All of Me (5 page)

Grant held his breath as she closed hers briefly as another contraction racked her body. When she opened them again, for the briefest of moments there was no noise, no hospital room, and no memory of hurt words spoken in anger. In that moment there was just the two of them. It was surreal and yet felt right. She smiled weakly as she lifted her hand to gently stroke his cheek.

“You’re welcome,” she whispered back.

And then their child was born.

Chapter Four

Charlie was awed by the little life in her arms. She kept expecting to have someone come and say there had been a mistake, that she hadn’t actually created the little person she held. She nuzzled her daughter’s soft head and inhaled her unique baby scent.

While carrying her baby she’d loved the thought of having the little person forming inside her. She’d formed ideas about what it would be like to hold her child, but as her daughter gurgled and made little noises, she felt her heart seize with the amount of love she had for her. Intellectually, she couldn’t find the right words to describe how her very soul felt about her daughter. It was magical and scary all at once.

Stella Evie Carter was perfection. She was also very unexpected, considering boys were par for course in both her parents’ families. The look of shock on Grant’s face when they’d announced the baby’s sex was priceless. Charlie knew her mother would be over the moon with the opportunity to spoil her new female grandchild. It had taken her three tries to get her girl, and she often joked she had to allow room for one more boy in the bargain.

She was, of course, the most beautiful baby girl in the world, Charlie thought as she ran a finger gently across her daughter’s smooth brow. Picking Stella’s name was the first thing both Grant and she could agree on since reconnecting. Family names were important in both their families, but Charlie wanted to make sure their child still retained some unique characteristics of her own. Charlie decided on Stella, for her mother’s middle name of Estelle, and Evie for Grant’s mother’s name of Eveline. When it came to her last name, Charlie conceded and allowed her to carry her father’s name. She’d probably blame it on the drugs later, but the look of wonder on Grant’s face as he held his daughter was argument enough he not only wanted to be a father but deserved it, as well.

He’d been so hesitant at first when she’d offered their daughter for him to hold.

“Oh, but won’t I hurt her? I’ve never held a baby before,” he replied with a whisper.

Charlie smiled at the vulnerability in his voice. In the short time she had known Grant she would have never described him as vulnerable. At his pensive expression, she felt a swell of emotion rise in her chest. Attributing it to post-delivery hormones, Charlie had a strong urge to gather him in her arms and kiss away his doubt.

“You’re a Poppa now, Grant. Here, take her. You won’t break her. I think she would like to have her daddy hold her.”

“She’s so perfect,” Grant said with whispered awe.

With his deep honey-colored hair tousled and his scrubs rumpled, Grant had never looked so handsome to her. When he bent down to place a soft kiss on the crown of their daughter’s head, she didn’t prevent the tears from flowing freely down her face. In the secret part of her heart where she feared what it would have been like to tell Grant about their child, seeing him hold their baby had been more than she could have asked for. She’d had time to adjust to the thought of being a parent, and she was aware that she could have given Grant just as much time, but watching him cry freely as he held their baby was more than she could have expected.

Stella stirred in her mother’s arms as if to say, “Pay attention to me, Mommy,” squirming and making small mewling noises. Charlie had learned that was her way to say she was hungry. She watched as her daughter suckled and giggled quietly at the greedy noises of contentment the baby made. It was too early to form definitive thoughts on her baby’s personality, but Charlie chuckled thinking that Stella was showing signs of wanting things her way.

Humming softly as the baby fed, Charlie thought it ironic that the Carters had attributed the characteristics of the men in the family solely to the fact they were male. As she studied the content features of her baby girl, she chuckled softly at the thought of a little girl breaking down all the stereotypes the family had built over countless generations. As she demanded more milk and clutched tightly to her mother’s index finger, Stella was showing early on she was definitely a Carter.

“Well, we don’t have to worry about her appetite.”

Charlie looked up at Grant, standing in the doorway smiling fondly at the picture of mother and daughter. Smiling back, she gave out a little laugh. As if sensing the conversation was about her, Stella let out a cry of discontent and drew her mother’s focus back to her.

“Uh oh. I don’t think peanut liked you making fun of her.” Charlie looked at her daughter with an indulgent gaze.

Walking across the room and standing next to the bed, Grant reached down and stroked the top of his daughter’s head softly.

“Well, she knows her daddy loves her no matter how mad she may get with him.”

He leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of the baby’s head to prove his point. Stella let out a small sigh as acknowledgment of her father’s presence. The little gesture caused both Charlie and Grant to laugh. Their little person had definitely established who was going to be in charge, and her parents were helpless to her decisions. Charlie was seized by the striking resemblance of father to daughter. Though her features were still forming, there was no denying the firm set of Stella’s chin and the early formation of patrician features like her father’s. Of course, the soft blonde curls that covered her head were a giveaway also. Sighing, Charlie took consolation in the fact she wasn’t completely fair like her father. She did have a little of her mother’s brown coloring.

“I think she is going to have blue eyes,” Grant said dreamily.

“Maybe, but all babies’ eyes are pretty blue when they are first born,” Charlie explained cautiously.

Her heart fluttered a little as she looked into Grant’s very blue eyes. Time had moved quickly since they’d met with his lawyers. Now that the hustle and bustle of bringing Stella into the world had subsided, she realized the enormity of being in a room with Grant. In comparing her child to her father, she had to acknowledge how handsome and charismatic he was. She averted her eyes quickly and focused on her daughter. Charlie took a deep breath and tried to sort the confusing thoughts and emotions plaguing her. They may look like a happy family, but she needed to remember that was far from the truth.

***

“All Carters have blue eyes.”

“Kind of like all Carter babies being boys,” Charlie teased.

Blushing slightly, Grant continued to look down at his baby girl. He couldn’t imagine anything more perfect in his life. As the baby suckled contently from her mother’s breast, Grant couldn’t express the feelings of love that made it hard for him to breathe. He’d never felt anything like it and although he was scared, afraid he would fail her in some way, he knew his daughter was truly a gift and he would never be able to express how happy Charlie’s decision to have their baby made him. He just hoped the euphoria of having Stella whole and healthy would allow Charlie to agree to his plans for their future.

“I requested a paternity test from the hospital,” Charlie said as she watched Stella lovingly.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Grant replied, trying to hide his irritation.

It might seem irrational to others, but he didn’t need a test to tell him Stella was his. It was written across her face, in her features, and in her mannerisms. She was a Carter baby. Also, if he were honest, he didn’t like the idea of doubt it fostered. In the hours it took for Charlie to push their daughter into the world, he’d still been formulating and calculating. The sudden birth of their child might have interrupted the argument they’d had earlier, but he was still committed to what he’d said.

“It was necessary, Grant.” Charlie sighed. “It was very wrong for me to not tell you about the pregnancy and for me to deny you the knowledge of your child. I can’t excuse my behavior, but I hope for the sake of Stella we can put it behind us and work together for her future.”

Grant opened his mouth, ready to argue his rebuttal, but was silenced at the image of mother and child. He had very limited experience of women with their children, but he could tell Charlie was a natural. She quickly burped Stella and handed his tiny bundle of wonder to him. Grant had been terrified at holding his daughter initially but found each time he cradled her in his arms, he couldn’t imagine not holding her. She smelled like sunshine and joy, and the little noises she made caused his heart to beat irregularly.

“Can we call a truce, Grant? Please, for the sake of Stella?” Charlie asked with a strained expression.

He sighed and nuzzled Stella’s head with its soft baby hair.

“Charlie, I only ever wanted the best for both you and Stella. I’m sorry if I led you to believe that you couldn’t trust me with the knowledge of our unborn child.”

Grant watched as Charlie fussed with her gown and plucked at invisible lint on her clothing.

“I want you to know that I plan to be very active in Stella’s life and am committed to doing what is best for her.” To punctuate his point, Grant placed light kisses on the top of his now-sleeping daughter’s head.

When he looked back at Charlie, she was crying softly. He hadn’t meant to make her cry with his declaration. Grant sat on the edge of her bed and balanced Stella in his arms so he could take her mother’s hand in his.

“What is it?” he asked softly.

“I’m just…I just… I’m just so sorry I almost prevented you from having each other. I really thought I was doing the right thing, but with how good you are with her I just can’t believe she might have missed out on you,” Charlie sputtered out between hiccupped sobs. “I can’t believe I’m crying like this. It must be the hormones. I’m okay. Really, I’m okay.”

She wasn’t okay and he knew it. The same way he wasn’t okay, but finding the words to connect what the past meant to the present and their eventual future was too hard. He wanted to just focus on Stella, make their lives about their daughter, but that wouldn’t make either of them happy. Residual bitterness still clung to him when he thought of the enormity of meshing their lives together. He loved his daughter more than words could ever express, but his feelings for her mother weren’t quite that simple.

***

“Should we come back?”

Charlie looked up to see her brothers standing in the doorway. Smiling, she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and waved them in. She could tell Grant was struggling with the right words to console her, and the distraction of her brothers was just what they both needed. There were so many words left unspoken between them that trying to piece together the puzzle they had become was more than a little daunting. She needed time away from seeing him so loving with his child, time to sort out what he would mean not only to her but also their child. Even as she sat in her hospital bed, sorting through feelings of angst and confusion, she couldn’t deny the pull he had on her.

Her brothers pushing each other out of the way to get to their sleeping niece helped quell most of the anxiety pressing its way to the surface. Charlie was a little surprised at how well her brothers had taken to Grant. When Grant and his father were first introduced to her parents and her brothers, her anxiety had ratcheted up to monumental proportions. Her brothers had been moderately protective growing up, chasing away friends who got too close. She was their baby sister, and the silence she’d kept regarding the father of her child didn’t bode well for Grant. Much to her amazement, everyone took it in stride. It probably helped that Stella displayed such a force of personality early on. Once she had been checked and given the green light, she commanded the attention of everyone in the room. When Grant’s mother arrived shortly after taking a chartered flight, there really wasn’t much time for awkwardness.

“Can I hold her?” Charlie’s twin Micah’s question interrupted her thoughts.

“Sure you can,” Grant replied, handing his daughter over to her uncle.

“Hey, peanut. It’s your favorite uncle, Micah.”

“Please. Just because you’re her mom’s twin doesn’t make you the favorite,” Edward mock-scolded.

“Yeah. Seeing as I’m the oldest, I get to have favorite uncle status. Hierarchy, gentlemen,” Thomas replied with a laugh.

Chuckling softly, Charlie watched her three brothers vying for the attention of a newborn baby. “As long as you three don’t spoil her too much in your quest for favored status. Even though I’m sure she is going to learn early on to play on your insecurities.”

As if on cue, Stella reached up for her uncle Micah’s face and made an appreciative baby noise. Which got a laugh from everyone in the room, especially from her father.

“Well, it seems like everyone is having fun today.”

Charlie smiled at her mother as she entered the room and walked over to give Charlie a hug. Wrapped in her mother’s embrace, she felt a deeper connection to the woman that had birthed her. Having her own child gave her more perspective on the important role her mother played in her life. Small in stature, with the same coppery brown complexion and dark hair of her children, she was a powerhouse of thought and action. Charlie looked into her mother’s proud face and knew their relationship had evolved into something new and exciting.

“I’ve got to head out,” Thomas stated.

“Me too,” Micah said quickly after their brother.

“Thank you for coming,” Charlie said to Micah and Thomas.

“As if we’d miss an opportunity to spend quality time with the best baby in the world.” Micah chuckled.