Agent Provocateur (45 page)

‘Yeah, if I’m in public I have to hold things together. It’s better.’

Matt orders the drinks while Johnny finds a table.

‘I’m going to see them,’ he announces as Matt puts the drinks down.

‘Isn’t it a bit soon?’

‘No, you don’t understand. I’m going to see them together.’

‘What?’ Matt feels cold.

‘I’m angry, right? And I need to expunge my anger. If I went to see a counsellor that is probably what they’d tell me. So I’m going to arrange to meet them together and then I’ll ask questions.’

‘It sounds a bit dodgy. Are you sure?’

‘Yes.’ Johnny smiles, and Matt’s heart sinks.

‘Do you think—’

‘Yes, I do. I think it’s the best thing. Only, don’t tell Alison.’

‘Oh, don’t worry. Alison and I are getting quite good at keeping secrets from each other.’ He doesn’t mean it the way it sounds.

‘Sorry,’ Johnny says. ‘I hate to think that you’re being dragged into this.’

‘Hey,’ Matt replies, determined to make amends, ‘it’s not as if we’re going through what you’re going through. Listen, we both want you to sort things out. And I am on your side. Remember that.’

‘The thing is that he loved me. I know that much. He felt torn apart with guilt for his wife, but he loved me and he was going to make a decision. I knew in my heart that I would be his decision.’ Grace gets a dreamy look in her eyes. She is imagining her life with Johnny and how perfect it would be. They would be affectionate, laugh a lot, play golf, have dinner, huddle on the sofa, stay in bed for days.

‘Right,’ Oliver says, interrupting her thoughts. ‘Have you thought about what you’re saying?’

‘Of course I have. I haven’t thought about anything else.’

‘So this love you speak of, have you really thought it through? He didn’t know you, Grace, so how on earth could he love you?’ She looks shocked, as if he has slapped her, but Oliver is not going to tell her what she wants to hear.

‘He did know me.’

‘He knew you as a divorcee, he knew you as a PA, he believes you love golf. You told me you hated it. You presented him with his perfect woman, not the real you.’

‘I didn’t hate golf as much with him.’

‘But you didn’t love it?’

‘No,’ she admits.

‘So, now he knows the truth. He knows you’re a detective, he knows you tempt men for their wives, he knows that you’ve never been married. He doesn’t know you.’

‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’

‘Hadn’t you?’ His tone is sharp.

‘Of course I had, but I love him. I love him so much and I can’t give him up. I tried, but I couldn’t.’

‘You tried to walk away before it all blew up?’

‘I did. Betty sounded awful and I thought that I couldn’t do this, not to them. Even though I didn’t like her, I didn’t want her to wallow in misery.’

‘But you couldn’t walk away?’

‘No, I couldn’t.’

‘Could you now?’

‘I don’t know.’

Betty finishes the letter with tears in her eyes – she can’t stop them. She gives it to Alison to read and soon she is crying too.

‘Oh God, this has to work out,’ Alison says.

‘I’d do anything to get him back.’

‘I know. Do you want me to deliver this tomorrow?’

‘I guess he’ll be at yours still?’

‘Betty, at least we know where he is, that’s something.’

‘I wonder what she’s doing?’

‘Grace? Repenting, I hope.’

‘Maybe she’s really missing him too.’ Betty has a dreamy look in her eyes. ‘I can’t blame her for falling for him. After all, that’s exactly what I did.’

‘Sleep on it, and then decide,’ Matt says, finally coming up with a solution that Johnny might agree to.

‘OK. But if tomorrow I decide to confront them together, then I will, OK?’

‘Sure. Another beer?’

‘You know what, I think I need sleep.’

‘Well, that’s a good thing.’

‘I know, I feel as if someone has put me through a mangle.’

‘No offence, mate, but you look like it too.’

‘I might make you spar with me again for that.’ He almost laughs.

‘Shit, anything but that.’ Matt puts his arm around his friend as they leave the pub. He can give him affection. After all, he needs some, and Matt is proud of his friend because, all of a sudden, he thinks that he will be all right.

‘You’re suggesting I try to save their marriage?’ There is a dull incredulity to Grace’s tone.

‘Yes. Look, Grace, when you go out to work you tempt the men by being a fantasy figure, and they fall for it because they’re weak men who are probably happy to cheat. But Johnny wasn’t. It hurt him to see you and his wife, and he refused to get physical. You have wrecked a perfectly good marriage.’

Grace falls silent She sees the picture so clearly now. Betty with that twinkle in her eye every time she mentioned Johnny. Her slight blush when she talked about him. How Grace had seen how much she loved him from the start but ignored it because she disliked her.

When the bet started, she was cruel to her when Betty called her, panicking. Instead of understanding how much she loved him, Grace almost mocked Betty’s feelings. She was jealous of her. All the time she wanted to have what Betty had and she almost got it. But at what price?

‘Oh my God, I have, haven’t I?’

‘Yes, and the only thing to do, the right thing to do, is to try to put it together again.’

Grace knows Oliver is right, but when she thinks about it, and the letter she is desperate to write, she knows that she needs to try, one last time. She will tell him exactly how she feels about him. That is her right thing to do.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Betty is at home, having called Fiona that morning.

‘Hi, Betts. What’s up?’

‘Johnny found out about the bet.’

‘Oh, shit.’

‘Yeah, and Grace fell for him properly and he fell for her, but just before he was going to leave me for her, he found out and left us both.’

‘Holy shit.’

‘So I thought I might not come in today, if you don’t mind, my marriage being in tatters as it is.’

‘Take as long as you want. Bye.’ Fiona put the phone down rapidly and Betty almost laughed.

Alison went to work, but she left early to deliver the letter. As Betty sits down with a cup of coffee, she imagines Johnny reading it. His hair will flop a little over his forehead as he bends his neck to read. If she were there she would remind him that it needs a cut. His hands might shake a little, because, she know he will be angry and hurt. She hopes he cries at her words because they were sent straight from her heart to his. She hopes he won’t stop halfway through but read it to the end. She knows that she will have to wait until he contacts her.

Johnny wakes, feeling alien, but he soon remembers why. He gets up and goes to the office, having decided that any normality he can get into his life is a good thing. He has the letter that Alison gave him that morning in his pocket, and he reads it when he gets to his office. His hands shake as he takes it out of the envelope. His hair falls on to his face as he begins to read and he pushes it back. He sees the words and they strike him in his heart, and he finds tears in his eyes. He stops halfway, angry that she is making him feel sad, and he folds the letter and puts it in his desk drawer. He has slept on his dilemma as Matt requested, and he still wants to confront both women together. But not yet. He knows that it is too soon.

Grace wakes, feeling slightly lighter, but still heavy hearted. She feeds her fish, drinks her coffee and goes to her office as if on autopilot, but as she hasn’t worked she has no reports to write and no jobs to prepare for. She has a long bath before she gets dressed. She still has two hours to kill before she needs to leave for lunch, but she has no idea how to fill them. She curls herself up on the sofa and watches her fish. She is interrupted by the phone. Still in the dating mindset she jumps to answer it.

‘Grace, it’s Oliver.’

‘Hi.’ She cannot help but feel slightly disappointed.

‘I’m going to Paris this morning, but my mobile will be on and I want you to call if you need anything.’ Her heart lifts.

‘You are truly a good friend.’ She sounds surprised; she is surprised.

‘I know what it’s like to be in love and lose someone,’ he laughs, ‘and that is not a dig at you, Gracie. But anytime you need me I’m here.’

‘Thanks, Oliver, and I do love you – in my own way I do.’

‘I know.’

She puts the phone down and picks up the sealed envelope that she put on her desk last night. Her heart is in that envelope. She doesn’t know where Johnny will be, but she has a strong feeling that he will go to work. Without hesitation she calls for a courier and arranges to have the letter delivered there.

Fiona has been pacing her office since she put the phone down on Betty. She is experiencing a new emotion: guilt. She can’t quite believe that that is what it is, but she is ashamed. Did she think it through? Of course she didn’t. She wanted Betty to be like her, a bitter woman with a failed marriage. Or, a successful career woman with no time for men. It was time she stopped kidding herself, and it was time to come clean.

She grabs her coat and tells Michelle that there is an emergency she needs to attend to. Then she walks out of the office.

Betty is still in bed, only moving to answer her mobile when Alison calls her every five minutes. Alison doesn’t want her to worry any more than she already does. Betty wonders if he has read the letter yet, but she cannot do anything. She has to wait.

When she hears the doorbell she thinks for a minute that it might be him. But then she remembers that he has a key and, even when angry, he would use it. She drags herself out of bed, walks sluggishly down the stairs and opens the door. She finds herself face to face with Fiona.

‘Are you going to let me in?’ Fiona finds it hard to be humble, even when she is about to deliver a grovelling apology. Betty doesn’t say anything, she just stands aside. She leads her into the living room, where Fiona sits down on the sofa, while Betty remains standing.

‘I think we should talk.’

‘About?’ Betty doesn’t want her there; she wants to go back to wallowing in her bed.

‘About the bet. About the fact that I am the one responsible for the bet.’

‘Shit, Fiona, can’t you just leave it? Yes, you pushed me into it and threatened to demote me and all sorts of horrible things, but I could have stood my ground. Now, if you’re here to clear your conscience, then you can leave because I don’t have the energy for this.’

‘It’s not that. Betty, the bet was my idea.’

‘Grace, not you.’

‘No, that’s the thing, you see. I came up with the idea, and I talked Grace into it. I thought it all up and I went to see her. She was reluctant at first but I talked her into it by making you out to be, well, not very nice about her and she finally agreed. I told her that you were too judgemental in your ivory tower and needed to be taught a lesson and then I suggested the lesson.’

‘Oh, shit.’ Betty sits down in an armchair. She puts her head in her hands, takes it out, looks at Fiona and shakes her head.

‘I’m a horrible, horrible person.’ Fiona is sure that it will take more than that but apologies aren’t her thing.

‘You did this? You did this to me?’ Betty cannot believe her ears. She’s looking at the woman who has been responsible for her career. Her mentor. She knew that Fiona was a hard woman, a bitch at times, but she also trusted her. Which is why she had agreed to the bet – because she believed her boss knew what was best for her career. And now she is learning the truth.

‘You must really hate me.’

‘No, no, Betty. I don’t hate you. You know I care about you.’

‘How can you care about me? You tried to ruin my life.’

‘No, I tried to make it better.’

‘Hold on a minute. You seriously believe that?’ Betty feels like laughing, but she thinks that is more a sign of her losing her mind than anything.

‘No, of course I don’t. I tried to tell myself that that was what I was doing but it wasn’t. I don’t have a defence, I don’t. I’m such a bitch.’

‘Carry on. This should be good.’ Betty folds her arms and looks at her boss, as if seeing her for the first time.

‘When we first met, I saw myself in you. You were so determined and I knew that you’d be a great journalist. I took you under my wing and I never regretted it, but I wanted to turn you into me.’

‘That’s why you pushed this feature on me?’

‘Before the bet I needed you to see what men were like. I couldn’t believe that you’d got a good one when I’d got the worst one ever. That didn’t make sense. You were so like me in every other way, and I couldn’t believe that your marriage should be more important to you than your career.’

‘So you tried to wreck it.’

‘I guess I did.’

‘Because you wanted to turn me into you.’

‘Yes.’ Fiona cowers, as if Betty might hit her.

‘You wanted Johnny to cheat on me so we could have that in common?’

Fiona nods.

Betty stands up and goes to the window. Life has taken a bizarre turn. She is unsure what to do or say next. But she knows one thing, and that is that she is not angry with Fiona. God knows why she isn’t but she cannot be angry with her. ‘You wanted Grace to wreck my marriage, you talked her into this bet.’

‘I know, and I’m so ashamed and angry with myself.’

‘You are?’ Betty looks at her and sees a bitter, lonely woman. She doesn’t fear her any more, she just feels sorry for her. Finally she finds a reaction. She laughs. Fiona couldn’t look more shocked if she’d struck her.

‘Why are you laughing?’

‘Because, Fiona, this is a joke. You wanted to turn me into you, and you succeeded. What now? We can be man haters together?’

‘Well, that’s not exactly—’

‘Fiona, I’m not you. I never will be. Shit, I don’t believe this. Why didn’t you talk to me?’

‘I don’t think I knew any of this until just now. I didn’t realise what I was doing, or why. I just did it.’