Alaskan Undead Apocalypse (Book 3): Mitigation Book 3) (5 page)

Normally chatty and eager during camp preparations for the night, Emma was, instead, the proverbial bump on the log. Most of the necessary tasks fell to Claire, Jerry, and Meghan. Even Jules and Danny helped dig the fire pit and gather kindling. She, like Neil, was too deep in mourning to be of much use doing anything. If the thought had surfaced, they both would have expressed their gratitude to the others for their care and their efforts. As it was though, grief temporarily consumed their thoughts and limited their actions. It seemed that every action, every thought, every breath was brimming with sorrow.

The fire brought them neither warmth nor comfort. Had it been allowed to be anything more than embers, Neil doubted it would have made any difference.

As slow and reluctant as dawn was in rising, Neil still barely registered it. The transition from dark to light was barely noticed. His soul wallowing in a toxic mix of self-pity and self-loathing, Neil felt.... Well, that was the problem really. Neil wasn’t certain what he felt, if anything. He was, however, sure that he’d never felt its equal.

Meghan’s sudden presence at his side raised his spirits slightly. He tilted his head and rested it on her shoulder. “You ever lose anyone close to you?”

The question caught her more than a little off guard as it was the first thing he said to her. She knew what he wanted, but also knew that she couldn’t give it to him.

She said, “Neil, honey, of course I have. Most recently I lost my fiancé. Remember?” She lifted his head and turned to face him. Quiet tears escaped from the corners of her eyes, so she hugged him and said in a whisper, “Neil, I can tell you a dozen times that it wasn’t your fault. I can tell you a hundred times that doing what we did was the right thing. But not a bit of any of that would matter if you’re not telling yourself the same thing.

“I’m not a priest; not that I could have been one anyway. I can’t offer you absolution. And even if I was, I’d tell you the same thing. You’ve got to work through this. All of what you’re feeling is natural. What is important is that you understand that what’s done is done. You can’t go back and change what’s happened. And for the record, what you did was right. Once again, you made the right call and, as a result, we’re still moving. Dr. Caldwell knew that too and that’s why he sent us away. There was really nothing more that we could have done. The quicker you accept that, the quicker you’ll be able to do what you’ve been doing: keeping us alive.”

She pulled back from the embrace, looked him in the eyes. “It’s up to you. You’re the only one who can forgive yourself. You’re the only one who can realize for yourself that some things, especially now, are just beyond your control. You don’t get to choose who lives and who dies. You’re not Sophie, this isn’t your choice. When all is said and done, it’s just not up to you. But, again, it’s all a matter of accepting that and not beating yourself up over it. I’m amazed that we’ve made it as far as we have, as intact as we have. Jesus, Neil, the cards are really stacked against us but somehow we keep coming out on top, and you’re the largest part of that. Honey, no one holds you responsible for anyone’s death, but we all do owe you our lives. It’s time you understand and accept that.”

She kissed him on both cheeks and then softly on his chapped lips. Without another word, she stood up and walked away from him. All he could think to himself was
easier said than done.

The air was already moist, so when the drizzle started, Neil wasn’t surprised. He did, however, think to himself that the rain was an apt reflection of his mood. The temperatures once again plummeted with the wet air, transforming his exhalations into small, white clouds that dissipated as quickly as they formed.

He thought to himself, in a somewhat mocking fashion, that maybe he should stop getting up so early and alone. Then perhaps he wouldn’t have the same opportunities for self-persecution. He knew that Dr. Caldwell, had he still been with them, would have told him that Neil could ill afford such doubt. Of course, Neil knew that, but knowing and accepting are two completely different states of mind. He still needed to make that journey between the two. For the time being, he felt like he could occupy himself with all the day-to-day and could possibly put his worries on the back burner to simmer and await his return later.

Shortly thereafter, the camp came to life. Each of them piled around the slight campfire, seeking whatever limited warmth it had to offer. When they ate, everyone’s mood, including Neil’s, picked up slightly. They chewed their granola bars and washed them down with the last of their sports drinks.

Jerry and Meghan were conducting an animated if quiet discussion about something. He had his backpack and she had hers. They pointed at the bags and spoke and pointed again. Neil spied the conversation and tried to ignore it, but in the end he was forced to inquire.

“What’s the matter?” he asked them both.

Jerry looked at Meghan for direction. They’d been trying to avoid laying any more worries on Neil, but there was no avoiding it now. Jerry could see that in Meghan’s eyes.

Meghan said, “We’re almost out of food. We might have another couple of meals...sparse meals at best, and then we’re out of supplies. We’re already out of water.”

Neil smiled and said to himself as much as to the others, “
Neil, I think we got a problem
.”

Jerry and Meghan looked puzzled. To which Neil continued, “I kind of got accustomed to hearing that whenever I got news like this. So, we gotta find food.”

Meghan, her voice heavy with apology, said, “I don’t think it’s as simple as that.”

“What is it then?”

Jerry stepped into the discussion. “We’ve been on the go without a moment’s rest for days. We stop at nights, but there’s no real rest. If any of us sleep, it’s in fits and starts, we get up feeling more tired than when we laid down to begin with. We’re on the ragged edge, Neil and there’s no denying it. We gotta find some hope again. We gotta find a reason to keep going. We need that more than food.”

Neil knew that Jerry was right, but he doubted that he would ever have been able to detect it. Hope was an intangible that oftentimes didn’t register on Neil’s radar. He was impressed with the younger man’s observations and the way in which he communicated them.

“We’ve still got Whittier,” he said. “It’s just down the road a bit. Maybe once we get there—”

“It’s not enough,” Meghan cut in. “Not this time. We all need something more. We need something we can hold; something that can keep us going. We need something that will get us down the road in the first place.”

Neil’s face was as empty and bare as his thoughts. He kept waiting for some kind of revelation or an epiphany like he was a character in a book or movie, but none were forthcoming. Apparently, those pages still needed to be typed. He was doomed to wait. Realizing and readily accepting that he wasn’t wired to be a fugitive mastermind with all the answers, he asked them , “So, any ideas?”

With the discussion about food behind them, it was apparent to Neil that Jerry wasn’t done.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

Jerry looked back over his shoulder at the road behind them and then at the highway still in front of them. “It might be better if we get off the highway. If there are any of those things around, I think this is where they’ll be. Maybe it would be better if we didn’t run into them...at least head on I mean. If we could just, well, slip by as many of those things as we can, well, I guess, I just....”

Neil nodded. There was no denying the logic, but there were limited options. “I agree. What do you suggest?” .

Meghan, who was still standing there said as she pointed, “What about over there? On the railroad tracks? They pretty much follow the road but are a bit off the main path. We could walk along the tracks and stay out of sight. Maybe if we do come upon any of them, they won’t even know that we’re here. Maybe.”

Neil and Jerry looked at the tracks and agreed with her. The railroad tracks ran parallel to the Seward Highway but were, for as far as they could see, some distance further in from the coastline and in many places separated by water and increased elevation. It wasn’t a bad idea, and to make it even more appealing, much of the track hugged tightly to the mountain’s rock wall, which might serve as a barrier to some of the increasingly bad weather they could expect.

Neil said, “Yeah. I think we should get everyone over to the tracks before we start getting too comfortable over here. Look. Just a way up a bit there’s that pool of water between the road and the tracks. That looks like a good place for us to rest a bit.”

He paused for a second but both Jerry and Meghan could tell there was more. He finally said, “Thanks guys. I can’t do this on my own. Any time you see anything like this or have any ideas at all, please share. I need your help more than ever.”

Meghan put her arms around Neil’s waist and kissed him on his mouth tenderly. “All you ever had to do was ask.”

Claire asked doubtfully, “Are we sure this is safe?”

Some slight humor returning despite the pain that lurked, Emma answered, “If it were, we wouldn’t be taking along these.” She lifted the Remington .410 shotgun and pointed to the more impressive twelve-gauge variety in Neil’s hands.

Meghan still doubted whether it made the most sense to send Neil and Emma on this errand, but she understood the importance to all of them to show solidarity. She nodded her head to Claire but said nothing. She was too afraid she would surrender to the apprehensive tears that were threatening to spill or to the acrimonious anger that was threatening to scream.

She hugged Neil, kissed his cheek, and whispered into his ear so that her voice tickled the soft contours inside his ear, “See you in a bit.”

Her voice as much as her words produced an opiate-tinged euphoria that kissed his every nerve at once. So sweet was the sensation that he found he was holding his breath. He let the smile bloom across his face. He whispered back to her, “This will be good. It’ll help us focus on something else. We need something to do.”

Earlier, while eating their meager meal, they discussed their options. With their spirits and their energy ebbing to new lows, they all agreed that wandering into the unknown was not in their better interests. The likelihood the devastation had preceded them was a foregone conclusion, but how that devastation manifested itself in the surroundings was worth knowing. Their larger group was not likely capable of moving suddenly or quickly until they’d gotten some rest, but a pair of them might be able to move fast enough to avoid...well, whatever might be out there.

Neil summed up the discussion and ended the debate with a simple, “So, who’s gonna come along with me to look on down the road?”

Emma eagerly jumped at the chance, and so it was decided that the two of them would venture down the road while others rested and regained their strength.

The two of them were to travel light, carrying only weapons, ammunition, and whatever else they could easily fit in pockets. With their collective food supplies dwindling, they decided that a single package of sweet, gummy fruit snacks was all the food each of them carried.

Meghan was present for the discussion and remembered nodding her head along with everyone else, but that certainly didn’t make her like the plan. She was about to say as much when she felt her hand tugged. She looked down and saw a pair of tired but beatific blue eyes looking up at her. Jules smiled, looked at Neil and Emma who were already walking away from their camp, and asked, “Will you read with me?”

“Read?”

“Yeah. Danny has some comic books in his pack. They’re mostly icky boy comics, but I don’t mind much.”

“Do you like reading, Jules?”

“Yeah. Mommy used to tell me that I was a good reader but that I needed to practice.”

Smiling for herself as much as for Jules, Meghan said, “Yeah sweetie, I’ll read with you. What comics do we have?”

Jerry and Claire, while not on the move at present, could ill afford to be idle. They needed to put together the camp, collect firewood, and, of course, be watching for any of the monsters potentially following them from Girdwood. Jerry was especially concerned that amongst the zekes to be coming down the road could be their friend Dr. Caldwell. His death hadn’t been any easier for him than it had been for Neil, Emma, or anyone else for that matter. He’d known the good doctor much longer than anyone else and knew that he was a good man apart from their present circumstances. Jerry dreaded the possibility of having to shoot the man. He hoped that it wouldn’t come to that.

To his credit, Neil had chosen a good campsite. There was a creek and a bridge that separated them from Girdwood, funneling anything that might be following them through one location. It made keeping vigil much easier. They were camping in the immediate shadow of a high, steep cliff and in front of a small pond—really nothing more than an overzealous drainage pool. They were about a hundred yards from the highway with the pool separating them from the roadway. Between the railroad tracks and the cliff face, the gravelly ground dipped slightly, helping to hide the glow of any fire they decided to make. Overall, it was a good spot to rest, and at the same time, feel somewhat secure. Still, Jerry and Claire wandered a little ways north away from everyone else so that they could have a better view of the bridge and the ground behind them. No point in being complacent.