Alien vs. Alien (47 page)

CHAPTER 87

“I
SEE WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE
humanlike shapes,” I said finally. “Christopher, can you get anything?”

“Not really,” he admitted. “I can’t confirm we’re looking at humans or A-Cs.”

“Mimi, Abby, anything?”

“No,” Naomi said. “Like with Christopher, I can’t really feel them or see their minds.”

“Me either,” Abigail added. “Could be people, could be androids, could be something else.”

“Moving camera closer,” Big George said. It didn’t help much. The shapes were still indistinct.

“Do we have extra lighting or something down there?”

No sooner were those words out of my mouth than there was a flash of something that could have been an A-C moving at the fast hyperspeed, could have been a gun firing, or could have been something else. The screen went dark.

“Either they can hear us, read our minds, or they spotted the camera,” Franklin said. “Regardless, this likely moves them into enemy camp.”

“If they’re hostiles, then they might know where Jeff and Chuckie are. That means we need to capture them, sooner as opposed to later. Will, can you get me and Richard into the tunnels via our new floater gate, or should we use the Jolly Green Giant’s tunnel downstairs?”

“The elevator will be safer, Chief,” Walter answered for his brother. “I can coordinate the shield to let you through.”

“I’d prefer military personnel to go,” Franklin said.

“Well, Colonel, under the current circumstances, that would mean you. Or Hacker International, here. And I think you need to stay here, and I know without asking that Hacker International has no intention of leaving their assigned posts. Besides, Mister White and I kick butt on a regular basis.”

“True enough. You do have precedent on your side. Of course, in my experience, you sometimes need the full might of the U.S. military to help you.”

“Everyone’s a critic. Let’s focus on the positive side, shall we?”

Bruno warbled.

“No, Bruno, my bird. You’re staying here to ensure that someone’s in charge of our animal kingdom.”

Bruno wasn’t happy, but, with a bird grumble, he acquiesced.

“I’m going, too,” Christopher stated with authority.

“No, you’re not,” I said with more authority, as in, I channeled Mom. “Right now, you’re King Alexander’s closest relative on Earth. You’re not going anywhere. We need you alive, well, and able to figure out how the hell to let Alexander and Councilor Leonidas know that we need their help.”

“She’s right,” Colonel Franklin said. “And while I don’t want to have to pull rank, since you seem touchy about that, I have to insist you stay here.”

Christopher’s mouth opened, to argue no doubt, but White put his hand up. “Son, they’re right. Stay here. If we need you, you’ll know.”

“How?” Christopher shot Patented Glare #1 at us. “None of us can read into those tunnels.”

Omega Red cleared his throat. “You could go old school.”

“Come again?”

He held out his hand. There were two Bluetooth earpieces sitting on his palm. “I realize you’re all used to using your special powers and holding your phones to your ears, but, as
The Matrix
has shown us, earpieces work really well, too.”

“Yuri, welcome to the Land of Sarcasm. I’m not even gonna ask how you ‘saw’
The Matrix
.”

“There’s a specialized program we created—”

“Yuri! I pointedly said I wasn’t going to ask. Are these tuned to our frequency, whatever that frequency may be? frequeny b

“They’re tuned to the system,” Henry said as White and I put the earpieces on.

“Can’t stop the signal. Okay, so we’ll keep you updated and vice versa, right?”

“Yes,” Big George confirmed. “We’ll be monitoring you.”

“Kitty, I mention this as a favor and as someone who’s known you a long time,” Stryker said. “Please remember that we’ll be able to hear everything, even things you mutter under your breath.”

“You don’t know me,” I muttered under my breath.

“Yes, I do,” Stryker said.

“I could have been there and back in this time,” Christopher snapped. He had a point.

“Fine, fine, we’re going. Ready, Mister White?”

“Willing and eager as well, Missus Martini.” White took my hand, and we headed down to the basement.

Since discovering the hidden elevator and all the other fun things the former Diplomatic Corps had installed way back when, we’d removed all the basement clutter they’d had strewn around to disguise said elevator and such. We’d also uncloaked the switch that turned the elevator on. This only helped the humans, but said humans appreciated it.

I appreciated that we could quickly hit the button and head down the three stories to the start of the Tunnels of Murky Doom without tripping over boxes. “Walt, we’re in the elevator.”

“Go ahead, Chief, you’re cleared. Advise when leaving and I’ll close that shield back up.”

“Is the entire Embassy unshielded?” I asked as White hit the down button.

“No, Chief. I put this section under its own shielding once you were all back. Even if someone were to breach the tunnel and make it into the elevator, they couldn’t come into the Embassy.”

“Excellent, Walt, you rock above all others.” The elevator wasn’t the fastest in the world, but that gave me time to test out our equipment. “So, how many people besides Walter can hear me?”

“Everyone,” Stryker said in my ear. “We have the two of you on speaker.”

“Nice. Who’s going to talk us through the tunnels?” The sounds of arguing came through clearly. While we waited, I rummaged around in my purse and pulled out my Glock. “I’m ready. Whenever, you know, someone’s going to agree to tell us which ways to turn and all that.”

“I will,” Christopher said finally. “Since none of the humans are going to actually be able to see the two of you on camera.”

“You won’t see us, either. The cameras can’t catch hyperspeed.”

“No kidding. I can judge where you’ll be when.”

I looked at White. “You think he’ll really be able to?”

“I can hear you,” Christopher snarled.

“Oh, I’m sure Christopher is more than u 󀀅zp to the task,” White said with a chuckle, as the elevator stopped. I kicked the Gaultier Enterprises symbol, the door opened. “Leaving the elevator now, son, and we’ll be going at the slower speeds to avoid overshooting turns and targets. Walter, please lock up behind us.” White took my free hand, and we zipped off.

“And I’d like to miss booby traps.”

“We’ve cleared the tunnels,” Stryker said.

“I know Chuckie, and all of you, and I’m betting that they’re not cleared so much as suspended for a moment or two.” There was some grumbling from the room, but no one denied the charge. “As I thought. Mister White, keep the eyeballs peeled.”

“I always do, Missus Martini. Especially when teamed with you.”

“Careful, Rick honey, or I’ll have to hurt you.”

Suppressed a shudder as we ran past the former secret lab, which I now thought of as the Burial Ground of the Hot Zombies. Tried to spot where around here would lead up to the Lincoln Memorial, but either we were moving too fast or I didn’t look in the right places, because I saw nothing but murk and really well-made walls.

True to his own hype, Christopher told us each turn right about when we’d need it. Since White was on the fifty-miles-plus plan, I let him again do the major hyperspeed work.

Did my best to register where we were and what our surroundings looked like, but the cameras hadn’t sold the tunnels short—even with enhanced A-C vision, it was hard to make much out. But because we passed a couple of the dead-zone rooms on the way, I was able to spot similarities. The tunnel walls were smoother around the dead zones. And there was a kind of gentle tug as we went past, as if the areas wanted us to slow down and check them out. But I hadn’t experienced that tug when we were near the destroyed secret lab room.

“Slow down,” Christopher said after a variety of twists and turns that seemed close together but I knew were actually miles apart. “You should be coming up on the area where the camera went offline.”

White slowed us to a walk. The tunnel turned. We put our backs to the near wall and inched toward the curve.

“You hear anything?” I asked as softly as possible.

“No,” White said.

“We’re picking up the same general being readings,” Christopher shared. “Now we can make out four instead of two. Even though I know the new bodies are the two of you, I can’t tell based on my talents, and neither can Naomi and Abigail.”

Figured I’d save stating the obvious—that we needed to figure out what these tunnels were made or lined with as fast as possible—for another time.

Instead, I pondered our situation. A-Cs had advanced hearing as well as all the other goodies. Maybe my hearing wasn’t yet up to
Bionic Woman
standards, but White was well past the
Six Million Dollar Man
. Therefore, if he couldn’t hear anything, when we were sure there were two other things around the corner, it meant they’d heard us and were doing the same as we were—trying not to make noise while sneaking up on the enemy.

White had like󀀅ly figured the same, as he put his hand on my arm and tried to move me behind him. I shook my head and waved my Glock. He didn’t seem impressed.

“I can shoot who or whatever,” I whispered in his ear.

“Or they can shoot you,” he whispered back. “I’d prefer no bloodshed on our side if at all possible.”

Heaved a sigh I ensured I kept silent. Considered other options and checked my purse. Harlie, Poofikins, and Fluffy were all there, looking e
xpectant. “Poofies,” I said softly, “can you let Kitty know if whatever or whoever is around this corner is going to be dangerous for Kitty and Richard to meet?”

The Poofs looked at me, then at each other, then back at me. They mewled softly. I had no idea what they meant and found myself wishing I’d brought Bruno along for translation services if nothing else.

“Kitty doesn’t understand.”

Three Poofy sighs greeted this. I got the distinct impression they were all disappointed in me and thinking I was none too swift. Or else they didn’t understand me, which, while it seemed unlikely, was always possible. They didn’t budge, however.

“Maybe go big and toothy? So whatever it is can’t hurt my Poofies?”

Three Poof heads cocked to the side then snorted at me in a way that was both derisive and incredibly adorable. Clearly, however, this wasn’t an option they were thrilled with.

Feeling like a catcher with three really stubborn rookie pitchers in front of me, I tried again. “Can you sneak over and see who’s there, and report back to Kitty? Or something, anything?”

Poofikins jumped onto my shoulder. Harlie and Fluffy bounded around the corner. Now, with my most vague directive, was when they were choosing to listen?

“No, wait.” I flung myself around the curve, dragging White, who was still trying to hold me back, along with me. I needed to be ready to back the Poofs if at all necessary.

Of course, once I rounded the curve, I realized the Poofs were right—I was an idiot.

CHAPTER 88

“W
HOA THERE, WONDER WOMAN.
Still against the rules to shoot your boss.”

“Kitty, Chuck’s signal is finally stabilizing,” Ravi said urgently in our ears. “I can see where they are.” He coughed. “Ah, they’re pretty much where we figure you are.”

True enough, because we were staring at Jeff and Chuckie, who each now had a Poof on their shoulders giving them happy Poofy love rubs.

“Fantastic. Thanks for that eleventh-hour confirmation, Ravi. For the record, this isn’t your finest moment, though your earlier moments make up for it.” Examined Jeff and Chuckie. They seemed ambulatory and I didn’t see signs of loss of limbs or even bleeding. “You know, if you two are actually okay, I think I’m going to kill you.”

I put my Glock carefully back into my purse, removed the Bluetooth and dropped it in, then moved Poofikins back in as well. Took my purse off and handed it to White. Then I ran at top speed for Jeff.

He caught me, picked me up, and hugged me tightly. “We’re okay, baby, I promise.” His hug felt normal, but I could tell he was holding something in his hand.

“Define ‘okay,’ ” Chuckie said. “I feel like crap.” Looked over at him. Yeah, Chuckie didn’t look as though he’d had the best day ever. He was also holding something, and in such a way that neither I nor White could see what it was.

“What happened and where the
hell
have you two been?” Okay, it wasn’t actually what I’d been planning to say, during all the time I’d been worried about them. But it was so appropriate, nonetheless.

“Long story,” Jeff said.

“I’d like some of it.”

“I would as well, Jeffrey. I’m particularly interested in what you and Charles are both hiding from us. Currently, we have no proof the two of you are actually yourselves, if you catch my drift, Missus Martini.”

Jeff’s hold on me tightened. “We’re not androids.”

“Proof would be awesome.”

Jeff shifted me a little and kissed me. Like always, it was great and I had to control myself from grinding against him. However, that could potentially be duplicated. And if it could, I wanted the patent, because a machine that could kiss like Jeff would be the path to instant wealth.

Once our kiss was over, I let my worry continue. Jeff, however, just put me down. I sidled over to White. “We may want to be ready to run like hell,” I said quietly.

Jeff heaved a sigh. “Baby, it’s really me. I can’t feel you right now. I can’t feel anyone.”

“Which is part of why we look this bad,” Chuckie said dryly. “Because someone went for the ‘throw a temper tantrum and see if that works’ method.”

“I was distraught,” Jeff said as he shot a sideways look of annoyance at Chuckie. “You weren’t exactly Mister Calm, either, for a while there.”

The Poofs all jumped down in front of me and White. They were mewling and jumping up and down. “Kitty’s got nothing, Poofies, sorry.”

White jerked. “The tunnels are affecting your talents. Meaning they’re affecting Jeffrey as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t understand the Poofs right now. We already knew the tunnels were affecting our people. I should have considered that before we left.”

“Okay, makes sense. So, Jeff, Chuckie, prove you’re who we want you to be and show us what you’re hiding from us. Now. Or Richard and I do a runner.” Neither Jeff nor Chuckie looked up to catching me and White. If they could, it might also prove they were androids. I currently hated where my mind was going.

“Camera’s down,” Chuckie said with a shrug.

“Yeah, thanks for that. We were trying to find you guys or whoever was down here. That equipment’s not cheap.”

Chuckie shot me his “really?” look. “I’m aware of what they cost, Kitty. I’m also aware that we’ve got enemies everywhere.” His eyes narrowed. “In fact, how do we know the two of you aren’t androids? Martini can’t feel anyone in here.”

“Look, we’re in this weird Mexican Standoff. Someone needs to prove who’s who to the others.”

The Poofs started jumping up and down again, mewling loudly. They bounded between the four of us, purring and rubbing. Then they stood in front of me, and all three of them stared at me with, what I was positive, were “duh” expressions on their faces.

The light dawned, albeit really slowly. “The Poofs say we’re all who we think we are, the real people.” The Poofs jumped up and down again, then Harlie went back to Jeff, Fluffy went back to Chuckie, and Poofikins jumped onto my shoulder, grumbling quietly. “Fine, fine, Kitty’s being an idiot again.
Excuse me
. It’s been a long weekend.”

“Since we’ve confirmed we’re all who we say we are, when are you boys going to share what it is you’re hiding from us?” White asked.

“We should probably wait until we’re back somewhere secure,” Jeff said.

“How far away are we from wherever you’re basing, Kitty?” Chuckie asked.

“Far.”

“Miles,” White corrected. “And we’re going back to the Embassy. Speed is of the essence. There are things you two don’t know about that require our attention.”

“I can’t handle any more hyperspeed right now,” Chuckie said. “I had enough of that today—I honestly don’t think my body can take it.”

“That’s the main reason we’ve been moving so slowly,” Jeff said.

I looked at his expression. “No, it’s not. I mean, I’m not doubting Chuckie, but you two are doing more than staggering homeward.”

“True enough,” Chuckie said. “We had to move slowly, so we were examining the tunnels as we went. We can do more of that later. However, I can’t move fast. If I have to deal with more hyperspeed reactions today, I’m going to be bedridden.”

“We can’t afford to have either one of you out. But we have to get back.”

Jeff sighed. “Fine, fine.” He fiddled with whatever he was holding. I stepped closer and took a good look. It was a shiny cube, and it looked familiar. “Where, exactly, are we headed, baby?”

“The Embassy ballroom. It’s loaded with people and equipment, though.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem. Richard, hold onto Kitty and Chuck, will you?”

My jaw dropped. This was the first time I’d ever heard Jeff call Chuckie anything other than Reynolds. White took our hands as requested, Jeff finished his fiddling, grabbed my free hand, and we moved.

We stopped quickly enough, right in the middle of the ballroom. It dawned on me that I’d forgotten to tell Jeff that the Embassy was shielded, but apparently that hadn’t been an issue, because we were all okay.

“Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!” Bellie sounded overjoyed. But she stayed with Oliver. I wasn’t sure if he had a death grip on her legs or what, but I was thankful for the small favor.

Jeff winced. “Whoa. All of you are really stressed and upset.”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Christopher snapped.

“Why are you all mad at us?” Jeff asked.

“You do realize we’ve thought you were kidnapped all this time,” White said calmly. “Therefore, while Missus Martini and I have had a few moments to come to grips with the fact that the two of you are back with us, most of the rest of the room is relieved to see the two of you alive and reasonably well, while at the same time being remarkably perturbed that you have waited so very long to reassure us of your health and well-being.”

“What Richard said. Only not nearly as nicely.”

Naomi stared at Chuckie. “We thought you might be dead,” she said finally.

“Clarence said he had you,” Abigail added. “He almost convinced Sis to go with him to save you.”

“I’m sorry.” Chuckie looked as though he had no idea of what to say in this situation. Come to think of it, he probably didn’t.

“You didn’t call,” Naomi added. She walked over to him. “In fact, you didn’t text, send a mental message, or send an emotional message, either. Nothing. I thought you were
dead
.”

“I didn’t mean to worry you.” Chuckie looked and sounded worried.

“Clarence actually sort of had us—” Jeff said.

Before he could finish, Naomi burst into tears. Chuckie pulled her into his arms, held her, and did the soothing murmur thing. He also did the nuzzling of the head thing, as well as the stroking of the back in an intimate way thing. I heard a couple of terms of endearment in there, too.

This didn’t shock me all that much. I’d had a strong suspicion for quite a while, after all, and if White calling him Charles the moment we were with Naomi hadn’t been the clear clue, her actions when Chuckie was in danger certainly left no room for confusion. And some of the Poof Population Explosion was also explained. But not all. Wondered if the Poofs somehow knew what was coming and had been staffing up in preparation. Decided I could find out another time.

I looked at Jeff. In contrast to what I would have guessed even this morning, he didn’t look shocked at all. He also didn’t look angry. He looked incredibly pleased. Clearly their time alone together had been great for bonding.

Jeff looked at me, and the pleased look left his face to be replaced by a guilty and apologetic look. He ran his hand through his hair. Now that we were in the light, I could see that he’d definitely taken some kind of beating. Because A-Cs healed fast, he didn’t look as bad as he’d probably looked a couple hours prior, but Jeff was definitely going to need adrenaline. He probably needed isolation, but I doubted we had time for that.

“I’m not going to turn on the waterworks. Because I’ve been too busy to focus on the fretting, so I’m not nearly as upset as Mimi is, and because I’m just under the emotional level where I’m so angry that I’m going to cry. But if you don’t tell us all exactly what the hell is going on, quickly, succinctly, and immediately, I’m going to show you that Naomi has nothing on me in terms of histrionics.”

Jeff looked at Chuckie, who nodded.

“I told you he wasn’t in love with me any more,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, yeah. You know, he’s a great guy. I have no idea why I didn’t realize it before.”

Christopher coughed. We’d moved from throat clearing to coughing as the new noises epidemic. “No idea at all, Jeff. Wouldn’t be your typical jealousy thing, would it?”

“Or the Alpha Male fighting thing.”

Jeff shrugged. “Things of the past.”

Christopher and I both coughed. It was the new epidemic for sure. “I’ll start the betting pool,” Christopher said to me.

“This is touching,” Franklin said. “But since we have an alien armada about to invade and likely conquer us, I believe we’d all appreciate knowing what you two gentlemen have been up to.”

“What do you mean, we have an alien armada on the way?” Jeff asked, Commander voice back on full.

“I’m pulling rank,” Franklin said. “As Commander of Andrews Air Force Base, or whatever’s left of it, I want your intel first. We’ll catch you up after that.”

“What do you mean, whatever’s left of it?” Chuckie asked.

“Long story. I’m with Colonel Franklin—you show us yours and then we’ll show you ours. And make it snappy. We don’t know how much time we actually have before they show up.”

Jeff nodded and looked around. “Who are all—”

“Later. They’ve all done the spit shake and pinky swear, or will do as soon as we have time. Your intel now. Introductions after you get some adrenaline. Now, Jeff. I mean it. We’re all seriously tired, pissed, and stressed.”

“Fine. You told me to find Reynolds, which I did.”

“Just as Clarence showed up out of nowhere,” Chuckie added, still holding onto Naomi.

“C
larence tried to grab Reynolds, I was able to get him first. I saw that Clarence had . . . something of mine.” I could tell he didn’t want me sharing what I’d seen him use to get us back here with anyone else.

“The glowing cu*be Terry gave you when you were ten.”

Jeff gaped at me. “Why are you discussing that here when—?”