Aging with Gracie (17 page)

Jack’s crew had built a lovely, gingerbread-trimmed gazebo, and a local landscape architect and his apprentice had plans to plant a multitude of various bulbs. A couple of dogwoods already stood in one corner of the garden, and Grace was confident that in the spring, the residents would be welcomed each day with a beautiful sight. The tulips, daffodils, and crocuses they’d chosen would fit in well, and while it wouldn’t rival The Gardens at Biltmore, it would certainly be a sight to behold. Grace was even planning on allowing her gardening residents to putter around the large space.

Her heart ached to stay at Mansfield Park, but she realized that her job with the family business would probably take her elsewhere. She would just have to drive in from Atlanta or whatever place her father assigned her next in order to see the garden…and the residents.

One resident in particular was on her mind. Grace had been concerned about Emma for several days. The woman was becoming especially moody, and while she was not violent in any way, she was beginning to become more unpredictable.

Grace made a stop on her way back through the residence before heading toward Emma’s room. She looked at the dish in her hand and smiled. Strawberry shortcake was Emma’s favorite, and they had served it for dessert that evening. Grace hoped that the surprise would earn her a smile.

“Emma, dear!” Grace called when the woman did not answer the knock.

Grace had taken to visiting Emma for a few minutes every evening during her walk-throughs, and it was not unusual for her to disregard the sound. Grace wasn’t even sure if Emma understood what the knocking sound meant anymore. Still, Grace had always given Emma the benefit of the doubt...and the respect of her privacy that she deserved.

Grace knocked again. After a moment, she decided to enter the room. The lights were dim, and everything was quiet. As she walked farther into the room, she saw Emma lying on her side in bed. Her afternoon nap was running long, but knowing that the residents had been more active than usual, Grace decided to let her sleep. The older woman’s nights were always restless, and Emma needed every last minute of rest she could get during the day.

As Grace turned toward the door, she had the peculiar feeling that something wasn’t quite right with the scene. She looked back toward the bed. Emma was lying as she normally did, but her usual lady-like snore was missing. In fact, Emma wasn’t moving at all.

With her heart beating a heavy drum in her chest, Grace approached the bed. She could not even detect the steady rise and fall of breathing.

“Oh, no. Oh, no.” Grace reached toward the wall and pushed the ‘assist’ button.

Less than a minute later, Sally arrived. She moved toward the bed to assess the situation.

“CPR. We’ve got to do CPR,” Grace mumbled as she inched her way toward the bed.

She was terrified at the thought, but she would do what she had to do in order to help Emma. She had taken a basic CPR course during her first month there, but she had never actually used any of the information...not even the Heimlich maneuver. She had certainly never seen a
dead
person short of the funeral home. The thought that the person was her precious friend was almost enough to do her in.

Sally stepped away from the bed and switched on a lamp.

“Come on, Sally.” Grace straightened up from her present spot at Emma’s side and tugged Sally back to the bed. “Please, you’ve got to do something for her!” Grace was close to hysterical.

“It’s not what she would want, Grace,” Grace heard Sally say, but by this time, she was so distraught that she could barely comprehend the words.

“Sally! Please!” Grace began to plead through her tears.

“Grace! Listen to me.” Sally gave her a gentle shake. “Emma had a Living Will drawn up before her condition got so bad that she couldn’t make her own decisions. She didn’t want any life-sustaining measures taken in the event of her death. Besides, sweetie, it’s too late for any of that anyway. Feel her hand. It’s as cold as ice.”

Grace pushed her away. She didn’t want to feel Emma’s cold hand. She wanted her to be warm. She wanted Emma back with them…talking about Molly and painting and strawberry shortcake. She wanted her alive!

“Don’t tell me what to do, Sally! I can’t just let her lie here! I’m supposed to take care of her!” Grace screamed before running out of the room. She would call 911 herself! She dug into her pocket for her cell phone, but she had no reception.

“I hate this backwoods mountain town!” she cried.

She ran toward the front door, all the while praying for a signal…and all the while wishing that the residence didn’t have so many hallways.

As she headed outside onto the porch, she ran into a huge boulder of a person. Temporarily dazed, it took her a moment to realize that it was Jack. He took the phone from her hand.

“Give me my phone, Jack,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Sally caught me on the one-way radio. She knew I was here visiting Gramps. She said you might need someone to talk to.”

“I’m fine,” she pronounced. “Just get out of my way.”

“I can’t do that, Gracie,” he told her.

“Get out of my way!” She began to push at his chest and arms. “Let me go!”

Jack simply stood there and absorbed her grief until she was exhausted from the effort. She finally let her hands slide down to her sides and dropped her head against his chest. She knew that her tears were leaving his shirt in a mess, but she didn’t care at that point.

“Emma’s dead, Jack,” she managed to say. “I found her. She was just lying there. I thought she was sleeping.”

“I heard.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry, Gracie.”

She raised her chin and stared at him with an intensity borne of grief. She knew that she look like something the cat dragged in, but at that moment, she could have cared less. Her heart was killing her, and she just wanted it to feel better.

“What good will ‘sorry’ do for Emma, Jack? What good will it do for me?”

“Grace, the Bible tells us in Isaiah that the Spirit of God is always with us. It comforts us when we mourn. We’ve got to let God carry our burdens.” He placed a kiss on the top of her head. “They would be more than we could bear if we didn’t hand them over to Him.”

“But it hurts so much,” she continued, her voice breaking in great, gulping sobs.

“It’s all we can do, Princess. We have to trust that God’s way is the best,” he finally said. “I struggled for a long time when Gramps fell, thinking that he might not make it through the surgery. But what else can we do but trust that God is in control of our lives? Of everything that comes our way?”

Grace’s sobs began to diminish, and she was finally able to look him in the eyes as he spoke.

“Our faith that God is constantly watching over us is the only thing that will keep us going in this world, honey.”

He pulled her toward the porch swing and tucked her in beside him. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed.

“Feeling any better?” he asked.

“I just think it’s going to take some time.”

“Have you ever lost anyone that you loved, Grace?”

“No, not anyone close,” she shook her head. “My mother’s parents died before I was born, and you know my parents and grandparents.”

“Yeah, both of us are fortunate to still have most of our family members with us.” He wiped a stray tear off her cheek. “Have you ever even known someone who died?”

“I attended a pretty big church in Atlanta, Jack,” she told him. “I’ve even been to a couple of funerals.”

“Oh, Gracie,” he chuckled. “You’re just too precious.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as sheltered as you.”

“What’s wrong with being sheltered.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, honey,” he interrupted. “But you just haven’t had to deal with a lot of heartache. That could be a problem around here.”

“What do you mean?” She’d started tearing up again. “Most of the residents are completely healthy.”

“But, they’re old, Gracie.” He stared at her quivering lower lip. He hated that she was having to deal with this heartache. It cut him to the core to see her in pain. “Eventually, God is going to call them to a home in heaven if they’ve accepted Him as Savior.”

“But did He have to start so soon? Did He have to start with Emma?”

“It’s not something we can question,” he tried to explain. “From what I know of her, Emma lived a pretty fascinating life before she began suffering with Alzheimer’s.”

“She was amazing,” Grace agreed. “Like most of the people who live here. They really are an amazing group of people.”

“And God has placed you here with them, Gracie.” He turned on the swing and took her hands in his strong grip. “Just think of the memories you will have of her. Think of the wonderful, lasting memories that you can make every day that you are here.”

“But how long will that be, Jack?” She traced a long scar that crisscrossed the top of his left hand. “I have no idea what Daddy’s plans are.”

“Well, from what I know of your Daddy, Grace,” he said with a knowing smile, “However long you stay at Mansfield Park will be completely up to you.”

“But what do you think, Jack?”

“I think that in your heart, you know exactly what to do.”

They sat without speaking for a few minutes, content to hold hands in the stillness of the evening. Somehow, in the midst of Grace’s emotional turmoil, the dusk had turned to night. The darkness was a comfort to her. The only sounds were the crickets and the occasional, muffled hoot of an owl.

Grace shivered as the mountain wind picked up. In her haste, she’d left her jacket inside. Jack tugged off his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes,” she nodded. “But won’t you get cold?”

“I’m a mountain man, Princess, not a pretty little pansy like you.” He took her hand and snuggled her to his side. “Besides, it’s only in the forties.”

She gazed up at Jack’s profile and tried to make out the features of the face she had grown to love. The features of the
man
she had grown to love. Their relationship had gotten off to a rocky start, but he had amazed her day after day. Not only was he willing to help her accomplish her goals at the retirement home, but he was such a positive example of faith-in-action that Grace found herself constantly re-evaluating her own commitment to the Lord.

She loved him. And whether or not he returned her emotions, she was a better person for knowing him.
For loving him
. He’d reminded her of her memories of Emma just a few moments ago, and just like those memories of her friend, she would also cherish the time she had spent with Jack.

If only he would give her some indication of his own feelings. She turned in her seat to face him.

“Would you kiss me, Jack?” She finally decided to go out on a limb.

He moved so that they were now directly facing one another. He grazed her cheek with his calloused hand.

“I don’t think kissing is such a good idea right now,” he mumbled as he shook his head.

It was all he could do to get the words out of his mouth. Of course he wanted to kiss her. He was probably crazy for not taking the opportunity, but Grace was suffering a major emotional shock right now, and he didn’t want to do something they might come to regret later.

“It’s not about what happened tonight, Jack,” she told him. “I’m not using you as some balm for my emotions.”

She touched his chin and raised his gaze to hers as if waiting for an answer. She didn’t give him time to respond, though. A second later, she inched over in the swing and touched his lips with hers.

He just sat there. Unaffected. Stone-like.

Grace moved her hands to his shoulders and tried again. His lips were slightly salty, and their taste made her bolder. With her hand, she followed the line of his jaw until she curled her fingers in his hair. She tugged his head down.

Before she was able to adjust the angle of her lips on his, he pulled her into a crushing embrace. He parted her lips, deepening the kiss in a single motion...only to repeat the action all over again. And again.

Finally, he raised his head.

“I’m sorry, Gracie. That was uncalled for.”

“What do you mean?” She looked confused. “I asked you to kiss me.”

“But this is not the place.” He combed his fingers through his hair. His eyes watched her for a moment as if he were trying to read her mind...or at the very least, to get his own back in order.

“Honey, you’ve been dealt a bad blow. This is not the right way to deal with things.”

“My kissing you has nothing to do with it.”

He shook his head and smiled. “Just trust me on this.”

Grace felt her face heating up. She couldn’t believe what she had just done. Suddenly, she was hit with a wave of shame. Not only had she deserted Sally, leaving her to handle things inside, but she had completely thrown herself at Jack.

There had certainly been some flirtation between the two of them, but she’d never been sure of Jack’s feelings. Because of that, she had tried hard to keep her feelings secret. Now, she had just ruined the whole thing in the span of a few minutes. She wondered if she would ever regain a semblance of control on her emotions.

“Jack, I’m sorry,” she began. “I was totally out of line.”

“Sorry?” he asked, his eyes sparkling with surprise.