All That He Loves (Volume 2 The Billionaires Seduction) (19 page)

I remembered Connor’s words from the night before:

I’m still terrified. You’re still my Achilles heel.

I struggled to get past that and keep listening to Sebastian.

“Plus, he actually
does
owe you for what happened over the last couple of days, how selflessly you threw yourself on the sword meant for him. And he
hates
owing people. He hates owing his parents for all the advantages they gave him growing up. He hates being in a position of anything less than complete control, ever.”

“Are you saying he hates me, too?”

“No, no,
no,
” Sebastian scowled, then reconsidered. “Not
hates…
resents, maybe. But not even consciously. He can’t bring himself to admit that he doesn’t want to be in your debt, and so the easiest thing is to just avoid you. It makes him uncomfortable to be around you, so… he’s not around you, now is he?”

My stomach twisted and my heart sank.

Sebastian reached into the popcorn bowl. “And then there’s the whole Miranda thing.”

I looked at him in panic. “What ‘whole Miranda thing’? Does he still love her?”

Sebastian snorted. “What?! Oh
God
, no.”

I felt a little calmer. “What, then?”

“Honey, the last woman he fell in love with – despite all my warnings to the contrary – betrayed him. She cut out his heart and ate it for breakfast. So now that he’s in love with you – ”

He saw the hopeful look I gave him.

“Oh, please, Lily, of
course
he’s in love with you,” he said contemptuously. “That’s not the problem. The problem is everything else.”

My heart sank again. I tried to shake it off. “What were you saying?”

“What
was
I saying? – oh, yes – the last woman he fell for carved him up, so is he going to be overjoyed to be that vulnerable again? I think not.”

“So he hates needing me… and he hates being indebted to me, even though he’s not.”

“Oh
please
.”

“He’s
not,
” I insisted. “But he hates it anyway. Plus he’s upset because he thinks I’m his weakness – ”

“
Knows
you’re his weakness.”

“ – and he’s afraid I’ll screw him over like Miranda did. Is that it?”

“Pfff, that’s just getting started,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Then you have the whole ‘once you get what you want, the allure is gone’ thing. It’s like Christmas morning when you were five. Wanting something is always better than actually getting it.”

Sebastian stopped speaking, stared off into space, and gave a contented smile. “Usually.”

“And he’s had me,” I said bitterly.

“Truthfully, this was the first time I thought he might have actually grown up enough to find someone and be happy with her,” Sebastian mused. “To not
have
to have the thrill of the chase.”

“But… he got Miranda, too,” I said, confused.

“Au contraire, he
never
got Miranda. That’s why he was obsessed with her. I’m not even sure he really loved her, deep down. Maybe he did, who knows. But he
was
obsessed with her. She was something he wanted to win, but never could, not all the way. He kept grabbing for the brass ring but never could quite reach it.”

More of Connor’s words came back in a haunting echo.

She didn’t need me, which was attractive as hell… she was a prize to be caught. Elusive… challenging. She resisted every advance, played coy – never saying ‘no,’ but never quite saying ‘yes,’ either… women fling themselves at me all the time, but not Miranda. She played hard to get at the beginning… never stopped, really. She never gave away any more of herself than she had to…

“So is that what I should have done?” I asked, heartsick and broken. “Played hard to get?”

“No, you should be
you
. If Connor can’t appreciate you the way you are, he’s an idiot, and it’s his loss.”

I looked over at Sebastian. “That sounds very ‘After School Special.’”

He shrugged. “I suppose it does. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

I paused for a long moment. Then –

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

He was silent and wouldn’t look at me.

“…because I’m on the way out,” I realized, and my throat started to constrict with panic.

Sebastian looked at me sharply. “I didn’t say that.”

“But if what you say is true…” I began, but couldn’t continue.

He looked away guiltily. “I’m afraid I’m partly to blame, though I swear to you, I only did it because I thought it was the best thing at the time.”

I stared at him. It felt like ice-cold sludge was pouring through my body. “…what do you mean?”

“The whole ‘true love’ angle to the news stories,” he said miserably. “I knew that if he didn’t say he loved you, and that you two were boyfriend and girlfriend, the media would play up the $50,000-prostitute angle and we’d lose everything. We
had
to make it look like you two were star-crossed lovers… but… I’m afraid the media took it farther than even I thought they would. They just latched onto it like pit bulls and wouldn’t let go. Every other question was ‘Are you in love?’ and ‘When are you going to get married?’ and – I’m sorry, Lily. It got out of hand.”

“Oh,” I said, relief flooding through me. “That’s all you meant?”

“‘That’s all you meant’?! That’s all you have to say?!” he asked, looked at me in bewilderment.

“I thought for a second that you did something
really
underhanded to get rid of me.”

He looked me square in the eyes. “As much crap as I give you, I really am fond of you, Lily. Well…
now.
Not at the beginning.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Sebastian. I really like you, too.”

Apparently things were getting a little too touchy-feely for him, so he looked away and shook his head. “I think more than anything, the constant questions are what got to Connor. He’s never responded well to DTRs.”

That sounded familiar. “Determine…?”

“…the Relationship,” Sebastian said. “I’ve seen it dozens of times before –
literally
dozens of times before: Little Miss Thing starts wanting more out of him than he wants to give – emotionally, at least – and she starts pressuring him. He just
looooves
THAT.”

My stomach started to cramp.

“But he was usually just passing the time with them. He obviously cares about you, which is why I can’t understand why he’s acting the way he is,” Sebastian frowned. “I mean, the media wanting to ring the wedding bells is annoying, but I wouldn’t have thought they’d get
this
far under his skin. And I can see him having problems with the whole ‘you sacrificing yourself’ thing and him owing you big-time, but I wouldn’t have thought he’d have a problem with it
this
early. I thought it would be there lurking in the back of his brain, but I thought he’d stay in denial about his feelings for awhile. That’s what he usually does. For the life of me, I can’t see why it started
now
.”

I knew
exactly
when it started, though, and why.

“He told me he loved me,” I blurted out.

Sebastian looked at me askance. “That was TV, darling.”

“No, in real life – before he went on TV.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened in shock. “What?!”

I haltingly told him about the night we found out about the blackmail, when we flew back to Los Angeles and Connor got drunk.

“Oh shit,” Sebastian groaned and closed his eyes.

“Usually it’s a wonderful thing when a guy tells you he loves you,” I said bitterly.

He gave me a look like
You are too dumb to be believed.

“Honey, as someone with a great deal of experience in this department – gay or, quote unquote ‘straight,’ it doesn’t matter – believe me when I tell you this: anytime a gorgeous man with horrendous family issues gets raging drunk and tells you he loves you after only knowing you a couple of days, there will be drama with a capital ‘D.’”

“I didn’t ask him to say it,” I whispered.

Sebastian’s voice became softer, more sympathetic. “I know. But he’s got the stupid straight guy’s equivalent of buyer’s remorse. He said too much, and now he’s panicking. Which is
exactly
why all those reporters’ questions about weddings and white picket fences have been eating away at him.”

I half-sighed, half-sobbed. “What’s going to happen now?”

“Well… I can tell you this: the harder you cling to him, the more awkward it’s going to get. So you can hang around for weeks or possibly even months as he slowly turns into an emotional zombie, or you can end it on your terms, when
you
choose.” He stopped and stared at me. “Why are you smiling?”

“After we broke up the first time, I thought of myself as an emotional zombie. But one that needed a hug,” I explained in embarrassment.

“Well, Connor doesn’t need a hug, he needs a kick in the ass.”

I laughed, but it died a fast death. I looked at Sebastian imploringly. “What should I do?”

Sebastian thought for a few moments. I could see the wheels turning until he finally came to a conclusion.

“Leave him. As soon as possible.”

I stared at him. “What?!”

“Did I stutter?” he asked snarkily.

“But why?!”

“Because it’s always better to be The One That Got Away than it is to be a doormat. Right now, he’s afraid he’s handcuffed to you – because of what he said, because of what you did for him – and it’s making him panic and be all irrational. He should be more afraid of
losing
you, but that’s not even on his radar right now. He can’t see the forest for the trees, because his head’s up a tree’s ass.”

“So… you’re saying I should make him afraid to lose me?”

“Exactly. You don’t keep a man by telling him you’re afraid you’re going to lose him. You keep him by making him afraid he’ll lose
you.
”

“And then what?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Maybe it’ll be the kick in the ass he needs to see that you’re
not
some ball and chain, that you’re the one he wants – and if he doesn’t step up, he’s going to lose you.”

“But you said he
hates
ultimatums! You said women wanted more than he was prepared to give, and he always dumped them – ”

“I said
leave
him, I didn’t say give him an ultimatum. Miranda left him, and he was a wreck. And that bitch was totally wrong for him. Poison in a pretty bottle. You’re…”

Here he paused, cocked his head, and looked me up and down.

“Well, you’re far from perfect, but you’re a damn sight better than any other woman I’ve seen since I’ve been here. Plus, you have potential.”

I squinted my eyes and muttered sarcastically, “Thanks for the inspiring speech.”

He shrugged. “I call it like I see it.”

“I’m just supposed to tell him goodbye?!”

“Well, don’t be
stupid
about it. Keep the door open when you leave. Don’t be bitchy or cold; but you’ve got to draw a line in the sand and be prepared to stick to it.
Talk to him
, just in case I’ve got it wrong – which I seriously doubt – but be firm. Tell him to come see you when he gets his shit straightened out, but that you won’t be waiting forever.”

“But… he’s a billionaire with limitless choices. I’m… I’m nobody.”

Sebastian looked me dead in the eyes. “That’s the way a doormat thinks, not The One That Got Away. And no, he doesn’t have limitless choices in women – at least, not ones he actually
loves.
But why would he want to be with a woman who goes around whining, ‘Poor little me, what can he possibly love about
me?’”

I winced. “Ouch.”

He shrugged again. “I call it like I see it.”

I sat there, turning over the possibility in my mind. The thought of doing it was terrifying, soul-wrenching, agonizing… but…

“Do you think it’d work?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I figure if you do it, you might have a twenty percent chance.
Maybe.
”

“What about if I stay?”

“One percent at best. Besides, if it doesn’t work, well… at least you got to go out on your own terms.”

My snarky little voice whispered something in my ear, and it was evil enough that I couldn’t ignore it. “Are you just trying to get rid of me?”

“Honey, if I wanted to get rid of you, I wouldn’t have told you about how much he
loves
ultimatums. I would’ve advised you to march in there and demand he commit, your way or the highway. Maybe even tell him to put a ring on it. He’d have thrown you out on your ass for sure. Or I’d just tell you that it’s nothing, to just stick around forever and ride it out. I certainly wouldn’t have given you the best game plan I can think of.”

Everything he said sounded like the truth.

Even if he had barely tolerated me in the beginning, and had been intermittently bitchy throughout, Sebastian had
always
been honest about what he thought. Sometimes painfully so. There was no reason to doubt him now.

I shook my head sadly. “I don’t know if I’m that brave…”

“You are.” His voice was confident, decisive.

“How do
you
know?”

“Because you torched your entire life so Connor could do his little solar energy thing.”

“It’s not a ‘little solar energy thing,’” I protested hotly, “it’s going to help billions of people – ”

“And it’s his dream,” Sebastian added in a saccharine voice, like
Ooo-oooh, Lily and Connor, sittin’ in a tree…

“…and it’s his dream,” I agreed, feeling foolish.

Sebastian pointed a finger at me. “This right here? This ‘it’s his dream and he loves it so I have to make him happy’ thing? This is why he’s such a fucking idiot.”

“What, for liking me?”

“No, dummy, for giving you up.”

My heart ached, but my mouth tugged up a little at the corner.

“
I
certainly wouldn’t have done what you did,” Sebastian said.