Alcott, Louisa May - SSC 20 (7 page)

 
          
“It
is because my long fret is over,” I thought, and having something to gain,
exerted myself to please so successfully that, soon emboldened by her gracious
mood and the flattering compliments bestowed upon my earlier works, I ventured
to tell mv present strait and the daring hope I had conceived that she would
help me through it. How I made this blunt request I cannot tell, but remember
that it slipped over my tongue as smoothly as if I had meditated upon it for a
week. I glanced over my shoulder as I spoke, fearing Louis might mar all with
apology or-reproof; but he was absorbed in the comely duenna, who was blushing
like a girl at the half playful, half serious devotion he paid all womankind;
and reassured, I waited, wondering how Miss Eure would receive my request. Very
quietly; for with no change but a peculiar dropping of the lids, as if her eyes
sometimes played the traitor to her will, she answered, smilingly,

 
          
“It
is I who receive the honor, sir, not you, for genius possesses the privileges
of royalty, and may claim subjects everywhere, sure that its choice ennobles
and its power extends beyond the narrow bounds of custom, time and place. When
shall I serve you, Mr. Erdmann?”

 
          
At
any other time I should have felt surprised both at her and at myself; but just
then, in the ardor of the propitious moment, I thought only of my w
⁷
ork,
and w'ith many thanks for her great kindness left the day to her, secretly
hoping she would name an early one. She sat silent an instant, then seemed to
come to some determination, for w hen she spoke a shadow of mingled pain and
patience swept across her face as if her resolve had cost her some sacrifice of
pride or feeling.

 
          
“It
is but right to tell'you that I may not always have it in my power to give you
the expression you desire to cateh, for the eyes you honor by wishing to
perpetuate are not strong and often fail me for a time. I have been utterly
blind once and may be again, yet have no present cause to fear it, and if you
can come to me on such days as they will serve your purpose, I shall be most
glad to do my best for you. Another reason makes me bold to ask this favor of
you, I cannot always summon this absent mood, and should certainly fail in a
strange place; but in my own home, with all familiar things about me, I can
more easily fall into one of my deep reveries and forget time by the hour
together. Will this arrangement cause much inconvenience or delay? A room shall
be prepared for you — kept inviolate as long as you desire it — and every
facility my house affords is at your service, for I feel much interest in the
work which is to add another success to your life.”

 
          
She
spoke regretfully at first, but ended with a cordial glance as if she had
forgotten herself in giving pleasure to another. I felt that it must have cost
her an effort to confess that such a dire affliction had ever darkened her
youth and might still return to sadden her prime; this pity mingled with my
expressions of gratitude for the unexpected interest she bestowed upon my work,
and in a few words the arrangement was made, the day and hour fixed, and a
great load off my mind. What the afterpiece was I never knew; Miss Eure stayed
to please her young companion, Louis stayed to please himself, and I remained
because I had not energy enough to go away. For, leaning where I first sat
down,
1
still looked and listened with a dreamy sort of satisfaction to
Miss Eure’s low voice, as with downcast eyes, still shaded by her fan, she
spoke enthusiastically and well of art (the one interesting theme to me) in a
manner which proved that she had read and studied more than her modesty allowed
her to acknowledge.

 
          
We
parted like old friends at her carriage door, and as I walked away with Louis
in the cool night air I felt like one who had been asleep in a close room, for
I was both languid and drowsy, though a curious undercurrent'of excitement
still stirred my blood and tingled along my nerves. “A theatre is no place for
me,” I decided, and anxious to forget
myself
said
aloud:

           
“ Fell
me
all you know about that woman.”

 
          
“What
woman, Max?”

 
          
“M
iss Agatha Eure,
the ow
ner of the eyes.”

 
          
“Aha!
smitten
at last! That ever I should live to see our
Benedict the victim of love at first sight!”

 
          
“Have
done with your nonsense, and answer mv question.
1
don’t ask from mere
curiosity, but that I may have some idea howto bear myself at these promised
sittings; for it will never do to ask after her papa if she has none, to pay mv
respects to the old ladv as her mother if she is only the duenna, or joke with
the lad if he is the heir apparent.”

 
          
“Do
you mean to sav that you asked her to sit to you?” cried Louis, falling back a
step and staring at me with undisguised astonishment.

 
          
“Yes, whv not?”

 
          
“Why-,
man, Agatha Eure is the haughtiest piece of humanity ever concocted; and 1,
with all mv daring, never ventured to ask more than an occasional dance with
her, and feel myself especially favored that she deigns to bow to me, and lets
me pick up her gloves or carry her bouquet as a mark of supreme condescension.
What witchcraft did you bring to bear upon her?
and
how did she grant your audacious request?”

 
          
“Agreed to it at once.”

 
          
“Like
an empress conferring knighthood, I fancy.”

 
          
“Not at all.
More like a pretty woman receiving a compliment
to her beauty — though she is not pretty,
bv
the way.”

 
          
Louis
indulged himself in the long, low whistle, which seems the only adequate
expression for masculine surprise. I enjoyed his amazement, it was mv turn to
laugh now, and I did so, as I said: ‘Aou are always railing at me for my
avoidance of all womankind, but you see I have not lost the art of pleasing,
for I won your haughty Agatha to mv will in fifteen minutes, and am not onlv to
paint her handsome eves, but to do it at her own house, by her own request. I
am beginning to find that, after years of effort, I have mounted a few more
rounds of the social ladder than I was aware of, and may now confer as well as
receive favors; for she seemed to think me the benefactor, and I rather enjoyed
the novelty of the thing. Now tell your story of ‘the haughtiest piece of
humanity’ ever known. I like
her the
betcer for that
trait.”

 
          
Louis
nodded his head, and regarded the moon with an aspect of immense wisdom, as he
replied:

 
          
“I
understand it now; it all comes back to me, and my accusation holds good, only
the love at first sight is on the other side. You shall have your story, but it
may leave the picture in the lurch if it causes you to fly off, as you usually
see fit to do when a woman’s name is linked with your own. You never saw Miss
Eure before; but what you say reminds me that she has seen you, for one day
last autumn, as I was driving with her and old madame — a mark of uncommon
favor, mind you — we saw you striding along, with your hat over your eyes,
looking very much like a comet streaming down the street. It was crowded, and
as you waited at the crossing you spoke to Jack Mellot, and while talking
pulled off your hat and tumbled your hair about, in your usual fashion, when
very earnest. We were blockaded by cars and coaches for a moment, so Miss Eure
had a fine opportunity to feast her eyes upon you, ‘though you are not pretty,
by the way.’ She asked your name, and when I told her she gushed out into a
charming little stream of interest in your daubs, and her delight at seeing
their creator; all of which was not agreeable to me, for I considered myself
much the finer work of art of the two. Just then you caught up a shabby child
with a big basket, took them across, under our horses’ noses, with never a word
for me, though I called to you, and, diving into the crowd, disappeared. ‘I
like that,’ said Miss Eure; and as we drove on she asked questions, which I answered
in a truly Christian manner, doing you no harm, old lad; for I told all you had
fought through, with the courage of a stout-hearted man, all you had borne with
the patience of a woman, and what a grand future lay open to you, if you chose
to accept and use it, making quite a fascinating little romance of it, I assure
you. There the matter dropped. I forgot it till this minute, but it accounts
for the ease with which you gained your first suit, and is prophetic of like
success in a second and more serious one. She is young, well-born,
lovely
to those who love her, and has a fortune and position
which will lift you at once to the topmost round of the long ladder you’ve been
climbing all these years. I wish you joy, Max.”

 
          
“Thank
you. I’ve no time for lovemaking, and want no fortune but that which I earn for
myself. I am alreadv married to a fairer wife than Miss Eure, so you may win
and wear the lofty lady yourself.”

 
          
Louis
gave a comical groan.

 
          
“I’ve
tried that, and failed; for she is too cold to be warmed by any flame of mine,
though she is wonderfully attractive when she likes, and I hover about her even
now like an infatuated moth,
who
beats his head
against the glass and never reaches the light within. No; you must thankfully
accept the good the gods bestow. Let Art be your Leah, but Agatha your Rachel.
And so, good-night!”
“Stay and tell me one thing — is she an
orphan?”

 
          
“Yes;
the last of a fine old race, with few relatives and few friends, for death has
deprived her of the first, and her own choice of the last. The ladv you saw
with her plays propriety in her establishment; the lad is Mrs. Snow’s son, and
fills the role of
cavaJiere- servente
; for Miss Eure is a Diana toward
men in general, and leads a quietly luxurious life among her books, pencils and
music, reading and studying all manner of things few women of two-and- twenty
care to know. But she has the wit to see that a woman’s mission is to be
charming, and when she has sufficient motive for the exertion she fulfils that
mission most successfully, as I know to my sorrow. Now let me off, and be for
ever grateful for the good turn I have done you to-night, both in urging you to
go to the theatre and helping vou to your wish when you got there.”

 
          
We
parted merrily, but his words lingered in my memory, and half unconsciously
exerted a new influence over me, for they flattered the three ruling passions
that make or mar the fortunes of us all — pride, ambition and self-love. I
wanted power, fame and ease, and all seemed waiting for me, not in the dim
future but the actual present, if my friend’s belief was to be relied upon; and
remembering all I had seen and heard that night, I felt that it was not utterly
without foundation. I pleased myself for an idle hour in dreaming dreams of
what might be; finding that amusement began to grow dangerously attractive, I
demolished my castles in the air with the last whiff of my meerschaum, and fell
asleep, echoing my own words:

 
          
“Art
is my wife, I will have no other!”

 
          
Punctual
to the moment I went to my appointment, and while waiting an answer to my ring
took an exterior survey of Miss Eure’s house. One of an imposing granite block,
it stood in a West End square, with every sign of unostentatious opulence about
it. I was very susceptible to all influences, either painful or pleasant, and
as I stood there the bland atmosphere that surrounded me seemed most
attractive; for my solitary life had been plain and poor, with little time for
ease, and few ornaments to give it grace. Now I seemed to have won the right to
enjoy both if 1 would; I no longer felt out of place there, and with this
feeling came the wish to try the sunny side of life, and see if its genial
gifts would prove more inspiring than the sterner masters I had been serving so
long.

 
          
The
door opened in the middle of my reverie, and I was led through an anteroom,
lined with warmhued pictures, to a large apartment, which had been converted
into an impromptu studio by some one who understood all the requisites for such
a place. The picture, my easel and other necessaries had preceded me, and I
thought to have spent a good hour in arranging matters. All was done, however,
with a skill that surprised me; the shaded windows, the carefully-arranged
brushes, the proper colors already on the palette, the easel and picture placed
as they should be, and a deep curtain hung behind a small dais, where I fancied
my model was to sit. The room was empty as I entered, and with the brief
message, “Miss Eure will be down directly,” the man noiselessly departed.