All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood (34 page)

57  
a
father . . . is
more
apt
to
get
involved
in “interactive” tasks
Suzanne M. Bianchi, John P. Robinson, and Melissa A. Milkie,
Changing Rhythms of American Family Life
(New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2006), 66–67.

57  
fathers guessed that they did . . . about 42 percent of the child care
Amato et al.,
Alone Together,
150.

57  
The
actual
number
that
year
Bianchi, “Family Change,” 7, 9.

58  
it
remains
roughly
the
same
today
Kim Parker and Wendy Wang, “Modern Parenthood: Roles of Moms and Dads Converge as They Balance Work and Family,”
Pew Research Social & Demographic Trends
, March 14, 2013, available at http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family/.

58  
42 percent of married fathers reported multitasking “most of the time”
Bianchi et al.,
Changing Rhythms,
136 (chart).

58  
two
sociologists
provided
an
even
more
granular
analysis
Shira Offer and Barbara Schneider, “Revisiting the Gender Gap in Time-Use Patterns: Multitasking and Well-being Among Mothers and Fathers in Dual-Earner Families,”
American Sociological Review
76, no. 6 (2011): 809–33.

59  
women
are
more
likely
than
men
to
feel “always
rushed”
Marybeth J. Mattingly and Liana C. Sayer, “Under Pressure: Gender Differences in the Relationship Between Free Time and Feeling Rushed,”
Journal of Marriage and Family
68 (2006): 205–21.

60  
fall disproportionately to them
Ibid., 216.

60  
she
ought
to
ask
them
to
devise
a
pie
chart
of
their
identities
Cowan and Cowan,
When Partners Become Parents,
82.

60  
mothers
who
carry
the
child
in
lesbian
couples
Charlotte J. Patterson, “Families of the Lesbian Baby Boom: Parents’ Division of Labor and Children’s Adjustment,”
Developmental Psychology
31, no. 1 (1995): 115-123.

60  
What
did
surprise
the
Cowans
Much of the background information on Philip and Carolyn Cowan’s research is taken from a series of interviews with the author, February 2, 2011, and March 10, 2011.

60  
the
greater
the
disparity
between
how
a
mother
and
a
father
Cowan and Cowan,
When Partners Become Parents,
81.

61  
80
percent
of
them
believed
Mom Central, “How Moms Socialize Online – Part 1,”
Revolution + Research = R2
(blog), December 1, 2010, http://www.momcentral.com/blogs/revolution-research-r2/how-moms-socialize-online-part-1.

61  
women’s
social
networks
—
and
the
frequency
of
their
contact
Allison Munch, J. Miller McPherson, and Lynn Smith-Lovin, “Gender, Children, and Social Contact: The Effects of Childrearing for Men and Women,”
American Sociological Review
62 (1997): 509-520.

61  
“That
really
surprised
me”
Kathryn Fink, interview with the author, February 24, 2012.

62  
Sociologists
who
have
examined
Masako Ishii-Kuntz and Karen Seccombe, “The Impact of Children upon Social Support Networks throughout the Life Course,”
Journal of Marriage and the Family
51 (1989): 777–790, especially Table 3 on page 783.

62  
“machers” and
“schmoozers”
Robert Putnam,
Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community
(New York: Touchstone, 2000), 93.

62   “
Holding other demographic features constant”
Ibid., 278.

63  
“Women
who
have
worked
for
a
number
of
years”
Benjamin Spock,
Problems of Parents
(Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1962), 34.

64  
“discuss
important
matters”
Miller McPherson, Lynn Smith-Lovin, and Matthew E. Brashears, “Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades,”
American Sociological Review
71 (2006): 353-375.

64  
the
decline
of
almost
every
measurable
form
of
civic
participation
Putnam, “Civic Participation,” in
Bowling Alone,
48.

64  
number of times married Americans spent a social evening
Ibid., 105.

65  
subsequent
studies
have
shown
that
this
number
continued
to
drop
through
2008
Peter V. Marsden, ed.,
Social Trends in American Life: Finding from the General Social Survey since 1972
(Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2012), 244.

65  
“pervasive
busyness”
Putnam,
Bowling Alone,
189.

65  
In the mid- to late seventies
Ibid., 98.

66  
“extended
families
have
never
been
the
norm
in
America”
Coontz,
The Way We Never Were
, 12.

66  
college-educated
Americans
tend
to
live
farther
away
from
their
parents
Janice Compton and Robert A. Pollak, “Proximity and Coresidence of Adult Children and Their Parents: Description and Correlates” (working paper), Ann Arbor: University of Michigan, Retirement Research Center (October 2009).

67  
the
so-called
sandwich
generation
George James, “A Survival Course for the Sandwich Generation,”
New York Times,
January 17, 1999. See also Carol Abaya’s website (http://www.thesandwichgeneration.com/index.htm); Abaya, the subject of the
Times
article, holds a registered trademark on the term “sandwich generation.”

69  
data
about
compliance
requests
Gerald R. Patterson, “Mothers: The Unacknowledged Victims,”
Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development
45, no. 5 (1980): 1–64.

69  
researchers
from
Emory
and
the
University
of
Georgia
Rex Forehand et al., “Mother-Child Interactions: Comparison of a Non-Compliant Clinic Group and a Non-Clinic Group,”
Behaviour Research and Therapy
13 (1975): 79–84.

69  
all
the
way
to
the
present
day
See, for example, Leon Kuczynski and Grazyna Kochanska, “Function and Content of Maternal Demands: Developmental Significance of Early Demands for Competent Action,”
Child Development
66 (1995): 616–28; Grazyna Kochanska and Nazan Aksan, “Mother-Child Mutually Positive Affect, the Quality of Child Compliance to Requests and Prohibitions, and Maternal Control as Correlates of Early Internalization,”
Child Development
66, no. 1 (1995): 236–54.

69  
averaging
a
conflict
every
two
and
a
half
minutes
Margaret O’Brien Caughy, Keng-Yen Huang, and Julie Lima, “Patterns of Conflict Interaction in Mother-Toddler Dyads: Differences Between Depressed and Non-depressed Mothers,”
Journal of Child and Family Studies
18 (2009): 10–20.

69  
“Much
of
contemporary
developmental
psychology”
Urie Bronfenbrenner,
The Ecology of Human Development: Experiments by Nature and Design
(Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1979), 18.

71  
Before
the
late
eighteenth
century
Amato et al.,
Alone Together,
12–13.

72  
94
percent
of
singles
David Popenoe and Barbara Defoe Whitehead, eds., “The State of Our Unions: 2001,” National Marriage Project, available at: http://www.stateofourunions.org/pdfs/SOOU2001.pdf (accessed March 30, 2013).

72  
“SuperRelationship”
Ibid.

72  
couple-time
drops
by
two-thirds
Bianchi et al.,
Changing Rhythms,
104.

72  
the
story
of
a
beautiful
couple
William Doherty, interview with the author, January 26, 2011.

73  
having
sex
less
than
once
a
week
R. Kumar, H. A. Brant, and Kay Mordecai Robson, “Childbearing and Maternal Sexuality: A Prospective Survey of 119 Primiparae,”
Journal of Psychosomatic Research
25, no. 5 (1981): 373–83.

73  
“jobs,
commuting,
housework”
Cathy Stein Greenblat, “The Salience of Sexuality in the Early Years of Marriage,”
Journal of Marriage and Family
45, no. 2 (1983): 289–99.

73  
the
presence
of
young
children
Vaughn Call, Susan Sprecher, and Pepper Schwartz, “The Incidence and Frequency of Marital Sex in a National Sample,”
Journal of Marriage and Family
57, no. 3 (1995): 639–52.

73  
“Respondents with low and high educational attainment levels”
Ibid.

74  
the most precipitous drop
Ibid.

75  
“In
our
erotic
lives
we
abandon
our
children”
Adam Phillips,
Side Effects
(New York: HarperCollins, 2006), 73–74.

76  
“there
were
no
differences
between
homemakers
and
women
employed”
Janet Shibley Hyde, John D. DeLamater, and Amanda M. Durik, “Sexuality and the Dual-Earner Couple, Part II: Beyond the Baby Years,”
Journal of Sex Research
38, no. 1 (2001): 10–23.

79  
“She
knows
something
is
up
”
Michael Cunningham,
A Home at the End of the World
(New York: Picador, 1990), 26.

82  
the
difference
in
happiness
levels
between
parents
and
nonparents
Robin W. Simon, Jennifer Glass, and M. Anders Anderson, “The Impact of Parenthood on Emotional and Physical Well-being: Some Findings from a Cross-National Study,” paper presented at the Thirteenth International Conference of Social Stress Research, Dublin, Ireland (June 22, 2012).

82  
“the
happiness
that
people
derive
from
parenthood”
Arnstein Aassve, Letizia Mencarini, and Maria Sironi, “Institutional Transition, Subjective Well-being, and Fertility,” paper presented at the 2013 annual meeting of the Population Association of America, New Orleans, LA (April 11, 2013).

82  
“These
countries . . . are
scoring
on
a
whole
range
of
categories”
Arnstein Aassve, interview with the author, April 9, 2013.

83  
“My elder daughter, from the time she was eighteen months of age”
Warner,
Perfect Madness
, 10.

83  
it
cost
more
for
families
to
put
two
children
in
day
care
Child Care Aware of America, “Parents and the High Cost of Child Care, 2012 Report,” available at: http://www.naccrra.org/sites/default/files/default_site_pages/2012/cost_report_2012_final_081012_0.pdf (accessed May 5, 2013).