Alicia's Folly (14 page)

Her heart rate spiked painfully as she mulled over all of the ramifications. When she realized she was jumping the gun, she pushed thoughts of Nate from her mind altogether. With a firm resolve, she threw back the sheets and got out of bed. She would shower, have breakfast out on the balcony, then make a decision about whether or not to stay for a few extra days.
 

* *
 

Liz turned to look toward him as he approached, almost as if she’d sensed him coming. Her eyes were huge and sad and, for a brief moment, they pulled at his heart. He crushed the tender feelings easily as he sat down and ordered coffee and toast. One of her neatly plucked eyebrows went up at this but he ignored it. The way he figured it, he could have ordered a full breakfast, he was so hungry, but he was opting for politeness. She’d already told him on the phone she wouldn’t be eating because her stomach was too upset.
 

She remained silent as they waited for his order and he wondered if this was going to be another long-drawn out affair where she tried time and again without success to tell him what was wrong. He was just about to tell her he wasn’t in the mood for another bout of guessing games when their server appeared with his breakfast, such as it was. He waited until the woman was gone before speaking his mind.
 

“Is this going to be another case of – ” he began. He stopped short when he noticed her hands. They were working almost violently on trying to shred a cloth napkin. Warning bells went off in his mind, loud and insistent. Liz was well aware of her penchant for shredding when nervous. So much so, in fact, she’d taken to carrying around hankies instead of Kleenex, just so there wouldn’t be a mess to clean up afterward. He looked into her face again and watched uncomfortably as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
 

“I’ll get through it this time. I promise,” she whispered. “Just please don’t hate me when I’m done, ‘kay? I know what I did to you, these past few years. I can see – ”
 

“Really? What did you do?” he asked quietly. His heart was racing and his palms were suddenly sweaty. Was she about to confess to her affairs? Did he want to hear about them and have them confirmed? All of a sudden, he wanted to be anywhere but here. Not one to run from unpleasantness though – the fact he stayed with her, despite their horrible physical relationship attested to that – he stayed put.
 

Liz took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. When it didn’t soothe her nerves, she took another one. This one she released slowly. Then she did something which took him completely by surprise. She stuffed the nearly rendered hankie back into her purse and put her purse to the side. When she was done, she clasped her hands tightly together on the table in front of her and cleared her throat.
 

This was a new side to her, a stronger side, Nate realized. It reminded him of the old Liz, the one he first fell for. His appetite all but vanished as a voice inside his head yelled, “
For three years, you were this timid, scared creature and now you suddenly decide to be strong again?
” It was all he could do to keep from speaking the words out loud as pain and anger coursed through him. The fact Linda was able to bring this back in her so effortlessly when he’d been trying and trying for so long tore at his heart, guts and, of course, pride.
 

“The videos are fake,” Liz said matter-of-factly. Nate blinked several times, forcing his mind away from his own feelings in order to fully comprehend what she was saying. Expecting a confession, he had to take a few extra seconds to process her words. Taking his silence as an invitation to explain herself, she continued.
 

“I’m sure you’ve seen them. He told me he sent them to you. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but if you look at the male in each video close enough, you’ll see it’s the same body with different faces. And the women… If you can’t see the differences in the woman’s bodies, then you’re blind. They’re all – ”
 

Nate held up his hand, forestalling any further descriptions. He’d seen the videos enough, he knew them practically from memory. They were replaying in his mind as he stared sightlessly at his cold toast and the niggling feeling in his gut was back. It was the one he had after watching the videos for the twentieth or so time. His mind kept telling him things didn’t look right. Hurt and angry, his heart told him he was just trying to avoid the truth, that acceptance would help him get over her faster.
 

“That would make the P. I. Jared hired one really sick bastard,” he said quietly. No sooner were the words out than he remembered Dana telling him Jared was in jail. He felt his jaw go slack. “What the hell?” he growled, seeing the truth in Liz’ face before she spoke the words confirming the thing he didn’t want to voice out loud.
 

“No, Jared’s the sick prick who doctored those videos. There was no P. I., Nate. They’re his stash of home porn. Did he send you the one with the woman who was sloppy drunk and unresponsive, the one where the man was doing literally everything and doing his damndest to make it look as though the woman was into it?” she asked.
 

Nate’s gut twisted. He remembered that one most vividly. The woman in it was wearing the lingerie set he’d bought for Liz when – His mind stuttered to a stop as her words hit home. “Sloppy drunk.” “Unresponsive”. That was exactly what he’d thought when he saw the video. And that the man’s passion was over the top exaggerated. It was the very first video he opened.
 

All of a sudden, his mind slammed into full gear as he realized the first video was actually of Liz, and that she wasn’t at all a willing participant. The implications of this hit home in rapid fire succession, one after the other and it was all Nate could do to keep from puking, right there on the patio.
 

“Jared raped you,” he breathed, struggling against the sudden mix of helplessness and rage he was feeling. “He raped you and you didn’t tell me. God, Liz! Why. The. Hell. Not?” he growled. His hands were balled into fists on the table. It was all he could do to keep from lifting them and slamming them down with each word.
 

Tears streamed down Liz’ extremely pale face as she begged him with her eyes to understand. He couldn’t. He wasn’t an ogre. Sure, he might have argued and made some nasty accusations at first, but he would have pushed for the truth in the end, whatever that truth might be. And the damn truth of it was his business partner, his
best friend
raped his girlfriend.
 

Nate’s heart lurched in his chest as understanding dawned like a freaking sledgehammer to the head. He wouldn’t have believed her. There would have been no push for the truth. Jared
was his best friend and business partner. Right from the beginning J kept trying to drive a wedge between them. The constant put-downs and hate-filled statements he spewed about Liz would have been taken, finally, as truths and Nate would have dumped her.
 

That
was the reason she didn’t tell him. Guilt slammed through him, making him nauseous. He regretted ordering anything as the smell of the expensive coffee and butter turned his stomach.
 

“He did it on the night I told you I was pregnant, Nate,” she whispered. “You were so angry about the baby. If I would have come to you with what he’d done, you know you would have made me the villain. I was so terrified of ending up alone to raise our baby, I kept my mouth shut. Then I lost it and you were such a mess of conflicting emotions. Hating yourself for being angry in the first place, then sad and relieved the baby was gone. You were trying so hard to make it work between us, I felt I had to try too. I just – I – I – ”
 

He was out of his chair and holding her in a flash. Her sobs deep and soul-searing as she cried into his shirt. Nate remembered all of the pain and confusion of that time as clearly and sharply as though it was happening right now. He recalled it being all the worse because Liz kept shying away from him whenever he tried to get close. He thought she was shrinking away because of how angry he’d been about the baby and became determined to make it up to her. Then, when she lost it, he took that on as being his fault as well and tried all the harder.
 

For three years, he tried in vain to make it right between them, only he didn’t have a clue what “it” he was actually trying to fix. The bastard of it all was he knew damn well she was right for thinking he would have tossed her out. No matter how much he tried to ease his conscience by telling himself he would have tried to believe her, he knew damn well he wouldn’t have. He was too young and full of his plans for the future and those plans didn’t involve babies until much, much later, if at all.
 

“I am so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I was such self-absorbed bastard. Why did you wait so long though? Why did you wait until I felt like – God, Liz. You were so cold. Then when I couldn’t respond, you mocked me. And what about the times you threw yourself at me and demanded I hurt you? What the hell were those about?” Nate asked, pulling away. Liz’s sobs became body-jarring hiccoughs as he held her face gently and looked into her eyes. “Why?” he asked, even though he suspected he knew the answer.
 

“Punish – ment,” she whispered brokenly. “I h-hurt and couldn’t m-make it stop, so I hurt-hurt you. I knew I was m-making you feel horrible. I c-couldn’t h-help myself. Then I f-felt b-bad and-and tried to m-make it up to – to – ”
 

Nate crushed Liz to him and held her tight. It ripped him apart to see her like this. Even though it was her secret which ultimately tore them apart, he still felt like it was his fault. If he hadn’t been so focused on the company and his ‘life path’, Liz would probably have felt she could talk to him and the last three years would have been drastically different. Guilt continued to make him nauseous as he stayed crouched beside her and held her.
 

* *
 

Desperate and clingy,
the voice in the back of her mind yelled out. Alicia tried in vain to silence it as she made her way to the beach by the restaurant Nate and Liz were meeting at. She’d just received the news that Phillip was dead from an overdose of sleeping pills though, and she needed Nate’s quiet comfort. All he had to do was hold her and she would feel like everything would be all right.
 

Desperate and clingy. Suck it up and sort it out yourself. Great sex and soft cuddles isn’t love
, the voice continued.
He’ll cut his meeting short  and continue to have unresolved business
with his ex. Do you want that?
it persisted. “Oh shut up,” she mumbled, swiping at tears. A couple of passers-by glared at her. She ignored them, not giving a damn they thought she was talking to them. She was angry. Even though she’d sensed the end for Phillip after their walk on the beach yesterday, she resented the fact she’d been right.
 

After her shower and a light breakfast, she decided she would talk to Nate and see if he wanted to spend a few extra days with her. If he said yes, then she was going to extend her vacation. If he said no, she would leave in the wee hours of the morning as planned. James’ phone call changed all of that in a big hurry.
 

Now she
had
to go home because the morgue refused to hold Phillip’s body. There was also the not-so-small fact her former employer had planned everything out in advance, including the return home of his remains, which, wouldn’t you know it, just happened to coincide with the flight he’d booked for her.
 

Several not very nice names and uncharitable thoughts played through her mind as she considered just how meticulously Phillip had planned everything. He probably thought “good old dependable Alicia” would drop everything in her life to take care of him like always. Unfortunately, right on the heels this thought came guilt. If her parents were still around, they’d give her heck for thinking ill of the dead.
 

Great. Now you’re thinking about your dead parents!
the voice chastised. Alicia had to press her lips together to keep from crying out.
 

By the time she reached the restaurant some several minutes later, she’d managed to calm herself enough to keep from doing something ridiculous like throw herself into Nate’s arms the moment she saw him. Her plan was to let him know she was there, then head out to the beach so he and Liz could keep talking if they needed to. Hopefully he wouldn’t cut things short just because she was there. If he did, she’d feel guilty and she’d already had enough of that for one day.
 

Knowing Nate preferred the patio to being indoors, she scanned the tables for him. When at first she didn’t see him, she turned to go inside. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman hunched forward and sobbing. She stopped to look briefly, partly out of a desire to help if she could, but mostly out of a morbid sense of curiosity. That was when she realized the sobbing woman was Elizabeth and that Nate was holding – no crushing – her to him in a very loverlike fashion.
 

All at once, Alicia felt her stomach bottom out and her heart splinter into a thousand little fragments. The intensity of her emotions so staggered her, she actually fell back a step before clumsily turning and blindly heading back the way she’d come. This time, the only thing the voice in her head was saying was,
I told you so.
 

The only lingering negative aspect in his and Liz’ lives was Jared. Three women, other than Liz, had come forward with allegations of rape, so he wasn’t getting out of jail any time soon. Nate was also taking steps to have him removed from the company. Thanks to Dana, Legal and Accounting were both working on assembling their cases. Apparently Jared took Dana’s daughter on a date, once upon a time ago, and it very nearly ended in the same way his evening with Liz did.