Alas My Love (8 page)

“Tanny, it is I,” she said softly in the silence of her room. “ ’Tis your Helena, whose heart has ever been and evermore shall be yours and yours alone.”

Chapter 10

R
oger Talbot paced anxiously while awaiting his appointment with the king. It wouldn’t be easy to explain Helena’s disappearance, but if he handled the matter carefully, he was certain he could be convincing.

“The king will see you now,” a pious chamberlain announced.

Roger entered a room where the king sat in conversation with two other men. The chamberlain made the introduction, and Roger waited to be acknowledged. In time the king motioned Roger forward.

“You have requested an audience with me?” Henry questioned.

“Yea, Your Majesty.” Roger choked back bile. His nerves were raw, and this matter did not bode well with him.

“Then be at it, Man. What matter did you wish to discuss?”

“ ’Tis my sister, Helena. As you will recall, her mother, Eleanor, was cousin to the queen.”

“Aye, I remember it, Man. I remember it well. What do you seek?”

“I seek my sister. Helena disappeared from our home and I have not found her, though we have searched the land far and wide.” Roger hoped he sounded convincingly worried.

“Helena?” The king spoke her name and instantly the memory of Richard DuBonnet entered his mind. “I believe I know where your sister is.”

“You do?” Roger swallowed hard. Had Helena somehow managed to venture to London without his knowledge?

“Yes, yes,” Henry nodded enthusiastically. “She is at Gavenshire. Duke DuBonnet mentioned the presence of a young woman named Helena. She has only been with him a short time and claimed no memory of her family or home.”

“DuBonnet?” Roger questioned. He felt his stomach lurch again.

“Aye, Richard DuBonnet, duke of Gavenshire. You know of the place, do you not?”

“Aye,” Roger replied between clenched teeth. “I know it.” The DuBonnets had long been known to him, especially Richard’s brother, Tancred. “I will seek her out immediately.”

“By my leave,” the king said, dismissing Roger Talbot as though there was nothing more that interested him about the man.

Roger seethed at the thought of his sister under the care of a DuBonnet. Tancred DuBonnet, once his most trusted friend, had dishonored Maude and refused to marry her. A scandal of outrageous proportions had been narrowly averted only when an aging earl had agreed to make Maude his wife.

He had thought himself well rid of DuBonnets when Tancred had been convicted of killing his parents. Roger remembered with great satisfaction the day he had learned of Tancred’s sentence. Would that it could have been his death rather than his exile.

With his mind made up, Roger called a messenger to him and paid the man well to take word to Maude. There was no point in putting off his journey to Gavenshire, and he had little desire to confront Maude before doing battle with Tancred’s brother. Mounting his horse, Roger grimaced and took the reins in hand. “Once again the DuBonnets cause me grief. This time I shall put an end to it.”

❧

The days of Easter celebration passed in a mixture of bliss and pain for Helena. She watched with dedicated interest as Tancred moved about the castle. From behind carefully guarded eyes, Helena kept track of his every move.

From the first break of dawn and morning services, Helena’s eyes seldom failed to keep Tancred in their view. When they partook of the meals, Helena tried to react in a calm and collected way, but knowing that Tancred sat on the other side of Richard made her nervous and testy. How much longer could she stand being so near him and not confide in him who she was?

It no longer worried her that she would be sent from Gavenshire. Now what concerned her was that Tancred would not return her love. Her beloved Tanny had left her childhood days as a strapping young man of twenty. Now he was a brooding man of thirty-one years with a mission to find the true murderers of his parents.

Obviously, Helena realized, he had no time or inclination for romance. She thought of the hours she’d spent dreaming of the day they’d meet again. Now that day had come and gone, and it was nothing of what she’d dreamed about.

As they sat at supper one evening, the revelry of festivities in the village still going on in celebration, Helena picked at her food and listened to the conversation around her.

“What a difference this life must be from the one you spent the past eleven years,” Richard said to Tancred.

“Aye. The food is much better, the housing much drier, and the company preferable to any that I knew abroad.”

Arianne leaned forward. “Devon tells me of your philosopher Artimas. He sounds like a wonderful man. I would very much like to meet him one day.”

“He was, indeed, a great man, dear sister. I found the seeds you tenderly planted in my heart grew under his careful watering.”

Helena felt a twinge of jealousy rear within her heart. “Pray tell, what seeds does he speak of, Your Grace?”

Arianne smiled. “I but saw the potential in Tancred that he could not see for himself. I told him of his value in the eyes of God. Artimas apparently found a way to cultivate that meager planting.”

“ ’Twas far from meager,” Tancred said. His eyes were reflective of the deep emotion he felt. “I felt hopelessness such as I beg never to feel again, but even in the darkest moment, Arianne’s word of love gave me cause to hope.”

“Hope is often all that keeps us going,” Helena said softly, her eyes lowered to her trencher.

“Faith,” Arianne added. “Faith is hope at work.”

“Very good, Sister,” Tancred said with a smile.

❧

Later that night, Tancred stood in the quiet of his chamber, undressing for bed. He thought back over the last few days, but his mind could not let go of Helena. He saw her everywhere, even when he slept. It was as though he knew her, and yet there was nothing of recollection in his mind.

“She watches me with the eyes of a hawk,” he thought aloud. Yet lovelier eyes of crystal blue Tancred was sure he’d never seen. She was a most fetching woman, and he decided on the morrow he would speak to Arianne about her.

“No need for the woman to haunt my every step. At least not without my reasoning out why.” He drew the bed curtains and closed his eyes in sleep. As was true for every night since having been introduced to Helena, Tancred fell asleep with the soft, tender features of her face on his mind.

“Is your husband already among his men?” Tancred asked Arianne the next morning as she sat in the counting room. A long ledger lay before her on the table.

“Aye, he’s already gone. You might find him in the stables.”

“What of Helena and Matilda?”

“They are upstairs with Timothy. Why do you ask?” Arianne put aside her quill and stared up at her brother-in-law.

Tancred closed the door behind him and pulled up a chair. “I have some questions to ask of you.”

“I see. Pray tell, on what matter?”

“Helena.”

Arianne smiled. “So she has vexed you as you have her.”

“I have vexed her? How so?”

“I am uncertain that I should say. Be it simple enough to conclude she finds you most appealing to her sense. Why, my own brother, Devon, found her fascinating and paid her many compliments, but she saw him naught. She never questioned me about him, either.”

“And she questioned you about me?” Tancred’s dark eyes pierced Arianne. He leaned forward, intent on her every word.

“Aye.” Arianne’s voice was soft and her eyes danced with amusement. “She has scarce discussed anything else.”

Tancred smiled in spite of himself. “And why not?” he teased. “Am I not worthy of discussion?”

“Oh, prideful man,” Arianne said with mock disdain, “thy pathway leads to destruction.”

Tancred laughed aloud. “Never mind that. Tell me what she has asked of you.”

Arianne grew thoughtful. “She asked me about your arrival here last year. She asked if the things we had heard about you were true.”

“What things?” Tancred’s eyes narrowed.

Arianne grew uncomfortable and involuntarily her hand went to her face—to the cheek Tancred had so sorely bruised when he’d hit her in anger.

“Oh, that,” he replied before she could speak. The sorrow in his eyes matched that in his voice.

“I told her you were beside yourself in hopelessness. I told her you were desperate and that you saw all that you loved taken beyond your grasp.” Arianne paused and reached out to touch Tancred’s arm. “I told her there was a void in you that could not be filled, and she told me that this was something she could understand.”

“You are most gracious, Arianne. I do not deserve your kindness.”

She smiled and squeezed his arm. “I have such happiness with Richard and Timothy. God took me from a frightful existence and no earthly love, save that of my brother, and gave me an abundance. My advice to you, Sir Tancred, is that you grasp firmly what is held within your reach. Helena is besot with you, and I believe she considers herself in love with you.”

“Did she say that?”

“Nay. She didn’t have to.” Arianne took her quill back in hand. “Sometimes the heart speaks most loudly when the mouth says nothing at all.”

Tancred took Arianne’s words with him, and they only served to double his determination to seek out the alluring Helena and learn the truth from her. He had spent so much time in conference with Arianne that he was certain Helena would no longer be in the rooms with Timothy. Where she might be was a mystery to him, but experience had shown him that Helena would no doubt find him.

Coming down the outer castle stairs, Tancred could not believe his good fortune when he spied Helena planting herbs in the castle garden. He watched her for a moment, knowing that she was unaware of his presence.

There was something strangely familiar about her, and yet Tancred knew he had no recollection to their ever meeting. Perhaps that was what he should ask her first, but then again, mayhaps that would only serve to scare her off.

She was singing softly and the sound rose up to greet him in a pleasant way. Arianne had said that Helena had the voice of an angel, Tancred remembered. It was one night after dinner when someone had mentioned hearing singing in the castle.

He couldn’t make out the words, but her voice haunted him and he felt almost mesmerized by the melody. He came down the steps quietly still studying her form as she dug at little spots of dirt and patted seed into the ground.

He was standing directly behind her, and it wasn’t until Helena noticed his shadow on the ground that she started and turned to face him.

“I–I. . .” She couldn’t form the words.

“Lady Helena,” Tancred said, reaching his hand down to draw her up. “I wondered if we might talk.”

“Talk?” She was shaking and refused to take the offered hand.
I can’t let him touch me,
she thought.
He’ll feel how I tremble and he’ll know what I’m thinking.

Tancred was unconcerned at her aloofness. He reached out and pulled her to her feet. “Aye, talk. Come along, there is a bench over here.”

Helena felt him draw her along, and all the while her mind could scarcely take it in. This was Tanny. This was no dream, but a living, breathing man—the man she’d pledged to love for as long as she lived.

“Here,” he said, allowing Helena to take a seat. For a moment he stood towering over her, arms crossed against his leather tunic. He looked much like a
father about to scold his child, and when that image filtered through to his sens
es, he softened and took the seat beside her.

“You have been much on my mind of late,” he began. “I wonder why that is?”

Helena couldn’t answer. Her throat felt constricted and her tongue too big for her mouth. Swallowing hard, she wavered between fainting and gasping for air.

“You are a comely maid, and I find that your beauty is most appealing. However, I am not used to such attention, and I feel I must ask why you have sought me out?”

“Sought you out?” Helena questioned, finally finding her voice. “But, Sire, you brought me here. ’Twas your idea to talk.”

“Yes, yes. But, what else could I do? You watch my every move. You peer down even from your bedchamber to watch me upon the training field. I know, for I have seen you there.”

Helena paled, then blushed. “Aye, I have watched you.”

“For what purpose, if I might ask?”

“I–I do not. . . ,” she stammered, then tried to get to her feet, but his hand shot out to take hold of her.

“Nay, do not leave. Answer my question.”

Helena could bear it no longer. The sight and scent of him, the feel of his ironlike grip upon her wrist, even the very breath he breathed called out to be taken into account.

“Why do you watch me?” he asked softly.

“Because I love you,” she declared, and the words so shocked Tancred that he dropped his hold. “Because I love you now and always have and forever will.” She hurried from the bailey, running up the stairs and vanishing out of sight while Tancred sat with open mouth.

“She loves me? But she knows naught of me,” Tancred said, staring at the stone stairs. What did she mean by it? The words came back to haunt him.
Because I love you now and always have.
Did he know her? He searched his memory for some woman named Helena and gave up without a face to set it in place.

“Helena,” he murmured, and the word wrapped itself as a band around his heart.

Chapter 11

R
ichard was soaked in sweat from the sword fights he’d endured with his men on the training field. He was aching in several muscles, which told him he’d let himself get soft. He shook his head ruefully and determined that he would begin practicing daily. Plunging his head in the water trough, he didn’t hear the first call from his sentry that a rider approached.

Richard took an offered towel from his squire and dried his face.

“Will you see the man?” the squire asked his master, knowing full well Richard had not heard the sentry’s announcement.

“What man?”

“A rider has been announced.” The squire motioned to the sentry on the bat
tlement overhead.

“A single rider?” Richard questioned. The sentry confirmed this. “Admit him.”

The lone horseman rode into the castle and was soon surrounded by several of Richard’s knights. One held the man’s horse while the stranger dismounted. Richard strode forward to meet him.

“I am the duke of Gavenshire. How might I help you?”

The man was clearly amazed at being greeted by the duke himself; nevertheless it was hostility that sounded in his voice and not surprise. “I am Sir Roger Talbot, and you have my sister.”

Richard stared at the man for a moment. “I do not believe I understand.”

Roger’s anger surfaced more boldly, and several of the knights moved to stand beside their duke. “You have Helena!”

Richard studied the man for a moment. “There abides here a young woman named Helena; that much is true. You claim she is your sister?”

“Aye, that she is. King Henry told me himself that she was here. I’ve come to take her back.”

“I see. Why don’t you come inside with me and we will speak to Helena on the matter.”

“Helena has no voice in this. She will do as I tell her.” Roger was livid. His face was purplish-red, and veins in his neck were engorged.

Richard narrowed his eyes. “Helena is under my protection, and I say we speak to her on the matter.”

Roger gritted his teeth and realized the duke would not be bullied by him. “Very well,” he muttered.

Richard motioned him to follow and called for one of the castle maids to seek out Arianne and Helena. The girl went quickly upstairs to the bedchambers while Richard took Roger to his private receiving room just off the great hall.

“Perhaps we will be more comfortable here. Will you not have a seat?”

“No.” Roger’s voice was clipped and cold.

“Have I offended you in some way?” Richard asked, his eyes narrowing. “You barge into my home and make demands and do so with the utmost rudeness. What is there between us that merits such action?”

Roger remembered Tancred’s dalliance with his sister Maude and frowned. “Your brother was John Tancred DuBonnet, was he not?”

“He still is. What is it to you?”

“He fostered in my home when we were boys. He played false with my sister, Maude, and nearly ruined her, and you ask me what there is between us that merits my anger?”

“I suppose I was too young or too busy with my own fostering to worry overmuch about Tancred’s deeds. Still, the past is no call for bad manners. You and I have no quarrel, so why not be civil?”

Roger eyed Richard suspiciously for a moment, then nodded. “Very well. We will be civil. I have come to take my sister home. She ran away many weeks ago, and I have been quite worried for her safety.”

“I see. May I inquire as to why she ran away?”

“ ’Tis a family matter. The girl’s mother passed away not long before, and she could scarce deal with her grief.”

Just then Arianne entered the room in conversation with Helena. The two women did not look up until they were well within the room, and when Helena spied her brother, she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Helena!” Roger stated, taking a step forward.

Helena moved back a step, and Richard noted the fear in her eyes. Interceding, he introduced Arianne. “May I present the duchess of Gavenshire.” Then turning to his wife, he added, “Arianne, this is Helena’s brother, Sir Roger Talbot.”

“I am pleased to meet you,” Arianne said, but realized Roger’s eyes were on Helena. Arianne tried to draw Roger into conversation. “We have very much enjoyed your sister’s company and would be happy if you, too, would consider yourself welcomed here.”

“Helena, I’ve come to take you home.” Roger stepped forward, rudely ignoring Arianne’s statement.

Helena shook her head fiercely. “No! I am not going anywhere. The duke and duchess have opened their home to me, and I would very much like to remain here for a time.”

“You are coming home,” Roger stated flatly and stepped forward to take Helena in hand.

Helena did the only thing she could. She turned and ran for the door,
counting on the fact that she knew the castle and Roger did not. She also
planned on Richard intervening and calling his men. What she did not plan on was running into the broad, iron chest of Tancred DuBonnet.

Helena was shaking so hard that even Tancred could not mistake the trembling. He looked down at her and found frightened horror in her eyes.

“Helena, what is it?”

“Let her go, DuBonnet,” Roger’s voice called from behind his sister. Turning to Richard, Roger’s eyes blazed. “What would Henry say if he knew you harbored a fugitive? This man is supposed to be in exile for the murder of your parents.”

“Henry pardoned Tancred weeks ago. I have the writ upstairs. He is innocent of the murders.”

Roger snorted. “I remember the day the king said otherwise. I do not believe him innocent nor pardoned.”

“It matters little to me what you think,” Tancred replied dryly. His arms engulfed Helena’s small frame.

“Unhand her!”

Tancred kept a firm grip on Helena and pulled her closer. Looking past her, he met the eyes of his onetime friend, Roger Talbot.

“What is she to you, Talbot?”

“Fool, she is my stepsister, Helena. Remember? She’s the one who used to pester you when you dallied with my sister, Maude.” Roger moved forward, but this time Richard put himself between them.

Tancred stared down in wonder at the woman in his arms. “This is that little squirt of a girl we pulled out of one scrape and then another?”

Helena was still shaking as she lifted tear-filled eyes to meet his softened expression. “Oh, Tanny,” she whispered in a near-mournful tone.

“But you were just a baby,” he said, still staring in disbelief. That little girl from his past was the young woman who so fiercely declared her love to him in the bailey only yesterday. It was impossible to comprehend.

“Babies grow up, Tancred. Now unhand my sister and—”

“No!” Helena raged and pushed Tancred away. “I won’t go with you. Not now, not ever!” She ran from the room, leaving Tancred to stare after her and Roger to yell a stream of curses.

Helena was grateful for the festivities that still occupied the attention of most of the town. No one paid any attention to her as she ran from the protection of the castle and made her way out across the land.

Tears blinded her eyes, and her heart pounded against the reminder that her brother and Tancred had faced each other for the first time in eleven years. She knew of the past between them. She knew, too, of Maude and the lies that had passed between her and Roger regarding Tancred.

It was all too much.

Fleeing to the sanctuary of the forest, Helena collapsed into a heap on the ground and cried until she felt her heart would break. How could Tanny ever love her now—now that he knew who she was? He hated her brother and her brother hated him. How unfair it all was!

“Oh, God,” she cried and hugged her knees to her breast. “Oh, God, ’tis not the way I would have it be. I love him so that I scarce can start my day without my first thoughts being of him.” She buried her face against her knees. “Oh, God.”

She pleaded for solace and begged for understanding, and still all she could see was the raging eyes of her brother and his determination to take her from Gavenshire. Now that he knew about Tancred, he would no doubt force the issue.

Strong arms lifted her upward, and without looking, Helena knew it was Tancred. She let him hold her while she cried uncontrollably. This would probably be the only time she’d ever feel his arms around her. She wanted to remember the comfort he offered and the way it felt to bury her face against his chest.

Tancred sat down on a fallen log and held the sobbing woman close. She was beautiful, and he could not deny the feelings she had stirred in him in her adoration throughout the week. Yet now, for reasons beyond his ability to consider, her feelings were quite precious to him. In his memories, Helena was but a child. A little girl with torn tunics from her antics and a dirt-smudged face that begged to be washed. Who was this woman who had replaced the child?

Gradually her sobs subsided, and Helena felt strengthened by Tancred’s presence. Drying her face on the edge of her surcoat, she looked up at him with reddened eyes.

“I remember a time when you had fallen from the rafters in the stables,” Tancred began. “You were no more than eight years and you cut your knee. Remember?” Helena nodded. “I remember holding you like this and telling you that big girls should not handle their miseries in such a fashion.” His grin broadened to a smile. “I suppose the same advice would work in this situation as well.”

Helena reached up her hand to touch Tancred’s trimmed brown beard. She searched his eyes for some confirmation of his returned feelings.

“I have loved you since I was a child, Tanny. I cannot be untrue to my heart. When you spent so much time among us, I couldn’t help but fall in love.”

“But you were a child, a little girl,” Tancred said softly, still not trusting the declaration.

Helena wasn’t offended by his words. “Cannot a child love?”

Tancred smiled down at her. “Apparently so.”

Helena nodded. “I watched Maude treat you badly. I knew she had her numerous suitors, but for a little girl of nine, there was no real understanding for the game she played. I knew, however, for I’d watched her in the stable with others, that you did nothing to steal her virtue. I hated her for setting Roger against you, but my mother told me it was a matter that had to be resolved among adults. She would not allow me to go to Roger nor to defame my stepsister.”

“Your stepsister was looking to make herself a wealthy match. ’Twas not my desire to become a husband.” He added with a chuckle, “At least not then.”

Helena boldly threw her arms around Tancred’s neck, surprising them both. “I love you. ’Tis real enough and true enough and whether you ever love me or not, it will remain just as it is and always has been.”

She sobered, but kept her hold on Tancred. “I know my brother will never approve of my feelings. He hates you and has often said as much. He believes you killed your parents, but I do not. I have always known it would have been impossible for you, for your heart is rich with love and goodness.

“When they told me of the accusations, I defended you and raged at them for their pettiness. I told Roger, even though I was only nine, that he owed you his loyalties. I reminded him that he had once exchanged signet rings in bonds of friendship. I insisted that he was wrong—that everyone was wrong. I knew that you were incapable of such a disgusting act.” The absolute certainty in her voice was evidence of her convictions.

Tancred stared at her with sheer gratitude in his eyes. “You are the only one who believed me innocent, and you were just a child.” In his mind, she was still a child, yet the reality of the woman he held made it difficult to hold those memories in place.

“But I am no longer a child.”

“I am most certain of that,” Tancred stated, running his hand down her arm. “Most certain.”

“And my brother seeks to put me away now that my mother is dead. Maude is jealous of me and cannot bear for me to be in the same house. They plan to put me in a convent and intend to see me remain there for life.”

It was Tancred’s turn to surprise them both by throwing his head back and laughing. Helena stared at him, not speaking or even blinking.

“Forgive me, Love, but I can think of many far better things to do with you.”

“Pray tell?” Helena eyed him suspiciously, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Tancred stood up and placed Helena on the log. “For now, suffice it to say that I am quite intrigued by your devotion. I no longer find a child before me, but a grown woman—a very beautiful grown woman.”

“And what will you do with me?” Helena asked innocently.

“Well, ’tis certain my thoughts do not include a nunnery.”