All for Hope (8 page)

Now I know exactly what you are thinking now, but it is not true. You have helped me. I know you, and that you probably feel guilty because you think you didn't do enough, but I couldn’t dream of a better friend than you. Just stay safe, and know that I am always thinking of you and Cindy and the kids. I love you all more than you know.

Forever yours,

Hope

“
I love you, too, Hope. Forever,” he whispered to himself.

When he clicked on the name Maxine Edendale, he found that the account no longer existed. He wasn’t surprised, but he found his heart sank all the same.

He took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his head a moment, before hitting the delete key to erase the message.

When Hope returned to the car, she found Brennan curled up in the back seat with Michelle wrapped securely in his arms, both of them sound asleep. She set the groceries down, then knelt in her seat and watched them.

Somehow, despite the desperation of their crazy mess, this seemed natural. She liked being close to Bren again. He made her laugh at herself when she became too serious. Their rekindled rapport reminded her why she’d missed their friendship so much.

Bren hadn’t crossed the boundaries again after her talk with him that night a few weeks ago. That should have resolved any problem about renewing her affection for Brennan, but the idea seemed to be backfiring. The stronger their friendship grew, the greater the risk she would fall in love with him again.

Being careful not to wake him, Hope pulled the baby from his arms and strapped her into the car seat. Michelle flailed her hands a moment, then cuddled herself further into her seat.

Just as she was reaching to grab a soft drink from the bag, the loud wailing of a siren invaded the silence and Hope froze in terror. The police car sped past the grocery store, and Brennan jumped up in his seat.

“
God,” she whispered. “I don’t think I’ll ever
not
feel like I’m going to have a heart attack when I hear a siren.” She clutched her chest in emphasis.

“
It's okay.” Brennan took her hand. “He's gone. It wasn't us. Let me drive now. You're a nervous wreck. You can take over again in a couple of hours.”

She moved into the back seat, leaning with her head against the headrest, and her eyes closed while he pulled onto the highway. They remained silent, both trying to absorb some bit of calm. After her breathing evened, she glanced over at the sleeping baby and smiled.

“
She’s a little stuffy.” Brennan finally spoke, eying Hope through the rear-view mirror. “Screeched like a banshee when I wiped her nose.”

Hope softly caressed the child's face, loving the smooth perfection of the skin. Perfect and beautiful, but warmer to the touch than it should be. She felt her stomach coil into a tight knot.

“
Bren—”

He must have noticed the dread in the tone of her voice because his eyes sought hers again in the mirror and the car drifted just a tad to the right.

“
I think she has a fever. She’s hot, Brennan.”

“
What do we do? Do we take her to the hospital?”

If she weren’t so worried herself, Hope might have been amused by the panic in his voice. Instead, she swallowed and forced her racing heart to calm down, then shook her head.

“
No, let’s just find a pharmacy and then get a room for the night. We shouldn’t have her out in this weather.” She turned her eyes up and looked at the dark clouds churning above them, ready to open up with a downpour at any moment.

A few hours later Hope was bouncing little Michelle in her arms as she paced the hotel room, cooing a lullaby in soft tones with her chin against the tiny blonde head. A warm bath, a seemingly tortuous cleaning of that button nose with a bottle syringe and some acetaminophen to knock down her 100.2 degree fever, and the baby’s cries were now just a mere whimper.

Bren picked at his chips as his eyes followed them back and forth across the carpet. As babies are wont to do, Michelle was fighting sleep, trying to hold her head up even as her red-rimmed eyes drooped.

After a few more minutes, Hope laid the sleeping little one carefully onto the bed and stacked pillows around her, then forced a smile for Brennan.

“
Here you go.” He handed her a turkey sandwich and chips.

Now that the baby was resting, Hope felt the tension ooze out of her body and hunger made her stomach growl.

“
She okay?”

Hope nodded, chewing.

“
Yeah.” She swallowed and continued. “It’s just a cold, I’m sure. Her fever broke pretty quickly so I think she’ll be fine.”

He nodded and stuffed several chips into his mouth. “How do you know so much? You act like you’re a professional mom.”

She snorted. “I’ve had some practice.” She grinned and nodded to her bag on the bed. “I also have a book in there that helps sometimes.”

Silence ensued for a few moments, then Brennan popped the last of his sandwich into his mouth. After swallowing, he turned to her again. “You need to get settled, Hope. She needs some stability.”

She didn’t say anything, just stared at nothing and took another bite of her sandwich.

“
Are you listening, Hope? I don’t know anything about babies and kids, but this can’t be the best thing for her.”

She took a long swig of soda, then turned to him. “I realize that, Bren. I realize we need to find a place to stop and try to make a life. I keep thinking I’ll know where. When I get to the place we should be, I’ll know. Nothing feels right yet. No place feels safe. I’m not ready.”

She waited for him to argue, but he said nothing. She ate the remainder of her meal in virtual silence. When Hope emerged after a hot shower a while later, she found Brennan asleep on top of the bed-covers with one hand resting on Michelle’s head.

Bren awoke to a dark room and something wiggling beside him in the bed. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone, pushing a button to turn on the screen and provide some light. Michelle was kicking her legs and gnawing on her fingers.

He reached out to touch her head, brushing his fingers across the downy soft hair. He mentally wondered how someone could tell by touch whether a child had fever. Recalling something he’d seen Jim’s girlfriend do with their son, he leaned down and placed his cheek to her forehead. She felt warm, but not hot.

As he continued to ponder this, Michelle’s teeny fingers grasped a clump of his hair and tugged. He chuckled low and kissed her temple, then rolled out of the bed and shuffled off to the bathroom.

It was only about three in the morning. He left the light on in the bathroom when he went back into the bedroom. In the pale light he could see Hope’s silhouette in the bed nearest the window. She was turned away from them and seemed to be sleeping soundly.

As he changed her diaper, he made funny faces at Michelle, and she giggled and grinned, slobber running in a slippery trail down her cheek. She was still stuffy, and her nose needed cleaning, but he was afraid she’d start shrieking again and wake Hope, so he let her be for now. She didn’t show any sign of going back to sleep. She had gone down so early the previous evening, he figured she’d had enough rest.

Hope stirred in the bed next to them, and he watched a moment to see if she would awaken. When she showed no signs of getting up, he focused his eyes back on Michelle and smiled. Hope’s constant worry was getting to him. He even thought sometimes that it was having an effect on Michelle. The baby seemed to be easily disturbed and fussy, but then he knew so little about babies, maybe it was just the way they were.

Still, he knew he needed to get them settled into a more permanent arrangement. Some voice in his mind fussed at him, challenging him about what that “permanent arrangement” would mean for him. He’d never intended to stay with Hope. Their friendship ran deep; she had been there for him in his darkest times. He knew he would never meet anyone like her again in his life, but that didn’t mean he wanted to give up everything for her.

His life was his, wasn’t it? Even Jenny, though he’d been considering marrying her, understood that. The only restraints she tried to place on him were about his diet and even that never took. Maybe he just wasn’t marriage material.

The curved shape of Hope’s body in the bed drew his eyes again, and he imagined running his hands along her hip to her legs. Childhood sweethearts, casual dating during adolescence and constant friendship had never equated into complete physical intimacy. The timing for one or both of them never seemed right, though he could recall moments when she’d made his blood run hot with the desire to make love to her.

Right now was one of those moments. They’d been together for weeks, and he knew she slept in just a t-shirt and shorts. Things were easy between them after their “talk,” but that didn’t mean he still didn’t catch himself eying her legs when she slinked out of bed. Maybe it was just the fact that he’d never had her, but he wanted her more now than he could ever remember wanting her or anyone else before.

They stayed put for a few days to make sure Michelle was over her cold. She ran a fever another time, though not as high as the first. Before long she was back to normal, and Brennan insisted they should take her out for some fresh air to a park nearby.

Hope didn’t think it was a good idea, but feeling cabin fever too, she decided not to argue.

When she got out of the bathroom, she found Brennan on the floor in front of the television with Michelle propped up on his bent knee. The baby was looking at the screen and slapping her hands up and down against her legs.