All I Need (Hearts of the South) (29 page)

“There’s nothing to hash out.” Landra straightened and focused her attention on Savannah. “I’m sorry about earlier. It won’t happen again. I can play nice.”

The oddly familiar hurt and defeat in her voice tickled at Savannah’s memory. Where had she experienced that before?

Emmett, sitting on the steps after talking to his father and cloaked in that same hurt and defeat. Emmett, sitting in her bed, admitting he loved her and was committed despite her own lack of love for him.

She didn’t want that for him, didn’t want to be the cause of that. She swallowed hard. The situations were hardly the same. Everything was out in the open between her and Emmett, and no one was making any promises that could be broken.

“It won’t happen again.” Mackey repeated Landra’s avowal. His gaze lingered on the curve of her averted face. “I promise.”

Landra nodded, but didn’t look at him. Savannah pushed away from the door and opened it. For now, she was satisfied they would keep their personal animosity out of the ER. She was less satisfied that she knew how to keep from hurting Emmett.

* * * * *

“What is so important that it couldn’t wait until you got off work?” Intrigue rather than irritation colored Amy’s words. She angled Hamilton’s stroller next to the hospital coffee shop table so the sun streaming in the tall windows didn’t strike the sleeping baby’s face, then settled into the chair across from Savannah.

Savannah set a cup of Amy’s favorite—regular brew with raw sugar and a dusting of cinnamon—in front of her sister. “I just…needed to talk.”

“What is going on with you?” Amy smiled over the top of the brown cup. She closed her eyes on a deep sip. “Oh, that’s good. Thanks for this.”

“Anytime.” Savannah waved the appreciation away and tapped the tabletop in a nervous rhythm. “Emmett’s in love with me.”

“Yes, he is.”

“That’s what you couldn’t tell me last night, what you said wouldn’t help me.” Savannah brushed a loose hank of hair away from her face and pressed her fingers to her forehead. “You saw it, right?”

“I did.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You have no idea how much I love hearing you say that.” An impish light glinted in Amy’s brown eyes, before a gentle smile brightened her face. “Let him love you.”

“Oh, my
God
, you sound just like him. ‘Let it ride; let me love you.’ That’s insane.”

“Why is it insane?” Amy spread her hands, then leaned forward. “He’s an adult, and he knows what he wants. Let him love you.”

“Do you not understand how unfair that is? I don’t love him, Amy. Letting him love me when I don’t feel the same way? That is so selfish.”

“Are you still using him?”

“No.” A flicker of anger burned under her skin. “Of course not.”

“Then relax and let it unfold. You two are finding your way.”

Savannah stared at her sister. She’d expected Amy to help her. Instead, she was making it worse. “I don’t want to hurt him, Amy, and I’m going to.”

“Savannah, you’re not going to deliberately hurt him, any more than I would hurt Rob on purpose.” A hint of exasperation tightened Amy’s voice. “Maybe you should simply stop worrying so much and actually enjoy your life. Enjoy being with him. He enriches your life, or you wouldn’t still be with him and we both know it.”

Hands clutched around the warmth of her barely touched cup, Savannah blew out a long breath. She couldn’t let go like that. It frightened her.

“You need to think about whether you’re afraid of hurting him or hurting yourself.” Amy leaned back, lifting her own coffee for another sip. “You don’t need to confuse those, or you’ll end up hurting him for real.”

“What are you talking about?” She narrowed her eyes.

“I’m talking about your tendency to shut down and hide from life since Gates died. In this scenario, that would most likely look like you leaving him because you’re afraid of how you feel about him. Only, you’d tell yourself it was about not hurting him. You don’t have that luxury because you know leaving him would devastate him. So really, the only thing you have left to do is let it ride, let him love you, and figure out what life with him looks like. You aren’t there yet, but you will be. Give it time.”

* * * * *

Savannah’s phone buzzed while she was walking from the coffee shop. A quick glance at the screen revealed a text from Emmett, asking her to meet him outside the ER’s main entrance. She had a few minutes until her break was up, and the pager lay quiet in her pocket.

Outside, she set her coffee on the brick wall at the top of the steps and smiled as Emmett crossed the one-way street between the parking lot and hospital. She’d thought Troy Lee made tan and brown polyester look good. The vest under Emmett’s shirt made his chest and shoulders seem broader, and dear Lord in heaven, the combination of starch and authority. He even walked differently, shoulders back and straight, the leather gear belt molding the line of his hips. Combined with the knowledge he was hers in a way she’d never expected, she really wanted to jump him right here.

This was another facet of him, one she found as attractive as the talented musician or the leap-in-and-live-life man learning how to reshape that very same life. She wanted to unravel him, explore all the layers she didn’t know yet.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice emerged breathier than she liked.

“Pick one of these.” He shoved a small stack of paint sample cards in her hand and straightened his hat brim above his sunglasses. “And save me for a few minutes.”

“What?” She glanced over the paint chips in various shades of gray.

“Lord help me, Gary Walker wants to bond with me.” He grimaced. “And Troy Lee was right. That car is a pigsty. Do I smell?”

“I’m sure you don’t.” If she leaned in and sniffed him, with her emotions and attraction to him so close to the surface, that would lead to other activities and they’d both be in trouble with various ethics boards around the state. She held the paint cards aloft. “What’s with these?”

“I got the house. Signed the lease first thing this morning. The owners are paying to have it repainted inside, and you’ll hate anything I pick.”

“What does it matter if I hate it? You’re the one leasing the place.” That mud gray was hideous. She tossed it in the waste bin next to the steps.

He rested both hands above his gun belt. “Would you be serious? Like you’re not going to spend time, including nights, there.”

She wasn’t even going to argue that because they both knew he was right. With a sigh, she pulled her pen from her pocket and circled a medium gray with blue undertones. “This one.”

“Got it.” He stuffed the card in his shirt pocket and glanced over his shoulder at the deputy waiting impatiently by the car, arms crossed over his chest. “You want a say in the furniture too, right? We can hit Sundries after work.”

“Furniture?” Paint was one thing. Furnishings were something else entirely.

“Landra’s plan is to take over the apartment, and I’m leaving her most of my stuff. Painters are coming tomorrow, and we’re supposed to be able to have furniture in by Friday. Unless you want to be looking at what I would pick on my own—”

“Sundries after work is good.” The wide smile actually hurt her face, and he laughed.

“I want to kiss you so bad.” He shook his head and walked down the steps. He paused at the bottom and pointed back at her. “About five thirty? I’ll meet you there.”

“Sounds great.” She watched him walk away, an unfamiliar emotion curling through her, warming her chest. He spoke to the other officer, then strode to the passenger side and lifted a hand at her in farewell before he climbed in the car.

A hand at her throat, her pulse fluttering under her fingertips, she eyed the car as it pulled onto the one-way street and disappeared around the corner. No, not an unfamiliar emotion. Merely forgotten. That feeling fizzing through her was plain, old-fashioned happiness.

* * * * *

The crumpled hamburger wrapper hit the cluttered floorboard at Emmett’s feet. That was
it
.

“Walker, this car is filthy.” He stabbed a finger in the direction of the do-it-yourself car wash on the corner. “Pull in there.”

Walker scowled, but obeyed.

Emmett pointed at the vacuum station. “That works.”

Still glowering, Walker killed the engine. “What’s the problem?”

“This is the problem.” Emmett kicked at the debris in the floorboard and pushed his door open. “I’m not stepping out at a call, worrying about what’s going to fall at my feet or trip me up. It’s unprofessional and unsafe. Besides, it stinks. Now clean this shit out.”

Muttering under his breath, Walker pushed from the car and began tossing garbage in the trashcan next to the vacuum bank. Arms crossed over his chest, Emmett leaned on the hood.

“Everything from under the seats too.” Emmett frowned at the half-eaten burger Walker tossed toward the waste bin. It was
green
. Any appetite he might have had evaporated.

“So you and the ER doc, huh?” Walker dropped a couple of empty fast-food soda cups in the can.

“Yeah, me and the ER doc.” He shifted his weight and crossed one ankle over the other. “Think very carefully about any words that come out of your mouth next, Walker. I might take offense, and you might not like that.”

“You two serious?”

Hell, how was he supposed to answer that? He settled for honesty. “I am.”

Walker nodded and stepped back, examining the front seat. Emmett flicked a finger at the open door. “Don’t forget the fossilized French fries.”

“You’re a shit.” On a groan, Walker hunkered down and began gathering the fries.

“No, I take pride in what I do and that includes my unit.”

“How you’d score a chick like that anyway?”

No wonder the guy was chronically single. Emmett shook his head. “For one, I don’t treat her like something ‘to score’.”

Walker tossed the fries in the trash and dusted his hands. “You know what I mean.”

Emmett shrugged. “So do you. I don’t treat her like a piece of ass, and I try to put what she needs before what I might want.”

He didn’t always succeed. Last night, she’d needed to get to the bottom of what bothered him; he’d wanted—hell, needed, maybe—the space. A smile pulled at his mouth. “And sometimes, it’s the other way around.”

He reached for his wallet and extracted a couple of singles. He slapped them into Walker’s palm. “Vacuum.”

With the roar in his ears, he perused the limited cleaning supplies in the vending machine and selected a miniature pack of conditioning wipes. While Walker vacuumed the passenger floorboard and seat, Emmett sat in the driver’s seat and wiped down the dash, console, and driver’s door. His gaze flicked over the school photo of a gap-toothed kid, maybe eight or nine, tucked into the sun visor.

Ask him
. He tried to ignore the little prodding voice, but experience told him it wouldn’t go away and he’d only regret not obeying. He pointed at the photo. “Your boy?”

“Yeah.” Walker sat back on his haunches, vacuum hose in hand. Loss tightened his face for a moment, his gaze on the picture. “Lives with his mama in Alabama. I’m supposed to get him every other weekend, but he plays travel ball so sometimes it doesn’t work out. His needs before my wants, you know?”

“Bet he still needs his dad.”

“Oh, I go up there every weekend I can, even if I don’t bring him back with me.” Walker swept a hand across the newly vacuumed passenger area. “This suit your royal highness?”

He probably deserved that one. Emmett grinned. “It’ll do.”

With the dash and other surfaces wiped down, he bought a couple of cheap air fresheners from the vending machine and stuck them in the air vents. At least he could breathe.

They pulled into traffic, and as Walker cruised through patrol circles, Emmett let the long-missed familiarity sink in. The radio blipped and buzzed with communication, a blend of dispatchers, officers, and 10-codes.

Damn, he’d missed this.

Walker slanted a smirk in his direction. “You’re enjoying the hell out of this.”

“I am.” Emmett tapped a finger against the windowsill. “Just waiting for something to happen.”

“Ah, man, don’t wish that on us.”

Emmett grinned. “You know you’re waiting on it, too.”

“Well, yeah, but you’re not supposed to say it out loud.”

“Yeah, but when you’ve lived without something you love for months, you’ll take it any way you can get it.”

Walker’s gaze flickered up to the photo on his visor. “I know.”

Chapter Fifteen

From her seat on the bench in front of Sundries, Savannah watched Emmett walk from his truck to join her. The hat and sunglasses were gone, and late-afternoon sunlight glimmered off his badge and collar brass. But dear God, that stride. A slow smile crept over her face, and she rose to take his outstretched hand. “I really like you in that uniform.”

A wicked glint lit his eyes. “Does that mean you’re going to try to get me out of it later?”