Authors: Pamela Sargent
Raf held out both hands, palms up. “Wait. It is not that simple, Margaret. I want to test you one more time. See these others I have brought here? They are my hostages. I promise you that, if you leave, they will bear the punishment you should have received. Consider that before you go."
Margaret hesitated.
"Think about that. If you stay, you can help them. I won't interfere. But if you go, you abandon them to me."
Sarah heard a hum. The hooded alien appeared. He uncoiled a jointless arm, holding it out to Margaret. She glanced at the alien, then back to Raf. The alien waited.
Margaret's mouth worked. She pressed her lips together. Sarah watched her helplessly. She and Gerard might be able to stop her, but she could not bring herself to move.
"Raf,” Margaret cried. “Come with us. You have been here too long. Join our search.” Sarah saw that the woman had forgotten them. “Come with us."
Raf walked toward her, his struggle showing on his face. He held out his hands.
"Join us,” Margaret pleaded. “We shall leave the route for you, and you can follow."
"I can't.” Raf staggered and almost fell. “I can't."
Margaret spun around quickly. The alien stepped on a disk, and disappeared. Margaret looked back. For a moment, her eyes met Sarah's. Then she stepped on the disk and was gone.
Raf ran to the disk. He teetered at its edge, then backed away. He stumbled toward them. “Margaret!” he cried.
Â
Â
Â
Â
Fourteen
Â
Â
The dispenser in their room offered them wine, bread, and beef stew for supper. Mr. Epstein removed the food and they served themselves, sprawling on the cushions while they ate.
"At least he's not going to starve us,” the old man murmured. He sampled the stew. “He doesn't run a greasy spoon, either."
Sarah was surprised to find that she was hungry. She gulped burgundy and devoured her bowl of stew, mopping up the gravy with a bit of bread.
"Where do you think he went?” Gerard said.
Sarah shrugged. “I don't know. He might be out on the surface again. He can't have gone far, Phobos isn't that large. On the other hand, maybe he went somewhere in one of those little spaceships of his."
"We could look for him."
"It might be dangerous, Gerry. We don't know our way; we'll get lost. We might find something as dangerous as those disks, we don't know anything about what's here."
"We can't just give up."
"We might have to. We can't get out of here without Raf's help, and he has no reason to help us right now."
Gerard finished his stew, then set his bowl aside. He poured more wine. “We could find some string,” he said. “We could tie it to the door there and go looking and make sure we don't touch anything that looks funny. With the string, we could find our way back."
"Where are we going to find string?"
"We could unravel some of our clothing, then. Or we could use this bread, and drop bread crumbs behind us, like Hansel and Gretel."
"I think Hansel and Gretel used drops of blood."
Mr. Epstein looked up. “He'll probably come back for us sooner or later. He's alone now, we're his only companions. I've been thinking."
Gerard propped his elbow against a cushion. “What?"
"Just think. We could learn much, remaining here. He might extend out lives, as he did Margaret's. Isn't that something anyone would want? We could observe Earth with him. When you think of it that way, does it seem so bad?"
"But look at him,” Sarah replied. “Look at what it's done to him. Look at how he treated Margaret. He told her he'd punish us somehow."
Mr. Epstein ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe he was only trying to frighten her. I don't know.” He paused for a moment. “You two are young. You see your life ahead of you, and, against all probability, believe, deep down, that it will change, that if you get back, things will work out somehow. I'm old. I know what's waiting for me at home. Death, and a nice monument over my grave from my children. You think death is far away. I know it's not. If I stay here, I can evade it, at least for a while, until I'm ready for it."
"Our lives are down there,” Sarah said. “You've had your life. We haven't."
"And when I look back on it, Sarah, it doesn't seem to mean much. I've done what Nature made me for, I have reproduced and given my genes to my children and grandchildren. I'm not necessary now. Here, perhaps I can go on to something else. Raf will want to keep us alive for our company, won't he? You can look on your presence here as a gift, or as a curse. It's all a matter of your perspective, isn't it?"
"It's your fault,” she said. “You wanted to come."
"You didn't have to come along.” He sighed. “I'm tired.” The old man rose and pushed two cushions together, then stretched out. “I wish I knew how to turn off those lights,” he murmured as he pulled his coat over his head.
Sarah put the dishes in the wall slot, leaving the bread in a bowl on the floor. Gerard got up and retreated to a corner. Sarah arranged some cushions, and stretched out beside him.
"I was right,” he said. “We should have tried to stop Margaret. When it came right down to it, she didn't exactly help us."
"You tried to stop Raf from hurting her."
"Yeah, I know. Dumb of me, wasn't it?"
"No."
"I probably lost my job by now,” he muttered. “Rob might have covered for me, or he might have seen a chance to grab my job. It's funny, I've known him for a while, but I don't know what he'll do."
Sarah turned on her side. “It all seems so far away."
"It is far away. Do you think we should stay here, Sarah?"
"God, Gerry, we aren't exactly free to choose."
"We can choose how we feel about it.” He pillowed his head on his arm. “Would you stay if I stayed? Or would you go home with me, assuming Raf would take us?"
"Maybe I'd do what you wanted."
"Goddamn it, Sarah, don't put it all on me."
She watched him. Gerard, removed from Earth, without the familiar things that defined himâhis job, his friends, his routines and habitsâseemed a stranger. She wondered if she was becoming a stranger to him. “What do you want, Gerry?"
"I won't tell you. Tell me what you'd want to do."
"I see. You want me to decide for you, though you'd never admit it.” He did not reply. “I think I want to go home,” she went on. “I know that there isn't much to go home to. Raf says we're declining, but he could be wrong. I guess I'd go back even if you stayed."
"Epstein could be right, you know."
"Maybe for himself. Not for me."
Gerard rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his forehead. “Why wouldn't it be right for you to stay?"
"I don't know if I can put it well. We're part of Earth. What right do we have to be exempt from what happens there? Raf must feel that way himself, that he's cut off and can't do anything about what's happening there."
"I don't see your point.” He lowered his arm and turned his head toward her.
"The point is that we belong on Earth, that we have to be part of whatever happens."
Gerard frowned. “Maybe that's just your excuse. You want to run home and hide and forget this ever happened."
"Maybe we could do something, Gerry. Maybe we could change things somehow."
"That's ridiculous."
"Why?"
"Look at Raf. He knows more than we can imagine, and he's watched without being able to do a thing."
"That's just it,” she responded. “He's watched. He hasn't lived there, and he's only gone back during the difficult times. Maybe he should have stayed."
Gerard snorted. “Sure. He might have been killed. That wouldn't have accomplished much. I assume he
can
be killed. He's not invulnerable, is he?"
"No,” she said. “He told me he wasn't.” She pulled her coat. “You still haven't told me what you want."
"I suppose I want to get out of here, but not for your reasons. I just don't want to be the prisoner of a psychotic. If Raf was rational, maybe I'd stay. I'm as curious as the next guy. Aren't you?"
"Yes.” She closed her eyes. “It's so crazy. How do we handle something like this?"
"There aren't exactly any handy guidelines."
Sarah pulled her coat over her head and hoped she would be able to sleep.
Â
Mr. Epstein was already up when Sarah awoke. She sat up. Gerard turned over and mumbled unintelligible words, then rubbed his eyes and yawned.
"I've found a treasure in our food dispenser,” the old man called. They rose and crossed the room. “Coffee.” He held up the pot. “And Danish."
They gathered around the coffee. “Any cream?” Gerard asked.
"Afraid not. You can't have everything."
Sarah sipped her coffee. It was still hot. The feeling of oppression that had disturbed her dreams had lifted, at least for a time.
"I had a strange experience last night,” Mr. Epstein said. “I was half awake, and I thought someone was standing over me. I don't sleep so well any more. You know the feeling. You're lying in bed and you're sure someone has entered the room. I thought it might be Raf. I kept perfectly still, almost afraid to breathe, and then I opened my eyes. There was no one there."
"Maybe it wasn't a dream,” Gerard said. Sarah thought of Raf standing over them while they were asleep and helpless, and shuddered.
"I haven't finished,” the old man said. “There was no one I could see. But I had a strong, powerful feeling that some sort of presence was there, something invisible. The air around me was very cold, and I felt something of great power was there. I thought I saw it glow. Then it was gone. I went back to sleep, but not very soundly."
"You must have been dreaming,” Gerard said. “You thought you were awake, but you weren't."
"Young man, I know when I'm awake and when I'm not."
Sarah finished her coffee, telling herself that Gerard was right. “Well,” she said, “should we try to find Raf, or just sit here?"
"He'll come for us eventually,” Mr. Epstein said.
"Eventually. He's been alive for thousands of years. Eventually, to him, might mean a year from now."
"Do you still want to stay here?” Gerard asked.
"I did,” the old man replied. “Now I'm not so sure."
Sarah got up, went to the door, and pressed the wall. The door opened. “At least we're not locked in."
Gerard picked up the bread left over from the night before. He broke it in two. “We'll drop the crumbs behind us, so we don't get lost.” He laughed harshly. “Jesus. It seems so ludicrous, making our way through Phobos with a piece of bread."
"It's a real thigh-slapper,” Sarah said. She did not laugh.
"Richard can stay here,” Gerard murmured. Mr. Epstein nodded. “We can go in two different directions. If you need us for anything, just follow the trail."
"Wait a minute,” Sarah said. “What if we do find him? What do we do then?"
Gerard sighed. “I don't know. Play along, try not to antagonize him, see if maybe he'll consider what we want. We can talk to him. We can't do much more."
Â
Mr. Epstein stationed himself near the door. “Okay?” Gerard said to Sarah. “I'll go to the left, and you go to the right. When you run out of crumbs, head back."
She nodded.
"If we don't find him, maybe we can try something else.” Gerard set off down the corridor. She went in the opposite direction, dropping her crumbs. She was sure she was moving toward the Pathway chamber, and wondered if Raf might be there. She halted. He could have followed Margaret. Her shoulders tightened. She glanced at a small side corridor, and decided to try it.
The light was dimmer here. She crept down the hallway apprehensively, looking quickly from side to side. She was suddenly conscious of being in a catacomb under rock surrounded by airless space. She might reach a room which led outside and never know it until the door slid open and her lungs drew in vacuum. She took a deep breath. She was scaring herself.
Ahead, the corridor curved. She came to the bend, went along it, and stared down the passageway at Raf.
"My, my.” He moved toward her. “Playing games, I see.” He reached for the piece of bread, but she held on to it. At last he took it from her.
"We were looking for you, Raf. We were worried."
"About yourselves, I trust. Not about me."
"We were worried about you, too."
He looked down at her. “I suppose you were considering your options."
"In a way. Of course, there isn't much we can do."
"I'm so glad you understand that, Sarah."
"Why don't you let us go?"
"Because then I'd be alone."
"You could find someone else."
"Bargaining with the lives of strangers. I'm surprised at you. You don't mind if I bring someone else here, as long as you're free."
She looked down at the floor. A crumb nestled against her foot. “I didn't mean that. You could find someone who wanted to come."
"You wanted to come. Don't tell me you didn't.” He paused. “What if I told you I would take Gerard back, but that you would have to stay?"
"You could do that without asking me."
"Answer the question. Would you go to him and tell him you wanted to stay, but I would take him home?"
She faced him. “I don't think he'd leave then."
"You'd like to believe that, wouldn't you. Let me ask another question, since you won't answer that one. What if I told you that I'd take you back, but you had to leave Gerard behind?"
"Stop it, Raf."
"I'm sorry, Sarah. I must amuse myself somehow.” He took her arm. “I think we should go back to your room.” He guided her down the hall.
Mr. Epstein was still waiting by their door. “You'd better go get Gerry,” Sarah said wearily. “I've found Raf."
Â
Raf did not speak until the two men returned. Then he ushered them across the hall to another room as large as the one they had left. This room, except for five mats on the floor, was empty; the walls were white, the floor black.