Aligning Stars (Fate's Intent Book 1) (28 page)

“Hey!” Jaylyn bursts out. “I don’t think so!”

“Please. He wouldn’t be able to handle me anyway. I guess that just makes you lucky.”

Darius laughed.

“Handle it or not, I wouldn’t want it.” Troy said. “I don’t do crazy.”

Jaylyn laughed this time and Ruby rolled in place on the bed so she could see him normally with her mouth hung open. “Did you just call me crazy?!”

“Well, you’ve never slowed from giving off that impression. So, yeah, I did.”

Ruby’s eyes turned red and she was about to get up.

At the same time, Darius grabbed her from behind and Adele intervened by stepping between the beds. “That’s enough! Ruby, settle! It’s nothing to get mad over because you already know that you’re crazy! Now, would everyone please shut up and get to sleep!”

Ruby calmed her eyes and didn’t say another word. They got under her blanket and Jaylyn started to get off Troy. “Are you going to at least eat? We cooked it and saved some for you.”

Adele just stood with her hand on her head. I went to her and guided her over to the chairs where our food was set aside for us. “You should. It may help.”

She nodded, letting her hands down and sat in her chair while I sat next to her.

“I don’t believe it.”

Adele stayed where she was and I was the one to look back. “What?”

“You kissed!”

“What?!” Darius and Troy both sprung up into sitting positions. I don’t know why they would have been surprised. I am pretty likeable.

Adele took a quiet breath like she was trying to hold in tears. It was something I couldn’t miss and I looked back at the others again, knowing just what to say. “You shouldn’t assume such great things by a look. That’s not what happened at all. She doesn’t want to talk about it and we’re not going to so get to sleep. I don’t want to hear another word out of any of you. Is that clear?”

My dominant voice made them lose their smiles and comply.

“Yes.” Darius and Troy said together, laying back down.

Ruby and Jaylyn agreed too and did the same. “Goodnight.”

Finally, it was quiet and Adele dimmed down the fire so it wasn’t so bright and continued eating while she looked over at me briefly. “Thanks for that.”

I smiled, taking a bite of fish from the dagger. “Of course. They don’t need to know otherwise.”

Adele turned her look away and we sat in complete silence while we finished eating. Her eyes occasionally moved in my direction and she most likely noticed that I was doing the same thing. I hesitated several times on whether to speak without the others wanting to get involved somehow and she held it off as well until she was on her last bite those long minutes later. “Why are you watching me?”

Her voice was extra soft and I had to stop chewing so I could hear her. “I can’t watch you? I’ve never seen you eat before.”

“Well, that is a little weird and mostly your fault by the way.”

I tried holding in my laugh. “I remember offering. You’re the one that refused.”

“I waited for something better.”

“Do I fall under that philosophy?”

Her smile started to fade just a little and she kept her eyes off me. “What makes you think that I’ve waited for this?”

“Because I can tell that you haven’t been happy in a long time. I’ve seen it in your eyes when I changed mine.”

“And even if you wanted to, you couldn’t change it.”

“Not if you don’t give me the chance.” I brought my hand close to hers and gently grazed my pointer finger over the top of her hand.

She looked down at it and moved her hand so mine slid in hers. “Happiness for someone like me is inexistent.” I had hoped that I got through to her but she started to slowly pull her hand away and her mood became more saddened. “I can never earn to have that right.”

She put the dagger in her other hand down and looked behind her towards the beds. I did too. Everyone seemed asleep already. Troy was laying on his back with Jaylyn laying her head on his shoulder and their arms around each other while Ruby and Darius were facing each other with Ruby mostly being lost within his large arms wrapped around her.

“Great.”

“What?”

“Nothing. You couldn’t possibly realize how sad this is.”

“What’s sad about it? They’re asleep. You should be thankful.”

“I know. I said I wanted them to savor this last bit of happiness but it’s not going to end that way. We’ll have to pull them apart soon and they’ll never see each other again. That’s what’s sad about it. Getting them to get back to our scheduled lives will be hard for me to do when this is all they’ll be thinking about.”

“I guess we’ll have to see what happens.”

“But I already know. I’ve never seen them act this way before and I know what it means. Do you know what’s worse than aligning in treason with a Senian?”

“What?”

She turned her look away and started to get up. “Committing that treason because you’re in love with one.”

I looked back at the beds again and agreed that she might have been right. I haven’t seen Troy or Darius much like this before, especially Darius. They were clearly attached to them and I wasn’t quite sure how I should respond.

“Does that just apply to them? Not you?”

She looked over, unimpressed. “Are you asking me if I love you, Zayden?”

“Maybe or feel something at least.”

She looked at me for the longest seconds of my life but of course she denied everything. “I don’t know how to make this more clear. Assassins are forbidden to love.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a foolish emotion. Useless really. It’ll only distract one from their purpose.”

“So, you’re technically
not
allowed
to be happy?”

“Something like that.”

“Now that sounds foolish. Not the idea of love.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She immediately turned to end it so she wouldn’t end up saying the wrong thing. “We should probably get to sleep.”

She walked towards her room and I looked at the others sleeping together again with a smile. I understood what she was saying because even though we weren’t together, I still saw pulling away from her to be hard. Not allowed to love or not, she needed to feel something.

My eyes glanced up to the corner and I watched Adele disappear into the room. It was quiet now and I set down the daggers from my dinner, thinking if I should even follow. I knew she would say something of it being pointless but I never saw it that way. I was right in what she needed. I just had to get her to see it.

Chapter 37

Adele

I knew stopping again was a bad idea. It wasn’t going to be over at this rate and I didn’t know what to do. I was getting in too deep. I mean, I kissed him! Why? I couldn’t help it. He was making it hard not to but I’m tired of it. Seeing him just gets me—I don’t like it. It had to stop. He was—wrong for me. We were wrong for each other. I just wanted to fall asleep.

“Everyone deserves to have a bit of happiness. Even if you think you’re not allowed to get it.” I didn’t move when he sat next to me on the bed I was trying to lose myself in. “Why would you accept that and stay miserable?”

This was actually happening and it was worse that I couldn’t leave to escape this. “Because happiness is an illusion. It’s always followed by pain. If one stays miserable, they never have to feel what that sudden loss is like. They’re contempt in their own kind of peace.”

“But you’ve felt that loss and you’re just locking everyone out. You’re not contempt. You’re keeping yourself living in that pain. You don’t need to. I want to help you.”

“I’m not your responsibility.”

“I’m not doing it because it’s something I feel like I have to. I’m doing it because I want to.”

“Well, I’m beyond help.”

“I don’t think you are.”

“Reason why you’re still here, I imagine.”

“You know it is. They’re not the only ones out there that could use happiness. If they could get it now then so could you.”

“You really want to know what will make me happy?!” I sat up in a bit of rage and looked at him.

“Yes.” He leaned in closer with a soft voice. “Tell me.”

I saw a light sparkle in Zayden’s eyes from the torch lit on the wall and it calmed me but I said the exact opposite of what I intended. “Just—stay with me.”

He slowly started to smile and I tried not to. “Is that all it takes?”

“It is when it’s late. I just want to sleep. If you stay, I can do that.”

He got up from the bed with his smile and walked around it, getting in on the other side. “Any other requests?”

“No. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m offering anything. I just need you here so I
can
sleep. I’m not good at sleeping alone.”

“Well, that explains last night.”

“Ah, yeah. I took your yelling at me over telling you of my stupid paranoia.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid. You can’t sleep alone. That’s not a big deal because I’m here and I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

I thought of asking him to get closer but I couldn’t say those words and something else entirely came out. “Sleep. I want you to sleep. I’m sure we have a lot to do tomorrow and I don’t want to be the reason you were kept up.”

“All right. Sleep it is.” He rolled to his back while closing his eyes and there was silence.

I laid next to him and watched him. He just looked so relaxed and I couldn’t look away. The whole time I hoped he wouldn’t open his eyes and catch me watching but I soon noticed that he was actually falling asleep. He was even beautiful sleeping. Great.

An hour must have passed and I was still laying with my eyes in his direction. I couldn’t explain why. Maybe because I’ve waited so long to see him again or just something else.

My eyes were getting heavy but I couldn’t seem to sleep. I let out a deep sigh and turned to the edge away from him. He was with me but sleep still seemed hard. I laid there for a few minutes with my eyes finally closed but nothing was happening. I opened them with a frustrated roll and sat up a little, looking back at Zayden who remained rested in a peaceful sleep. I knew what I needed to do to get like that but was hesitant.

I looked around the room like I was making sure no one was around even though we were completely blocked off and I moved just a few inches towards him while laying back down. I kept my back to him and kept going until I felt him behind me. I held my breath and kept completely still to make sure he wasn’t waking then slowly reached back for his left arm laying across his stomach. I lifted it gently and pulled it towards me just as gentle.

Zayden moved with it like he rolled towards me in his sleep and his arm went right around me naturally without my guidance.

I became more relaxed while I held it against me but his voice in my ear caused my eyes to pop open in the most embarrassed way. “You could have just asked.”

I let go of him in almost a panic and backed away while sitting up to look. “I’m sorry. That would have been weird. I didn’t want you to think—”

“I know.” I was a bit glad he didn’t seem upset. “You still don’t want it to mean anything.”

“I’m sorry.” I said again, laying back down more away from him. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s all right, Love. I said I wanted to help you and I didn’t mind. I can tell you haven’t slept yet.”

“Not from lack of trying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Come here.” Zayden moved closer and put his arms around me to pull me into him.

“Zayden—”

“Shh—” There was nothing I could do but let him keep me close. “I said it’s all right. Just go to sleep. If you sleep, I’m less likely to lose control with you.”

“You don’t have to do this if it’s too much for you.”

“It’s okay. I wanted to help.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I know this still means nothing. I won’t push that.”

“All right. Thanks. I do appreciate it.”

“That’s all that matters.” He kissed my head and nothing else was said.

I laid in his arms and my eyes slowly started to close. I had found my peace and the sound of his breaths finally carried me off to sleep.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up without being touched to a beautiful wordless melody. It was strange that I felt rested and just laid there, listening to Zayden humming next to me.

I slowly peeked towards him but he wasn’t looking. He was sitting up with his eyes closed and his head rested back. This seemed to be something that relaxed him and I let him have a few more minutes before I interrupted. “Are there words to this surprisingly good humming?”

Zayden’s eyes open and his head spun down towards me. “What? I wasn’t humming.”