All I Want (19 page)

Progressing Rather Fast

“So how did it go?” Brynn asked Carly the next day.

“I survived,” Carly replied, joking. “It was an eye opener for sure.” Carly walked over to Brynn where she was sitting at the island and placed a little gift bag in front of her. “Sean is bringing some to work Monday, but I wanted to personally give you yours.”

Brynn opened the bag and peeked inside. “Oh my God, you made your apples. I’m not sharing these with Alec. They’re both mine.” She pushed the apples aside and almost squealed. “Pretzels too. Wow. You’re going to be the favorite aunt, hands down.”

Carly grinned. “I brought enough apples for Sean’s whole family and made extra for Sean to bring to work, along with the pretzels. They were a big hit in Boston.”

“I’m sure they were.” Brynn pulled a pretzel out and went to take off the clear wrapper that Carly placed on each one to keep them fresh, but Carly stopped her and handed her one from her own stash. “Thanks. Alec will appreciate having more,” she said, giggling. “Okay, so tell me what was such an eye opener for you.”

“Aside from how loud and overbearing his family is, they still baby him.”

“He warned you they did, didn’t he? I remember you saying that he hated it.”

“He did warn me, and he does hate it, but he never stood up for himself either. I asked him why and he said it wasn’t worth it, that he didn’t see them often and he knew it was their way of showing love.”

“By bossing him around?” Brynn asked around a bite of her chocolate caramel pretzel. “These are awesome. Alec might not be getting any of these either.”

“I thought the same thing about his sisters, then I realized it was kind of harsh. They aren’t really bossing him around in a mean way. It’s out of love, I see that, it’s just it would drive me insane.”

“He said that’s why he moved away years ago.”

“Yeah, he told me that too.”

“So give me an example,” Brynn said.

“This is crazy, but his family thinks he is too skinny. You know they send him food all the time, right?”

“I knew they sent him food. I didn’t know they thought he was skinny. He really isn’t. I mean, he’s thinner than Alec and Phil, but I wouldn’t call Sean skinny at all.”

“Anyway, I lost count of the number of times they told him he needed meat on his bones. Do you know when we were passing the food around the table, after he added potatoes to his plate, his mother reached over and took the spoon and added more to it.”

Brynn snorted, then coughed. “Sorry. Don’t say those things when I’m eating. Geez, what did they do to
you
? You don’t even weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet.”

“I do, too,” Carly said indignantly.

Brynn snorted again, and lifted her eyebrow. “Really?”

“I weighed a hundred and five the last time I got on the scale.”

“You’re going to argue over five pounds? What, did his family rub off on you?”

Carly swatted her hand at Brynn. “Anyway,” she said continuing on, “his mother did the same thing to me too.”

“That’s great. Sorry, it is. Did you eat it?”

“I was afraid not to. I’ve never eaten so much in my life. Once I realized what they were doing, I stopped adding anything to my plate because I knew his mother was just going to add more.”

“I bet you weigh close to a hundred and seven now.”

“Not funny. I was so ill to my stomach on Thursday night, it was embarrassing. I had to ask Sean if there was anything in the house to take because I thought I was going to get sick.”

“What did he say?”

“You’re going to laugh, so don’t take a bite of food. He opened his bedside drawer and there was everything imaginable in there for an upset stomach.”

“Oh, sorry, but I’m going to have to prank him on that one.”

“I don’t want to know, I really don’t. Anyway, he said, ‘Take your pick. I’m always prepared when I visit.’”

“It sounds like you had a good time though. You don’t seem too damaged.”

“I’m not. It was fun. Underneath it all, they’re a great family. The dynamics were odd, and so out of touch with reality, to be honest. So over the top, but it
was
fun, and completely different than anything I’ve ever been around. Enough about me. How was your Thanksgiving? You were around more people, but I’m betting it was much calmer.”

“It was,” Brynn said. Then she reached over and grabbed Carly’s hand. “Everyone knows I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Carly said looking at Brynn’s smiling face. “I thought you weren’t saying anything for at least a month.”

“I wasn’t going to, you know that, and Alec even agreed. He was so excited over it all, and he knew that you were the only other person that knew, but Isabel figured it out.”

“How? Seriously, how? You would think she would have been focused on cooking and Ian, not to mention all the other kids running around.” Carly was a little bummed. She wanted to be the one that had this little secret with Brynn. Almost like when they lived together in college, just something between the two of them.

“First clue was me turning down the wine. I think it wasn’t that big of a deal, really. At least no one questioned it when I just had ice water. But the thing that gave it away so much was Alec waiting on me hand and foot. He really blew the secret if you ask me. If he is like this the whole pregnancy I’m going to strangle him. I even told him that.”

“So what happened then, did someone ask?”

“No. Isabel waited until we all sat down for dessert and said, ‘How much dessert do you want, Brynn, since you’re eating for two?’”

“She didn’t?” Carly asked, stunned. She loved Isabel and knew she was straightforward, but never expected her to be so blunt. It was almost something that Sean’s mother would do, even though the two of them were so completely different.

“Yep, she did, and my face turned beet red. There I am, at the table, center of attention, everyone staring at me. I’m not saying a word and Alec goes and says, ‘Cat’s out of the bag. I’m going to be a father!’”

“That’s so sweet, Brynn, and so very much Alec.”

“It is. He’s been great about it, and so excited. I’m kind of scared, but you know, his excitement is rubbing off on me, taking over the nervousness of it all.”

“What was everyone’s reaction?”

“As you can guess everyone was excited. My father cried.”

“Really?” Carly wished she could have seen Andy crying. He was a big burly man, someone that used to terrify Carly, but deep down, he was a little teddy bear. He was always so helpful to Carly when Brynn’s parents came to visit during college. A father that Carly never really had, and someone she knew she could count on if she needed something. It had been a totally new experience for her, seeing how Andy was with Brynn.

“Drew looked a little uncomfortable.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to picture his sister pregnant.”

“That’s what he said, but he still gave me a big hug. He said he couldn’t wait to be an uncle. What about you? I know things are progressing rather fast with you and Sean, but you’ve got to be thinking along the lines of marriage and kids, right? I know you, Carly. Everything you’ve ever wanted is starting to stare you in the face right now.”

“You’re right, it is, and it’s good. What I always wanted and it seems he does too. It’s early yet, but it feels right. I can’t explain it, but it’s there.”

“You don’t need to explain it to me. I know the feeling. I felt it early with Alec too; sometimes you just know. When it’s there and it’s right, there is no timetable, so don’t fight it.”

“I’m not, why would you say that?”

“Because you look like you are hedging over something,” Brynn said, staring at Carly closer than she felt comfortable with at the moment. “What are you afraid to say?”

“To who?”

“To me right now? Or maybe Sean?”

“I should tell him about my father, don’t you think?”

“That’s for you to decide, Carly. Does it matter? Will it change anything about how you feel about Sean?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Are you afraid it will change how he feels about you? Get real—you were a victim. This is Sean we’re talking about. If anything he is going to get upset and angry over what happened to you.”

“I’m not actually afraid of him reacting in a bad way. And yes, I see him feeling that way. We talked about having kids on the drive home,” she said suddenly.

“And you are just telling me this now? That’s important and goes back to things progressing fast, so again, what is the problem?”

“Brynn, I don’t want him to worry about our children being passed down some bad genes.”

“Carly, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Is it really though?” Carly asked, feeling so unsure of everything right now. Even talking to the one person who knew more than anyone else and it still wasn’t everything.

“Yes. Are you worried about Sean’s genetics being passed down to your kids?”

“A little bit, I guess. His family is a bit overwhelming. But at the heart of it, they’re good people. And Sean has those genes and he is nothing like his sisters or mother.”

“Exactly. And you are nothing like your mother or your father. The furthest thing from both of them. And,” Brynn said before Carly could say another word, “your mother’s issues are a result of what your father did, and you know it.”

“I know, but it’s still there.”

“It is, and it’s fine. I think you are worrying for nothing. I know how you’ve been with men in your life. You want someone mild-mannered, someone with no temper, but be realistic, Carly, everyone loses their temper at some point in their life. It’s the fight or flee in us. Even you’ve done it and you know it. You’ve had to.”

“My mother never fought back.”

“No, but she fled. Fight or flee, Carly. She still stood her ground and protected you. It might have come later than you wanted or even needed, but she did it. I don’t know everything about your childhood and I know you won’t tell me, but you fought back plenty.”

“Little good it did me, and it made matters worse for her.”

“And then what did you do? You fled, you hid, and you protected yourself. Carly, you’re a survivor. You’re a strong woman, and you stopped letting fear dictate your life so long ago. Don’t let it happen again.”

Heart

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” Sean asked Carly a few weeks later. He’d been waiting for the right time to broach the subject of Christmas. He’d never missed a Christmas with his family but was more than willing to this year if she’d said no.

“Sure. It’s all good.”

“Your mom and grandmother won’t be upset if they miss another holiday with you?”

“No. Actually we never did much for Christmas. Honestly, my mother volunteers to work that day. There are so many of the seniors that have no family and she always enjoyed being there with them. It was sort of what we’ve done the last few years. We’d have a nice brunch together and spend the day there, nothing big like your family,” she said rather sadly.

He’d noticed that lately Carly didn’t seem as upbeat, almost sad a few times. Like she wanted to talk to him about something, but he had no clue. Every time he’d asked her what was wrong, she’d reply with “nothing” or “just tired, it was a long day at school.” He took those answers and didn’t push but was starting to wish he had.

“If you’re sure, then maybe you wouldn’t mind bringing your camera again. My mother actually asked me to pass the question on. I still haven’t heard the end of how much she loved your photo book.” He leaned over on the couch where they’d been sitting at his place and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “It was really sweet of you and it meant the world to my mother; my sisters, too.”

“Brittany’s thank you letter was adorable.”

“I saw it hanging on your refrigerator. Kristy is the most thankful.”

“Why is that? All the kids were having fun that day.”

“They were, and they can’t wait to see you again, so I’m thrilled you don’t mind going back with me.” He didn’t want to be away from her for the holiday and was willing to risk his mother’s wrath if Carly didn’t want to go. “But Brittany is pretty shy. I’m sure you saw that.”

“I did.”

“She reminds me of you, if you want to know.”

“How so?”

“She’s shy, timid, sort of blending into the background at times.” Though honestly, he noticed Carly wasn’t quite like that anymore, now that he thought about it. Thanksgiving was when she seemed to change. Before that, anytime they were together in a crowd she didn’t say much, only one-on-one, and he tried to stay by her side since she did seem so timid.

“She’s tender?” Carly said, smirking a little.

“She is. Wears her heart right on her sleeve like you do. But you made her feel part of the group that day. She had so much fun with the pictures, and Kristy told me that Brittany has been making of a list of poses and faces she wants everyone to do again. She even asked for a camera for Christmas.”

“She did?”

“Yes. I told Kristy to let me buy it for her. I thought we could give it to her together. What do you think?” He’d been trying to figure out the best way to do this. Carly had already been talking about buying gifts for everyone and he didn’t want her to, but he knew she was the type of person who would do it on her own anyway. So instead of getting gift cards for everyone like he normally did, he was hoping they could do this together—as a couple.

“I think that’s a great idea, but that’s a big gift, Sean. It should be from you. I’m someone they just met.”

He’d expected her to say that and had prepared an argument. “But you know so much more about cameras than I do, you can help me pick out a starter one. I’ve priced them and they aren’t that much for someone her age. Besides, I think she’d appreciate having your name on the gift since you inspired her.”

“If you really think so?” she asked, hedging. “But what about everyone else, then? I thought you did gift cards.”

“I thought maybe you and I could go shopping this weekend and you could help me pick out gifts for each kid. I’ve got three emails with clothing sizes for the girls, and hobbies or things they’ve asked for this year for the boys. Maybe it’s time I put some thought into their gifts. I was hoping you could do it with me?”

“I’d love that, but I want to pay for half of them.”

“No. No one expects you to do anything big.”

“Then I’m not helping you,” she said firmly. “If I help you and you put my name on it, I’m paying for half. End of story or you’re on your own.”

Wow. Where did that side of her come from? Stubborn and to the point. He’d never seen it before, even so much so that she was sitting there with her arms crossed in front of her. “Does Ms. Springfield have a temper?” he asked jokingly.

She looked like she was going pale at that. What was going on? “I’m joking, Carly. Really, if it means that much to you, then fine, we’ll figure it out when it’s all said and done. I’ll even let you wrap them all since I know they would look much prettier than if I did it.”

“Don’t think I didn’t see through you just now trying to get out of wrapping everything.”

She was smiling now, and he was happy for it. “You know me so well.”

“Why are you sweating?”

“What?”

“There is sweat on your brow. Are you sick?” She lifted her hand to his forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”

He wasn’t sick, but he was nervous. He knew what he was going to do today. He’d known since Thanksgiving a few weeks ago. He even had the ring burning a hole in his pocket, like it had been for over five days since he picked it up at the jewelers.

He’d managed to find a ring of hers that he’d seen on her hand one day and dropped it off to be sized and returned it without her knowledge. She had such tiny fingers and once he gave it to her, he wanted to make sure it never came off.

But every time he thought he would ask, he stopped. He had no idea what was holding him back. Maybe it was her hesitation and sadness lately, he didn’t know. Maybe he was seeing something that wasn’t there. He hoped.

The fact that she readily agreed to go back to Boston for Christmas and just took a stand on paying her half of the gifts helped. It made him realize that maybe she just was tired lately. Maybe it was nothing more than the kids being crazy at school waiting for the holidays, rather than something with their relationship.

“I’m not sick. I’m just a little nervous.”

“Over what?” she asked, her brows curving.

“I wanted to ask you something, and I’m afraid you might say no.” He really didn’t think she would, but he was trying to make light of it, grinning and cracking a joke. He knew they’d only been together for a few months. It was crazy, he figured it was, but why wait? He knew what he felt for her, and he was positive she felt the same way.

They were old enough and practically living together already. They spent more nights together than apart and he was happy. He’d be happier if they’d spent every night together. She didn’t baby him, she didn’t order him around, but she took care of him, not the way his mother did, but in a way that made him feel like he belonged with her.

She was his, the person he wanted to protect. The person he wanted to come home to everyday. He didn’t expect her to have dinner on the table for him. He wanted to do that for her at times, just like he did now.

He didn’t expect her to clean up after him or do his laundry, none of those things. He’d been doing them for himself for years. He liked doing those things
with
her. He’d liked that she never tried to do anything for him, but rather with him, like a team. They worked together well and did everything together.

If one of them couldn’t do something, the other just did it, no questions asked. A partnership, what he’d always wanted.

He didn’t want someone to take care of him, nor did he want someone he had to take care of. He wanted to be with someone that gave as much as she got. Equals.

He had that with Carly, and he wanted more. He prayed she felt the same way.

“What is it you want to ask me?” She had that soft smile on her face, the one he fell in love with. He realized now it was the same smile she’d had when he danced with her at Brynn’s wedding. The night she’d had a little bit to drink and opened up to him.

He got down on his knee in front of her and grabbed her hand. It was shaking uncontrollably, or maybe it was his hand; either way, they were probably both shaking. This was a big moment, a special moment. One he only wanted to share with her, no one else, which was why he wanted to do it before the holidays. “I love you, Carly. I think I loved you from that first dance when you flirted with me.”

“I had a little too much to drink that night,” she said.

He thought it was odd she made that comment and now started to lose his nerve. Maybe he
was
moving too fast. “Was that a bad thing?”

“No,” she rushed out. “No, no, not at all. Sorry. Nerves. Ignore me. Keep going, say what you were going to say. No, ask me!” she shouted, all but jumping on the couch now.

Thank God. He didn’t think his heart could take it if she’d said no, or acted like she was going to say no. “Will you marry me?” he asked quickly. He couldn’t beat around the bush at this point; he just wanted it over with and wanted to hear her answer.

“Yes!” she screamed and jumped up, but he pulled her down to the floor next to him and kissed her, never wanting to let go and never before feeling so much love as he did at that moment.

He released her and helped her back to the couch. He didn’t want to slide the ring on her finger sitting on the floor. She’d jumped up so fast he didn’t even have a chance to slide it on in the first place. She hadn’t even seen it yet.

Reaching for her left hand, he realized he wasn’t holding the ring and panicked. “Crap. I must have dropped it when you jumped up.” He got down on his hands and knees and started to look around for it. This couldn’t be happening, talk about messing it up. Thankfully she seemed to be okay with it all; she was laughing loud enough while she rooted around looking for it too.

“Holy shit!”

He turned at the words uttered from Carly’s mouth. He’d never heard her swear before, ever, and it was just too much of a shock to not stop and stare at her. She was holding the ring in her hand and her mouth was wide open. “You don’t like it?”

“Are you kidding me? I love it. Sean, it’s huge. What could you have been thinking?”

“I was thinking I loved you and I wanted you to have an awesome ring. It fits too, I know it does.” He took the ring from her and slid it on.

“It’s perfect. It’s too much though. I should tell you to take it back, but I can’t.”

“You’re damn right you can’t, because I won’t. You’re worth it, every penny. Even if I did have to refinance my townhouse for it.”

She paled again and he burst out laughing. “I’m joking. Where did the sense of humor you’ve had the last month go? Gosh, Carly, I’m sorry I said it.”

She slapped his arm. “That’s not funny.” Then almost immediately pulled her hand back, alarmed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. That was uncalled for.”

What was she talking about? She barely grazed his arm, talk about being silly. He pulled her forward and kissed her again, ignoring her expression. “Don’t be ridiculous. You didn’t hit me hard, and I deserved it, probably even more. I shouldn’t have busted on you like that. Well, seriously, did I do a good job? Do you like it?”

He watched her look down at the two-carat heart-shaped diamond. At first he thought it was corny to give her a heart-shaped diamond, and then he realized it was perfect for the woman who wore her heart on her sleeve. “I love it, almost as much as I love you.”

“Now you’ve got my heart on your hand to go with the one on your sleeve.”

“Your sensitive side is coming out and I love every minute of it. Your sisters would be so proud.”