All He Desires: The Complete Series (19 page)

I sighed. Jake had made it exceptionally clear he had plans for this evening. Whether or not they involved the Saint Andrew's cross, I had no idea.

Dr. Cruz's office was in one of the busier parts of Seattle, but at least it had a parking lot. Parking the car was easy. Getting out, on the other hand, proved to be problematic.

I eyed the front doors through my rearview, then decided to focus on the more scenic view of trees in front of me. I checked the clock on my dash, knowing I still had to fill out the usual forms new patients had.

At quarter to one, I rounded up enough nerves to head inside. Expecting mothers, or even those with children in addition to whatever they had going on in the background, filled most of the chairs. I swallowed hard and approached the front desk, accepting the forms and a clipboard when it was handed to me.

Terribly outdated magazines sat on a table, along with children's
Highlights
that were probably just as old. Seeing as all the seats were taken, I folded my legs and sat on the floor. The forms were repetitive, to say the least, but after about twenty minutes, I filled out what was needed and handed it back to the receptionist.

"Insurance?" she asked, reading over my papers.

I lowered my gaze. "No. Paying cash today."

She nodded and made a note in my file. "Someone will be out to get you shortly."

Taking a breath, I sat back down. I probably had just enough saved in my account for this appointment, maybe a little more. I'd brought in a lot from selling my masks, but I knew I'd have to pay taxes on what I made later in the year. No doubt I'd have to talk about health insurance with Jake once I got the guts to tell him about today’s visit.

An older woman came out with a child on either hip. And one by one, the women crowding the chairs filed into the back of the office. Marisa had warned me it was a busy office, and with good reason. Its reputation was well known in and outside our community.

I'd opted to visit the clinic for pills because it was easier.
Probably cheaper, too.

"Kira Thorn?" a woman called from the other end of the room. When I stood and met her gaze, she continued. "Come with me, please."

Once we got my height and weight, she set me down to check some vitals before leading me into a private room.

"Everything appears to be normal," she said. "Go ahead and have a seat. The doctor should be in to see you shortly."

There's nothing normal about this. I shouldn't even be pregnant.
She closed the door behind her, which made the room feel infinitely colder than I'm sure it actually was. I was hoping to see colorful mobiles hanging from the ceiling. At least it would've offered a bit of color instead of the grey on grey that surrounded me.

It was hard to imagine that, in a few months, my stomach would be as round as Marisa's was, and she still had a few months to go according to when we first found out. We didn't talk about it much, but I had a feeling once I got through this appointment, it would be a common topic among us, instead of doing demos at
The Limelight.

And that was another problem in and of itself. I'd come to love doing the demos with Jake, and so did the audience if their feedback was any indication. I hated the idea of pawning them off to yet another couple, no matter how capable they were.
The Limelight's cursed.
It had to be. First Marisa, and now me.

At least she's ready for motherhood.
I didn't doubt that. It seemed the closer she got, the more maternal she became, which was saying something for a women who had always felt like a motherly figure to me.

On the days following the incident at
The Limelight
and Dennis's arrest, she called constantly to check in on me while Jake was at work. She was the solid ground under my feet then, as well as now.
And Jake.
Just as soon as I told him.

There was a light knock on the door as it opened. A woman who appeared to be in her late thirties poked her head into the room and smiled before joining me.

She shook my hand and then pulled a stool to the foot of the table. "Hello, Kira. How are you feeling today?"

I set my hands in my lap and tried not to fidget. "Doing okay."

She offered me a reassuring smile. "Says here that you've taken a home pregnancy test?"

"Three, actually." I coughed. "I could've brought one if—"

"We can do that here in the office. What we'll do today is get some blood work done, a quick urine sample just to clarify what you learned at home and get an idea of how far along you are." She grabbed a pen from her jacket pocket and glanced at my chart. "Morning sickness?"

"Yeah. It was the reason I bought a few tests in the first place."

"It says here you're on the pill?" She raised her eyebrows at me.

Heat brushed my cheeks. "I was, yeah. I've been late, but I figured it was from the pill since I'd been spotting so much."

She nodded. "That can happen. And what about now? Are you still taking them?"

Kind of pointless now, isn't it?
"No."

"Okay, good."

She read a few more notes and paused again. "I don't see the father's name here. Is he..."

"It's...complicated."
I haven't told him yet.

"I see." Dr. Cruz jotted down more notes. "I'll need a medical history from him the next time you come in, if at all possible."

The rest of the appointment continued as I expected. She took a urine sample, which did in fact say I was pregnant—five weeks to be exact. She also took some blood, got a full history of my family and set me up for another appointment in a week or two. All in all, it was a painless appointment, but knowing I was pregnant instead of just seeing it on a home pregnancy test made it real. Harder to swallow.

Sitting in the parking lot again, I started to think of how much easier things would've been if I'd just listened to Marisa and let her go with me. My hands shook. I wasn't sure if it was safe for me to drive home. But who could I call?

Jake was at work, and I honestly wasn't sure if I was ready to tell him.
Not like this.
As for Marisa, I'd already troubled her enough.

Taking a deep breath, I white-knuckled the steering wheel and turned on the ignition.
Just get home. Then you can freak out.

J
ake was waiting for me when I got home. It was only a little past two, so I figured he was either home for lunch or came by to pick up a few papers he forgot when he left earlier this morning. He glanced up from the kitchen table when I walked in the room. His suit jacket was haphazardly draped over the back of a chair while a collection of papers were spread out in front of him.

"What's this?' I asked, picking up one of the papers, which he quickly took from me.

"Nothing you need to be worrying about," Jake replied with a smile, standing up from his chair to give me a hug. "Where are you coming from? Taking the morning off?"

I frowned at the papers as he gathered them up in his arms, but I knew better than the press him.
Probably something to do with a top secret trial.
"I dropped by to see Marisa." I set my purse and jacket on a chair and searched the cabinets for some tea.

"Oh? What for?"

I squirmed when he nuzzled behind my ear. "I had a few questions about the demo. Just to get an idea of how things might progress." I grabbed a bag a chamomile, as I didn't think I could've handled anything stronger than that, and plopped it into an empty mug.

Jake reached around me to fill the kettle with water before placing it on the stove. "Stomach still bothering you?"

I didn't miss the slight hint of disappointment in his voice.
He has plans tonight, remember?
My morning sickness would be gone by then.
Possibly within the next hour or so.

"Just nerves," I lied, leaning into him. "You're home early again. Is that a new case you're looking at?"

He'd never share details with me as it went against his rules, but I knew a few of his clients had worried him, or at least their circumstances did. He lost sleep over it. I'd caught him up more than a handful of times. Especially recently.

"Something like that," he said, hugging me from behind. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

A lump formed in the back of my throat, and like so many other times today, I fought it back down. "Yeah."

"Well, we have a few hours before we have to head out. So, if you like, once you've finished your tea, I could draw a bath." He turned me around so I was facing him. "You look exhausted."

And I was. Every night I rolled over just waiting for sleep to take me. It never happened. My second wind had come and gone a few days ago. I honestly had no idea what was holding me together anymore.

"I might just lie down after I've had my tea," I said, cupping my hands around the mug once Jake filled it with water. "I'll be fine in an hour or two."

He cocked his head. "So long as you're sure. I'll come up to check on you in a bit. You want me to wake you up after an hour?"

I waved a hand, dismissing his offer. "I should be up before then."

"Being the light sleeper you've been as of late, I believe it." He kissed me on the cheek and gathered up his things. "I'm going to finish with this, then we can talk about tonight."

I rested my head against his shoulder when he hugged me. In that moment, I realized I could've slept anywhere. His shoulder was just as comfortable as my pillow or any bed I might find. He pulled away and headed into another room. Sleep tugged at the front of my mind then, and without giving it a second thought, I dumped my tea down the drain before heading up the stairs. Tea and everything else could wait. But if I didn't collapse on a soft surface soon, I risked breaking a piece of furniture, not to mention myself.

* * * *

I
t's amazing what an hour of sleep can do when you haven't slept that well for a few days. Fifteen minutes dozing off can feel like a full eight hours. Now I knew how it felt to be an insomniac, and I liked it even less than I imagined. I thought for sure being awake all the time would've meant doing more work on my part. But by day three of my sleepless marathon, working resulted in errors—errors that, on a week's worth of cutting, gluing and sewing—I couldn't afford.

But now, on an hour of sleep, I felt as though I could do anything, including whatever it was Jake had planned for the evening. And he’d already taken the liberty of picking out my clothes.

A corset and skirt were folded on the dresser, along with one of the first masks I'd ever made. I picked it up and studied the cheap material. I'd loved it when I first finished it. The blues of the fabric and the white feathers gave it an elegant look without being too flashy. And even after I showed it to Jake, he'd insisted I keep it.

"It suits you,"
he'd said, back when I put it on to see how it fit for the hundredth time.

I looked at the material again. It didn't suit me anymore, not after living the lifestyle for as long as I had.

"Ah, I see you found this evening's outfit," Jake said, walking into the room. He pressed his lips to mine. "Feeling better? You look it. Not as pale."

"I do, thank you." I set the mask on the dresser and hugged my evening clothes to my chest. "So, you never did tell me where we were going."

It couldn't have been
The Limelight.
We only ever demoed on Wednesdays. And last I checked,
The Limelight
didn't have anything planned for this evening.

"You're right," Jake said, picking the mask up before I could give it a second thought. "And I'm not going to. Now, go on and get dressed. This evening's events start earlier than usual."

He fixed the top buttons of his dress shirt and then headed down the hall. Whatever he had planned, he was dropping more questions than hints. Anticipation was to be expected, but I had to wonder if this was another one of his mind games. He was super secretive when, most of the time, I could get a location out of him.

Not this time.
Wherever we were going, it wasn't any place I'd ever been to. Not that that was saying much, but where else was there for us to go? The corset he set out was black and blue lace.
It has to be a club.

But which one? And why now? On a Tuesday. Not only was it the beginning of the week, but it was also the day before a demo. Last I heard, it was still on for tomorrow evening. According to Jake, he never played with a sub two nights in a row.
So far.

"Subs need a break between scenes,"
he'd said early on.
"Especially when you get into the heavier stuff."

And we had. Total bondage. Pushing boundaries. Impact play. We'd done a lot, and I was sure there was even more we could do, just not tonight. Not when I had to be on stage at
The Limelight
a little more than twenty-four hours from now.

You aren't getting anywhere just by standing here.
I collected my things and headed into the bathroom so I could clean up.
This had better be worth it.
The secrecy. The outfits. Everything.

* * * *

T
he scene outside my window changed as Jake drove from the lights of Seattle, outside the city limits and beyond. The trees grew taller here, in clusters. The housing was almost non-existent as we drove up one interstate to turn onto another.

It was still early in the evening, but as of a few miles ago, I was as far from home as I’d ever been since I moved to Seattle. And while my stomach threatened to turn in on itself, this time I knew it was nerves and not the nausea I’d suffered earlier in the day. New places always stressed me out, but new places with Jake? They were even more nerve-wracking.

Casually holding the steering wheel with one hand, Jake looked handsome as ever. Dressed in a dark suit, he’d combed his hair back. He drummed his fingers on the wheel to the beat of whatever was playing on the radio and kept his attention on the road in front of us.