Alex (In the Company of Snipers) (35 page)

Of course she never talked about that night. He didn’t give her a chance.

“She needs to talk to you.” Harley just said a mouthful.

“Why is this your damn business?”

“Because you asked me to save her, and I did. Only she’s gone now. You already know that, don’t you?”

Alex clenched his sheet. Harley continued patiently. “I went over to her hotel room this morning after I got in. Thought I’d check on her, you know, tell her what the dogs are up to. She loves those goofy dogs of yours.”

Alex turned toward his words, a stab of guilt twisting his gut.  His conscience pricked.
Whisper loved Kelsey from the second he found her. Whisper loved purely. So did Kelsey.

“Only she’s not there. By the time I tracked her down she was up at SEA-TAC, and headed to her sister’s place in Oregon. So I asked her what’s going on while we’re waiting for her plane, only it was real hard to get her to talk. She was crying you know.”

“I told her to go,” Alex said quickly, a catch in his voice. The realization of what he had set in motion strangled him.
She’s tenderhearted. I made her cry.

“So I hear. Why’d you do that?” Harley’s voice was still as gentle as could be. “Didn’t she tell you what happened out there?”

Again Alex didn’t reply. He couldn’t. The pounding in his chest was heart damage of a different kind.
What have I done?

“Or didn’t you ask?” He stood and pushed his chair back. “Well, you need to hear it from her, but I’ll tell you this much. When I got to her that morning, you want to know the first thing she asked me? She wanted to know if you were okay. Here I’m holding this little lady of yours, and she’s bloody and hurt, and all she wants to know is if you’re hurt. Go figure. All she cared about was—you.”

Alex paled. That was what he loved so much about her. She was the most genuine love of his life.
Of course they hurt her. What have I done?

“You know, you’re the toughest man I know.” Harley didn’t seem to be able to shut up. “I look up to you. We all do. I don’t know why, but for some reason you’re like this bigger than life super hero or something, and yeah, we know you’re hurting. We get it. You’re scared you might die this go round. Hell,
we’re
scared you’re gonna die this go round. I ain’t the brightest bulb in the box, but it seems to me even a tough guy like you might want to die happy instead of telling the best thing in his life to take a hike.”

Alex rallied as if he could justify what he had done. “She deserves a hell of a lot better than waiting around for me to—”

“To what? Die?” Harley leaned into Alex’s ear, his voice a low growl of conviction. “You ain’t gonna die. This might be the toughest battle you’ve ever fought, but you ain’t gonna die. Not at Nick Durrant’s hand, you’re not. Not the Alex Stewart I know.”

He felt something tossed onto the bed by his legs.

“Here. I took this off that bastard ex-husband of hers. It’s not for me to keep, and I’m sure she doesn’t want it. Guess its yours now.”

Alex didn’t move.

“See you later, Boss.”

He was still until the quiet whoosh of the door told him Harley had left. Then he fumbled to reach what Harley’d left behind. It felt like a pouch with a drawstring, but it took a while to loosen the knot, his arms and fingers still so stiff and sore. The knotted trophy spilled into his hands. He choked, clenching Kelsey’s silky hair against his nose. For the first time in his life, profanity offered no relief.

He wept.

He just didn’t know Harley still stood inside the closed door doing what a sniper does best.

Watching.

Kelsey

Kelsey snapped the radio off, cutting Gene Autry short before she had to hear one more syllable of that stupid, old-fashioned love ballad. That was the last thing she needed right now. Besides, it was summer in the Rockies. She didn’t need to be reminded of love and all its lies. Her sister, Louise, was headed to her job at the local nursing home and Phil, Louise’s husband, was already out in the fields baling the second crop of grass hay for the year. They would be gone most of the day, and that meant she would be left to her own wiles again. As if she had wiles.

She had been in Oregon two weeks now. Somewhere in this dusty town she was supposed to locate a counselor. That’s what the emergency doctor told her to do once she was released. Find a counselor. Seek help. There’s plenty to be found. She didn’t. She thought of calling Harley instead, just to talk. He had been there. He would understand. She didn’t do that either.

With all her heart, she missed Whisper and Smoke. They had been solace and comfort in the days after her sons’ funeral. All those long walks in Alexandria came back to her now. She had been safe and loved unconditionally with them. She had seen it in their black eyes. Somehow Whisper and Smoke had become her new boys, and she had poured her heart into them. She missed Murphy, too. He had taken her under his wing like the grandfather she never had, and poor Harley. He had cried that morning when he had found her, and then again at the airport when she left. He was as softhearted as she was. That’s why she knew she could trust him.

But she hurt for Alex. Her hands, her feet, and every muscle in between ached with a pain she couldn’t escape. Every waking thought left her wanting his breath in her face, his hands on her body, and his heartbeat under her ear. The distance between them sucked the life out of her. There was no taste to food, no warmth in sunshine, and no strength in her bones. She wiped the endless stream of tears away. It seemed heartache was all she had to show for her pitiful life.

Tucked against the Blue Mountains in Northeastern Oregon, Pendleton had sprouted up in the middle of nowhere. Home of the famous Pendleton Roundup and Rodeo, it was a hot, dusty town in summer and a frozen-solid truck stop in winter. Wheat fields stretched as far as the eye could see, while formidable Dead Man’s Pass loomed in the east like a wall at the end of creation. It was a farm town, a cow town, and an out of the way, I-can-hide-here-forever kind of town.

She stared at the immensity of nothing above her. The first thing she noticed when she had arrived in Pendleton was the scarcity of trees combined with the wide-open sky. Until now, she had lived a sad life sheltered beneath pines, but now, even that small comfort was stripped away. Cobwebs of jet contrails stretched from east to west over this forgotten corner of the world. The acid washed sky loomed endlessly overhead, too wide and infinitely too big.

And Kelsey felt so small.

Alex

“Enough.”

The nurse was barely quick enough with her escape before the closest thing he could reach hit the wall behind her. Alex tore the line from his arm, the other from the back of his hand. The drainage tube inserted in his abdomen offered the pain he was looking for. With a groan, he wrenched it from his gut, and flung it across the room in an arc of yellow fluid and pus. He’d had enough of hospital care and recuperation. The frustration of being dependent too long at last took its toll on him, and the whole place was on his hit list.

“I want my damn clothes,” he bellowed as he staggered blindly across the room, bumping into the rolling bed table and chair as he went. He shoved them both out of his way. The closet was there somewhere. He just had to find it. Profanities flew until he heard the door open, but he was ready for the fight.
Bring it on.

“Morning, Alex.” That’s all Murphy had to say to check Alex’s temper. As usual he sounded patient and understanding. “What’s going on, son?”

“I gotta get oughta here. I’ve got a business to run.” Even as Alex said the words, he knew they were lies. Murphy took his arm, pulled a chair off the floor, and steered him to it. Alex grumbled, but he let Murphy take charge.

“Sure you do. You go rampaging like this again, and you’ll tear all them stitches out. You know that, don’t you?”

“I need to get back to work.” Alex fumed. He knew he was making an ass of himself. He just couldn’t stop.

“Uh, huh.” Murphy patted his shoulder, and that set him off again.

“Don’t patronize me. You of all people.”

“Going back into hiding again?” Murphy muttered.

“What that mean?” Alex turned toward his second in command’s voice.

“It means you bury your head in your work when life gets hard, you lash out at everyone, and you swear like a banshee. Just like you did when you lost Sara and Abby.”

Alex ran a hand over his head in frustration. “What should I do? Work’s all I’ve got.”

“No, Alex. It’s not.”

Alex ignored the gentle rebuff.

“Besides, you’re not going anywhere until they get that piece of skull bone back in your head.”

“I’m not staying here one more day.”

“You’re staying here until they release you, son. That’s all there is to it.”

Alex snarled at the truth in Murphy’s words. At times like this he wished Murphy’d fight back, fight dirty, just fight for hell’s sake. But Murphy didn’t. He was a rare man and a rarer friend.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Kelsey, does it?”

“No.” Alex all but spit the word out of his mouth.
Of course it had to do with Kelsey. Every stinking minute of every crappy day had to do with Kelsey.

“You know, that little gal would be back here in two seconds flat if you called her.”

The calm truth of Murphy’s words rang true, but Alex couldn’t answer. Anger might be the fuel he ran on these days, but it didn’t allow much room for humility, and he wasn’t going to change now. He let Murphy guide him back to bed.

“Seems to me you’ve still got plenty of healing to do, young man. You got tubes and wires attached, or at least you did last time I was in here. What’d you do? Pull ‘em all out? Damn it, Alex.”

Alex didn’t take the bait. He had lost the edge to his anger the minute Murphy stepped through the door. Murphy was right, as usual.

“Murph?”

“Yeah?” Murphy sighed.

“Send me the latest contracts. I want to get the next operations lined up and assigned.”

“You want me to send them to you in Braille?” Murphy was more than a little sarcastic.

“No. In Mother. Send Mother. She can still read, can’t she?” Alex clenched the hospital blanket Murphy’d just pulled over his legs. “She can help me get some work done while I’m laid up. Tell her to bring one of those fancy laptop computers she’s always yapping about. At least I can get something done while I’m stuck here.”

“You know Alex, you’re a dumb ass when it comes to women. Just call her,” Murphy suggested gently, but the mask was back on.

Alex was ready to bury himself under the cover of work and long hours once more. Within the day, Mother was on her way west to help her boss manage his business.

At least, that’s what he thought.

Twenty-Four

Kelsey

Kelsey opened her bedroom window to let the fresh summer breeze in. Along with it came a myriad of country smells, the ever-present dust blown off crops and fields, the fresh cut grass hay Phil sold to neighboring ranchers, and roses, always roses. Louise had a thing for roses. The clapboard home she and Phil built years ago was fringed in rose bushes of every kind and color. Blessed with a green thumb, Louise could make anything grow. Kelsey thought cynically how all she could do was make everything die. She was nothing like her sister.

Once again the farmhouse was quiet as Louise and Phil went on with their daily routine. Since she was left to herself, Kelsey figured the least she could do was keep up with the housekeeping while Louise worked. This morning’s self-assigned chore was laundry. She had stripped the beds of sheets and pillowcases. Kelsey decided to use the clothesline instead of the dryer. Not only did it give her an excuse to go outdoors, but linens always smelled better when dried by the sun. And she needed the sun in her life.

As she pulled the cotton bedding off the line, Kelsey held the last pillowcase against her face. Instantly the fresh linen fragrance reminded her of Alex. He had always ironed his shirts and he always smelled so clean—so good. Her favorite fragrance in the world was him. She stood swaying in the heat of the summer sun, her eyes closed and her thoughts a couple hundred miles away. So lost in the sweet memory of the man she loved, she could feel his arms around her again. She stood remembering fierce blue eyes that could change to loving in a heartbeat, his breath against her neck in the morning before he headed to the shower, and the way he knew when she needed his arm around her, which was always now that she had time to think about it. Always. Until now.

Enough.

She snapped the sheet, folded it and laid it in the basket. Today’s the day. By the time Louise and Phil returned this afternoon, she hoped to have an apartment lined up and maybe a deposit made on it, too. She couldn’t stay in this old farmhouse any longer. Her sister drove her crazy with all her helpful suggestions and free advice. Kelsey had already checked with the Oregon state school board. Her credentials were acceptable. She could start teaching in August. Kelsey thought she would teach older kids from now on. Maybe she would get back to a boring life again. Like she did before Nick. Before Alex.

His name came like medicine and poison at the same time, like napalm and a lullaby, love and heartbreak all rolled into one. As much as she craved it, she hated it. The old saying ‘love hurts’ was the hardest lesson of all, because love hurt like hell. She dashed the foolish tears from her eyes and grabbed the laundry basket. She had to move on.