Aislin of Arianrhod (Land of Alainnshire) (37 page)

“I was ashamed. Your father and I were the only ones who knew about the baby, but apparently, Boru talked about me a little to Jariath. He told his son we had some kind of great love affair. He made plans to take me back to Morrigan to present to his father as some sort of trophy, a spoil of war I guess. As repugnant as that sounds, I would have welcomed the chance to stick a knife in his heart for stealing my life from me!”

“I’m glad I killed Jariath, and I hope someday you’ll be able to do the same to Boru!” Aislin said through gritted teeth.

“I just wanted you to understand, Aislin. I do love you so very much. I just don’t know how to bridge the gap between us now.”

Something in Aislin snapped. “I’m not sure we
can
bridge the gap. Do you know how may times I huddled against the manor house door after you locked me out, crying and pleading for someone to let me back in? Do you
know
how hungry and cold I was half the time? I was
always
barely dressed, barefoot, and dirty. How could you
do
that to me?”

“I’m so sorry, Aislin. By the gods, if I could do things over...”

“I was four years old, Mother! Four!”
Raw pain made Aislin’s voice crack. Her mother winced.

“Please...”

Thirty-five years of hurt and anger centered itself in Aislin’s breast, and she turned it on the woman sitting next to her.

“I suppose I should thank you. Father, Fionn and Roderic raised me. If not for that, I would have been just another silly, simpering princess, thinking I was doing the world a great service by finishing another embroidered shawl!”

Her mother flinched as if she’d been hit, but Aislin wasn’t finished.

“Instead, I learned things.
Real
things. Animal husbandry, crop rotation, bookkeeping, inventory control. Where would you be now if I hadn’t learned those things at Daddy’s knee?”

Where, indeed. Her mother’s neglect had forced her into a world that had tested her and made her strong. Those who had taken her under their wing had looked past her gender and recognized the potential in the wild-eyed, filthy little girl. She was a strong, capable woman because of the things she’d endured. She knew she wouldn’t change a thing.

Her anger abated a bit. “I’ll tell you something, Mother. No child of mine will
ever
wonder if it’s loved or wanted. They will always
know
they are uppermost in my heart.”

“Are you finished?” her mother asked. “I have no excuses for the way I treated you. I only ask that you try to understand my point of view. I lived every woman’s nightmare for five months. I wasn’t the same person when your father finally rescued me from Morrigan. I used to look at you and wonder how I could have ever given birth to such a beautiful little girl when I was nothing but hate and darkness inside. It was
good
that your father raised you. He had a heart full of love for you, and I know you pleased him very much.” She sighed deeply. “I’m not asking you to forget, Aislin. I’m asking you to
forgive
.”

Several long minutes passed as Aislin pondered her mother’s words.

She had no idea who the woman sitting beside her was. She didn’t even know if she cared to find out. She’d tried as a child to get close to her mother, but the encounters left her frightened and confused. Her mother had a temper, and she’d had little patience for her small daughter.

Locked out of the manor house as a child, Aislin would most often go the stables in search of her brother Fionn, the only constant she really had in her life.

If the men were busy, as they often were, she would find an empty stall, curl up with one of the horse blankets, and fall asleep on a pile of clean hay.

Her father accidently found her that way one day, sound asleep in the stables. She’d been about five years old. Her father had paid little attention to her up to that point, no doubt assuming her mother was taking care of her.

She remembered how she’d jumped when she felt someone touch her face. She’d opened sleepy eyes to see her father on his knees beside her, his eyes full of tears.

He’d scooped her tiny body up out of the hay and into his arms then, sobbing like his heart would break. Her child’s mind thought she had done something wrong, but he assured her she hadn’t. He held her for a long time, kissing her and telling her how much he loved her.

It was the turning point of her young life. After that, she was included in
everything
. If Fionn learned it, she learned it. The only exception had been swordplay.

Her father had loved her mother enough to risk his life and rescue her from Morrigan, but he’d brought a broken and scarred woman back with him. One incapable of being a mother to the daughter she eventually bore him. And that was the reality they had to deal with.

I can’t go back and change the past. I only have right now. I’ll do it for you, Daddy.

“I’m willing to work at it if you are,” Aislin finally said. “I can’t make any promises. But now that I understand, I think I can try.”

“I’m very sorry for driving Tristan away. I heard how he saved your life, and that he almost died healing your broken arm. He sounds like a perfect match for you. I hope Roderic and Devin can convince him to return. I owe him an apology.”

“You know this baby will be half elf.”

“I’m sure my grandchild will be perfect. I look forward to it. Do you love Tristan?”

“I did. I do.” Aislin shook her head. “I don’t know anymore. And I’m not at all sure how he feels about
me
.”

“I want you to be happy. Don’t stay apart from each other out of anger and misunderstanding, especially since I’m the cause of it. You have my blessing, and I know your father would have given his as well,” Emara said.

That night, Aislin lay staring at the ceiling. She was starting to see her mother in a whole new light. She tried to imagine what it must have been like to be stolen away from loved ones at such a young age, to have been abused by a beast like Boru and have no hope. That had almost been
her
fate. Thinking about it was unbearable.

It was possible she had a sister out there somewhere. She would be about fifteen years older than Aislin, probably with children and maybe grandchildren of her own. It was strange to think she and Jariath had shared a half-sister, but the most important thing to Aislin was that she had another sibling and was no longer alone. She knew at some point she was going to go looking for her sister, whether her mother approved or not.

Chapter Forty Three

A
ISLIN WOKE UP SLOWLY FROM the nap she’d been taking and stretched languidly. She’d never been so tired in her life, but Roderic had assured her that was normal in pregnancy. He’d encouraged her to indulge herself in a nap whenever she felt like it. And she felt like it all the time.

Still sleepy, she burrowed back down into the pillow and started to drift off again when she heard the door to her rooms open and close softly.

“Will you never learn to knock?” she called out, laughing. She stayed snuggled in, eyes closed, and waited for Gwen to say something.

Her eyes flew open as the familiar scent wafted down to her. The silent presence she sensed by her bed wasn’t Gwen.

Aislin was out of bed in an instant, nostrils flared, heart hammering in her chest. Her eyes devoured him hungrily across the bed, so impossibly handsome in his black velvet tunic, his long, silken black hair spilling past his shoulders, his green eyes ablaze as he devoured her right back.

She wanted to run across the bed and jump into his arms, but she fisted her hands at her side. Pride held her very still.

“Get out.”

“Aislin...”

“Don’t. Don’t you
Aislin
me. Get out, Tristan. Get out, or I’ll shout this house down until someone comes and throws you in the dungeon.”

“I doubt anyone will come to your aid, and I’m sure they won’t imprison me. It was your family who sent me up here.”

“You lying, arrogant ass.”

Tristan threw his head back and laughed. The sound sent warm jolts straight to her heart.

“I’ve been guilty as charged many times in the past. This time I’m innocent, my love.”

“I am
not
your love.”

His eyes were deep pools of glittering emerald. “Yes, you are. You know it as well as I do.”

He took a step toward her, and she instinctively backed away. She hoped he wouldn’t come around the end of the bed. Doing so would trap her in the corner, and then she would have to hurt him.

“I see that we must start over again.” He bowed low to her. “I’m very glad to see you, Princess Aislin,” he said, as his eyes played over her. “You are as beautiful as ever.”

Aislin put a protective hand on her rounding belly. “I didn’t want them to tell you. I didn’t want you to know.”

Tristan frowned at her. “Why not?”

“You left me here without a word, and never came back. You wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for this baby. I don’t need you, Tristan. I can do this by myself.”

“I’m sorry...”

“You didn’t even
try
to contact me.”

“Well, you didn’t
try
to contact me either.”

He had a point, and it infuriated her. “You were the one who left.”

“I made a big mistake in leaving. I regretted it immediately. You warned me about your mother. I shouldn’t have let her make me so angry, but truthfully, she reminds me of another arrogant queen I knew many years ago.”

“I understand that. I really do. But I am
not
my mother.”

“I know that, but after I thought about it, I realized there were so many obstacles for us. I thought it would be best if we never saw each other again. I lost a piece of my soul the night Duff took you. The way some of the Sylvan feel about humans...well, I can’t promise it won’t happen again.”

She shook her head vehemently, rejecting his words. “You make excuses. All the obstacles are still there, and yet here you are. You think this baby changes things. Well, it doesn’t. If anything, it makes it more complicated.”

Fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, she leapt across the bed and bolted for the door. Tristan dove forward quickly and caught her in his arms before she could escape him. She struggled a bit, and then melted into his embrace.

“I wanted you to come back for
me
—because you wanted
me
—not just because I’m carrying your child!” she cried.

“By the gods, woman, do you have any idea how much I love you? I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It was torture being away from you. Every minute of every day, I ached for you.” Tristan drew a shaky breath and buried his face in her neck.

“I want you to understand. Never have an elf and a human had the kind of relationship that we do. This is going to be harder than you know. I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to. I thought I was doing what was best for you. Now I need to do what’s best for both of you. I want us to raise this child together, Aislin. Please...make peace with me,” he choked. “I want you with me always.”

His arms, warm and strong, cocooned her as she lay against his chest, listening to the soft thump of his heart. The scent of him was all around her, his soft melodious voice in her ear. She felt every ounce of anger she had for him drain away as she threaded her arms around his waist.

This
is where I’m supposed to be. I don’t want to live without him.

They stood holding each other, Aislin sniffling gently, Tristan with his face buried in her hair. Finally, she said, “I’ll still be regent here for another year and a half. I can’t go to Oakenbourne with you, and I know you won’t want to live here. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

Tristan tipped her chin up, kissed her gently, and smiled at her. “You need to come downstairs to the throne room and hear what Bryce has to say.”

Aislin was surprised to see Bryce sitting on the throne in the full purple and gold royal regalia of Arianrhod, her father’s crown on his head. Roderic, her mother, Gwen, Maeve, Devin, and Colven stood behind him, dressed in all manner of silk, satin and velvet finery. Tristan led her to stand on the purple carpet directly in front of Bryce. She looked at her nephew, perplexed.

“Princess Aislin,” Bryce said in a commanding voice. “This kingdom appreciates the care and diligence that was shown during the eleven years you reigned as regent on my behalf. It is quite clear that this kingdom prospered under your regency. As King of Arianrhod, I hereby release you from all obligations that you held as regent. I would also like to add that your bravery in the heat of battle was exemplary, and this King recognizes and appreciates your efforts against the enemy.”

Aislin furrowed her brow and looked up at Tristan. He had a smug smile on his face.

“Furthermore, we recognize and appreciate the extreme bravery shown by Tristan of Oakenbourne, chieftain of the Sylvan people, in helping to defend Arianrhod from the invaders when he had no obligation to do so. For his commitment, this kingdom, and that of Wyndham, offers and pledges to defend the Sylvan people from all enemies now and forever, with its armies down to the last man.”

Aislin’s mouth dropped open, and she jerked her head to look at the elf by her side. His eyes were bright, a knowing smile on his lips.

“Furthermore, for his loyalty and valor in our time of need, it is our pleasure to create Tristan of Oakenbourne a Prince of the Kingdom of Arianrhod. Tristan, please come forward and kneel before me.”

Tristan did as he was asked. Bryce stood up from the throne, took a small golden crown encrusted with faceted blue jewels from a pillow held by Roderic, and placed it on his head. Bryce then touched him on each shoulder with the sword of her father. “Welcome to the royal family of Arianrhod, Tristan.”

Tristan stood up and went back to stand by Aislin.

“Now, with that out of the way, there is another matter that must be settled. Tristan, Princess Aislin carries your child. This child is an heir in both of our kingdoms. What are your intentions, sir?”

“I’d like to marry Princess Aislin, if it pleases the king,” Tristan said, bowing to Bryce. Bryce nodded his approval.

“Wait a minute,” said Aislin, holding her hands up to put a stop to the festivities, a hint of anger in her voice. “Do I have a say in this or not?”