Agatha H. And the Clockwork Princess (62 page)

Agatha watched as the earth dropped away below her. Her teeth were clenched and her fists were white.

‘Lucrezia’ leaned in, an enormous smile plastered across her face. “Smile! Wave! Look majestic.”

“…Can’t,” Agatha said between tightly grit teeth.

Lucrezia looked anxious. “I didn’t know you were afraid of heights.”

“I’m not!” Agatha gasped. “But I’ve got cat claws in my butt! Let
go
!” She yelled.

Krosp looked at the rapidly receding ground and dug in tighter. “You must be joking.”

Eventually Agatha managed to painfully pull herself up to the lip of the loading bay where Rivet waited with outstretched hands.

She suffered a final flash of agony as Krosp scrambled up her back and leapt from her head into the airship.

“Relax,” he announced to everyone. “I’m safe.”

Agatha rolled onto her back and blew out a great breath of air. Punch and Judy looked down at her.

“Are you all right?” Judy asked.

“You did great!” Punch said.

Agatha screamed.

Judy looked stricken. “Of course, I’m sorry! Here—”

She whipped out a small atomizer and sprayed Agatha in the face. There was a burst of cinnamon—and all of a sudden Agatha realized that it wasn’t Adam and Lilith standing before her, but Yeti and The Countess dressed in Punch and Judy costumes.

Agatha shook her head. “What?”

“It must have been quite distressing,” the Countess said apologetically. “A delightfully hallucinogenic gas of my own devising,” she said smugly. “One tries not to brag, but it makes the subject very suggestible. We always keep a large supply of it on hand, as it’s proven useful in escaping from unpleasant towns in the past. They see what we want them to see.

“This time we just spread it around and yelled ‘The Heterodynes have returned!’” She frowned. “I’m rather surprised at how easily that caught.” She looked at Agatha. “I suppose your lightshow made it easier for them to believe it. I’ll have to remember that.” She held up the atomizer. “This is the antidote.” She looked nervous. “I’m sorry we couldn’t warn you.”

“It did seem very real,” Agatha admitted. “You were all amazing.”

“Ha!” Gunthar puffed up a bit. Agatha looked at his outfit and realized that he had played Bill Heterodyne. “I always wanted to try playing Bill. Can’t wait to hear what Lars thought. I’ll bet I’ve got him worried,” he chuckled.

He glanced around. “I’m surprised, actually, we thought he’d be with you.”

Agatha felt ill. She opened her mouth—

“Lars is dead.” Zeetha said. “The Baron tried to kill Agatha. Lars stopped him.”

Everyone froze. They stared at Agatha.

“He… he jumped right in,” she whispered in the silence. “I—I didn’t
ask
him to. I—”

“No one asks anything like that.” Abner stood in the doorway. His voice was firm and filled the room. “But he gave it. Lars always played the hero.” He put a hand on Agatha’s shoulder. “You made him want to be the real thing.” He faced the room. “And that’s how I’ll remember him.”

Agatha took a deep breath. “Me too. Thank you.”

The Countess nodded to herself with a sad smile. It looked like Abner’s apprenticeship was over. She clapped her hands, breaking the mood. “All right, we’ll talk about this later. Now we must deal with the present. We have an airship to run and know remarkably little about how to do it.”

Ardsley stepped forward. “I might be of some assistance there, Madam. Ardsley Wooster, of Her Majesty’s secret service. I am quite familiar with Wulfenbach engineering.”

The Countess nodded. “Excellent. Yeti? Let’s get Mr. Wooster here to the engine room. Captain Kadiiski will be pleased to see him, I imagine.”

She turned to Agatha. “You should come with me.”

On the bridge, they found Master Payne, sitting in the Captain’s chair, as happy as Agatha had ever seen him.

Agatha looked around in amazement. “Is this really a Wulfenbach airship?”

The Countess sighed. “Oh, yes. It was
remarkably
easy to steal.” She carefully didn’t look toward her husband, while her voice gained several decibels without apparent effort. “But then, who would be fool enough to
try?
”

Ognian, who had been examining his reflection in some polished brass, turned to a stone-faced Master Payne. “Hey! Iz like hyu wife iz callink hyu a
fool
witout
ektually
—”

Payne glared at him. “You cannot
possibly
be as stupid as you
act
.”

The Jäger considered this. “Ken if I
vants
to be!”

On the loading dock, Abner wiped away a tear and went to roll up the last boarding ladder, which, he realized with a shock, still had someone on it. He gingerly leaned out and Maxim’s cheerful face greeted him from just below the edge.

“Hoy! Giff me a hand here. Hy gots sumtink hyuz gunna vant.”

“Lars!” And indeed, the purple Jäger had him slung over his shoulder.

Maxim pulled himself aboard the airship. “Ho! Vell, now, dot’s an interestink metaphysical qvestion.” He gently lowered the body to the deck and then fanned himself with his hat. “See, hit’s hiz
body
, bot Meester Lars ain’t
uzin
it no more. So iz it
really—”

“You brought him back,” Abner said. “Thank you.”

Maxim waved a hand. “Vasn’t gun leave him.” He patted Lars’ shoulder. “Meester Lars—he vas scared to death. Ve could schmell it on heem. But he come to help Miz Agatha anyvay, und he sacrifice himself wit out tinkink. He fight vit the Jägerkin und die for the house of Heterodyne. Dot make him as goot as vun uf us, and ve dun leave our own behind.”

Maxim stood up. “Ennyvay, hyu kin put him in der icebox and try to get him zapped back, but dot don’t
vork
as goot as it hyu’d tink. So ven hyu bury him—” Maxim gently placed his leather cavalry hat over Lars’ face—“Hyu make sure he gots a hat.”

Back on the bridge, Payne was arguing with his wife, though to a casual observer it would look as if he were merely explaining himself to an interested third party. No one was fooled, and they all tried to look very interested indeed.

“Ordinarily, stealing one of the Baron’s airships would not be my first choice. But I want us as far away as possible, as quickly as possible.”

Ardsley Wooster entered the bridge in time to hear the tail end of this. He shook his head. “It won’t do any good. They’ll hunt us down…” He paused and looked uncertain. “In fact… they should already be in pursuit.” He looked back at the circus master with suspicion in his eye. “What did you do?”

With a theatrical sweep of his hand, Payne spun the ship’s wheel, swinging the airship about in a tight turn. Below them the landscape tilted and with a rush, the city of Balan’s Gap swung into view. Everyone gasped.

Pillars of smoke were rising from dozens of spots. The encircling Wulfenbach airships were obviously engaged in a battle with ground forces that had effective anti-aircraft capabilities. Several of the dirigibles were burning, and the observers clustered at the great tempered glass windows watched in horror as a dreadnaught slowly dropped to earth trailing a ball of blue flame.

Even from here, lines of troops could be seen engaging swarms of townspeople. Even more alarming, however, were the creatures that were bursting out of various wells and buildings.

Zeetha, Krosp, and the Jägers saw that these were reminiscent of the monstrosities they had fled from in the sewers. They seemed indifferent to the struggles of the people around them, and gleefully scooped up troopers and townspeople alike.

“
We
did
nothing
,” Payne said. He kept the wheel tightly pulled and the beleaguered city slid away out of sight. When they were once again facing away, Payne relaxed his grip on the wheel. “But what with the fighting, and the appearance of those monsters from the drains, the Baron’s forces have a serious battle on their hands. For the moment, no one will pay any attention to us.” He looked at Agatha with an unreadable expression on his face. “No matter
who
we’re carrying.”

Agatha looked at him. “I didn’t do that!” She paused, and continued uncertainly. “Did I?”

The side of Payne’s mouth quirked upwards in a brief smile. “I should think not. Not unless you can command monsters to fight for you,” he raised his eyebrows inquiringly.

Agatha blew a lock of hair out of her eyes. “Of
course
n—”

“Hey Dimo!” Maxim cried as he strode onto the bridge, “Hyu made it op dot ladder pretty fast wit only vun hand.”

“Ha!” Dimo shrugged, “Dot becawze Hy used my brains.”

The other two looked at him in amazement. “Eww,” they said. “Messy.”

Agatha threw up her hands. “What am I saying? Of course I can!” Realizations began to dawn. “The Other. She uses voice harmonics—and the Geisterdamen Vrin said I sounded like her!”

Zeetha looked apprehensive. She leaned into Taki. “I think we’re gonna need more pie.” The cook displayed empty hands.

Agatha grabbed hold of Krosp’s coat. “I can talk to monsters!”

The cat squirmed in her grip. “Well, sure. But will they talk back?”

“The Slaver Wasps back on Castle Wulfenbach moved when I ordered them to. If
those
were her creatures, I’ll bet these are too!” She turned to Master Payne. “Get me back there! I can stop them!” Payne and the others looked at her blankly. A Heterodyne was amazing enough. Now said Heterodyne was talking about confronting the monsters of The Other?

Dimo stepped forward, an apprehensive look on his face. “Dot iz not soch a goot idea, Lady. Hyu dun know dese monsters. Dey could be anybody’s. Ve saw dem in der sewers.

“Eefen if hyu could use hyu voice to get dem all riled op, Hy dun tink hyu could get dem to calm beck down. Monsters like dot, ven dey gets goink, dey ain’t nottink bot killink machines.”

Ognian spoke up. “Jah, und not effen goot lookink vuns like uz.”

Dimo stared at him levelly for a second and then just continued. “Hyu’z better let de Baron deal mit dis. Iz vot he dozz.”

Agatha looked at him in frustration. “But I
squished
him with a
chicken house!
” All of the circus members gasped at this revelation. Agatha looked guilty. “Didn’t I mention that?”

Dimo waved his hand reassuringly. “A leedle ting like dot? Oh shoo—” he conceded, “He’z a bit messed op, but he gun be fine! Hy giffs him de first aid!”

Everyone took a second to contemplate what a Jägermonster would consider to be first aid.

Agatha cracked first. “Turn this thing around!” She screamed. Everyone flinched. Agatha’s voice was giving off harmonics that normally sent people racing for the hills. Combined with her increasingly frantic movements and overall air of barely contained fury, several of the more experienced performers seriously considered leaping from the airship.

Only Krosp stood his place. “Ain’t gonna happen,” he said firmly.

“It wasn’t a request!” Agatha roared. She grabbed her head and stared at the cat with a look of dawning awareness coupled with a mounting rage. “Everywhere I go lately, there’s chaos! I’ve got—I’ve got to try to
fix
something!”

She snapped upright and screamed in defiance. “I’m going to go down there and personally punch every monster in the snoot!” She focused back in on a suspiciously calm Krosp. “And don’t try to stop me!”

Krosp casually put his paws behind his back and cocked a fuzzy eyeridge. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

This was such an unexpected response that several circus members later swore that they could hear circuits snapping within Agatha’s skull. Emotions flickered across her face almost too fast to discern. She settled for an icy rage. “Why
not?
”

Krosp took a deep breath through his nose. “By the smell of it, all of those chemicals they stuffed into you are burning off. It’s also obvious that you haven’t properly slept in days.” He took another sniff and stepped back. “You’re not going
anywhere.
”

Agatha’s face went purple with rage. “
I’LL—”

She froze, a peculiar look came over her face and she began to swoon.

“Hy gots hyu!” Dimo cried, and no doubt he would have, if he hadn’t tried to catch her with his left hand. As it was, Agatha did a magnificent face-plant upon the deck.

Maxim nudged her with his booted foot and grinned at a chagrinned Dimo. “Should haff used hyu brains
dot
time, too.”

Dimo glowered as he attempted to scoop Agatha up with one arm. “Shot op!” He shrugged his left shoulder in annoyance. “Hy gets a new vun soon.”

Maxim nodded. “A new brain? Iz about time.”

Agatha slowly awoke. The first thing she noticed was that the sky outside the porthole was dark. Obviously hours had passed. She realized that she was stretched out on a snug airshipman’s bunk. The cabin was small and compact. The only sign of the regular occupant were a few framed tintypes of various women who apparently had trouble properly dressing themselves and a lovingly polished French horn hanging from a silk strap.

Agatha blearily raised her head and observed that she was clad in just a large, unfamiliar shirt. It said a lot for the state of her head that this observation, and the ramifications thereof was processed without undo embarrassment. She considered this, and realized that she was more concerned about the indescribably odd taste in her mouth.

She was surprised that she didn’t have a headache. Whenever heroines in the Heterodyne Boys novels awakened in similar circumstances, they invariably reported having them. Agatha however, was beginning to wonder if she’d ever have a headache again.

What she
did
have, was a terrible thirst. She spotted a large canteen hanging from a bedside hook. With a bit of effort, she pulled herself up to a sitting position and finding it full of water, took a deep drink.

She could hear the thrumming of engines. The ship was moving quickly, if she was any judge. She also heard voices. Many voices. As the murmur rose and fell, she realized from faint snippets, that the discussion was about her.