All That Is Lost Between Us (2 page)

‘Georgie!' Bethany said, flinging her arms around her as soon as she saw Georgia at the door, as though they had been parted for months and not mere hours since the end of school. ‘Come in, everyone's here.'

The living room was busy already, and as usual the girls were outnumbered. A group of boys Georgia didn't know were having a hyperactive discussion in one corner, while a few more lounged on sofas, drinks in hand. She glanced at the armchair in the corner and recognised Poppy Matthews by her long, red hair but couldn't see the rest of her, since her face was already attached to Jared Elton's, and they were going at it like a pair of sucker fish. On the coffee table Oliver Sutton and Jamie Clegg were busy cutting up something that she was pretty sure was contraband in Bethany's home.

‘Georgia!' Sophia was waving from across the room, but to Georgia's dismay she was sitting on Eddie Miles's lap and made no move to get up.

Bethany tugged on Georgia's arm – ‘Come on, let's get you a drink' – and all her plans of a heart-to-heart with her cousin had to be put aside. Instead she followed Bethany to the kitchen and watched her fill a shot glass with vodka. ‘Here,' Bethany handed it over and Georgia took a large gulp. Her stomach contracted at the taste, steeling itself. Georgia grimaced, but Bethany was grinning at her. ‘Drink up,' she said, ‘there's plenty more.' Georgia downed the drink, and only once she was holding a tumbler of vodka and lemonade was she led back into the living room.

‘Move up, move up,' Bethany said to Oliver Sutton, who was now lolling on the sofa, legs spread and eyes closed. When he didn't budge, Bethany sat down heavily on his lap. He came to life with a gasp, folding in on himself, and Bethany managed to jump to her feet again quickly, narrowly avoiding spilling her drink.

‘Bloody hell, Bethany.' His eyes were streaked with tiny red veins as he scowled at her, but he shuffled up enough so they could squeeze in next to him.

Georgia smiled as she took a seat. Bethany wasn't like the other girls at school – she was able to do things that would have mortified Georgia, like plonking her lunch tray down uninvited at a table full of boys and joining in the conversation. Bethany was a regular at table football in the rec room, pushing her way in to take a turn, yelling and joking as though she were one of the lads, and they all seemed to accept her without question. Perhaps they relaxed with her because she never showed the slightest bit of interest in dating any of them. And perhaps for this reason the girls didn't find her a threat either – although there could be a few snide comments. Bethany was incapable of taking things to heart, brilliant at laughing at herself in a way Georgia only wished she could be.

Once on the sofa, Bethany was immediately caught up in another round of banter with Oliver. It went on and on, with no effort to include Georgia, and she began to feel uncomfortable. She was an imposter here – she wasn't one of them any more. The secret she harboured made sure of that. She finished her drink, feeling morose, and somehow ended up holding another. The night began to ebb. She watched Sophia from across the room, but her cousin hardly noticed her, distracted by the presence of Eddie, all-round sporting talent and definite school stud. She watched Eddie's hand rove underneath Sophia's T-shirt, sneaking higher and higher, and was surprised and annoyed that Sophia didn't push him away. She began to feel nervous for her cousin – everyone knew about Eddie. Quite a few of the girls in the year had already been humped and dumped – which was why Emma Osborne was sitting in the farthest corner, biting her lip, pretending to laugh along with the crowd.

And then the evening changed again. Georgia began to pay less attention to the hair-twirling, toe-curling flirtations of her cousin, because Danny Atherton sat down beside her and began to make her laugh, leaning in close enough that she could see flecks of brown in his large blue eyes.

Georgia wasn't sure what to do about Danny. He was one of the boys at school who made the girls' eyes linger longest as he strode by. Known for his love of outdoor sports, and excellent at all of them. As far as she knew he had never had a girlfriend and gave no sign of wanting one, larking about with his mates most of the time, until a few weeks ago, at the start of the school year, when he had made a point of seeking Georgia out and asking her lots of questions about the upcoming fell-running championships. They were both on the school team, so Georgia hadn't found this strange, until Sophia suggested with a smirk that this was obviously an excuse for him to get closer to her. When he subsequently took a daily interest in her training schedule, and asked if they could run together, Georgia began to wonder if Sophia was right. She had firmly resisted so far, finding a variety of excuses, worried she would run out of them if he kept this up. She didn't want to tell him the truth: that she had learned her lesson; that she was better off running alone.

The situation was particularly ironic since she had been interested in Danny for most of last term – along with half the girls in her year. But the events of the summer had changed everything. Now, each time she saw Danny, his intentions became a little clearer, his approach bolder. He seemed to be waiting for a sign from her, and part of her longed to give it. But although she found Danny kind and attentive, the group he hung around with could be less so. She wasn't sure she fancied having to spend time with the likes of Oliver and Jamie, who seemed to enjoy baiting people, and who it was rumoured could supply you with any drug you had heard of. Besides, her life had become more complicated than Danny realised. She tried to picture his reaction if she told him her secret. She didn't like what she saw.

Over the summer holidays, the nights spent at Bethany's house had been riotous – beer and cocktails flowing, a succession of daft games from limbo dancing to hide-and-seek, not to mention endless rounds of cards in which money changed hands, and a particularly memorable evening of strip poker that ended with Eddie and Oliver running down the lane naked for a dare. But tonight only half the group had made it, and even though there was plenty of laughter, the evening felt forced. They all lounged around on the sofas in various poses of exhaustion, and by nine o clock the conversation had grown patchy, the atmosphere subdued. They were the stragglers, each trying to hang on to the carefree feel of the summer holidays, but already, a few weeks into term, the solemn challenges of the year ahead couldn't be denied.

‘Another drink?' Danny was asking, but Georgia knew that one more and her head would start to swirl. Saturday's race was too important for that. She was thinking about heading home when Sophia came over and suggested they walk back together. As they grabbed coats and said their goodbyes, she tried to ignore Danny's obvious disappointment.

And finally, Sophia was beside her, the door closing behind them, and the confession rose to the tip of Georgia's lips. For a few glorious weeks, having such a secret had felt wild and delicious, making every day a little sweeter. But it was a shape-shifter, a bubble of trouble lightly fizzing in her hands to begin with, only later revealing itself as a bomb. She couldn't hold on to it any longer. She couldn't carry on alone, afraid of what might be about to explode in her face. She had to tell Sophia now.

Her heart hammered in anticipation as they set off down the lane. She waited until they were a decent distance from the house, and was just about to start talking, when Sophia turned towards her, her face serious, and took a deep breath. ‘Georgia, I—'

A door slammed and they heard footsteps behind them. A voice shouted, ‘Georgia!' and she turned to see Danny jogging to catch up.

Sophia sighed, rolled her eyes and stomped ahead. Georgia faltered, dismayed as her small window of opportunity was slammed shut. She hurried after her cousin, with Danny close behind.

‘I need to get home too,' he said as he caught up with them. ‘I don't want to get drunk and stuff up the race.' He smiled, then seemed to misread her expression. ‘You
are
going to win, Georgia. I'd put money on it.'

While he spoke, he took her hand. The movement was smooth and casual, as though this were the most natural thing in the world. She waited for him to release his grip, but he didn't. Moments before, she had wanted to scream with frustration, but now she found she didn't want him to let go. The feel of his warm skin against hers had her pulse thudding in her ears as loudly as when she caught sight of the finish line after a long race.

She pulled him with her, trying to keep up with her cousin. ‘You all right, Sophia?' Danny called, but Sophia merely mumbled something over her shoulder and quickened her pace. Georgia gave him an apologetic look, but after that they made an awkward threesome with little to say.

A few months ago at this time of night they could have completed the entire journey bathed in the buttery glow of summer twilight, and perhaps that would have made all the difference. But now it was so dark that Georgia couldn't see where each of her steps landed, and in another few months there would be times when it would take twice as long to trudge this way in snow, weighed down with wellingtons and thick jackets. The seasons were shifting seamlessly, a subtle reminder of other unrelenting changes that went on all around them. Already she could sense things falling away. Next year their exams would be done and the same first drift of autumn leaves would see her friends scattered across the country pursuing their different dreams.

They had walked this way many times before, and yet tonight Georgia felt that each step was unfamiliar. She was conscious of every puff of breath escaping into the crisp country air. The shortcut towards town had always been deceptive, even in daylight. To the right was a tennis court and playground, while to the left were fields patched with trees, and beyond both, surrounding them and sheltering the valley, were a huddled row of craggy Lakeland peaks. They were invisible in the darkness, but she knew they were there, as stoic and sure as the stars that peeked around the clouds. They were the reason that Ambleside's major source of income was the tourist trade. For a little while you wouldn't know you were so close to town, to the tightly packed slate terraces, the bustling pubs and restaurants, people hurrying in groups to get out of the drizzle. So much moving life so close by, and yet here, silence.

An indefinable loneliness seemed to clog the air, despite their proximity to one another. Just ahead, invisible in the night, was the town graveyard – rows upon rows of headstones mostly covered with moss and lichen, but with a small section of fresh grey marble markers that included Georgia's grandparents. She always thought of them here, and she was relieved as the three of them drew closer to the church. It meant they were almost back in town. Once on the other side, beneath the streetlights, she hoped these strange feelings of loss would fade away.

She was grateful for that extra spot of warmth tonight, where her small, cold hand was wrapped inside Danny's. And yet she was marking time until the streetlights, when she would have to find some excuse to break the hold. She wasn't ready for this. Why couldn't he have made his feelings clearer before the summer break? If he had, everything might have been different. Even so, she didn't want Danny to stop looking at her, or taking her hand in the dark, his grip a fresh promise. She didn't want that at all.

Sophia hadn't said another word as they walked. Georgia knew she would soon be shivering in her thin jacket. Even though summer was barely over, at this time of night the air turned glacial. A gap had opened up between them. Had Sophia noticed Danny's hand? Were they being discreetly cordoned off and left alone, or did Sophia hate feeling like an interloper? Georgia inched into the middle of the road, closer to her friend, pulling Danny gently with her.

‘Are you cold?' she asked, as they finally turned onto Vicarage Road.

Sophia nodded briskly but kept her head down. Georgia had the impression that her cousin was angry, but she didn't have time to ask any more. Above them, the floodlit spire of St Mary's defied the darkness, spearing the night, blocking out the moon. She tried to let go of Danny's hand, but he held on to her tightly. She felt her phone begin to vibrate in her pocket, and just had time to wonder who was calling when there was a noise behind them. She turned to see a pair of headlights impossibly close, the heat of them throwing sudden warmth towards her legs. The driver couldn't fail to spot them and yet the car was still moving. She tried to look at the windscreen but was dazzled, her vision becoming wavy lines of fluorescence. Without warning, Danny dropped her hand, only seconds before she was lifted completely off her feet.

I
am not a woman given to premonitions. In fact, I have been known to chuckle at the queues each month outside the town hall, where local mystic Lillian Forbes never fails to draw a crowd.

But, if I'm honest, something inside me has been waiting for this. Quietly preparing for it, for weeks, perhaps months, maybe longer. When the phone rings, when I hear the voice, I am already primed, expectant. My mind registers no surprise; it's more a case of
here we go
.

My body, however, responds appropriately. Adrenalin kicks in and I race up the stairs to Zac's room. He looks up from his computer in surprise, unused to me barging in. He might be my baby but he's almost as tall as me now, two months shy of fourteen, and since he started high school he's grown protective of his personal space. I've forgotten that his friend Cooper is here – they are working on a school project together, although from the game consoles in their hands I don't think they've got very far. They both stare at me, their expressions guilty, but I don't have time to care. Zac's room is dark and gloomy, as usual.

The words hurtle out of me in a series of short bursts. ‘That was Uncle Liam. I have to go – it's Georgia. There's been an accident. A car hit them. Sophia is hurt. I'm not sure about Georgia.'