All the Gates of Hell (20 page)

Jin put down her tea and rubbed her eyes. "I only know what I saw."

"No argument, Jin. And if that's the case, then Shiro's actively interfered with the work of freeing souls for advancement. For that alone he could be condemned to the Avici Hell. Yet that hasn't happened. I don't suppose you've wondered why?"

Jin looked a little sheepish. "Madame Meng, in all honesty I don't understand enough of what's going on to reach that level of suspicion. I barely know that the Avici Hell exists. I barely know what my function in all this is."

Madame Meng looked thoughtful. "Which, I believe, was the whole point of reincarnating without your memories. Now, you're a quick learner and you're doing your best to fulfill your basic duties as Guan Yin, despite the handicap of your mortal form. That essentially satisfies Emma-O's interest in you for the moment and he seems content to leave matters as they are. Yet that leaves you without any greater understanding of the context in which you work or even the true point of it. Yes?"

Jin nodded. "It's true. Teacher gave me the big picture but he wasn't particularly keen on specifics."

"That's what I mean when I say you don't have a clue what the stakes are now."

"Then what is at stake?"

Madame Meng sipped her tea and Jin was left with another long silence. "Many things, Jin, but I think the most grave may be your ability to function as the Bodhisattva of Mercy."

"Well, it's true that I feel limited, but you said yourself that I was managing -- "

"You don't understand, Jin. I mean your ability to perform these duties, period. In whatever form you may inhabit. I think the cosmos is in danger of losing Guan Shi Yin entirely."

Jin almost dropped her cup. "Because of Shiro? How?"

Madame Meng shrugged. "I don't know. I don't pretend to understand the events that Guan Yin has set in motion. But I'm sure that I'm right. Marrying Shiro was a dangerous act."

Jin felt a chill. "Which I don't understand at all. How could Guan Shi Yin marry in the first place? She renounced the world!"

"That's where you're wrong. A Bodhisattva specifically does
not
renounce the world. That's what makes them Bodhisattvas."

"Well, ok, they remain active in the world, but all the rest goes away, doesn't it? Love? Physical desire?"

Madame Meng shrugged. "Not being Enlightened, I wouldn't know. Love certainly does not go away. You've always had that, Jin, in abundance. That's why you are who you are."

"It might help me understand if I knew more of Guan Yin's history with Shiro. Are there any details? I'll settle for a broad outline."

"I'd be surprised if the legend is unknown, even in your time."

"I don't want a legend. I want the facts."

Madame Meng smiled and freshened their cups of tea. "I wasn't there, Jin. You were. Since by your own choice you no longer know the facts, then I guess you'll have to settle for the legend."

Jin sighed. She kept hoping there was a way out of the maze of good intentions and hidden agendas that the Guan Yin That Was had laid out for her, but so far she wasn't finding it. Still, hope refused to die. "I'd be grateful," she said, "for anything you can tell me."

"For a start, according to most legends this didn't happen to you at all."

Jin blinked. "Huh?"

"This story is actually told about a Japanese goddess of luck named Kichijoten."

"Kichi...what? Does she really exist?"

Madame Meng sighed. "Kichijoten. And you're having tea with the ruler of the Tibetan Ninth Hell and you're asking me?"

Jin smiled then, despite herself. "Sorry. It was a silly question."

"Anyway, the story is that a worshiper became obsessed with a temple image of Kichijoten, to the point that he fell in love with the goddess herself. So she showed up in person and agreed to marry him, on the condition that he remain as devoted to her as he'd been to her image. Specifically, no fooling around."

"And he fooled around?" Jin asked.

Madame Meng laughed. "You know he did. Found this sweet young thing on a business trip and broke his word. When he got home his wife the goddess was waiting for him with two buckets full of semen. It was, apparently, every ejaculation he'd had with her while they were married. She gave it all back to him before she left forever."

"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard," Jin said.

"Not even close for me," Madame Meng said, "though I agree it's disgusting enough. Yet that is the story."

"But if this really did happen to this Kichijoten person, what's it got to do with me?"

"Well, for one thing it makes more sense if it did happen to a goddess of luck and not the Bodhisattva of Mercy. Especially since, in some traditions, you weren't female at all."

"You mean Guan Yin started out as male Indian deity named 'Avalokitesvara.' I already knew that...sort of. I've been trying not to think about it."

Madame Meng shrugged. "In some traditions a woman cannot be a Bodhisattva at all, yet mercy is widely believed to be a primarily female trait -- mostly by people who don't understand women that well -- so the perception of the Bodhisattva who became Guan Yin changed. If the world is an illusion it follows that perception and illusion orders the world, Jin. No need to dwell on it."

"I won't," Jin said. "It makes my head hurt."

"I did warn you. Anyway, what I think happened was this--the person you know as Shiro was captivated by an image of the divine, much as most men are captivated by their mortal loves, but it was you, not Kichijoten. His ardor was such that it was the image and physical form itself that enthralled him. In that sense you were an obstacle to his eventual enlightenment. You manifested physically in an attempt to cure him of that error. Needless to say it didn't work at the time, and so now here we are."

"So my incarnation as a mortal was Plan B? I have to slay the monster of love all on my own?"

"I don't know what you have to do. I'm sorry," Madame Meng said, and she looked like she meant it. Jin smiled a little wistfully.

"You may have been more help than you know. Thanks for the tea and conversation. I do appreciate both."

Madame Meng pulled back the sleeves of her robe and Jin noticed that she was wearing one of the strange timepieces that Jin had seen on Teacher.

"What is that?" Jin asked.

"Hmmm? Oh, this thing? It's the closest object I have to a manifestation of time," Madame Meng said. "It tells me when it's time to brew up another batch of the elixir... and it is time. Ah, well. Can you see yourself out?"

"Sure," Jin said. "Good bye, then. I hope I see you again."

"You will, and soon," Madame Meng said. She didn't sound happy.

Jin started to ask what she'd meant by that, but Madame Meng wasn't there. Jin decided not to dwell on that, either. She made her way back down the stairway and out onto the terrace, where thousands of people were forgetting everything they had ever known on the Terrace of Oblivion. Just for a moment, Jin thought of taking another sip herself and just wandering off to a new life via the Tenth Hell.

That didn't work the first time
.

Jin just shrugged. Sooner or later Teacher would find her again, or Shiro. There was no escape that way. She wondered if there was any escape at all. Fight love? How the hell was she supposed to do that?

Frank and Ling were waiting right where she'd left them. For all she could tell, they hadn't even moved.

"Was Madame Meng of any assistance to you?" Frank asked.

"Yes," Jin said, not really sure if it was true or not. It had felt good just to talk to someone who understood, even if at the end she'd said no more than Teacher had. "Frank, remind me of something you said earlier. That a Bodhisattva could be killed? Is that true?"

"Of course," Frank said. "I never -- "

"Yes, yes, you always tell the truth as you understand it. I wasn't doubting you, just making sure I understood correctly."

"He's right," Ling said. "A physical form can be destroyed, no matter its power. Even your demon form, if you were injured gravely enough, though there are not many who could do that."

"'Not many' implies someone could. Who?"

Ling looked thoughtful. "Well, I think I could. My true dragon form is quite effective against demons. Also possibly Emma-O; he's very powerful."

"Well, assuming neither of you have any such notions, what about one of Guan Yin's more typical manifestations?"

"Then it would not be so difficult," Frank said. "If someone was really determined."

"Thought so. Never mind, then."

Jin sighed. For awhile she had thought the idea might be to trick or goad Shiro into killing her human incarnation and trap him in the Avici hell but, apparently, that wasn't it. Guan Yin could have managed that without incarnating as Jin Lee Hannigan.

Both Frank and Ling looked as if they wanted to ask the reason for her strange questions, but neither said anything.

"Do either of you know what time it is back in Medias? Feels like I've been visiting various hells for days."

"About 10:30PM of the same night you left," Frank said. "You really haven't been gone that long, in linear time."

"Seems like ages. Take me home, please. I don't feel like walking any more."

"Best to keep your Third Eye shut," Ling said. "You probably don't want to see this."

"I know I don't," Jin said. "I'm tired of looking at anything at all."

Frank and Ling reached up into empty air in front of the ledge and pulled to either side as if they were opening curtains. A rift appeared in the sky that grew into a circle of light. Jin stepped into the rift without thinking about it, since if she
had
thought about it she'd have probably changed her mind about walking. She walked through another corridor that was much brighter and not nearly so long as the ones between hells, and in seven steps she was back in her own apartment. Frank and Ling appeared behind her as the door of light closed.

"Your command?" Frank asked.

"You know where Shiro is now, so Keep an eye on him. If he tries to harm my mother you have my permission to rip him to shreds. But only if."

"Ripping him into shreds now might avoid any more unpleasantness later," Ling said.

Jin smiled. There was a touch of bloodlust in Ling's makeup -- or at least this manifestation of it -- and Jin could relate to that. She even wondered, for a moment, if Ling might be right. She didn't know. Once again, there was still too much she just didn't know.

"Watch him for now. I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Good night."

"And to you, Jin," they said, and vanished through separate flashes of light.

Jin ate a snack, showered, and crawled into bed. She didn't intend to seek out the Guan Yin That Was or to do anything other than sleep. The Guan Yin That Was had other plans.

"Jin," the other Guan Yin said, as soon as Jin was safely asleep, "We need to talk.

In her dream, Guan Yin was sitting on the edge of her bed. She was manifesting as a living statue of ivory and gold. Jin thought that rather showy, and in either case she just wanted to sleep. Jin dreamed of pulling a pillow over her head. "Go 'way."

"You've been talking to Madame Meng," Guan Yin said.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't, once I found out about her? Well, don't worry. She didn't know your plan, so no harm done. You win again."

"You think this is a game, luv?"

"Isn't it? You made the rules, you set the pieces in motion. If your pawn is feeling a little grumpy and put upon...well, tough. Now let me sleep. Mortals need their rest."

"So do Bodhisattvas, luv. You cannot imagine how weary I am."

"Then that's another thing we share. Other than soul or a consciousness or whatever you want to call it. So how does sending Shiro to the Avici Hell earn our rest?"

"Who said it did anything of the sort? You're guessing. Bad idea, but then you've had so many."

"You give me one option and then fuss if I use it? Bite me," Jin said. "Better yet, go bite Teacher. I still think I owe him one."

"Yes, but not for the reason you seem to think. Didn't Madame Meng tell you about Emma-O being demoted for a while?"

Jin blinked, and pulled the metaphorical pillow off her head. "She did. What about it?"

"Why do you think it happened? Who do you think Emma-O showed excessive mercy to?"

"Shiro," Jin said instantly, and knew it was true.

"Shiro," Guan Yin confirmed. "If you're really determined to do things your way, you might ask him about that."

"But -- "

Too late. Guan Yin was gone. Jin sighed and went back to her pillow.

I'm beginning to really dislike that other me
.

(())

Chapter 16

Jin woke after a night of vague, troubling dreams. Not including the one where Guan Yin came to visit her, however.
That
particular dream was as clear as a glass bell, though troubling in its own right. The other dreams were more of the night phantom variety -- ghostly artifacts that slipped through her fingers when she tried to grab on and look at them. In the end she gave up and concentrated on the dream that remained.

Jin yawned and finally glanced at the clock. It was after 9AM.
Son of a
...
Joyce is going to kill me
!

Jin was late. Over an hour so, and there was a stack of working waiting for her that Joyce in turn would be waiting for, and Jin was holding up everything because, after all the
Sturm und Drang
of the previous day, she'd forgotten to set her alarm. Jin flung the covers aside and dressed as quickly as she could. She was munching the last of a piece of dry toast as she headed out the door.

The morning was humid and warm. Jin was sweating by the time she reached Pepper Street, and it felt like the last of her toast had stuck in her throat. She hurried to the front door of the Legal Aid Office and grabbed the handle. "Joyce, I'm so sorry!" Jin said before she was even well inside the door, but Joyce just waved Jin to her desk without even looking up.