Alex (In the Company of Snipers) (19 page)

Kelsey ducked her head under the tent as she pulled her son into her arms and changed the subject. The lump in her throat hurt. “Let’s read a story.”

Jackie patted her cheek with grubby fingers in a tender gesture of a son’s love. “Daddy’s naughty.” he whispered. “He hurts you.”

Baby of mine, he’s never going to hurt me again.
She brushed the sudden tear out of her eye and hugged him tighter. “Don’t worry. Mama’s going to be fine.” She hiked the leaning yardstick up straighter to distract her son. “I know. Let’s read about Herman the flying dinosaur. Do you remember his little brother’s name? Was it George?”

He flopped onto his back, giggling. “Brothers can’t be called George. Everybody knows that.”

“Then what was it?” She tickled his sock-covered feet.

He rolled away from her. “Sammy. And he had a magic purple rock.”

“And the magic rock turn him into a giraffe?”

“It made him fly.” He chuckled with boyish enthusiasm that he might know more than his mother. “And he and Herman flyed to the moon,” he crowed.

She snuggled the happy child in her arms. She had covered for their father’s lies and drinking long enough. Tomorrow and every day after would be about living the truth for a change, and nothing but bedtime stories and imaginary circus tents. She would get a job. They might be poor, but they would be happy.

“I love you so much.” He squeezed her in an extra tight hug. “And I gonna marry you when I grow up. I gonna find a magic rock, too. You and me can fly to the moon.”

“Just like Herman and Sammy?”

“Ah, huh.” Jackie rolled to his stomach to play with his truck.

Kelsey paused. Once they were safely on the bus, she would tell Jackie about Aunt Louise’s big farm in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Together they would watch the pines of the Pacific Northwest transform into the desert and sagebrush of eastern Oregon. She planned to tell them stories about cowboys and cattle drives, rodeos and stagecoach robbers. She might even buy them cowboy hats. They would make darling little cowboys.

They were welcome to stay at her sister’s place indefinitely, but eventually she might find her own place. Phil, her brother-in-law, was as kind as the day was long. Raised in Pendleton, he had farmed all his life. He would love having the boys in his home for as long as Kelsey could tolerate her sister. That would be the challenge. Louise meant well, but she tended to think she knew everything on every subject under the sun. That made her bossy. Phil seemed able to tolerate it; Kelsey could not.

The first thing she planned to do though was to see if there was a woman’s shelter in Pendleton. She needed someone not family related with whom she could talk with about the changes in her life. And who knows? Maybe this fall she could go back to teaching kindergarten. The world was full of working mothers. She and her boys would be fine.

A surge of determination flooded her. There were a lot of maybes in her future and tomorrow would be scary, but every day after that would be better. Purple rock or not, the best part of her life was only a day away.

A diesel engine rattled at the curb. Her throat went dry.

Playtime was done.

Thirteen

Kelsey

Remembering hurt.

With one arm around Whisper’s neck, Kelsey sat on the edge of the Potomac missing her boys with her whole heart. There were other good times, but this one stood apart from the others. It had been the perfect night. Now it would forever stand as her last memory. She had come so close to saving them.

But what had pushed Nick over the edge that morning? What started the fight she couldn’t win? She had never seen it coming. There were no accusations or warnings this time, no lies or bragging. He had just snapped. When she came to on the kitchen floor, the apartment was empty. Her boys were gone.

As Kelsey thought about it now, she suspected Nick’s mother, Ethel Durrant had something to do with it. Ethel never cared for her son much less her grandsons, and the woman despised her most of all. Ethel lived for things that came in pints and fifths, not baby bottles. A mean alcoholic, she badgered and nagged to get what she wanted, but murder? Yes. Even murder. Kelsey’d heard the story of how Ethel had bludgeoned Nick’s father over the head while he was passed out drunk, robbed him blind, and took off for parts unknown with her son. Nick never saw his father after that. Yes. Nick had certainly learned from the best.

I should’ve left him then.

Nick hadn’t always been mean. There were times when she and he had been happy. Yes, her getting pregnant didn’t help, but for a while it seemed Nick loved his new family. She kept the house clean, and while they weren’t rich, they had enough. So what if they didn’t have a television? They played cards, walked to the corner gas station for an ice cream cone once in awhile, and they made do with what they had. It was Tommy’s birth that seemed to change everything, that and Ethel’s continual digging and nagging. Her eternal berating must have worn Nick down. And then he snapped.

Kelsey calmed as she combed her fingers through Whisper’s velvet fur. Alex had it right when he had carved this dog as a guardian angel. Whisper surely stayed close. He allowed her to use him as a pillow, teddy bear, and a wailing wall. Even now this gentle beast stood steadfast, watching the boats on the Potomac while she finished her latest melt down.

Smoke was only an arm’s length away, but it was Whisper who sat nearly on top of Kelsey like he required her touch, too. She wondered what trauma he carried behind those intelligent, black eyes. He had been a military working dog. Was he hurt somewhere deep inside his canine psyche? Had he seen too much death like she had? Did he need her as much as she needed him? It seemed like it. He settled with a grunt onto her legs, his muzzle to his paws as he turned himself into a comfortable blanket.

“You think you’re a poodle.” She stroked his face from the top of his black nose to his one droopy ear.

He sighed as if in answer.

She took a deep breath. She was healing. She could feel it. Little by little, the truth Alex had taught her was becoming her reality. She was learning how to carry her awful burden. Want to or not, she was going to live.

But night times were harder.

Kelsey woke with a start.
Not again.
What on earth would Alex think if he had to listen to this racket one more night? In frustration, she pulled the pillow over her face, hoping it would smother the scream that wouldn’t stop.
What’s happening to me? I’m going crazy.
She pressed it firmly over her mouth until the panic attack subsided. That’s all it was, another panic attack. It had to be. The nightmare faded as usual, but not until she had rent the night with the shrieks of a crazy woman. He must be thinking he’s brought a lunatic into his home. At this rate, he would pack her off to Washington before the two weeks were over.

The nightmare always started and ended the same. She was playing with her two boys, the feeling peaceful and sweet, almost heaven on earth. Sometimes she was just telling them a story or baking cookies with them. Other times, it was nothing more than the feeling of them warm and alive in her arms. It always ended the same. A truck door slammed. She stood drenched in blood as her children sank in dark water. The panic of not being able to reach them strangled her every time. The terror in their eyes stabbed her. Gut wrenching screams crawled up from her heart until they made their way out of her mouth like some horrific siren she couldn’t shut off. Every single night, her boys died all over again.

Am I going insane?

She pushed herself off the bed and to the window, staring at the streetlight on the corner. With her heart racing a thousand miles a minute, it felt like she was falling apart. Only the pressure of the window against her forehead offered cool solace.
I can’t go on like this. I need help.

A gentle knock at her door startled her. How long had he been there? She didn’t know, the noise in her mind too loud.

“Are you okay?” he called kindly to her. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes, ah, I’m fine. Everything’s okay.” Her voice quavered. Kelsey wanted to die from embarrassment. She was an awful houseguest, crying, needy and stark-raving crazy.

“You’re sure?”

She envisioned the worry in his blue eyes, and yet, she repaid him with nothing but screams every night.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” She panted, her forehead pressed against the cool glass of the windowpane. Maybe it was time to leave. Maybe she would call her sister first thing in the morning. Louise would help, just like before. It was always a double-edged sword asking for anything from Louise, but she would always help simply because she knew better.

At last Kelsey’s heart resumed a semi-normal rhythm. Her prayer came fervent and sad.
Please God. If you want me to stay, help me get through tomorrow. Just one more day.

“Room service.”

“What?” The bed creaked as she rolled herself to the edge of it.

“Are you still in there? Do you know what day this is?” Alex sounded too chipper for such an early hour, especially since she had kept him up half the night.

Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?
She pulled her robe over her shoulders and opened the door. “What day is it?”

“This will help.” He pushed a cup of coffee in her hand as he steered her to the kitchen table where a plate of breakfast and a glass of orange juice waited for her.

“I have to go to the kitchen for room service?”

He grimaced as he pointed at her coffee. “That was room service. This,” he pointed at her plate, “is an old family recipe. It’s how I impress folks around here.”

She stared at the breakfast sandwich on her plate and took a seat. “You impress people with an egg sandwich?”

“Yes, ma’am. Now eat. We don’t have all day. When you’re done eating, go take a shower.”

“You’re very bossy this morning.” She took a bite of her sandwich and gulped it down with a swallow of juice. It was actually good.

“I’m bossy all the time. You should know that by now. Eat.”

Alex stood at the open back door watching his dogs. Instead of his usual business suit, he was dressed in navy jeans with a matching golf shirt tucked in at his narrow waist. Broad shouldered, always immaculately groomed, the man knew how to dress. For the first time, she noticed how his jeans hung off his hips, and how angular those hips were to begin with. He had long legs. She shook her head to scatter her errant thoughts, but he had turned and watched her. She blushed. He had caught her looking.

“You know, now that I think about it, I’ve never seen you this early in the morning. Don’t tell me you’re one of those grumpy morning types,” he teased.

“I am if you’re one of those annoying type A personalities.”

Instantly, a smile flashed across his face. “Think about it, Kelsey. I work till midnight most nights. What kind of personality do you think I have?”

As quick as a wink, she was lost in those blue eyes. Her brain stalled in low gear.
Say something. Anything.

“Why are you still home?” She stuffed another bite of sandwich into her mouth.

“Because we have places to go and people to meet. Now get your butt moving.” With that he was out the door to feed the dogs.

It didn’t take her long to finish breakfast, shower, and get ready to go. Her limited wardrobe made choosing her attire for the day simple. She decided on her navy blue capris with a simple white blouse. As they exited the front door, Kelsey remembered what day it was. An American flag flapped proudly from the flagpole in Alex’s front yard.