Alex's Destiny (Racing To Love) (18 page)

“No. Don’t you worry about us. I was so hopeful after the first few nights that maybe it was finally subsiding.”

“Molly,” he paused to open the back door for Ruby. “Did you ever go see anyone, go to a group of some kind? Anything?”

Sadness crept across her face, and after a long moment she shook her head. “No. Maybe I should have, but I just wanted to handle it my way.

I know Carter had way too many nights like you had last night. I’ll always be sorry for that, but everyone just gets through it in their own way. Unfortunately for you, our daughter got a double dose of stubborn. Does she remind you of anyone?”

Accepting the coffee mug she handed him, they both sat at the table. “Let me take a wild guess, Grandpa?”

She rose to let Ruby back into the house. “You’d be absolutely correct in your assumption. She’s James Noland’s through and through. Hard-headed as the day is long.”

“But with a heart of gold.”

“Absolutely.” Molly winked.

“You don’t think it would be good for her to see someone?”

“It would probably be wonderful. I just don’t know if she’ll do it. And I don’t want you to think you’ve failed in helping her if you can’t get her in the door somewhere.”

Now he knew what she was worried about. Standing, he bent down to kiss her head. Something that had become a long running joke, and he’d done since he’d passed her up in height when he was fourteen. “Don’t worry about me, Aunt Mol. I’m just fine.”

“You’re so tired, Dallas.”

“Nope. Never better.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, “Yeah, and you have just as much of James Noland in you as that girl upstairs. God help us all.”

Smiling, he turned to get back upstairs before his girl realized he was gone. His knees popped with each step, and Ruby was back in the bed before he ever reached the bedroom door. Sitting the coffee mug on the nightstand, he got back in bed, but sat up against the headboard. Through the open door, he could see her reflection in the mirror.

It had taken all the patience he could muster earlier to keep his eyes closed and his breathing slow. She thought he was asleep, but before he could open his eyes and tell her “good morning”, her movements stilled him.

Through the air, he could feel her nerves.
The arch between her fingers and his chest as she hovered over him was enough electricity to bite him. The heat from her skin radiated over his, even though she never actually made contact. He knew she wanted to. Dallas could sense she wanted to touch him—differently. To explore.

It was a monumental step.

He’d get her to sleep at night then pour over the Internet. Researching ways to help her cope, triggers, methods, cons, pros, finding anything he could that related to what she was dealing with. It all said the same thing that her mother did. The sites might have answers, but each person was different. They were affected differently and healed differently. There was no
one
right answer. Just time. They all said it just took time.

He had that. Plenty of it. But he was impatient.
Dallas suffered alongside her when she wasn’t eating. He felt the same surge of fear with the nightmares. They weren’t two people anymore, he felt every emotion she did. Without being able to pinpoint when it happened, Dallas made it his job to take care of her. He wanted her to not hurt anymore.

What he felt this morning told him they were headed in the right direction. She wasn’t afraid of him, and she was reaching out for contact. His body had moved on auto-pilot last night when he kissed her then he wanted to kick himself for moving too fast. Afraid of what he’d see,
Dallas opened his eyes surprised by the desire in her eyes, and he heard the need in her breathing.

Ruby moved, laying her head on his thigh. When his friend on the force told him Ruby was plenty big enough to take care of Alex, he didn’t know the dog would outweigh her—easily. She was also a horrible bed-hog.
Dallas petted her roughly, scratching her neck as she arched her head back. She moaned, stretching her legs, and he knew he’d found the right spot. Talking softly to the spoiled baby, he felt a spark.

Looking up, Alex stood leaning against the bathroom door frame watching him with a smile on her face. She had the same thick pale blue robe on he was used to, with one exception. It wasn’t tied shut this morning. His jaw slowly opened, and try as he might it was impossible not to look, his eyes were drawn to the front of her. There wasn’t but a couple of inches revealed between the two sides, and she was probably used to not tying it shut since she normally didn’t have a hot blooded male sleeping in her bed. This morning what little bit he saw was more than enough to ignite a fire.

She had on a lavender lace tank top and matching panties. Not only did the lace reveal a hint of her, there was a sliver of her flat abdomen visible between the two pieces, and his imagination started to run wild. Dallas wanted to go to her, to hold her tight, and run his hands under her robe, feeling more of her than he ever had before. He had promised himself he would remain strong, and not push her for more than she was ready for. Ever.

Dragging his eyes upward, there was a nervous innocence about her. Her eyes were trained on him, and her chest rose and fell with her rapid breathing.

“Alex?” He struggled to get her name out. Dallas knew if he moved, his jeans would crush him he was so hard. As it was, the zipper was pressed painfully against him.

“Yes?” she chewed on her bottom lip.

Oh God, she was surely killing him. This was Alex he kept telling himself. He couldn’t snap. He couldn’t do anything to scare her. But her standing there like that, all sex kitten and innocence mixed into one, was enough to drive even the most perfect man right off the cliff. And he was not perfect. “Baby?”

A shy grin forced her lip to fall from between her teeth.

His hands grabbed two fistfuls to ground him. The blanket in one hand—the other moved. Looking down at Ruby, she had a raised eyebrow wondering what the hell was going on. Letting go of the handful of fur, Dallas patted her to apologize. He looked back at Alex, she once again was biting her bottom lip.

“I don’t think I can trust myself to move right now.” He gritted out.

“You…want... You want
me
?” she asked, her head tilted and forehead scrunched.

Dallas
had never moved so fast in his life. In less than a breath, he crossed the room and pulled her to him, gripping her tightly. His hands found their way under the robe, and he walked them into the bathroom, shutting the door for privacy. Running his hands over her back, shoulders and butt, he pressed himself against her. Her sudden intake of air told him he answered her question. Pressing his lips to her neck, he finally found the strength to lift his head. “Why would you think I don’t want you, Alex?” The question stole the air from his lungs, but he had to ask it.

“B-because. I’m.” Her eyes started to well up. The ice blue coloring she’d inherited from her father, turned darker like her mother’s own sapphire blue eyes. “I’m…”

He wanted to rush out his answer, and tell her what she wanted to hear. It hurt her to say the words, and it killed him. But she needed to voice her fear aloud. She needed to tell him so she could move past the pain it was causing her. Tipping her chin to him, he ran his thumb across her cheek, catching the first tear as it fell. He nodded his encouragement, silently begging her to get it over with. “Come on, baby tell me.”

“I’m dirty. I’m not—he touched me, Dallas.”

There it was. The dam broke and she couldn’t stop the tears if she wanted to. Dallas kissed her cheeks as they fell, whispering to her. “Lex, look at me.” Dallas lifted her easily to sit on the bathroom counter. Edging her knees apart, he moved forward to stand between her legs, and waited for her to brave the gaze he had on her. “I’m going to do something, and I don’t want to scare you. Do you trust me?”

“Yes. Of course.”

Her answer was instant, so he proceeded. “Give me your hand.” Pulling in a deep breath, he swallowed hard then he pressed her palm to his jeans, “Do you feel that?” She cupped him and he hissed at the contact. “God, Alex that is what you do to me. That is how bad I want you. Never, ever question that, baby.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, leaving his lips touching her. “You never have to question if I want you.”

Her breathing changed from soft aftershocks to nervous pulls, and her hand began to move. Rubbing him, slowly at first, very timidly, he sensed it was what she wanted to do this morning to his skin. She was exploring. Something most people did years earlier. She wasn’t like everyone else. She’d been homeschooled, like most involved with the racing academy, and he knew she’d been in love with only one man. He flinched in her hand at that thought. She gently squeezed her fingers around the bulge in his pants.

“Lex, I don’t want to push you. Please promise me you won’t let me do anything you’re not ready to do. But can I…kiss you?” Dallas asked, barely able to keep his eyes open.

Her head nodded under his lips. Pulling away, he looked at her one last time for confirmation. Wide-eyed innocence replaced the shame he saw in her eyes moments ago. The tip of her tongue darted out, he lowered his gaze watching her lick her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Dallas.”

Lowering his mouth to hers, her eyes slowly closed. Pressing on, he laid his mouth against the warm satin of her lips. Tentatively, he kissed her, and when he started to pull back, her lips parted. Using just the tip, he touched her lips with his tongue. As her mouth opened more,
Dallas took more. Never punishingly, never so passionately he’d lose control, but he kissed her deeper and deeper. Her head fell to the side, granting him the surrender he had waited years for.

One hand cradled her neck, and he slid the other down her chest. Over her tank and over her heart. He could feel her breast under his hand, but it was the thundering beat of her heart he wanted to feel at that moment. There was no rushing on his part, not today. He touched her as if she was made of glass. There had been a time in her life she would have punched him in the arm for that. Right now, he didn’t care. They’d cross that bridge down the road—when she was ready.

Edging back, the tip of his tongue was the last of the contact to break before he pulled her to his bare chest. Only the thin layer of her tank separated them. Tucking his face to her neck, he spoke against her soft skin. Knowing she could hear every word, Dallas laid his heart out for her. “Alex, I am going to tell you something. When I’m done, I need you to promise me something, okay?” He felt her nod. “Are you listening? Really listening?”

A second time he felt her nod in his hold. He had to make her understand. “You are mine. To love, protect, and cherish. What that monster did, does not, and I repeat, it does not change anything about how I feel. I understand what you’re going through. I understand you may feel like you’re different. But to me, you’ll always be the same person who stole my heart years ago.  You are beautiful, strong, smart, and perfect in every way. No one can change that. Not with their words, their fists, or their hands.”

Dallas stood back up, leaving one hand over her heart. Raising her chin once again with just a finger, he saw the tears were there, ready to fall.

“Do you believe me, Alex?”

For a long moment he stood in the same position, waiting on her answer. At last she gave an uncertain nod.

“No, Lex. I need you to promise me you understand what I’m telling you. You have to promise to forgive yourself. That night wasn’t your fault. I know that will be hard, because I blame myself for not being there to protect you.” She started to interrupt, but he cut her off. “I need you to promise me you understand I think you’re beautiful and sexy and that I want you very much. I need you to promise me—that you know I love you and I always will.”

She blinked at his statement and it pushed the unshed tears over, sending tracks down her face.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise, Dallas.”

“I love you, Alexandra.” She smirked at the use of her full name like he knew she would. She couldn’t help it, she always had whenever anyone called her that. But, it was another step in the right direction—her readiness for laughter and teasing.

“I love you too.”

He pressed for more. “You want to tell my why you need Ruby’s help this morning?” He winked.

Her eyes went wide as her jaw dropped. “Y-you.” A spark flared in her. “You were awake! You knew? Y-you…big brat.” She smarted back, holding onto her amusement with an iron fist, and giving his family jewels a squeeze with her other hand.

“Hey, baby. Don’t go doing any damage there. We’re going to need him someday.”
Dallas chuckled stepping backward out of her reach with another wink.

She narrowed her eyes. It was a simple move that almost had him dropping to his knees on the bathroom floor. It was that playful look she used to give him all the time. The same one she would issue right before she was about to get even with him for something. Revenge by way of Alex usually involved pain of some sort. Whether it be physical or embarrassing, on a track or with whipped cream, she’d always managed to get even. Something James had taught her well.

With that simple look he knew it meant his girl was on her way back.