Aligned: Volume 3 (22 page)

Barely surviving without you.
 

My strength is fading.

My heart is straining.

Please don’t let me lose my love.

I hear the pounding on the door, but I don’t answer it. It’s probably Caroline coming to finish me off. Or someone from the label to say they have terminated my contract. There is no point in answering the door. Doing that always brings disaster into my life. It’s not worth it.
 

I hear the knocking growing louder, more desperate, but I still don’t get up from my spot on the couch in front of the TV. A baseball game is playing on the TV although I couldn’t tell you who is playing or who is winning. It’s just background noise to tune out my thoughts.
 

“Are you going to answer that?” Drew asks he walk out of his bedroom into the living room.
 

“No.”
 

“You are useless.” I hear Drew walk to the door, but I don’t hear any exchange between him and whoever is at the door. Maybe someone was just dropping off a package. I turn my attention back to the teams in the red and blue jerseys but still don’t really pay attention to what they are doing.
 

“Come to the door,” Drew shouts over the noise of the TV.
 

I respond by turning the sound up louder. I’m not moving to answer the goddamn door.
 

“Landon,” a sweet voice says. A voice I know I’m imagining, but it still warms my heart to think she might come see me. Even though I know she won’t. That kiss was a good-bye kiss, not an I-want-more kiss. No matter how much I wanted it to be a new beginning kiss.
 

“Landon,” the voice says again a little louder with a hint of annoyance. I turn my head slightly to see where the sound is coming from that is making me imagine things when I see her. I turn the TV off and jump up to give her my full attention as I realize she is really here and it’s not just a figment of my imagination.
 

“Alex. You came.”
 

“Yes. Can we talk?”
 

“Of course,” I say even though nothing good ever follows those dreaded words. “Do you want to go out on the balcony where we can get some privacy?” I ask hoping that if I take her back to the spot I told her I loved her she would fall back in love with me again.
 

“Okay,” she says hesitantly.
 

She follows me upstairs to the balcony. The whole time, I keep glancing back at her trying to read her body. Trying to figure out why she is here. Why she came back.
 

I hold the door to the balcony open for her and watch as she takes a seat in the exact same chair as last time. So I take my spot in the chair next to her.
 

“I don’t know what I want anymore. One minute, I have everything. The next, everything I thought was true is a lie. I don’t know what is going on with my past or why people keep trying to hurt me. I also don’t know who I am supposed to love anymore.”
 

“Me?” I ask hopeful.
 

She smiles. “Maybe you. Maybe Ethan. Or maybe some other guy who I have yet to meet.”

I frown. I don’t like where this is going.
 

“But what I need both you and Ethan to know is that I want to figure out who I’m supposed to love on my own. I want to choose. I don’t want to feel obligated to be with either of you. I’m going to make that decision on my own.”
 

I nod liking my chances a little more now.
 

“You have both lied to me. Both hidden things from me that have made it hard for me to want either one of you much at the moment. I’m giving you both a chance to come clean. To tell me the truth. I’ve given Ethan his chance. Now, it’s your turn. Tell me the truth.”
 

I hesitate before answering. “I already have. I love you. I never cheated on you with Caroline. Those were rumors Drew and I fabricated to make the pictures of you and me at the airport disappear. I only agreed to marry Caroline to make it easier on you to forget me. I thought if you hated me, it would make your decision to stay with Ethan easier. I knew you would be loyal to your marriage and I knew I couldn’t do anything to change that, so I thought I would be chivalrous for once in my life. When I proposed to you, I meant it, although I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like I did.” I want to tell her about my past, about my secret. I truly consider telling her, but I don’t. I’m not brave or strong enough to tell her. It would end whatever lingering love she has for me. She wouldn’t trust me ever again.
 

She nods soaking it all in. Trying to see where the truth fits in with her feelings. I have one chance to make her remember why she loves me and not Ethan. I’m going to throw out all the stops even if I’m not playing fair.
 

“Can I play you something?”
 

“What?” Her eyebrows raise in surprise.
 

“I’m taking that as a yes.” I run through the door and grab my guitar from my bedroom. I quickly take my seat and begin strumming before Alex has a chance to protest.
 

I play the song I’ve been writing for her. The song I finished these last couple of days not knowing if she would live or die or ever be mine.
 

I used to think love didn’t exist

That it is purely just a myth.
 

Something that is visited in fairy tales

But never found in real life.
 

But now that I’ve lost you

I know it really exists.
 

I never thought I could feel

So empty without you in my arms
 

Without your strength surrounding me.
 

As I watch you, my heart bleeds
 

At the sight of you kissing him.
 

You were my love; I know that now

But it’s too late; you’re his now.
 

I’ve lost my love.
 

Please find me, love.
 

Please give me back my love.

Please don’t give up now.

Please come back to me, love.
 

I don’t want to wait anymore to make you mine

But I’ll wait forever if you need

For you to come back to me.

Don’t stay his.

Find me still.

Please find my love.
 

Please find me, love.
 

Please give me back my love.

Please don’t give up now.

Please come back to me, love.
 

I watch you as you lay in the bed.

I watch you gasping

Barely breathing

And I have trouble

Catching my own breath.

Please just keep breathing.

Please keep your heart beating.

Please don’t let me lose my love.
 

Please don’t die, love.

It can’t be true.

I’m lost without you.
 

Barely surviving without you.
 

My strength is fading.

My heart is straining.

Please don’t let me lose my love.

But I’d lose it all
 

As long as you keep your heart beating.

Just keep breathing.
 

This is my prayer.

This is my plea.
 

Please don’t give up.

Please ...

When I finish, I just stare at her waiting to see a reaction that she has hidden well on her face. I don’t want to rush her if she hates it or loves it. I just want to know how she feels about me and the best way for me to tell her how I feel is through music.

“You can’t just write a song for me every time you fuck up, you know,” she says a slow grin forming on her face.
 

“Yes, I can,” I say grinning back. I take a chance. I grab her hand as we both stand and I kiss her.

A key that holds information that will keep us both safe.
 

“What do you mean she gave you back the rings? Are you getting divorced? That can’t happen.”
 

“No, Mother. We aren’t getting divorced. She’s just mad I didn’t tell her about James. She just wants a say in her own life. She needs to feel like she chose me and wasn’t forced into this. Don’t worry, I already have a plan in place to get her back. She just needs some space.”
 

“You had better be right. If not, I will deal with her.”
 

“I know, Mother, but it hasn’t gotten to that yet. Let me handle it.”
 

“I will, for now.”
 

The doorbell rings. I get up from the couch in my newly furnished living room. I walk down the gorgeous marble floor to get the door.
 

“Mother, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up before she has a chance to scold me further. As if I don’t know what’s at stake here.
 

“Come in, Franco,” I say to the older man standing in the doorway. I close the door and lead him into the kitchen.
 

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, my visit is short.”
 

I nod and we both take a seat in the living room.
 

“How did it go?”

Franco shifts in his chair uncomfortably before clearing his throat to speak. “We haven’t found her yet.”
 

I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean you haven’t found her yet. I gave you her credit card information. She had to check into a hotel somewhere.”
 

“Yes, but she hasn’t used any credit cards.”
 

I frown. “And you’re sure she didn’t stay at her condo?”
 

“Yes, we entered the property several times, and she wasn’t there. I have a team looking for any leads to find her. We will find her. It will just take some time.”
 

“That’s unacceptable. I’m paying you to find her now.” I stand and begin pacing the room. I need to apologize. I need to send her extravagant gifts of flowers, candy, and jewelry to show how sorry I am. She needs to come see her new home that I bought for her. If she doesn’t come home soon, I won’t be able to hold off Mother.
 

“We will find her, sir.”
 

I pause when the realization hits me.
 

“Have you checked to see where Landon Davis lives?”
 

“No, sir. I can look into that for you.”
 

“Yes, do that now. And find anything you can dig up about him.”
 

Franco excuses himself to make the call to find out where Landon lives. If I know her at all, she went to see him. To make things right with one of us. And if she is smart, she will choose me.
 

If not, she can expect that boyfriend of her’s life to get worse. Much worse. So much worse that he will give her up to me rather than face any more public humiliation.
 

I continue pacing while I wait for Franco to return. My mind races with all of the ways I can cause Landon pain. Ways I could destroy his life if given the chance.
 

“Sir, we found him,” Franco says as he returns to the living room.
 

“Where?”
 

“He lives on the top floor of her condo building.”
 

“That slimebag.”
 

“It gets better, sir. He has a secret.”
 

I smile. “Excellent.”

I look at the evidence on my computer. It’s not enough to put him away. I need more.
 

His lips hover over mine for just a second, giving me time to stop it if I want, but the anticipation just makes me want it more. When his lips finally collide with mine, I’m overcome with bliss. Everything else disappears. I don’t think about Ethan or James or Caroline or Drew. Thoughts of revenge melt away. My thoughts are consumed with how Landon’s lips feels against mine. His soft lips drive me wild with need. But instead of giving me the more I desire, Landon pulls away after the one kiss leaving my lips tingling for more.
 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he says.
 

My eyes are still closed taking in the kiss that lights every nerve in my body. It was just a kiss. But that kiss made me remember all of the kisses before. It reminded me of how I feel when his lips connect with mine. Home. I feel at home when his lips touch mine. It’s the only time I’ve ever had that feeling. No house I walk into has given me that. No place on Earth has. No other person has made me feel at peace. Just him.
 

I open my eyes that are sparkling with need to connect with him in the wildest way possible. The kiss wasn’t enough to satisfy me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get enough of this man to satisfy me.
 

“I’m sorry you stopped,” I say smirking at the man in front of me. A man who doesn’t apologize to anyone else in his life but is willing to take back the most amazing kiss if I want him to.
 

I close the gap between us with my lips as Landon’s hands hold me so close to him I can feel every hard muscle pressed up against me. I feel safe wrapped in his arms as I slip my tongue in his mouth begging him to fuck me like he used to. Like I’ve dreamed about every night since we have been apart.
 

My tongue is wild within his mouth, pleading him to bring me the pleasure I need, but he doesn’t move any faster. Instead, his movements try to slow mine. I grab at the hem of his shirt, hinting at my need for more. He grabs my hands, instead kissing my palm slowly before taking a finger into his mouth. He sucks and licks it like it’s a Popsicle he can’t get enough of. My toes curl as I moan from the pleasure he brings.
 

“I want you to fuck me,” I finally get out between moans.