Aliens for Dinner

“Richard, have another egg roll.”

“No thanks, Mom, I’m full,” said Richard Bickerstaff glumly.

“How about another fried dumpling?” asked Bob Baxter. “They’re really good—really good.” He smiled encouragingly.

Richard didn’t smile back. “I already said I’m full,” he answered. This wasn’t really true. He loved Chinese food, especially fried dumplings. But he liked to eat them with his mom, not with Bob Baxter, his mother’s new boyfriend.

Richard wished Bob would go away. He was just a big boring guy with a moving van company. What did she see in him, anyway? Four dates, and now he was showing up for dinner! Richard didn’t get it. In most other ways his mom was pretty smart.

“Well, I guess we’ll have dessert then,” said Mrs. Bickerstaff. “You’re not too full for that, are you?”

“No, Mom,” said Richard, brightening a little. As far as he was concerned, the whole point of eating dinner was dessert. “What are we having?”

“Ice cream,” said Mrs. Bickerstaff. She and Bob started clearing the table. “And fortune cookies, of course.” She pointed to the last white container on the table.

As she and Bob carried plates and chopsticks into the kitchen, Richard reached for the container. Funny. There was only one cookie inside—a big one. Should he open it, or save it for his mom?

But the fortune cookie seemed to have a mind of its own. As Richard watched, it began to rock back and forth on the table,
first slowly, then faster and faster. Suddenly it burst into a dozen pieces. A tiny figure wrapped in a white paper strip struggled to stand up.

“Aric!” Richard’s heart leaped. “Wow! It’s great to see you!”

“It is good to see you also.” Aric’s voice was gruff, but his face was friendly. “As usual, though, it has not been easy getting here,” he said, waving his tiny arms in the
air. “I have heard of economy class, but this is ridiculous!”

Then he unwound the paper strip and read the message on it. “‘Keep a clear head and you will save the day.’ Hah!” he snorted. “Try keeping a clear head when you have just traveled 6.7 million miles in a fortune cookie!”

Richard smiled. Aric was a commander in the Interspace Brigade. His mission was to wipe out crime in the galaxy. He had appeared twice before, once in a cereal box, and once in a bag of microwave popcorn, to protect Earth from alien threats. Richard had helped him out both times, and both times Aric had complained a lot. Richard was used to it. He even kind of liked it.

“So, Aric,” he said. “How come you’re here? Are you on a mission? Is there another threat to Earth?” Richard’s palms started sweating a little. He was one-third afraid and two-thirds excited. He knew Aric only came to Earth when there was trouble.

A serious look came over the tiny alien’s face. But just as he was about to answer,
Richard’s mother called, “Richard! Which would you like, Chocolate Joy Ride or Peanut Butter Fantasy?”

“Whoops!” Richard whispered to Aric. “We’d better go up to my room.” He put the alien in his shirt pocket and headed for the stairs. “Uh, I’m not hungry after all, Mom,” he called into the kitchen. “I think I’ll go up and do my homework.”

The minute Richard said this Mrs. Bickerstaff appeared in the doorway. She looked worried.

“No ice cream?” she asked. “Are you feeling all right, sweetie?” She put her palm against Richard’s forehead.

“I’m fine, Mom,” said Richard. “Really. I just forgot I have a lot of math to do.”

“Well, all right,” she said uncertainly. “We’ll be up later to say good night. Won’t we, Bob?”

“We sure will,” said Bob. “We sure—” Before he’d finished, Richard was up the stairs and in his room.

“Earth is once again in danger,” said Aric the minute the door was closed. “A powerful group from the planet Dwilb has made it their target. They are businessmen—ruthless and greedy. They plan to take your planet over and make it into a theme park.”

“What’s so bad about that?” asked Richard. He liked theme parks, especially the kind with water slides.

“Let me describe what they have in mind,” said Aric. “They will turn Earth into a carnival of litter, chemical waste, and gross, disgusting rides. They will call it Toxic Waste Funland. Then they will sell tickets to their fellow Dwilbs, and to every
other screaming, thrill-seeking, pollution-loving alien in the galaxy. By this time, you and your fellow Earthlings will be in their power. They plan to put you to work as guides. When the first tour ships arrive, Earth will be trashed. And you will be a slave in a funny hat.”

“Yikes,” said Richard. It all sounded pretty bad to him, especially the part about the funny hat.

“‘Yikes’ is right,” said Aric. “On Dwilb they call Earth ‘the Planet of Pollution.’ And they are so sure of success that they have already started advertising. They are running commercials for Toxic Waste Weekends on the Intergalactic Shopping Network.”

“But why us?” asked Richard. “Aren’t there lots of other planets to choose from?”

“I hate to be the one to break this to you,” said Aric. “But Earth is the most polluted planet in this sector of the galaxy.”

Richard was surprised. He knew Earth was polluted. But was it bad enough to attract aliens?

“They like what they see here,” said Aric. “The dirt, the waste, the chemicals. They think Earth will make them a fortune.”

“Well, we can stop them, right, Aric?” asked Richard. “I mean, how bad can these guys be? Especially with a bogus name like Dwilbs! Who are they, anyway? How do we find them?”

Aric sat down on a stack of X-Men comics. “According to Brigade Intelligence, they are here, in your very town. A heavy source of pollution has drawn them—”

“I’ll bet it’s the chemical plant,” said Richard. “They’re being investigated for dumping toxic waste. Mom’s working on the case.” Richard’s mother was a lawyer. Her specialty was the environment.

“Or maybe it’s the oil spill,” said Richard. Last week a tanker had leaked thousands of gallons of oil up the coast. Now the oil had reached Richard’s town. There were news stories about it every day.

“Toxic waste
and
an oil spill?” said Aric.
“For Dwilbs, that’s the perfect double feature.”

“Well, so, let’s get them,” said Richard. “What do they look like?”

“They look like humans,” said Aric. “And they say everything twice. This has a slightly hypnotic effect. The longer you spend with them, the stronger their hold over you gets.”

“Really?” said Richard. “You know, I think I just met someone who says things twice. But I can’t remember who.”

“That is part of their power,” said Aric. “You hear them, but you don’t remember. And every time you hear them—”

There was a knock on the door.

“Quick! Behind the X-Men!” whispered Richard. Aric hid.

“Come in,” called Richard.

Mrs. Bickerstaff and Bob stood in the doorway. “Bob’s come to say good-bye to you, sweetie,” said his mother.

Bob gave him a big smile and a little wave. “Good night, Richard,” he said. “Good night, Richard.”