All the Days of Our Lives (26 page)

‘Oh, Em.’ Norm turned to her and took her in his arms, clutching her close. ‘I can hardly believe I’m here. I’ve wanted you that bad.’

His lips brushed her cheek, searched for her lips, and now she remembered him properly, the feel of him. She gave a little sigh of desire. Home. Norm was home. Brimful of desire, but knowing they mustn’t let things go further – not yet – they hugged each other close.

‘Home with my family,’ he said. And suddenly he was the one sobbing in her arms.

Everyone was keen to listen to Norm as they ate, and Cynthia made cups of tea and they chatted late into the evening. Joyce came home and said in her jovial way, ‘Oh, so you’re back, are you?’ and then grinned, showing her big teeth, and gave Norm a kiss. Em saw the admiring looks that Joyce gave Norm – Joyce who had always been the first to tease about boring Norm and his ears. Yes, Em thought proudly – Norm had changed. He was different from Sid, who had married and been in a factory all through the war.

They listened to some of Norm’s tales about Italy and all the while, even when they were eating, Norm kept one hand on Em’s knee under the table. He kept looking at her, as if he couldn’t believe she was there. After they’d all had cups of weak tea, and washed up and sat for a bit, Cynthia got up, saying, ‘Well – we’d better leave you to it’, and after the goodnights were said, Em and Norm were able to be alone at last, with the sounds of the others getting ready for bed upstairs, the noises gradually quietening.

‘Come ’ere,’ Norm said, sitting in the one armchair by the unlit fire. He patted his lap. ‘Come and sit with me, love.’

Gladly Em went and sank onto his lap, leaning against him while he held her tight. Norm nuzzled against her. She could tell how badly he wanted her, but they needed a few minutes first to talk and be close.

‘Getting your letters – that was what kept me going,’ he told her. ‘Meant the world to me, that did.’

Em laughed happily. ‘Me, too. Least I knew you were still alive.’

He looked up anxiously into her face. ‘You’ve been all right, love, haven’t you? You tell me – I’ve been doing all the talking for the two of us.’

‘I’ve been all right,’ Em said. She felt tired suddenly, thinking of it. There had been so many days, so many tiny details that Norm had missed. She couldn’t possibly tell him all of them. In that moment she felt very far away from him, as if they could never catch up. ‘Robbie’s been a good boy. And we’ve seen your mom and dad every week, of course. And I’ve had my little job . . .’ She rested her head against him, breathing him in, but his demob suit smelled alien to her. ‘Sometimes I just thought it would go on for ever. That we’d never see you again, and Robbie wouldn’t have a father.’

‘Oh, love . . .’ He cuddled her. ‘Well, it hasn’t turned out like that, has it? I’m here now, and we’ve got it all in front of us. ‘You done a marvellous job, girl – he looks a fine little lad.’

‘He is.’ She smiled. ‘I can’t wait for you to see him properly.’

After a time Norm said, ‘Where’re we going to sleep? In with littl’un?’

‘We’ll have to,’ Em said. ‘Joyce and Violet are in Sid’s old room now.’

‘Or we could just stay down here’ – Norm was stroking her arm, seductively – ‘make us a bed up on the hearth here . . .’

There was a rug by the fire. ‘Tell you what,’ Em said. ‘I could put a match to it. There’s a few bits of kindling left and a bit of slack. It won’t last long, but it’d be cosy. And I’ll get the spare blanket from up in our room.’ She crept up and fetched the old rug and a pillow. The boards creaked, but the rest of the family were sleeping soundly. When she went down, Norm was kneeling, skilfully coaxing the fire into light. She watched him for a second, the light flickering on his face. My husband, she thought. That’s my husband. The fire was taking, licking round the knots of newspaper.

‘Shall I make us another cup of tea?’ she asked, knowing that although she longed for what was to come, she felt shy again, not sure what to say or do. It was a way of putting it off.

Norm turned. ‘There’s no need.’ He held his arms out. ‘Oh God, love – just come here, will you?’

Moved by the longing in his eyes, she went to him and, ravenously, he began to make love to her, urgently tugging at the buttons of her frock as they sank to the floor by the fire.

‘You’ll tear it – let me do it!’ she laughed, taking his hands to restrain him.

He needed her so badly that he could hardly contain himself until he was inside her, and she held him, finding her own pleasure reawakening and bursting in on her too, so that they were both gasping, trying not to make too much noise. As they calmed, she held him, kissing him tenderly, feeling how much broader and more substantial he was than the gawky boy to whom she had waved goodbye.

‘My man,’ she whispered into his neck. ‘Oh, Norm, you’re here – you’re really here.’

He raised his head and looked down at her, eyes full of love. ‘And you’re my girl. My wife.’ Emotionally he added, ‘You’re so lovely, Em. I told them all out there, showed them your picture – my girl, I said, she’s the best. I can’t believe I’m back here with you.’

They lay with him inside her for a long while, close in each other’s warmth, as if they couldn’t bear to come apart. There had been too much being apart. But once they separated, they snuggled up side by side by the last flickers of the fire, pulling the old rug over them and sharing the pillow. Em rested her head on Norm’s chest, her hand stroking his taut belly.

And now it was easier to talk, as if they had more fully come home to each other. In low voices they told each other something of the past years. Norm talked about his squadron, about the terror of flying at night, how one of his mates, Rodney Mapple, had come down over the Med, never to be seen again. But he also told her about the good times, the jokes and pranks, and that somehow, poor and war-torn though it was, he had liked Italy.

‘There were some nice people,’ he said. ‘We’d give ’em food or fags or whatever we could, when we could. And they’d ply us with the old
vino
, teach us how to say things like
buongiorno
and
grazie.
Some of the lads got quite good at it – much better than me. I wouldn’t mind going back some time – seeing it when there’s no war on.’

Em told him about the family, about how Molly had gone off and joined the army and seemed to be thriving.

‘Molly Fox?’ Norm said, surprised. ‘Blimey – I wouldn’t’ve thought she’d’ve lasted five minutes in the army, the state of her. Mind you, they’ve probably seen worse. Maybe it was good for her. I’ve seen quite a few lads licked into shape.’

‘She’s in Clacton now,’ Em said. ‘I had a postcard.’

Mostly, though, she told him about Robbie, about his birth and little stories about him. She knew she’d written some of them to Norm before, but he still liked to hear them. It was a way of getting to know his son, as a baby and as a growing boy.

‘Sometime back – in the spring, I think it was – Mr Perry had the first lot of bananas in that we’d seen in years. Course Robbie had never seen one before, so I brought one home to give him. And I said, “D’you know what this is?” It was a bit green, mind. And he looked at me and said, “Is it a gun?”’ They both laughed.

‘One of them dirty Jerry tricks,’ Norm chuckled. ‘Guns disguised as bananas!’ He turned and kissed Em yet again. ‘Oh, I can’t wait to see him in the morning!’

It was well into the small hours when they finally slept, but what felt like only seconds later, Em was wakened by the sound of Robbie crying upstairs. It took her a few seconds to work out where she was. The sound didn’t seem to have wakened Norm and she sat up, gently moving his arm away from her, and went up to her little boy. He had woken to find the bed empty when she had always been there before.

‘It’s all right, pet . . .’ She sat and cuddled him until he calmed. ‘Mom’s here, ssshhh – you go back to sleep now, darlin’.’

But he wouldn’t settle again without her getting in and holding him, and Em, though longing to go back downstairs to Norm, climbed into bed and lay down with Robbie, holding him close. She had pinched the pillow to take downstairs, so it was not very comfortable, but despite that she found herself falling asleep beside her son’s warm body, leaving her husband on the floor downstairs.

She only woke a few hours later, to find Norm perched on the edge of the bed looking down at them both. Once again she was struck by the tanned, healthy look of his face.

‘So that’s where you got to!’ he said.

‘Sorry.’ Em sat up immediately to give him a hug. ‘It’s just he’s got used to me being in the bed with him. I’m glad he didn’t wake you.’

‘Oh, I was that tired I could’ve slept anywhere,’ Norm said.

He was looking hungrily at his son, whose dark-lashed eyes were just beginning to flicker open. Robbie looked around, dazed, then sat up.

‘Robbie,’ Em said gently. ‘D’you know who this is? This is your daddy.’

Robbie, only half awake, stared at Norm in a dazed way. Norm reached out as if to pick him up, saying, ‘Hello, son.’

But Robbie pulled away, his face creasing, and flung himself against Em, bursting into tears. He hid his face against his mother’s body.

‘Oh dear!’ Em said. ‘I’m sorry, love – maybe this wasn’t the best moment. He’s not even awake yet, and he is sometimes a bit grumpy in the mornings.’ She saw how hurt Norm looked. ‘He’ll be all right when he’s had a bite to eat, love – just give him a bit of time.’

She coaxed Robbie through his breakfast.

‘He’s not sure about Norm,’ Em whispered to Cynthia. She couldn’t help feeling upset, even though she could see that it was all a big shock for the little boy.

‘That’s your dad,’ Cynthia told Robbie, going to him and stroking his hair. Norm was sitting at the table with him, watching him eat. ‘Don’t you want to say hello to your dad?’

Robbie pursed his lips and gave a firm shake of the head.

‘Leave him for now, Mom,’ Em pleaded. ‘Just let him eat.’

When he had had his bread and milk and seemed a bit more awake, she took his hand and said, ‘Would you like to say hello to your dad now?’

Round-eyed, he allowed her to lead him from his place at the table around to where Norm was sitting.

Norm played it gently. ‘Hello,’ he said again. He held out his hand. ‘I’m Norm. I’m your dad.’

Robbie stared, then slowly held out his hand and took Norm’s.

By that evening news of Norm’s arrival had got around and seemed reason for a party. He had been to see his mom and dad, who were all for Norm, Em and Robbie moving in with them, and Em could see that in the end they would have to, though she knew it was going to be a wrench. In the meantime, they spent the evening celebrating with the family – Norm’s parents and Dot and Lou Alberello, old friends of the family. Dot and Cynthia had been neighbours when their children were young and Dot had been a staunch friend, someone whom Em, as well as her mom, had always been able to turn to.

They brought in beer from the Outdoor down the road and sat drinking and celebrating until Robbie’s head was nodding and Em said, ‘I’ll just take him up to bed.’ She scooped him up and laid him on the bed upstairs, but as he lay down his eyes opened again.

‘No, Mom – don’t go . . .’

‘Oh, Robbie.’ This time Em felt exasperated. She knew she’d always given in to Robbie before, and that it had not been an easy day for him, but she still wanted to get back to the company downstairs. ‘All right – shove up a bit then. Just for a few minutes.’

It took some time before he had fully gone off again, and by the time she got back downstairs she was half asleep herself, and Dot and Lou had got up and were preparing to go.

‘Lovely to see yer, bab,’ Dot said, picking up her bag. She was looking quite smart these days, Em noticed, and had filled out. Dot, tall and dark, had always been a thin, rangy woman, but now she looked quite curvaceous. Em was glad to see her so happy.

‘How’s little’un taking to Norm coming home?’ Dot asked.

Em pulled the corners of her mouth down. ‘Not too well yet. He won’t really go near him.’

Dot put her hand on Em’s arm. ‘Give him time, love – it’s bound to be a bit strange for him.’

Up in the bedroom, Norm and Em debated in whispers what they were going to do. The bed was narrow enough, without three of them trying to sleep on it.

‘Can’t we move him onto the floor?’ Norm asked.

Em felt a pang go through her, the pain of having to be separated from her son, whom she had shared a bed with ever since he was born. But she knew Norm was right.

‘I’ll put the spare blanket down,’ she said. ‘We can make a little bed for him.’

She folded the blanket to make a mattress for Robbie on the bare boards. They gave him a pillow and Norm went to fetch his coat. Then very carefully they moved Robbie onto his new bed. It seemed like a miracle that he didn’t wake.

It seemed cosy, all of them in the same room. Em and Norm got into bed and lay crushed close together. Very quietly they managed to make love, wincing every time the springs squeaked.

‘When we get to Mom’s we’ll have a proper bed,’ Norm said happily.

Em felt another plunge of dread. ‘That’ll be nice,’ she managed to say.