All of Me (All of Me #1) (2 page)

He smiles; laughing at something one of the women said, and the sound has me gasping for air. Jason Tate is devastatingly beautiful and is even more so after two years have passed. He’s the man who had taken everything from me, destroying me in the process, only to turn his back just as fast.

I was nothing more than a naïve nineteen-year-old girl who’d fallen for a man who could play the game of seduction far better. That shouldn’t have been a surprise though, considering he’s eleven years older than I am.

My feet stumble over each other and I fall into another man while staring at Jason, attracting more attention to myself.

After causing a bit of commotion, Jason’s piercing blue eyes land on me, and his face falls. My traitorous body wants to go to him but my survival instincts and need for self-preservation kick in before I can act on that idiotic notion. I turn to leave and as I reach the doors, I hear him.

“Lacy? Is that you?”

I rip my gaze from his and take off running towards the stairs. I could manage twelve floors, especially when waiting for the elevator would make it possible for him to catch me. I race up the stairs, stopping every three floors to catch my breath, but when I make it to my floor, I realize it’s no good. Jason has beaten me, and steps out of the lift just as I fling the stairwell door open. If I weren’t so out of breath, I would use every curse word in the English language and throw in some hand gestures for good measure.

But that wouldn’t have stopped him. That much I know. I stand in the hallway and Jason stares unabashedly, his face pale as if he’s looking at a ghost. It’s a feeling I’m quite familiar with. It feels like I’m also staring at a ghost.

“It’s you,” he says quietly, almost to himself. I resist the temptation to roll me eyes and walk towards my door, which he’s standing in front of.

It strikes me as odd though, that he knows which apartment is mine, but I focus on the more immediate problem. Getting as far away from him as possible.

He shakes his head as if to bring himself back to the present.

“Where have you been?” he asks. I ignore him and start opening my door. I try closing it in his face but his hand shoots out and stops me.

“Lacy,” his voice comes out stronger, laced with authority, “answer me.”

His tone angers me. He doesn’t have that kind of authority over me anymore. Not that he ever did. But there was a time when the strength of his voice made me want to listen to what he said. “I’d rather not,” I reply, my tone carrying a hint of petulance.

“Why?”

A deep, aggravated sigh escapes my chest and I spin around to face him. “Because you have no right to know.”

“That’s what you’re going with? Really? Very mature, Lace.”

I scowl. “Why does it even matter to you where I’ve been, Jason? If you really cared you would have tracked me down the moment I got on the plane and left.”

“I didn’t know you were gone, Lacy! I had to wait for things to blow over before I contacted you again. You don’t know what it was like after - ”

“Save it,” I say, cutting him off. “The last thing you should try do is get me to feel sorry for
you.
You weren’t the one who had to leave everything behind and start over. You left me to deal with the aftermath of our relationship
alone
.”

“It was complicated,” he argues. “I couldn’t just run after you.”

“Of course not,” I bite back, “you had to stay here with your
fiancé.
Or is she your wife now?” My eyes travel down to his left hand on instinct, noticing the absence of a wedding ring. That doesn’t mean much though. He could have taken it off before going to gym.

“That’s not fair, Lacy.”

I look him in the eye and hope that he can see that I am no longer that naïve girl he knew. I’ve grown up and it’s no thanks to the silly little charade he had me play for his benefit. I went from being his willing puppet, hopelessly devoted to him, to being the fool he’d taken advantage of.

“It doesn’t matter now,” I say looking down. “It took me a really long time to deal with everything and I didn’t come back to relive it. If I’d known there was any chance in hell that I’d bump into you I would’ve chosen another city.”

Hurt flashes across his stone features but I don’t care. He deserves it. His phone rings and he frowns when he looks at the screen.

“Sorry,” he mutters, “I have to take this.”

“I don’t care, Jason. I’m going to shower. You can see yourself out.” I turn around and walk to my bathroom, not waiting for him to leave. Seeing him after all this time has messed with my head and I need a time-out.

***

After an hour in the shower, I get dressed and am relieved to find my apartment Jason-free. I decide to get out for a while and meander through the bustling streets to the Starbucks on the corner. They didn’t have Starbucks in Cape Town so I’m oddly excited to experience the caffeinated goodness. After I order and pay for my Latte, I leisurely stroll to Barnes & Noble to check out some of the newest releases. Most women have a penchant for handbags or shoes, and while I love buying both of those things, my real guilty pleasure is books. There’s nothing better than getting lost in a really amazing love story and shutting the rest of the world out.

As I peruse the shelves in the Romance section, I wonder about Cassandra’s suggestion; to publish the book I’d written while in Cape Town. I have a contact at HarperCollins who I could send it to but I’m not even sure if she’d be interested in what I’ve written. I’d also have to consider publishing under a different name because the last thing I want is my family knowing I’ve written about what happened between me and Jason. Then again, there isn’t any more they could do to me. They’ve already done everything possible to dissociate themselves from me.

“Lacy?”

I freeze, recognizing my sister’s voice. Rebecca is older by five years and at twenty-six she’s already taken her rightful place at my father’s right hand side at his law firm. The role suits her well and it has been her life-long dream to become my father’s protégé and then successor.

I turn around slowly and Rebecca’s eyes widen. “Lacy. Hi.”

She tries smiling but given our last encounter I don’t feel like returning it.

“Rebecca,” I greet coldly. I mentally start planning an escape route, noting that the exit is on the other side of the store. Dammit.

“So you’re back,” she states, shifting on her feet rather awkwardly. It isn’t often that my darling sister looks uncomfortable, but seeing me clearly ruffles her feathers. “You should’ve called. We could’ve fetched you from the airport.”

I snort. “Yeah, like mom and dad would have welcomed me with open arms. As you can see, I’m still alive and kicking and doing just fine on my own. You can report that back to mom and dad.”

“They’ve been worried sick, Lace, and they’ve missed you.” Lies. All of it. Complete and utter bullshit. If they missed me then why didn’t they bother trying to find out where I was?

“Great,” I reply with sarcasm, “remind me to nominate them for the ‘Parent of The Year’ award this year.”

“Don’t be like that,” she pleads. “They had time to think about what they did, and I can tell you they are genuinely sorry.”

Sorry my ass. I bet they have no idea Rebecca is pleading their case. I shouldn’t be surprised. Rebecca is the ‘fixer’ in our family. Too bad this is one thing I have no interest in having fixed. Her face softens and she gives me her best
someone kicked my puppy
expression. I know this tactic well, which is exactly why it is ineffective.

“They wanted me to invite you to dinner,” she adds when she realizes I’m not going to reply. “We missed your birthday and they’d like to make up for it.”

“I already had a birthday party. I don’t need another one.”

I’d spent my twenty-first birthday exactly how I’d wanted to and with people I’d come to care about, people who cared about me too. Cassandra threw me a surprise bash, which ended with a larger-than-life bonfire on the beach under a blanket of stars. It was perfect.

I didn’t need more, especially not some ridiculous party with people who commented about seeing me in diapers as a baby. Or worse, with people who had heard about my very public humiliation. No thanks. Chewing off a limb sounds more appealing.

“Will you at least think about it?”

My sister is begging. That’s new. Maybe she’s being sincere. Then again, she was being sincere when she sided with my parents the night they told me what a disgrace I was to the family name. I don’t trust her.

“Fine,” I sigh. I hate the way her face lights up with hope but I’m not going to pay it any mind. I’m simply going to leave the bookstore and not give this conversation a second thought.

“Great! Can we do lunch sometime?”

“I’m really busy.” The lie falls from the lips without much effort. “I’ll have to let you know when I have time to squeeze you in.”

“Oh,” her face drops slightly, “what are you busy with?”

I contemplate telling her, but then decide against it. The less she knows about my life, the less she will have to tell my parents.

With a final, and strategic glance down at my watch, I say, “Oh that reminds me, I have a brunch, and I’m going to be late. So if you’ll excuse me…”

‘Of course, I’ll let you go. I hope you’ll call me soon.”

“Yeah, sure. Bye.”

My steps quicken into a brisk walk. I have no intention of calling her, or anyone else in my family. I’m not about to hurl myself into an awkward situation with the people who have all but shunned me. Seeing Jason again after this time is bad enough.

CHAPTER 3

L
ACY

It’s late afternoon and I’m curled up on the sofa with a new book.  My phone has been ringing incessantly since I arrived home from the bookstore and clearly my mother couldn’t take a hint. I was expecting this, but not so soon after my run-in with Rebecca. My bet would be that she called my parents before I even had the chance to leave the store.

When my phone goes off a seventh time – yes, seventh – I glare at the screen and eventually throw my arms up in defeat. My mother won’t give up until she speaks to me.

I slide my finger across the screen and press it to my ear. My only option is to pretend I have no idea who’s calling.

“Hello?”

“Lacy.” My name comes out of my mother’s mouth with a
swoosh
. “I’ve been trying to call for over an hour.”

“I’m sorry mother, I’ve been busy.” My voice is hard, and cold as steel. Indifference is my only form of defense. It always has been.

“Too busy to let us know you’re back home,” she huffs. Anger surges through my body, wrapping around the very center of me. Answering the call was clearly a mistake, and I fight my natural inclination to cut the call. Manners be damned.

“Is there a reason you called?” I ask, my tone thick with irritation.

“Yes,” my mother half-snaps. “Your sister spoke to you about a dinner for your birthday. We’ll be having it next Wednesday at seven.”

And just like that I have been summoned. I remind myself that all the obscenities running through my mind belong to nineteen-year-old Lacy, and not grown up Lacy.

“Are you inviting me or
telling
me to be there?”

My mother’s heavy sigh comes through the phone before she replies, “I’d like you to be there, of course. We haven’t seen you and it’s time you came home.”

I bite my tongue, stopping my harsh words in their tracks before saying something I’d regret. The house I’d grown up in was just that. A house. It had never been home to me, and became even less so after my whole Jason debacle. Cape Town and the friends I’d made there felt more like home than anywhere else I‘d ever been.

The truth is, seeing my family isn’t rating high on my ‘To-Do’ list, especially when I know we’ll avoid talking about why I’ve been gone for the past two years. While I’m not looking for some kind of confrontation, some kind of apology would be nice. Then again, I doubt my family is capable of that, purely because they have a hard time admitting to being wrong.

I give it some thought and know deep, deep down it’s just another ploy to show all my parents’ friends that we are still the ‘picturesque’ family we’ve always pretended to be. In the end though, I know I’ll say yes, only because hiding forever isn’t an option for me.

“Fine,” I concede. “Just tell me what time I have to be there and what I have to wear.”

I wait for a gasp or some form of sound that shows my mother’s excitement to see me again, but I know better than to hope for things that would never be. I harden my spine and dispel of any disappointment I might feel.

“Very well,” my mother says, “Wednesday at seven sharp. Wear something tasteful and elegant. We wouldn’t want another scandal just because you can’t resist wearing something revealing.”

That stings. It also proves why my expectations have dropped to below zero where my parents are concerned.

I clench my teeth momentarily, irritation running rampant through my veins. “Great. I’ll see you then.”

I click ‘end’ before my mother can get another word in and resist the hankering to hurl my phone across the room. Only my mother can evoke such a strong desire to break something.

Thankfully I have a few days before I have to face her and my father so I can prepare myself. It also gives me some time to find the perfect dress that will undoubtedly piss my mother off. Since I’m no longer forced to behave a certain way in their presence, even if they expect it, I decide to embrace my inner rebel and do the unexpected.

CHAPTER 4

L
ACY

I sit in front of my computer and wait for Cassandra to answer my Skype call. It’s early evening where she is, and I’m anxious to talk to her after a few days of silence. When the call finally connects I smile at the sight of my friend. She’s wearing her pink silk robe, her hair’s a mess and her face is flushed.

I lift an eyebrow, and cross my arms over my chest.