All of Me (All Series Book 2) (22 page)

Playing Fair

Phil pulled into Sophia’s driveway at six, ready to lay it all out on the line. To tell her everything that was important, everything he should have said to her before. Everything that he should have said to at least someone in his family, instead of pretending it would go away.

After he left her office he had gone straight home, completely drained. There was no point going back to work since he would have been useless anyway.

Walking into his house, he went straight to his bedroom, then into his bathroom. He needed to take a shower. He was physically ill and hoped it would clear his head.

When he reached for the shampoo, his hand landed on the bottle of Sophia’s. On the shelf next to it were her body wash and a brush. He finished up quickly and stepped out to dry off and his eyes landed on her lotions and makeup lined up on what used to be an empty vanity.

Walking into his closet, he found more of her clothes hanging on the opposite side from his and knew there were additional clothes in the drawers. There were pieces of her everywhere in his room. In his house actually. Just like there were more of his things at her house.

Somewhere in the last few months they had all but moved in with each other. Even though they didn’t spend every night together, they spent more than half. Oftentimes a few days in a row, even during the week.

Linda was wrong. He had committed. He committed a long time ago. He was waiting for Sophia now. But was she waiting for him to say it? Was she waiting for him to say he was ready?

Sitting in his living room earlier, he’d realized he was in the same spot he was when she first walked into his house. He remembered how much it mattered to him that she understood his house and what it meant to him. How he lived. And she hadn’t disappointed him either. She understood him, and she actually liked being at his house. He knew that, because they spent more time on the lake than at her house.

This beautiful woman with high-class taste and sophistication loved spending more time at his log cabin in the woods.

Now he had to figure out if he threw it all away by being afraid to admit what a failure and a fool he had been before her.

Finally, knocking once at her front door, he opened it and walked in. He found her in the kitchen cooking. He took that as a good sign. That she was willing to talk to him today and not put him off or punish him for what happened was huge. She really wasn’t like anyone he had been with before. He knew that all along. He was sure he could convince her of that now.

“Hey,” she said, not smiling, but not looking angry either. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat, I guess,” he said. “But I really want to talk.”

“I do, too. I think we need to.” She turned the oven off. “I had a lasagna in the freezer. It can stay warm in the oven while we talk.”

“Let’s go in the living room,” he suggested.

She followed him without saying a word. Once he was seated, she spoke. “Can I say something first?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t want to believe what Linda said to me. But it was hard not to. She said something that made me think back, and pieces started to fall into place in my mind. I realize now that she used that to her advantage, but I wondered how she would even know to do that unless she had been watching us or knowing some of our conversations. It’s either that, or it was a lucky guess.”

He didn’t like where this was going. “What did she say to you?”

“She told me that you broke it off with her because you wanted children right away and she wasn’t ready.”

His eyes popped out of his head. Not at all what he expected to hear, and the complete opposite of the truth. “And you believed her?”

“I didn’t want to. But I couldn’t help but have flashbacks to our first night together.”

His face flushed. He would have to tell her the whole truth. “I’ll tell you what happened with us, but I don’t want it to go any further. I’m not proud of my relationship with Linda. I’m mortified over it, but I can’t change things. I want you to hear me out and I hope you’ll believe me.”

Her eyes softened. “I need to know, Phil. Right now it’s only her word, and though I don’t really believe it, I haven’t been told anything else.”

“And that is what she warned you about? That all I wanted was a family and a child? And since you and I have had those discussions it’s hard for you not to believe what she said,” he guessed.

“Pretty close.”

“I’m not going to bore you with tons of details. You know a lot of things already. Things weren’t bad that first year with Linda. We got along fine. But I knew she wasn’t the one. I really don’t have a problem committing, but I do if that person isn’t the right one.”

“Then why did you continue to date her?”

“Like I said, things weren’t bad. After a year together, things started to change though. She suggested we move in together. I didn’t want to. I haven’t lied about not liking people at my house.”

“I know,” she said. “I’ve heard the stories.”

“But you’re there,” he reminded her.

“I am. But go on.”

“I was going to end things with her. The moods and the tantrums, the demands on my time, the accusations, they were all building up. When I told her I wanted some space, she accused me of changing the rules on her. I didn’t know what she meant, but I had some underlying guilt that maybe she was right.”

“How so?”

“I felt I wasn’t giving her a fair chance anymore. I had met you. I had feelings for you. Even though I didn’t think I would ever have a chance with you, I felt guilty that my mind was somewhere else and not focused on her.”

“I can see you beating yourself up over that. But that still doesn’t explain the rest of the years.”

“Little by little things got worse. I tried to break things off with her over the years. The second time, she threatened to harm herself. I believed her. I couldn’t live with the guilt that she would do something like that. I didn’t know if she would or not. She was so unstable at times. So I convinced myself to give her another shot.”

“She played you well.”

“You don’t even know the half of it,” he said bitterly. “More time passed by. Ups and downs, no need to get into them. But I finally had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t a person I liked when I looked in a mirror. It wasn’t me. She wanted someone I couldn’t be, and I refused to change for her. I am who I am. I don’t mind compromising, but I’m not going to be someone I’m not. Not for anyone, even you, Sophia.”

“I wouldn’t want you to be someone you aren’t. Just like I refuse to change for you or anyone else. I like you for who you are, Phil.”

“I love you for who you are, Sophia. We understand each other, and you understand me like no one has understood me before.”

“You aren’t playing fair right now,” she said, her eyes filling.

“I’m not going to play fair with you. I don’t want to lose you. But first I have to finish telling you everything. Like I said, I’d had enough. I went by her place to end it. It was over in my mind. We’d barely spent any time together in months. I was avoiding her at all costs, and it wasn’t fair to her or me. She wasn’t getting the hint and it was the coward’s way, hoping she would end it.”

“You had to know by now she wasn’t going to.”

“Exactly.”

His mind drifted back to the past and he started to tell her about that day…

“Linda, we need to talk. This isn’t working out for either of us.” Her eyes started to fill with tears, but he pushed through the drama he knew was going to come. He hated it, but had to deal with it. He was done being played. “I’ve never made a secret about not wanting to settle down with you. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to me. Neither of us is happy right now.”

“I’m happy with you. Why do you think I’m not?” she’d said, tears flowing.

He pushed past them. “You aren’t. All we ever do is fight. We never see each other, and we really have nothing in common. It’s past time to end things.”

Her face turned white, she slapped her hands over her eyes. “You can’t leave me,” she wailed. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” he shouted. He was beyond furious. More so with himself. She’d gone on the pill a year ago and convinced him it was fine. Like an idiot he went along with it, never thinking this would happen. “How is that possible? Did you stop taking the pill and not tell me?” he said, his eyes narrowing.

“No,” she cried out. “But I was upset one night after we fought and I forgot to take my pill. I thought it would be fine when I took two the next day. That was supposed to fix it.”

He saw his future going up in smoke. Saw him stuck with someone he didn’t want to be with. The disappointment his family was going to feel weighed heavily on him.

“I can’t believe this,” he said, stalking around her house. “I can’t think right now. I need to leave before I say something I’ll regret.”

He stormed out of her house, livid, realizing he had no one to blame but himself. Then that night he recognized what a bastard he was being. It wasn’t about him anymore. It wasn’t about Linda. It was about a child they’d created. Even if it wasn’t what he planned. He was raised better than that.

The next day he stopped over at her house after work. “We need to find a way to work this out. For the baby’s sake.”

“I knew you would understand,” she said, running over and hugging him.

He pulled out of her arms and took a few steps back. “Nothing is changing, Linda.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes going wide.

“We need to start over. We can’t continue the way we were. Right now, I want to focus on the baby. That’s it. Nothing else,” he said firmly.

“Are you breaking up with me, still?” she asked, crying again.

“I don’t know what we have. For now, let’s take it one day at a time. How far along are you?”

She hedged and said, “I’m only a week late.”

“What did the doctor say?” he asked.

“I haven’t been yet. I just took a home pregnancy test.”

“Did you at least make an appointment with a doctor yet?” he asked impatiently.

“No. I thought I would call in another week or so,” she explained. “Why all the questions?”

“I think they are legitimate questions,” he countered.

Another week went by and she kept finding ways to put off calling the doctor. Then she finally said she had an appointment and when he asked to go with her, she put him off again, saying she didn’t remember the exact time but would get back to him.

When he finally showed up at her house the next day to confront her, she was crying on the couch. “I lost the baby.”

“When?” he asked, sitting next to her.

She launched herself into his arms, sobbing. “This morning.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked, unsure of what he was feeling at that moment. Relief? What a bastard he was.

“I just got back from the doctor’s.”

“You didn’t think to call me when it was happening? Or to have me meet you there?” he asked, trying to fight back the frustration that was building. “This was my child too. It never occurred to you to let me know what was going on?”

“Why are you getting angry with me?” She sobbed some more.

Sophia brought him back to the present. “Was she even pregnant?”

He laughed humorlessly. “Funny how you picked up on that.”

“She wasn’t, was she?” Sophia asked, not looking the least bit surprised.

“No. But I didn’t find that out for a few more months. She played it up. I had no reason to really doubt her. But thinking back, all the signs were there. The writing was on the wall. She had to know I was going to end things. We might have only had sex twice in the month prior to when she said she was pregnant.”

“Desperate women do desperate things.”

“But I didn’t know that. I was stupid. Maybe if I’d told someone what was going on they would have pointed things out to me. But I was too embarrassed.”

“No one knew at all?” she asked, astonished.

“No, not even Alec.”

“How did you find out then? That she was never pregnant.”

“A few months went by. I really believed she had been pregnant and lost the baby. I was already feeling like a real ass because I was relieved. I didn’t want to break up with her again right then. I told you she was unstable. I was trying to ease out of it.”

“But you said no one knew she was pregnant. I’m guessing not even her family. Didn’t you find that odd? I mean who would have accused you of being a bastard if no one knew she was even pregnant?”

“We agreed not to tell anyone about the pregnancy in the beginning. Looking back, I’m sure it’s because she wasn’t really pregnant. And I think those two weeks between when she said she was pregnant to when she ‘lost’ the baby, she was hoping to really get pregnant. Only I wasn’t having any part of having sex with her. Her plan was starting to unravel.”

“So back to how you found out,” Sophia said.

“I don’t think I was ever meant to find out. I’m ashamed to say I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I kept telling her I didn’t want to have a relationship again. She agreed, but we fell into bed a few times. Except, I started using condoms again. She wasn’t happy about it, but there was no way I was taking another chance of her getting pregnant again.”