All That the Heart Desires (5 page)

“Yes and.” I couldn’t control my blushing anymore, so I interrupted him, apologising with the excuse that I needed to open the perfumery. Marcel’s sincere laughter followed me in.

I unlocked the door. Stepping inside
Jasmine
, I was alone for some minutes. The smell that the room had was unique and every day was different.

I dropped my mobile on the counter and slowly went to the back office. There I quickly checked the computer. The news I had missed the evening before was still on the first page of the news channel’s website: ‘Free practice cancelled’.

I was sitting down, trying to read the article, when I heard the front door open. A quick check into the security camera’s screen revealed that I had a customer; a male customer wearing a baseball cap. That was interesting. Usually all the male customers were accompanied by women and weren’t dressed so casually.

“Good morning,” I heard as soon as the door closed behind him. He looked around and finally approached the shelves containing my own collections of fragrances.

I fixed my glasses in place and went back to the perfumery.

“Good morning,” I answered. “How can I help you?”

Something in his figure was dangerously familiar. He was dressed in jeans and a tight grey tee shirt. Then I recognised him. I stopped abruptly.

“I came back here yesterday afternoon,” he said slowly as he saw me in the wall mirror. He turned around. His silver eyes were looking at me.

“I’m sorry; you must have come after I locked up.”

He removed his cap with his left hand and ran his right hand through his slightly long black hair. I knew that move of his. He repeated it frequently on the screen and at every press conference … and interview …

Stop it!
I reprimanded myself silently.

“Are you really?” he asked.

“It’s the same every year when the Formula 1 is in the Principality,” I explained.

“You wanted to watch the race?” He looked intrigued.

“It wasn’t the race, it was free practice,” I automatically answered and then felt like an idiot. I was explaining to the World Formula 1 Champion what had happened the day before.

“
Touché
. You’re absolutely right,” he said simply. I wanted to be free of him as soon as possible. Pushing my fake glasses back on, I asked again:

“How can I help you?” I was all business.

“I came to get the perfume,” he answered.

“Which one?”

“The one, on the.” he turned back to the shelf and suddenly fell silent.

“But … that perfume was there only yesterday …,” he said. In the mirror I saw him wrinkle his forehead. “In a small crystal bottle …”

“All perfumes are in crystal bottles.”

“in the shape of a tear,” he continued and turned back to face me.

I could hardly conceal my surprise. He was the first customer who had recognised the shape of the bottle. Usually they didn’t bother with that level of detail.

“I know which one you’re talking about. Unfortunately it was there by mistake. The perfume was not for sale.” I opened my hands in fake sorrow. I felt victorious.

He looked like he’d lost the ability to speak and suddenly I felt awkward. To break the silence I walked past him to the shelf and moved the other four bottles. Pretending to rearrange the shelf wasn’t helping. Those strange feelings went through me again, similar to the ones I had felt on the Grande Corniche. I was standing too close to him. I searched his face in the mirror and there it was; that ‘trance’ look on his face.

“Don’t understand.”

“The perfume you’re talking about was on a sale test for a month. It should be removed after the testing period was finished, but it wasn’t,” I lied and turned around. “The management decided not to continue with the sale. It didn’t meet the sales criteria.”

“What? I don’t understand. My card should mean something.” He was reverting to his celebrity personality again. I almost laughed.
Not this time
!

“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sorry.

“Who can I talk to?”

“In Monte Carlo? No one.”

“Except you?” he said angrily. I wasn’t prepared for that tone. I took a deep breath and counted to ten, to stay calm. It was a technique I learned from my psychologist.

“I just explained. The perfume was there by mistake. It shouldn’t be there but unfortunately it was. I can help you find a similar fragrance if you want. I’m sure one of these will suit you perfectly.”

I gestured at the shelves housing the other fragrances, emblazoned with their celebrities’ names. Some of them were my creations, though that was never to be revealed.

His grey eyes became dangerously silver. It was like a storm gathering. I presumed he was accustomed to getting what he wanted.

“No, thank you,” he said sarcastically. “I wanted that perfume and no other.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said. My acting skills in his presence had improved enormously. He turned around, not saying anything. I did the same and started to rearrange the fragrances on the wall. I was sure he would leave if I ignored him for long enough.

I was wrong. The sound of breaking glass made me turn abruptly and I landed squarely on to his muscular chest. Before I could step back, he took my face into his hands, leaned in and kissed me—passionately.

It took my breath away, literally. Never in my life had I experienced anything like it. I was like stone, but that didn’t stop him. I felt his tongue brush over my lips and at the same time he wrapped his right arm around my shoulders and tightened his grip. He could not have held me any closer.

My mind went blank. My resistance failed completely. Before I could think properly, my body responded to his touch and I answered with a passion that scared me. His searching tongue parted my lips, probing my mouth and deepening the kiss.

I was soon brought back to reality with a bump. The door of the
Jasmine
opened. Somehow, I found the strength to push him away. My mind was still blank, so my actions were pure instinct. Lorcan managed to get his balance back as it was clear he was not expecting to be pushed away with such a force. He stopped only a feet away from the next wall, before hitting it.

Michelle and Lucille had caught us. With their mouths open they looked from me to Lorcan, to me again, and back to him. Taking the phone from the counter I ran past all of them, out of the perfumery and the hotel.

Marcel tried to speak to me but I was too quick and the crowd who had come to see the
Porsche Supercup
qualifications was too loud.

I ran until I was out of breath and my feet had begun to hurt too much from my high heels.

Reaching the beach, I calmed down. I sat on the first free bench and eased off my shoes. What had actually happened in there? What had possessed me? How had he managed to shake the earth beneath my feet? Again! I was angry at myself that I hadn’t slapped him for doing what he had done. I should have protested more. Why hadn’t I?

Suddenly my mobile rang. Not prepared for it I almost dropped it. Checking the screen I decided to ignore it. It was Dame again. I was not ready to talk to him. I needed to calm down first.

But he didn’t give up. The phone kept ringing until I switched it to silent. I had broken our unspoken rule of always answering the phone.

When the phone finally stopped vibrating on the bench, I thought I was off the hook. Then a text message appeared on the screen.

‘I know you’re not in the perfumery. What’s going on? Answer me!’

So someone had reported seeing me leaving the perfumery. That wasn’t good. Dame had a good nose for trouble even if he was almost six hundred miles away.

I sighed. I didn’t need to guess how he got the information. Harry always knew when something was wrong. Whoever called had given him bits of information. It didn’t matter whether it was the girls or Shore. Dame had been informed and, knowing him, he wouldn’t quit until given every last detail.

Finally, I lifted the phone and pressed the speed dial button. Dame was the only person I had on speed dial. It had been quite a while since I really had any real friends. I had left them all behind trying to escape my past. It wasn’t their fault. It was mine.

The phone rang once and Dame answered abruptly.

“What the hell is going on down there?!” he said. I sighed again.

“Nothing,” I answered. It was such a transparent lie that it hurt my stomach.

“And pigs fly,” I heard him snarl.

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth, Desiree. Simply, the truth.”

I was silent. I was not prepared to tell him anything. Not yet. I was not quite ready.

“Do I need to come down there?”

“No,” I said. “Stay in Paris.”

“Then what’s going on?” He was persistent. I hated that. I stood up and looked around to check if anyone was listening to my conversation. With so many people around me, there was always a chance someone could overhear.

“The
Porsche Supercup Qualifying
.”

“Desiree!” He was almost screaming at me.

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“I was thinking about Iain again.” That silenced him, at least for a while. I started to walk back to the hotel. The roar of the cars was growing louder moment by moment.

“I’ve already told you, you’ll always be thinking of him,” he said. I hardly heard him. I was close to tears.

“That’s not enough and you know it. I need to find him. I need to hold him again!”

The tears ran down my face.

“I’m sorry,” he said calmly. “I’m doing all I can. You know that all the leads we had were dead ends.”

“I know, Harry. I know. It’s just not fair.” I wiped the tears away and stopped. I was standing in front of the Casino de Monte Carlo—too close to the hotel.

“Harry, I need to stop talking now. I’m going in. Talk to you later.” I decided to enter the Casino to freshen up, before going back to the hotel. I presumed I looked a mess.

“Don’t forget…” he answered and the line was disconnected. By the tone of his voice I knew he was as lost as I was.

The
Casino de Monte Carlo
was unique and it was hard to be unique in a town like Monte Carlo. Yet the whole building still took my breath away, even after all these years. Entering it was like going back in time. The lobby, the decorations, everything breathed history and legend.

I headed straight to the toilet. Finding it empty pleased me enormously. I went to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. Because I was hardly wearing any makeup, it didn’t take me long to make myself more presentable.

Suddenly the door opened and a girl around my age entered. She looked even more stressed than I did, if that was even possible. Her long blonde hair was knitted into a long plait and she played with its end. I didn’t want to speak to her, but when she leaned back against the doors, I had almost no other choice than to ask if she was alright.

“Are you ok? Do you need help?”

She gave me a strange, glazed look. Her blue eyes were big. I didn’t know what to think or to do in that moment. Suddenly she spoke, but her accent revealed she was not a native English speaker.

“What would you do if you had won sixty million Euro?”

I stared at her with my mouth wide open.

“I don’t know, to be honest,” I finally managed to answer. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Me neither. But I need to think of something.”

“You won sixty million?” I asked with disbelief in my voice. She nodded and came closer to the sink. She looked in the mirror.

“I did,” she answered and leaned on the sink with her hands. “Look at me. I’m a mess.”

I had to smile at her remark. That was exactly what I thought about my own appearance.

“You’re not the only one,” I said simply. She looked at me.

“You’ve won sixty million too?”

I laughed.

“No, but I look a mess too.” Her voice sounded somewhat naïve. I went to leave and as I passed by her, she turned around.

“You smell nice.”

I stopped. I was wearing
Demain
, as always.

“Thank you. Enjoy your fortune.’

“Thank you,” she said. Just before the door closed behind me, I heard her mumble,

“I just don’t know how.”