with Toby, Anna wrapped Ella against her and discovered she was not too big for it
at all.

They sat there until Ella’s sobs slowed. Anna rested her chin on top of Ella’s head and rocked her back and forth gently, humming one of the only songs she remembered her mother singing to her as
a child.

Heat radiated from Ella and her hand gripped Anna’s shirt over her heart. When she finally spoke again, it was a whisper. “That’s what Daddy used to sing to me when I
was sick.”

Anna paused mid-rock, the hum dying in
her throat.

“Don’t stop.” Ella pressed her damp face into
Anna’s shirt.

Anna started the tune again softly, not ceasing her rocking. Her eyes welled up, and her own cheek was damp where it pressed against
Ella’s hair.

Two sick little children, both who wanted their parents. Parents know how to make
everything better.

Decisive, she nevertheless stood awkwardly, hefting Ella with her. She wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or not. Ella still shuddered with the odd sob, her face hot against Anna’s skin as she wrapped her arms around Anna’s neck and whimpered. Anna walked out to the hallway, then hovered outside the door for a second before struggling to reach a hand out from under the weight of Ella. The door swung
open slowly.

Jake and Sally’s room was cast in shadow. The blinds were open, the street light outside throwing a tiny amount of light into the room. To the right, the door to the walk-in wardrobe was partly open, left in a hurry to get dressed for a dinner they never made. The bed was tidy, pristine—a habit Jake had never broken from his Air Force days. There was a lonely shoe on the floor, a heel. The roof was angled down over the bed, and, at the sight of it, a memory slammed
into Anna.

Her phone rang incessantly in her pocket as she desperately tried to get some sleep in an on-call room. After three days straight at the hospital, sleep deprivation was starting to get to her. She pretended not to
hear it.

Unable to ignore the third call, she pulled out her phone out and glared at her brother’s name flashing on
the screen.

“Jake, seriously? Do you know what time
it is?”

“It’s only four in
the afternoon.”

“Do you know what time it is in
hospital world?”

“Suck
it up.”

Anna finally clued in to the panic in her brother’s voice. She sat up slightly, alert, her elbow taking
her weight.

“Is
everything okay?”

“Uh…no. I fail at parenting, and Sally is going to
murder me.”

Anna blurrily scrunched her eyebrows together.
“What now?”

“So, I was dancing and singing
with Ella—”

Anna snickered at
the image.

“Ha ha, I’m a softy. Shut up. Focus. I had her on our bed, and the stupid roof slopes down over it, something Sally loved when we bought the place; I may have encouraged Ella to bounce and she may have hit her
head. Hard.”

Anna fell back down against the bed. Seriously, if it wasn’t bad enough to warrant an immediate 000 call, her brother was most
likely overreacting.

“Is
she bleeding?”

“No.”

“Did she
black out?”

“No.”

“Screaming? Crying?”

“At first. Now she’s
watching Elmo.”

“She unsteady? Any more so than a
normal two-year-old?”

“No.”

“Vomiting? Staring weirdly
at things?”

“No.”

“She’s fine. Keep an eye on her. Any of that happens, take her to
the ER.”

She heard Jake let out a long breath.
“You sure?”

Anna threw an arm over her eyes. “Well, I can’t see her, but she
sounds okay.”